Ch.181Chapter 28. Things You Should Never Do at a Funeral (1)

The journey there was filled with anxiety.

Perhaps that’s why Yuka chose the subway instead of a car.

It wasn’t exactly a short distance, but taking a car would have meant arriving that much earlier.

Her grandfather and father had told her to come separately.

She understood why they had said that. Anyone would prioritize the continuation of this world over a single girl.

That was true even for Kotone herself, and for Yuka who was now heading toward Kotone.

As she boarded the subway in her black clothes, Yuka thought herself a coward.

“…”

The world was still noisy.

The incident where the ground split and buildings collapsed was still being discussed regularly. Turn on the news and it would be mentioned at least once a day. Newspapers displayed in front of convenience stores and shops were filled with “occult” stories. Even though those weren’t occult newspapers.

Naturally, there was no mention of Kotone’s death.

People were just chattering about aliens, ghosts, or natural phenomena. For those who knew nothing, it was merely interesting gossip, just material to help sell one more copy of a newspaper or magazine.

A family sat in front of Yuka. Perhaps the parents had taken time off work. The child sitting in the middle was whining to the mother beside them, while the father was teasing the child as if finding it cute.

It was a scene that matched perfectly with the sunset outside the window.

Those people wouldn’t know either. What happened in that moment. Whose sacrifice had protected this world.

Only three people remembered her final moments, and a few others had merely heard the story.

How would others react if they knew about Kotone’s death?

Would they feel sorry for her?

Or would they say it was inevitable since her very existence was harmful?

“…”

She should stop thinking like this.

Yuka felt that Kotone wouldn’t have liked being known about anyway.

Yes, that’s probably right. She would have been very embarrassed to become so famous. Imagining her face made Yuka smile a little.

But it wasn’t a smile that lasted long.

*

The place she arrived at was different from Kotone’s home that Yuka usually visited.

An old house that seemed somewhat neglected.

It was large enough to be called a mansion, but it didn’t seem like an unimaginably wealthy home.

To be more precise, it had the atmosphere of an abandoned temple rather than a residence. Though it had been tidied up somewhat, its age and neglect couldn’t be easily hidden.

Yuka thought this might be the Kurosawa family’s main house.

It was a lonely place. For such a large house, one might expect many people to gather, but that wasn’t the case.

I see. The reason they gathered here directly instead of at a temple was probably for that reason.

Everyone who had gathered was wearing black clothes. Just like Yuka.

A child was trying hard to hold back tears. But the thick glasses on her face were already stained with tears.

It was that girl who had been in the same class as Kotone and had taken care of her most diligently. Mako Miura.

…She had ended up hurting this child’s heart twice.

Yuka had nothing to say. No words could lighten the burden in either of their hearts.

On either side of Miura were the two people who always accompanied her.

Harumi Fukuda was busy comforting Miura. But there were tear stains on her face as well.

How had the story reached these two?

Kotone was supposed to be a child who couldn’t even have a funeral. Had they said they found her body in the meantime? She wasn’t sure. Somehow, it felt wrong to dig deeper.

Her eyes met with Yamashita who was standing next to them. Yamashita slightly bowed his head to Yuka. His face was also filled with grief.

When Kotone had been revived once, Yamashita had been much better than he was now. Was it because this time they had to say a real goodbye? Beyond crying, his face had turned deathly pale.

Yuka also bowed her head to Yamashita.

There was an awkwardness that couldn’t be helped. That awkwardness, felt alongside the grief, was disconcerting.

No one would have imagined such a funeral.

No one except Kotone herself, lying in the coffin.

“…Why on earth?”

Hearing that voice, Yuka turned to see an adult standing with a blank expression of disbelief. His clothes were slightly wrinkled as if he had arrived just before Yuka. He had managed to wear black attire, but he seemed to be hearing the news for the first time.

She recognized his face. He was the manager of the store where Kotone had worked. Next to him stood a girl about the same age as Kotone or Yuka. That girl also had a sorrowful expression.

Yuka couldn’t bring herself to speak to these people either.

