Ch.18Side Story – Memories That Cannot Be Returned To

# Memories That Cannot Be Returned

A dark, filthy single room, as if plastered with mud and left to harden. A harsh environment where lewd sounds could be heard from the next room. That was the entirety of my world.

For an orphan without a name or identity, the means of survival were limited. The only difference was whether one would die young as a lifelong slave, or survive day by day selling one’s body only to die young from venereal disease.

I was a filthy male prostitute.

That day, too, the pimp’s call came without fail.

To avoid being beaten, I had to run until my legs felt like breaking. I practiced a smiling face to please him, desperately swallowing my rough breaths.

What entered my sight was the pimp, bowing deeply with his waist bent to his knees.

Through the gap between his knees, the pimp glanced at me. Then a neurotic shout pierced my ears.

“Hey, you little whore! Get over here quick! Do you know who you’re keeping waiting?”

I answered as promptly as possible.

“I’m sorry!”

My beaming smile and polite tone betrayed no sign that I’d just heard such insulting abuse. The pimp snorted and pushed down on the back of my neck, presenting me forward.

“Hehe, I think this one might be what you’re looking for, sir. How is he?”

“Hmm…”

The man let out a contemplative sound. A voice of intermediate thickness, like peers going through puberty. Not the kind of voice one would expect from a brothel customer.

He stared at me intently while continuing to make the same contemplative sound. Like an appraiser evaluating merchandise.

The man remained silent for a long time. Not just me, but even the pimp pressing down on my neck showed visible signs of tension. The sound of swallowing saliva was embarrassingly loud.

Finally, the man opened his mouth that had been heavy with silence.

“Good.”

“Then!”

The pimp’s expression brightened instantly.

“I’ll take this child.”

The man handed over a heavy pouch from inside his garment. The jingling sound suggested its contents were no ordinary matter.

The pimp didn’t even try to hide his overflowing joy as he checked inside the pouch, then roughly pushed me toward the man.

“Hehe, thankfully this noble gentleman has bought you. Know that if you act rashly, you’ll die.”

‘I’ll kill you, you damn bastard.’

No matter how much I was a male prostitute who sold my body in the darkness, there was one thing the pimp never made me do.

That was selling my body to homosexuals. Of course, it wasn’t out of kindness. It was just his stubborn prejudice, almost like an ideologue who hated homosexuality. But it seemed the pimp’s hateful ideology had crumbled like a sandcastle in the face of capital.

I tried not to distort my face as I guided the man.

“Then I’ll escort you. Please follow me.”

It was none other than the pimp who stopped me as I tried to enter the brothel.

“Where do you think you’re going, you idiot?”

“Pardon?”

At that moment, a fake cough came from the man who had bought me.

“Ahem, there seems to be a misunderstanding. I didn’t buy a day with you.”

“I don’t understand what you mean. I’m not very bright, haha.”

The answer that came to me as I laughed obsequiously was beyond imagination.

“What I bought was your very identity itself. So you are no longer the property of this place.”

“That… can’t be.”

I felt desperate enough to want to hang myself. I knew all too well from rumors how people from brothels sold to noble gentlemen were treated.

The perception of legitimate ownership through money turns us into livestock that have shed human form. To the point where I thought the mud walls of the brothel had been comfortable.

“My friend, you look frightened to my eyes.”

When the man shot a sharp glance at the pimp, the pimp’s murderous intent naturally turned toward me.

“Y-you damn fool! Can’t you manage your expression?! Do you really want to die?!”

“No! I will serve you with all my heart… Master.”

Terrified, I didn’t dare look at the man and kept my eyes down.

“I need neither the title of master nor your service. I didn’t come for you for such trivial matters.”

“What does that…”

Is this nonsense? I raised my eyes in surprise and slowly lifted my head.

‘Ah.’

An exclamation burst forth in my heart.

That day, I saw an intense light I would never forget until the end of the world.

Red hair grown majestically like a lion’s mane, and deep blue eyes like the dawn sky had been engraved in them. And a confident smile as if nothing in the world could frighten him.

He was a being from another world who couldn’t possibly be considered a peer. I thought if there were seeds of kings and nobles, they must be men like him.

“Call me Astel. My name is unnecessarily long, you see. This time, let me guide you.”

“Th-thank you, Astel…”

“I’d prefer if you dropped the honorific too… but well, that might be difficult for you right now, so I won’t insist.”

Astel took my rough, grimy hand without hesitation. His soft hands, like jade fingers, seemed to prove Astel’s status.

