Ch.18Sleeping Together (4)

*

“S-Silvia?”

Silvia embraced me.

More precisely, she seemed to be trying to pull my body into her arms.

She held me close and muttered like a chant in a trembling, anxious voice.

“You can’t go anywhere, you can’t leave now, I won’t let you leave me. Never, absolutely not.”

Though her sudden embrace was quite startling, I quietly smiled and wrapped my arms around her back.

Perhaps she hadn’t expected me to embrace her in return, as Silvia’s body gave a noticeable jolt.

I rested my cheek against her shoulder and whispered softly.

“…It’s okay.”

I couldn’t refuse her modest request for something as simple as an embrace after she had endured such a difficult night.

Unlike her childlike request, what I had witnessed last night was too shocking.

The scene of her self-harm that I had glimpsed through the slightly open door remained vivid in my mind.

“You know I’m not going anywhere, Silvia.”

Her, choking herself in her sleep.

Her, suffering from nightmares, sweating until the sheets were damp.

Such a miserable downfall and cruel fate given to her, the unparalleled hero who had defeated the Demon King.

I felt sorry for her, and incredibly guilty.

I especially felt guilty and apologetic thinking that my loose tongue might have pushed her,

But even more painful was the guilt I felt for not realizing until now that she, whose achievements deserved the world’s praise, had been confining herself here, slowly waiting for death.

“I have no intention of leaving you, Silvia.”

I hadn’t fully processed all the misfortunes that had befallen me either.

Those emotions burned and wounded my throat like swallowing a ball of fire, and continued to boil and bubble in my stomach.

My raw throat made me retch at the slightest provocation, and my burning stomach made me unexpectedly sensitive or brought me to tears.

But… no, perhaps because of that, I could reach out to her.

I arrived in this forest because my uncle murdered my parents and chased after me and my younger sister.

I was able to find her because of the carriage accident.

Of course, it’s still a painful memory, a terrible misfortune that makes me wish every morning that it had all been a dream.

Even now, when I sit at Laila’s grave, I sometimes feel the same unbearable urge toward death that Silvia does.

But if I bite my tongue and crush my lips to endure that urge, Silvia always returns to my side with her catch, smiling.

I think it wouldn’t be so bad if I could be that kind of presence for her too.

Just as Silvia made a grave for my little sister, if I could ease her pain even a little, perhaps all my misfortunes and suffering would have some meaning.

With that thought, I embraced her back even more tightly.

“So… it’s okay.”

“…Ash.”

My left shoulder, where she had buried her face, slowly became hot and damp with something.

I raised one hand to stroke her golden hair.

“On the day I was cursed, you said something like that, didn’t you?”

“…”

“…Um…”

“…”

“What was it again…”

I foolishly broke the mood.

There was definitely something in my mind, but since it was quite a long sentence, I couldn’t spit it out right away.

“…Pfft.”

Silvia snickered with her face still buried in my shoulder.

Unable to hide my embarrassment, I stammered out the sentence in a cracked voice.

“Ah, that… something about desire, or wanting to escape boredom? That… you weren’t keeping me here for such selfish reasons. Something like that.”

“…”

Instead of answering, she nodded with her head still buried in my shoulder.

“…What’s wrong with being a little selfish? You’re the hero who defeated the Demon King.”

“…”

“So I’m not going anywhere. Okay? Don’t worry.”

When I finished speaking, she tightly hugged my waist.

We stayed like that, embracing each other in the cabin for quite some time.

It was only around lunchtime, when I would normally be rubbing my eyes and getting up, that Silvia finally released me and slowly spoke.

“Thank you… Ash.”

Silvia said this with a faint smile.

Her swollen eyes were as red as both our irises.

In contrast, her skin and hair were extremely pale.

Honestly, it might have looked a bit frightening, this bizarre appearance, but somehow she looked so beautiful to my eyes.

Her pale hair and skin, illuminated by the bright sunlight streaming through the window, were as transparent as fairy wings, and her smiling face peeking through that bridal veil-like hair was as beautiful as a goddess.

*

Several days have passed since then, and our life together has shown some differences compared to before.

Most of these changes stemmed from Silvia’s behavior.

For example, after that day, Silvia began to demand direct “rewards” after returning from hunting.

At first, I was a bit tense when she asked for rewards, but all she wanted was for me to hug her tightly and say “good job.”

I told her I could do this anytime without needing it to be a reward, but Silvia firmly stated:

“If I receive such hugs without reason, I might get used to it.”

She asked me not to hug her except as a reward.

Her request felt somewhat hurtful, as if she was trying to restrain herself from developing feelings for me, but I had to agree with her words.

After all, we weren’t lovers.

Of course, she would certainly be the only person I would spend the rest of my life with, but that didn’t necessarily mean we had to be connected by love.

It might sound cold, but I had read somewhere that human love is ultimately just a process for reproduction.

If that were true, she and I didn’t need to share love.