…Kotone had formed relationships with many people. At school, she was just a quiet girl who didn’t like noise, but she had given and received help from many people.

She was a child who could be loved wherever she went. She deserved to be.

That’s why Yuka couldn’t approach people who had been connected to Kotone. They were too distant for Yuka to speak to, and they were people who wouldn’t understand what Yuka had done.

Once again, she wondered if the choice made that day had been the right one.

She still didn’t know. The fact that she couldn’t be certain meant it wasn’t entirely a good deed.

“…”

Would this weight eventually be forgotten? When decades pass and she becomes an adult, would Yuka also become indifferent?

She trembled at that fear.

Some might call her foolish.

They might say it’s nonsensical to think one shouldn’t be happy for doing what needed to be done.

But then, what about Kotone?

What about Kotone who “did what needed to be done”?

Only a few people around her know the truth, while no one else realizes their lives are indebted to that child. Most people will simply live on without knowing.

And all of that stemmed from the knife Yuka had held.

So, this guilt was entirely Yuka’s as well.

She saw a few more adults.

Mr. Miura. And Mr. Yamashita. Mr. Fukuda.

The three were standing together, engaged in conversation. Their expressions were strangely complex, not openly showing emotion as adults often do.

But even those three adjusted their expressions when they met Yuka’s eyes. And they slightly bowed their heads toward Yuka as if deeply regretful.

Kotone’s homeroom teacher was also there. His blank expression suggested he didn’t quite understand the situation. That was understandable. A “funeral” should have been held long ago.

But even that teacher, upon meeting Yuka’s eyes, composed his expression and bowed his head.

As she bowed back, Yuka couldn’t understand why people had been doing this since earlier.

It was as if Yuka were Kotone’s bereaved family. Such a right would have disappeared long ago.

…And if she did have such a right, Yuka would be no different from someone who had stabbed her family member to death with her own hands.

The corner of her lip twitched.

She knew she had to endure. That’s why she had screamed several times in her room before leaving.

But emotions couldn’t be completely emptied just by pouring them out.

She heard another sobbing sound.

“…Senpai.”

And Yuka could finally open her mouth slightly to say that.

Kaoru and Izumi.

Kaoru, who always led with her emotions, seemed to find it very difficult to hold back her tears. She was covering her mouth with a handkerchief to suppress the sound, but tears kept flowing from her eyes.

Izumi was the same. She had already taken off her glasses, and her eyes were red and bloodshot.

These two didn’t even know that Kotone had returned. Kotone had risked her life immediately after her brief return.

“…Yuka.”

Kaoru barely opened her mouth to respond. Izumi, who was beside her, also slightly bowed her head when she saw Yuka.

They had barely called each other’s names, but again, there was nothing to say.

More precisely, it felt like saying anything would make her vomit everything inside.

Gradually, as she got closer to where Kotone lay, Yuka’s stomach began to feel worse. This was despite not having eaten anything all day.

It was disgusting.

She felt that way about herself for thinking of coming to such a place.

Had that thought appeared on her face? Kaoru gently grabbed Yuka’s arm with trembling hands. She might have been trying to pat her, but Kaoru herself couldn’t fully control her emotions.

I should tell these two everything later.

At least feeling that she should do that, Yuka made a promise to herself.

…No matter what she might hear.

Hagiwara and Nakahara.

The two had no intention of fighting in a place like this.

Standing side by side with complicated expressions, they also bowed their heads when they met Yuka’s eyes.

Continuing to walk like that, she finally reached where Kotone lay.

The atmosphere was heavy just from what was visible.

Shii was barely standing, leaning on Sasaki. She had been there at that time, so it must have been more shocking for her. This child would have seen Kotone open her eyes again.

…And then the child who had left returned as a corpse, so how could she not be shocked?

She had been a little envious.

Working at the same place, always finishing work at the same time, eating meals together.

This child was probably the only one Kotone would buy meals for.

It was so evident how much she cherished this child as her senior.

…

That’s why the shock must be great.

There was a time when she didn’t think death was frightening.