The place I was led to was an elegant carriage located in a bustling area. As a dirty child from a brothel was dragged into a nobleman’s carriage, many people either showed sympathy or sneered.

As always, no one helped.

Astel signaled the coachman to depart and gazed at me with an interested expression.

“Let me introduce myself formally once more. My name is Astelnerca Euglinas. I’m fourteen years old. What’s your name?”

“I don’t have… a name. The pimp called me ‘kid.’ I’m fourteen years old.”

“No name, eh? Then may I… no, I’m not used to this manner of speech. I’ll just speak comfortably. Can I give you a name?”

“Please do as you wish, Astel.”

“Hmm! Alright.”

Astel thought seriously. Sometimes he rested his chin on his hand, other times he made a steeple with his fingers. Wasn’t a name just something that allowed identification?

I wouldn’t care even if I were called by the name of some weed seen in passing.

“Got it!”

Finally, Astel finished his deliberation and carefully suggested:

“In ancient language, ‘Netion’ means hope, and ‘Pis’ means happiness. How about combining them into ‘Netionpis’?”

Despite Astel’s thoughtful naming, I accepted it indifferently.

“Netionpis…”

I murmured my newly bestowed name so as not to forget it even by mistake.

“I understand. From now on, my name is Netionpis.”

“Yes, Netionpis. It’s a good name!”

Astel asked many things until the carriage arrived at the mansion. We talked about various things, from how I had lived until now to what I liked and disliked.

Whenever he heard about the trivial events of my daily life, he empathized intensely as if they were his own experiences. Sometimes he became angry, other times he fell into sadness. I found Astel’s ever-changing reactions amusing and opened up about my life story.

I quickly grasped the subject and exercised restraint, but…

In the end, only questions kept growing. Everything was a mystery, from why the precious young master of the Euglinas family had come all the way to a brothel to why he had purchased me.

I gathered my courage and asked.

“Astel, may I ask why you bought me? And also what I should do from now on?”

“Ah, you must have been very concerned. I would be too. I’m sorry for only thinking about myself.”

Contrary to my expectations, Astel’s answer was postponed a little.

“Oh, we’ve already arrived. I’ll tell you properly, so let’s continue our conversation after we go inside.”

Only after getting out of the carriage did I realize that Astel was truly the young master of the Euglinas family.

I had heard rumors that the Euglinas Count’s family was wealthy, but the scene before my eyes proved that rumors couldn’t capture even half of the truth.

The fragrant scent of flowers from the beautiful, endless garden was carried by the wind. The pristine white mansion looked like a majestic temple.

“Netionpis, follow these people. I’ll see you soon!”

“Yes, Astel.”

I followed two neatly dressed maids. As people working in a grand mansion, their behavior was different from a male prostitute like me who had crawled along the bottom.

I had assumed everyone would look at a dirty, shabby, vulgar child the same way, but at least these people didn’t.

“I’ll wash the child, so you go get clothes that will fit him.”

“Alright. The clothes of a suitable page should do.”

As one left to get clothes, I preemptively began to remove my tattered garments. Just as the maid who entered the bathroom was about to touch me:

“You don’t need to help me. I can wash myself.”

It wasn’t that I was embarrassed to show my naked body. After all, what a male prostitute did was to have his naked body toyed with by strange women.

I just wanted to show that I was a child who wouldn’t cause trouble.

“I appreciate your thoughtfulness, but it’s the young master’s order, so I have no choice.”

“Ah…”

If it was Astel’s order, I had to comply.

She diligently scrubbed the dirt off my body as I sat in the warm bathtub, and washed my hair. After wiping the moisture from my body, she cut my hair, which had grown too long and tangled.

Just then, the maid who brought the clothes opened her eyes wide and exclaimed in admiration.

“Wow, my goodness! Is this really the same child you brought earlier? He was hiding such an appearance?”

“Right? Just tidying up his hair made such a difference.”

I felt like I was seeing my own eyes after a long time.

‘Yes, they were this red color. I used to hide them because people would hit me, saying they looked ominous.’

“This child’s eyes are also interesting.”

“Indeed. It’s certainly a rare color.”

They probably wouldn’t be any different. They would probably think it was unpleasant. As I resigned myself to this thought, what I heard was a completely unexpected reaction.

“They’re just like rubies.”

“No, these are garnets!”

“But what’s the difference between rubies and garnets?”

“I don’t know either!”

‘Hnngh…!’

I thought I was actually going to burst out laughing at the maids’ banter-like conversation.

“The child is smiling!”

“Yeah, why did you have to show off your ignorance?”

I tried desperately to hold it in, but apparently I couldn’t hide the twitching of my cheeks.

