Chapter 19 – People Called Her the Motherless Girl (1)

R̃éâd́​ ̀òń ̀K̂ãt̀R̈​ẽãd̈​ïn̂​g̈​C̀âf̃è

(Translater note: I made a tiny mistake with a name so i fixed it.)

Lauten.

The Lieutenant of the Beta Legion of Arfate PMC, hailing from the outskirts.

This is the information about the person in Sirius’s memories, held by the butterflies.

 

‘Shuji didn’t see everything, but I did.’

Literally, what the butterflies held were memories.

Shuji had focused on memories related to John Menard to find him, “thought” about them, and then forced herself to make Sirius’s memories her own, overloading her brain as if squeezing it to see those memories.

 

‘I would be fine, but there’s no reason she should be.’

 

Because she had to forcibly create memories that didn’t exist and make them feel as vivid as if she had experienced them that day, which put a tremendous strain on her brain.

In the process, her blood circulated rapidly, her major organs strained solely for her brain, and she suffered some internal injuries.

 

And while she was overexerting herself to find one answer in those memories, I could converse, knowing everything.

‘I can feel it. I could turn this woman into… nourishment for the butterflies, into the library’s knowledge.’

To make her into an original, pure book of this world.

A very large, heavy, thick, and massive book.

Philosophy, history, science, society, even love—everything.

Novels, theses, non-fiction, and various other ideologies rewritten into a book.

But there were too many eyes watching to do that.

Assistant librarians Yu Hae and Shuji might understand, but I doubted Albert and the ghosts behind him would.

‘Hold back.’

Though the butterflies expressed such desires, and I too felt a small urge to see blood, I held back.

Instead, I told her lies to gain what could be called “surprise” and “trust” from her.

It was the truth, but at the same time, it was a lie because I was the one saying it.

 

[Sirius’s Memory]

His gaze was also my gaze.

What ‘I’ was seeing was also my experience.

What he felt was also what I felt.

In the end, the butterflies knew everything.

Slower than birds, more fragile than beetles, tens, hundreds, thousands, billions, tens of billions of butterflies—and those fragile insects with three pairs of legs, numbering from 6 to 60 billion—their recorded stories were far from beautiful.

 

“Why… isn’t that child crying?”

“Right.”

“She’s from the outskirts. Life there is brutally hard…”

“Even so, there’s no reason for her emotions to be completely drained, is there?”

 

Countless gazes were closing in on her.

‘I’ approached the girl under their scrutiny.

“…Sniff.”

The girl, holding a paper cup of warm cocoa with her small, delicate hands, was staring at it blankly.

‘I’ kept glancing at her right thumb, bruised and scraped, while trying to brush her black hair to the side, covering her left eye with an eyepatch. Her left hand moved to touch the eyepatch.

 

“I want… to go home.”

The girl’s voice was so soft and quiet that, except for ‘me,’ who was focused on her, the others were wailing and crying in front of a portrait of who was presumed to be the girl’s deceased mother.

 

“Do you want to go home?”

Unlike the girl, ‘I’ was clean, but calluses were scattered across my hands, evidence of a life weathered by storms. I slowly reached out and placed my hand on her shoulder. The girl cautiously raised her head, aligning her one remaining right eye with both of my eyes.

Her round, dark eyes, not so much devoid of color but filled with the weariness of enduring the mundane, stared into mine.

 

“Mister, you’re weird.”

The girl sighed as if finding me strange, looking past me at the adults and teenagers wailing in front of the coffin and the portrait.

“Aren’t people… supposed to die eventually? Why are they so sad about it?”

 

‘I’ didn’t delve deeply into the girl’s natural and matter-of-fact “common sense.”

“They’ll all die someday too. I might die too, living in the outskirts as always, is a fate where death could come at any moment.”

As she spoke, the girl placed the half-empty paper cup of hot cocoa, still steaming, on the wooden table.

Then, with her bruised right hand and her pristine, beautiful left hand, she brushed her long black hair behind her ears and covered both ears with her palms.

“That crying… it’s too loud. It’s hard to listen to. It’s uncomfortable.”

Finally, after saying it was uncomfortable, the girl emphasized what she wanted to say most, in a voice loud enough only for me to hear.

