Ch.188Chapter 20. Patriot (End)

However, Leticia answered straightforwardly this time as well.

“You can’t define everything in the world! It’s just like love. Does the doctor know what love is? Faith and patriotism are the same. It’s about believing in and loving something you can’t see. It’s a matter of imagination and experience. I don’t think it’s bad if you don’t have it! But just because you can’t feel it, I wish you wouldn’t dismiss other people’s feelings as incomprehensible.”

This time, Cassandra kept her mouth shut. Her lips moved slightly as if she wanted to say something, but she didn’t speak further. She did mutter “I know what I know” just barely audible to me, but that was all.

“Patriotism, huh.”

Camilla’s monologue grated strangely in her mouth. I looked at my mobile phone. This time, five naked men were holding up a placard.

“Love-Father-John-Please-Bestow-Your-Love-Upon-Us-Save-Us-From-The-Zombies”

I thought they might be better off covering their lower bodies with the placard rather than their faces. I wanted to change the subject.

“Are these people, then, practicing patriotism?”

“Since they believe that faith in the Goddess of Hunger is Elza’s salvation, logically speaking, I suppose that’s right. It’s a bit funny to say they believe in the goddess to save Elza. And if you were to sleep with those men, they would gain even greater conviction. Wouldn’t they?”

Camilla winked one eye. I shook my head.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Why?”

“The answer to salvation shouldn’t come too easily. If it’s given too easily, people think it’s worthless.”

“But you gave women answers easily, didn’t you?”

Ah. Now I understood perfectly. Why the gods don’t listen to people’s words. Because the gods were male. They wouldn’t want to listen to naked, dangling men wailing and throwing tantrums.

But would a female god have helped more actively? I don’t think so either. Anyway, women don’t particularly like crying men. They dislike men who throw tantrums even more.

“Well, the women didn’t throw tantrums at me.”

“John, what nonsense are you suddenly talking about?”

* * * * *

Morning.

Leticia was looking at a cookbook, Cassandra was sleeping in, and Camilla and I were exercising in the university auditorium.

“Okay. Slowly breathe in, breathe out. Good, done!”

Even after the last set of burpees ended, I didn’t drop my arms. I slowly caught my breath and stabilized my body before relaxing. As I wiped the sweat drops from the floor with a towel and drank water, I saw Camilla leaning against the wall, smiling.

“What?”

“Nothing, you just seem quite used to exercising now.”

I deliberately flexed my arm muscles. Camilla seemed to be holding back laughter.

“Are you planning to enter a bodybuilding competition? You’re still far from it. It hasn’t even been a year. Bodies only change dramatically if they were a mess to begin with or if drugs were involved. You’re improving the orthodox way. If you ate fresh meat, you’d improve much faster…”

I slapped my thigh and stood up. Perhaps because I’d rested for a few days, I felt like I had energy to spare today.

“Camilla. Want to run on the track?”

“Oh, what’s the occasion?”

An excited Camilla bounced over. We jogged slowly around the basketball court. The spectator stands that could seat well over a hundred people and the empty cheerleader platform looked unusually large.

After summer passes and a little rain falls, autumn will come. When the leaves fall, snow will fall, and after the cold, cold winter, spring and summer will return again.

Even then, those seats will remain empty. In fact, I wonder if this building will even still be standing.

‘War.’

The war that devours everything and collapses the national system. An all-out war between nations that exists only in setting with no specific details remaining.

I don’t know exactly when it happens. But it’s clearly long after the zombie outbreak. Will we be able to find a safe bunker to hide in before the war breaks out?

“John. What are you thinking about so deeply?”

Camilla is still full of vitality. But I now understand Camilla to some extent. A person who doesn’t want to appear weak. Someone who takes care of others more than herself and finds satisfaction in that.

But lately, I sense a kind of emptiness in Camilla’s behavior. Her face is shadowed by an unknown darkness, and her expression seems somewhat gloomy.

I didn’t want to worry Camilla with talk of a war that hasn’t even happened yet.

“Just thinking about what will happen in the future.”

As soon as I finished speaking, Camilla extended her fist toward me. Of course, she did it deliberately slowly, so I didn’t let myself get hit and instead stuck out my tongue slightly.

“What’s with the fist, Camilla?”