Considering our curses, even if we were to become husband and wife, we could never have children.

We wouldn’t want to experience killing our own child with our hands.

Therefore, remaining as close friends and companions who comfort each other’s loneliness seemed like the best relationship for us.

Lifelong partners and companions with her.

Just that far.

I made that resolution while imagining the worst-case scenario that hasty love might bring.

Besides, she was probably just craving human warmth, not actually in love with me.

Her limitation seemed right for our relationship.

And the second problem arose precisely at this point.

The second change over the past few days was that she had been asking me to sleep with her every night.

This was a request that directly threatened my resolution to exclude love from our relationship.

Of course, I don’t think she had any other intentions.

She simply didn’t want to feel the loneliness of being alone in the cold, dark night.

But I persistently refused and rejected this request.

The problem wasn’t her, but me.

The problem was that I didn’t think I could handle being next to her toned figure revealed through her thin nightgown.

Of course, even if I tried to pounce on her, she could literally subdue me with one hand, so I wouldn’t dare attempt to dishonor her,

But I didn’t have the confidence to maintain my composure with a beautiful woman’s body beside me every night.

In the end, Silvia withdrew her request for co-sleeping only after extracting a promise that I would stay by her side until she fell asleep on nights when she might have nightmares.

But after that day, Silvia began sleeping with her bedroom door, which had always been tightly closed, wide open every night.

As if inviting me in anytime, she would prop the door open with a chair and fall asleep peacefully in her defenseless nightgown.

While it’s certainly nice to be trusted, I couldn’t shake the feeling that she was teasing me.

Anyway, thanks to her sleeping with her door open, I began to fall asleep each night listening to the sound of her steady breathing.

“…”

No, I couldn’t sleep.

I became unable to sleep at night.

This was the biggest change and the biggest problem among all the changes over the past few days.

My lifestyle pattern, with day and night reversed, still hadn’t returned to normal.

“…I’m dying of sleepiness.”

Of course, it wasn’t that I didn’t sleep at all with my day and night reversed, but since I shouldn’t fall asleep before Silvia returned from hunting, I spent each day either resting while forcibly keeping myself awake or taking light naps.

The dinner I prepared was, by my standards, just a modest meal that could hardly be called excellent, but I knew how eagerly Silvia looked forward to it.

In this forest with virtually no entertainment, dinner time with me was probably her only small pleasure.

That’s why I didn’t want to disappoint Silvia.

Rather than irresponsibly falling asleep and disappointing her, it seemed much better to endure until my pattern returned to normal, even if my body was a bit tired.

So every day, I forced myself to move around or somehow stay awake during the day.

And after serving her delicious food at the end of a precarious cooking process where I could have injured myself at any moment due to my half-asleep state, night would soon fall.

But at night, these damn eyes would become wide awake again.

One reason was that I’ve always had difficulty resetting my pattern once it’s disrupted, but another factor making me anxious was the door she kept wide open.

“Ha-awn… What should I cook today?”

Today too, forcibly lifting my heavy eyelids, I wandered around the cabin and entered the kitchen to check the vegetables and herbs I would use.

Since the variety of available vegetables wasn’t that diverse anyway, the side dishes wouldn’t differ much regardless of her hunting results, but still, some ingredients might complement better or worse than others.

Wondering if Silvia might bring back meat instead of fish today, I opened the lid of the basket containing dried herbs.

“…Oh, no.”

The herbs were all gone.

I checked the basket of mushrooms and other vegetables as well, just in case.

“Ah… this is bad.”

Most were either completely gone or barely had one or two left.

I should have checked earlier, but being in a half-asleep state for days, sleeping only two or three hours a day, I hadn’t paid attention.

Looking at the sun outside, there were probably only a few hours left until Silvia’s return.

There was no time to hesitate.

I grabbed an empty basket and left the cabin.

“I wonder if an hour will be enough…”

Silvia became very anxious when I wasn’t where I was supposed to be.

This anxiety wasn’t something that had suddenly appeared in the last few days.

Even before she showed her face to me, when I went to Laila’s grave with my still-healing leg, she had frantically searched for me,

And the day I first went out to gather herbs and vegetables, she had been sniffing my blanket—another unusual behavior caused by my disappearance.

At first, I thought it was separation anxiety due to fear of loneliness or solitude, but thinking about it more carefully, it might not be just that.

Since I was under her curse, if I impulsively left the forest, a catastrophe would obviously occur in this world.

As a hero, it would be natural for her to be wary of such a situation.

I didn’t want the world to be destroyed because of me either, and I didn’t want to make her unnecessarily anxious.

“I need to hurry back before Silvia arrives.”

I figured that I could do more thorough gathering tomorrow, and today I just needed to collect enough for tonight’s dinner, which shouldn’t take too long.

I tucked the basket under my arm and slowly entered the forest.

*

“Ash! I’m back.”

Silvia opened the door of the cabin and naturally spread her arms wide.