Just as I quickly composed my expression and got dressed, a loud thumping sound echoed from outside.

“Young Master Astelnerca! It’s troublesome to run in the mansion.”

“Well, who told them to build such a large house? Ah, perhaps it was my grandfather’s grandfather’s grandfather… It would take forever just to walk across, really.”

Bang!

Astel flung open the door to the room where I was and exclaimed in admiration.

“Wow, if there’s such a handsome peer, I might feel threatened.”

“T-that’s…”

I was at a loss for words. Astel’s nimble hand grabbed my wrist.

“I’m taking Netionpis!”

“Y-young master! There are still things to do…!”

Astel cut across the corridor in all directions without looking back. Only the maids’ sighs filled the empty hallway.

“Sigh, he may not be the heir to the family, but he really should mature a bit.”

“You can say that again.”

◇

“Did everyone wait for me?”

Once again, Astel flung the door open wide and spoke cheerfully. In the spacious room with a clear view of the garden outside, there were three people besides Astel and me.

“Astel, is that kid the one you were looking for?”

An intelligent-looking man asked bluntly. He too was a peer, perhaps only a year or two older.

“That’s right, Aselln. But where’s Rusheon?”

The answer to Astel’s question came from another corner.

“Rusheon said he had something to do today!”

“Oh, Bartlant. My friend!”

“Hahaha.”

Astel and Bartlant’s fists lightly bumped against each other. Bartlant was a mountain-like man. Perhaps because of his large build, his fists looked bigger than those of most adults.

His seemingly generous personality reminded me of the knights at taverns.

… But friends?

“Astel, I think you should introduce the guy you brought first.”

Aselln’s eyes scanned me as if observing. I lowered my eyes out of discomfort, but that didn’t divert his gaze.

“Astel…”

Perhaps considering my restless attitude, the task of introducing me ultimately fell to Astel.

“This is Netionpis. As you can see, I brought him. Everyone, be friendly with him.”

“A-Astel? Be friendly? How could someone like me dare!”

I protested quietly enough for only Astel to hear. Until today, I had been a vulgar male prostitute selling my body; there was no way I could be friendly with noble aristocrats.

Setting aside Astel’s overwhelming kindness, the current situation made no sense.

“Hmm, so he’s a commoner!”

“Bartlant, I’d appreciate if you could take good care of him. And Netionpis, calm down. The kids gathered here don’t particularly have prejudice against commoners.”

“It’s a bit different. We don’t have prejudice against people you acknowledge, Astel.”

Aselln corrected Astel’s explanation. But Bartlant immediately contradicted him.

“That’s not true! I can get along well with commoners too, playing games and such. Hahaha!”

“I forgot about the rotten muscle lump.”

“Your words may be difficult, but in the end, you’re saying you’ll get along with him, right, Aselln?”

Astel’s bright eyes turned toward Aselln. Perhaps finding it difficult to resist those dawn-colored eyes, Aselln sighed and conceded.

“… Yes.”

“Great! Ah… and Netionpis. That’s Lorian over there. Lorian Feita.”

Astel pointed to a secluded bookshelf. On a sofa near the bookshelf was a woman engrossed in reading, indifferent to the commotion.

If Astel was like light, Lorian was darkness. She had the same jet-black hair as mine, but the glossiness of her shoulder-length hair sparkled like stars in the night sky.

Her pitch-black eyes, distilled from tranquility, gave a somewhat empty impression. It was an appearance that might feel eerie at first glance. Even that failed to deny her beautiful looks, though.

She finally turned her gaze toward us.

“As Astel said, I have no intention of discriminating against you for being a commoner. Since Astel has acknowledged you. However…”

Lorian continued after a slight pause.

“It might depend on what you did. Netionpis, was it? What did you do before Astel took you in?”

“I…”

I was afraid to answer. It was difficult to reveal that I had been a male prostitute in front of such impressive people.

My hesitation seemed to be answer enough for Lorian, who quickly turned her head away. For me, her silent action came back as a wound.

‘Ah…’

It would have been better if she had cursed like the pimp, or if she had rebuked me with a loud voice like other nobles.

Instead, Lorian’s attitude was clean. Thanks to that, I felt like I had been confirmed once again by Lorian as a meaningless human not even worth pressing for an answer.

‘Sigh. I almost forgot because Astel and the maids treated me so warmly.’

My value, which makes me realize that even the bottom has a lower bottom.

“…”

Silence hovered around.

This was the worst first meeting between me and Lorian Feita. Looking back now, it was a funny encounter that would make both of us laugh awkwardly.

That was the beginning of our relationship.