“It’s annoying. It’s annoying how they make such a big deal out of something so natural.” 

With those words, the girl lowered her injured right hand and her unharmed left hand, placing them firmly at her sides.

“Am I weird?”

The girl asked.

 

At her question, ‘I’ used my brain to its fullest, pondering on the girl’s words.

“Uh, Miss Lauten? We need to close the coffin now. If you have any last words for your mother, or if you want to place a cross or any religious item inside, you should do it now.”

“Ah.”

While ‘I’ was thinking, the girl simply said “Ah” in response to the funeral home staff member, dressed in a clean black suit and white gloves.

“No.”

It wasn’t just an “Ah.”

It was a prelude to saying “No.”

 

At her words, I nodded internally, thinking, ‘Well, if that’s how she feels, then that’s that.’ But strangely, the funeral staff’s expression twisted into an unpleasant look, as if they hadn’t expected such a response.

Then, without a word, the staff member left.

“Ah, ah—”

The girl reached out with her injured right hand, as if wanting to explain, but the staff member had already turned their back, focusing only on what was ahead. Neither ‘I’ nor anyone else could hear or see her clearly.

No one understood the girl.

Perhaps even ‘I’ couldn’t fully understand her.

 

The reason ‘I’ was here was to eat a meal of spicy anchovy soup with brown bracken, brown meat, and other brown ingredients, along with rice.

Of course, being a friend of the girl’s mother also played a part.

Since she was the captain of the Beta Legion, it was only natural for me to attend as a fellow comrade.

And the funeral… though it dragged on, it eventually ended.

 

‘I’ followed the girl.

It was Monday, and since I had coincidentally taken a day off yesterday only to lose a comrade and attend the funeral, I decided to enjoy the rest of my vacation by wandering around.

From the simple thought of ‘What should I do today?’ emerged the image of the girl, and ‘I’ couldn’t help but feel sympathy, thinking, ‘Her mother just passed away yesterday.’

So, ‘I’ decided to spend the day with the girl, following her around.

 

To reach the 45th floor of a 60-story, third-class middle-class concrete apartment building in the central area, we took the central elevator and pressed the button labeled “45.”

Clang—!

The elevator made a loud noise as it ascended, as if shouting, ‘I’m going up!’ while ‘I’ crossed my arms, thinking about how to comfort the girl who seemed quite shaken.

 

Then, on the way up, I spotted a woman.

“Huh? Sirius!”

It was Marie.

I didn’t know she lived here, but now that I did, I wouldn’t be as flustered if I saw her here again. I smiled brightly and greeted her.

“Hi, Marie. Long time no see. Since you quit being a mercenary… it’s been a while, right?”

“Right!”

She was a former comrade who had quit the mercenary life years ago.

We might have had something like love, but after she quit, we hadn’t met.

She must have made a decent amount of money from being a mercenary, so I’m not sure why she lives here.

“By the way, did you quit being a mercenary too? If your social trust score drops automatically—”

“No.”

Despite her beautiful brown hair, Marie spoke bluntly, as if she had no filter, looking at me like I was a jobless loser, a pseudo-human lunatic with no greed for wealth. I responded simply without raising my voice.

So, I said indifferently,

“I took a vacation.”

“A vacation?”

“Yeah. And the Beta Legion captain died yesterday.”

“…What!?”

Perhaps because I said it so casually, Marie looked slightly flustered.

Her eyes widened in shock, which was quite fascinating.

‘Hmm. She’s reacting as if she killed her herself.’

Though it’s not like I killed her either.

She just seemed to exaggerate her surprise by widening her eyes.

“Then, why are you here…?”

Marie pointed to the 45th-floor elevator and the apartment itself.

“Ah. The daughter of that comrade lives here. On the 45th floor.”

“Ah…”

She, too, had a connection to the 45th floor.

The girl was the daughter of a former comrade, so there was also that connection.

 

So, we went to see the girl Lauten, who lived in unit 4505 on the 45th floor.

Knock, knock, knock—!

“Lauten. Are you there?”

I spoke in a clear, youthful voice that couldn’t help but come out.

Creak—!

Then, the metal lock clicked, and the door swung open.

Inside was a girl.

“…What do you want?”

The girl was glaring at us.