“Every time you say things like that, something happens.”

Really? I hadn’t thought lately that anything particular was happening.

I counted on my fingers while running.

“Our version of the Cro virus is spreading smoothly. Zombies don’t attack us viciously anymore. As long as we don’t bleed, that is. Of course, we need to be a bit careful when we go to the outskirts.”

“That’s right.”

“There are no survivors in the central district except us. Resources are abundant. We have bullets, food, medicine, we can go wherever we want, and we can sleep anywhere. Well, it’s still a bit uncomfortable to walk along the main roads.”

“That’s true too. Thanks to that, I got a pretty nice blouse.”

Yesterday we went to the luxury section of a department store in the upper central district. While Cassandra just looked around blankly, Camilla and Leticia attacked the wardrobes with more ferocity than hungry zombies. In the end, they took all the warehouse stock too, but it was quite pretty.

Leticia also stocked up on alcohol, and Cassandra secretly visited the lingerie store. Saying things she didn’t need to say like, “It’s hard to find fitting underwear… they have it here.”

“The pheromone dispersal is also very successful. Cassandra has improved its efficiency. Everything seems good except for one thing. The fanatics.”

“That’s life.”

We both increased our speed. Squeak, squeak, squeak. The auditorium floor creaked loudly.

“I’m worried about you, Camilla.”

“Me?”

Camilla was puzzled. I decided not to drag it out any longer. Since that day, after talking about patriotism, Camilla had definitely changed.

“Leticia finds joy in drinking. Cassandra is devoted to her research, busy solving one problem after another. I’m just idling around eating and occasionally happy when I find good equipment.”

“I know that.”

“What about you, Camilla? Don’t you have other hobbies? Besides exercise.”

“John, I don’t understand why you’re suddenly saying this.”

“You seem to be struggling lately.”

Suddenly Camilla increased her speed. In the past, it would have been difficult to keep up, but now I could match her pace without much difficulty. Camilla smiled slightly but ran even faster.

“Huff. Huff. Huff…”

The speed was one thing, but the difference in lung capacity was too great. While I was trudging along, she ran one more lap, then two more, faster. She was also breathing heavily, but she never stopped. Finally, after being outpaced by about five laps, she stopped.

“I don’t know.”

Camilla gave her answer so lightly. It was an answer that made me feel completely deflated. Camilla slowly caught her breath. As if giving that one answer was harder than all the running we had done.

I thought it might be better not to say more. But it was also awkward to pretend not to see the shadow cast over Camilla’s face. Because I could see it.

“…Camilla.”

“What is it?”

“Want to go on a trip, just the two of us? Summer will be over soon, you should wear a bikini at least once.”

At the mention of the sea, her eyes sparkled. But the light disappeared as if swept away by a murky current. Her face returned to its somehow tired look.

“…The waterfront will be full of zombies, so I don’t really want to go. The smell would be terrible, right? The sea is too far from here, and as for rivers and lakes…”

“There are swimming pools too. Five-star hotels in the central district.”

“There’s no water there, you know?”

“What matters is that there’s a pool and a bed. At least there won’t be a fishy smell.”

Camilla’s body shook with laughter at the joke that wasn’t even that funny.

“Let’s go secretly, just the two of us. We can sunbathe. Eat delicious food.”

“What’s this about, suddenly?”

“Don’t you want to?”

“It’s not that…”

“I want to see you in that white swimsuit you kept in your carrier.”

“Swimming pool…”

Camilla’s expression became quite complicated. Somehow I felt like I had hit the mark.

Camilla had always given up the things she liked. She loved swimming but had that joy taken away, and she loved Elza but realized her way of expressing it was wrong. She likes me, but she knows I sleep with other women. Not once has Camilla openly shown anger toward me. Instead, she suffers in silence.

I felt sorry about that.

“…It’s okay. A swimming pool in this situation, really.”

Camilla’s answer was a bit disappointing. Her attempt to smile brightly was just the same as before. I was about to make another suggestion. This time I was going to say we should fill the pool with water, but I couldn’t.

The gym door burst open. Leticia came running with something in her hand. Like a rugby player who seemed about to fall but never did, she brought a radio.

“What’s going on?”

“You, you guys sh-should listen to this!”