It was a smooth transition of posture, as fluid as if it were connected to the action of opening the door.

However, no answer came from anywhere in the cabin.

“…Ash?”

There was no sign of presence either.

Normally, Ash would have already lit candles in anticipation of the darkening hour, but now the cabin was just dark.

It felt as if everything had returned to how it was before Ash appeared.

Silvia felt a chill run down her spine.

The fine hairs on the back of her head seemed to stand on end.

“…No.”

Silvia frantically searched through the cabin.

He wasn’t there.

He was nowhere to be found.

She threw the wild duck she had caught onto the floor and ran toward the cemetery.

He wasn’t at the cemetery either.

Silvia let out a scream-like sound.

Her sharp voice echoed through the forest.

“Ash! Where are you!”

What should I do? What’s happening? Where did he go?

Silvia was just stomping on the cemetery grass, unable to decide what to do.

What is this? What’s going on?

Why is Ash gone?

Did something happen to him?

Did he fall into the river?

Silvia immediately ran to the river.

But Ash was nowhere to be found.

Judging by the lack of footprints on the sandy path leading to the river, it seemed he hadn’t even come this way.

Then the forest?

It’s difficult to find footprints in the forest.

Why would he go into the forest?

Could he have run away?

Run away?

Why?

Because I kept asking to sleep together?

Or because I asked for hugs whenever I brought back game?

Was he simply unable to endure life in this forest?

Did he grow tired of living in what was essentially a deserted island on land, cut off from all contact with the outside world?

Did he want revenge against those who harmed his family?

Was being with me not enough to overcome his rising sorrow and resentment?

Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Whyyy? Why?

Silvia’s eyes shook frantically.

Two red points flickered wildly in the darkness, turning this way and that as they looked around.

No, Ash wouldn’t run away.

Ash wouldn’t leave me.

Ash doesn’t leave me.

He said he wouldn’t.

He said he wasn’t going anywhere.

He said it was okay to be selfish!

Ah,

Could it be.

Aah

Was it a lie?

Was it a deception to make me let my guard down?

She remembered how particularly tired Ash had looked these past few days.

She had also noticed the increasing number of scratches and minor wounds on his body.

She hadn’t mentioned it, not wanting to worry him.

Could it be that while I was away, he was secretly looking for a way out of the forest?

Ah, aah.

Anxious thoughts swirled.

I’ve been deceived.

Again.

That sense of loss she had felt at her fingertips recently now enveloped her entire body, multiplied several times.

It felt like being thrown naked into the world once more.

It was as if a huge cavity had formed in her heart.

Not a wound, but a cavity.

Not pain, but emptiness pierced her heart.

Like wind blowing through that empty space, her heart grew cold.

It was a familiar feeling to her, but strangely, it was several times more painful.

If the hole had been there from the beginning, she might have adapted, but having a hole reopen after she had barely managed to close it left her emotions flooding in helplessly.

She murmured in a voice as deflated as her emotions.

“…Ash.”

Running away?

Why?

If you disliked it so much, why didn’t you say so?

You should have said you didn’t like it.

Why did you wag your tail like that?

Who?

You did.

You, with your cheerful manner, right?

Saying you liked eating delicious food, that you were glad I saved you, that I could hug you anytime.

Where on earth did you go?

Silvia returned to the cabin and made her way to her room.

Of course, she had no intention of letting Ash go.

That curse was the kind that should never be released into the world.

Silvia pulled out a large object wrapped in cloth from under her bed.

Then she slowly unwrapped the cloth covering it.

“I clearly told you…”

Swish,

The long cloth slowly fell to the floor at Silvia’s feet.

“You can’t go anywhere now.”

When the cloth, over 5 meters long, had completely fallen to the floor, a large longsword in a leather scabbard was in her hand.

“You can’t leave, I won’t let you go.”

Silvia spread her fingers wide, pressed the space between her thumb and index finger firmly against the sword handle, and slowly gripped it tight.

After firmly grasping the handle, she slowly removed the leather scabbard with her other hand, revealing a cold, sharp blade that reflected even the faint light in the dark room, asserting its presence.

The finest of fine swords, forged by the kingdom’s best blacksmith.

Its razor-sharp edge, which could cut with just a touch, fully revealed itself to the air once more after several years.

Silvia’s sword, which had cut down countless monsters and even the Demon King, and had also massacred all the innocent people of Milwood Village.

From the blood of innocent children to the blood of the evil Snake King, this sword had absorbed so much that, considering its history, it could almost be called a demonic sword.

And befitting that history, the sword emitted an ominous and sinister aura.

“Absolutely not. I said.”

Silvia briefly chanted a spell while recalling Ash’s scent.

As she finished her incantation, a faint red trace appeared dimly in the air.

The trace led outside the cabin door and into the forest where Ash had gone.

Silvia resheathed the sword, fastened it to her waist, and left the cabin, following Ash’s trail.

“I should have never healed his leg.”

.