Her injured finger was now smeared with blood, her hair was messy, but oddly, the room was extremely tidy.

 

We entered the room.

I said to the girl,

“Want to go to the amusement park?”

At that, Marie, standing beside me, exclaimed in surprise.

“What!? Ah, no. The funeral was just yesterday…”

“So?”

“So?”

Both the girl and I turned to Marie.

Marie, faced with two people, found it difficult to voice her opinion and eventually sighed, shaking her head.

“No. I just thought you’d want to lift your spirits, but I guess I misunderstood. Sorry. I’ll just… step aside—”

“Let’s go together.”

“Let’s go together.”

At our words, Marie’s beautiful brown hair seemed to lose its luster as she grimaced, enduring a headache.

 

Poke, poke.

Then, the girl poked my side and whispered.

“Is it a problem that my mom died yesterday?”

I smiled brightly and said,

“It’s not a problem. In the mercenary world, it’s a natural thing. Death is just that natural. There’s nothing strange about it.”

At that, the girl felt reassured.

This, too, was a whisper for the girl’s sake.

And ‘I’ took the girl and Marie to the amusement park.

 

——————

 

Lauten’s gaze at me was mixed with confusion and wariness.

I could feel the trembling in the finger she pointed at me.

“Wh-what are you? Are you… really Sirius?”

Her voice was shaking, but there was clear rejection in it.

I didn’t back down.

Instead, I took a step closer.

“Yes.”

I answered firmly.

As if I were truly Sirius, exactly as Lauten remembered him.

I had to become the Sirius she had loved, the Sirius she remembered.

I could have simply killed her, but with guests around, I had to become that existence to avoid causing a disturbance.

I slowly looked into Lauten’s eyes.

 

“Ah, no. That can’t be…”

She tried to deny me, but she couldn’t look away.

Her trembling finger remained pointed at me, unable to lower it.

As if she wanted me to truly be the Sirius she had longed for.

I didn’t miss that small opening.

“Do you remember? The amusement park.”

I spoke in a soft voice.

Like someone seducing a lover, my voice was low and calm.

With a slight smile on my lips, I brought up the most perfect moment she remembered.

“We went to the amusement park with Marie, remember? The way you looked at me, the moment you held my hand. We had fun, didn’t we? Just yesterday, to comfort yourself from the boredom of what was bound to happen.”

 

Lauten’s eyes wavered.

Her lips parted slightly, then closed again.

She tried hard to remain calm, but I could even hear her breathing.

“Ah, no. You don’t look like Sirius. You… you can’t remember that!”

“Why do you think that?”

I brushed past her fingertips.

“If I’m not Sirius, how can I say exactly what you want to hear? How can I remember the memories you know?”

 

Lauten flinched and took a step back.

But I didn’t stop there.

I dug deeper into her vulnerability, making sure she couldn’t run away.

“Now I remember, Lauten.”

I called her name softly but with conviction.

“I was the only one who understood your feelings back then. It was me.”

I stood before her, slowly leaning in.

As my face drew closer to hers, Lauten’s eyes shook even more.

“Lies… this, this is—”

Squeeze—

I grabbed her wrist.

Loosely, but firmly.

Close enough for her to push me away at any moment, but she didn’t.

“If you didn’t want me, you wouldn’t be shaking like this, right?”

I whispered softly, bringing my lips close to her ear.

Close enough for her to feel my breath on her skin.

“!?”

I felt Lauten’s entire body stiffen.

But still, she didn’t push me away.

“You can deny me, Lauten. But even as you deny me, your heart is racing, isn’t it?”

 

Lauten answered in a trembling voice.

“No… you, you’re not… Sirius, that Sirius.”

“Then push me away.”

I spread my arms, standing before her as if challenging her.

“It should be simple.”

“Ugh, ugh—!”

Lauten tried to push me away.

But the moment her fingertips touched my chest, her strength faded.

She couldn’t push me away.

“That’s how it is.”

“…Are you really Sirius?”

I nodded quietly.

Then, I smiled brightly.

“Why did you come alone like this, Lauten?”

“…Ah.”

Lauten.

The mercenary name “Lauten” cried and rushed into my arms.

With a thud—! we hugged each other.

Despite my childlike appearance and her being an adult who wasn’t particularly tall, we held each other tightly.