Because death comes to all beings anyway. Even if you don’t die right now, you’ll eventually close your eyes forever.

Especially as someone who claimed to be a shrine maiden, death was just another journey to the netherworld.

But that was because she hadn’t lost someone precious before her eyes.

Until the end of this life, it was goodbye to Kotone.

She couldn’t think of following her. Kotone had sacrificed herself to protect people’s lives.

Yuka’s life was included among those people.

So, it was an incredibly heavy life. To not render Kotone’s death meaningless, Yuka couldn’t harm herself.

She gritted her teeth.

Yes, even if everything else is forgotten, that must not be forgotten.

Even if death merely sends the soul to the netherworld, she shouldn’t think it doesn’t matter if she dies.

Kotone knew. How vast the difference is between being alive and being dead.

She was a child who wanted so desperately to live.

Such a child, giving up that precious life, tried to tell her something.

So she mustn’t forget.

She mustn’t forget.

“…”

After exchanging greetings with Sasaki through their eyes, Yuka moved forward—

—and stopped.

She couldn’t go any closer.

She saw the backs of two people.

The adult seemed composed.

Long hair tied at the end.

Yuka recognized that tie.

It was the tie that bound Kotone’s hair. Or perhaps it was the tie she used to cover her wrist.

The tie was slightly stained with a dark red.

…Kotone’s blood.

Blood she had shed again and again.

It seemed Kagami had found it and kept it.

Yuka couldn’t sense any emotion from the back of the figure kneeling in shrine maiden attire. Was she holding it in? Or had she transcended some line? Yuka couldn’t dare imagine.

Perhaps her face would have a different atmosphere.

…Kagami had thrown the world into chaos. In the end, it was mitigated by Kotone’s sacrifice, but if Yuka hadn’t moved the sword at that moment, it really would have happened.

She doesn’t resent her.

Because she has no right to.

Even Yuka hesitated whether to stab or not in that moment, so as a mother, she couldn’t have done otherwise.

Besides, looking at the situation, it was because of that that they were able to stop it.

If Kotone hadn’t been revived and had died naturally, or if she had died for any other reason, there would have been no one to stop Nirlas in this world.

There might have been other methods at that point.

But the result couldn’t have been better than it is now.

“…”

With the two sitting side by side in front of the coffin, Yuka was afraid to go see Kotone. Was it okay for her to do so?

No, was it even okay for her to be here in the first place?

As she stood there trembling slightly, the smaller of the two sitting side by side suddenly turned around.

Her eyes met those black pupils.

Yuka swallowed.

Koko was… staring up at Yuka.

That gaze was frightening.

But she couldn’t run away.

At least, she came with the determination to hear whatever might be said here. So—

“…Why?”

Koko said.

“Yuka, why…?”

“…”

At that voice, her vision slowly narrowed. She felt like her legs might give out.

Koko was already standing.

Tears were welling up in her eyes.

“Yuka…”

The words didn’t continue. Koko’s speech had diminished, as if it was their first meeting.

That’s right.

The person who taught Koko to speak was Kotone. She even bought storybooks and read them to her, spending time together.

Who else could have done that for her besides Kotone? Even knowing Koko’s true identity.

Tap.

A hand lightly touched Yuka’s shoulder.

Tap.

Once more.

“Why?”

A voice that wanted to demand answers but couldn’t.

But each time Koko hit Yuka’s body, Yuka felt pain that was almost unbearable.

Not because she was that strong.

Because there was no strength in those hands.

Her fist clenched tightly. Her body trembled.

Being resented by Koko was painfully difficult to endure.

Because that face was so similar to Kotone’s, Koko hitting Yuka with a blank expression, as if she had to do so… was frightening.

Frightening, pitiful, regretful, and not knowing what to do.

Because that appearance was terribly sorrowful.

Even the people around seemed to think they should stop Koko, but they couldn’t bring themselves to do so.

“…Koko.”

“Why?”

That wasn’t a response to Yuka calling Koko’s name.

Not knowing what to do.

After losing the most important person in her life, not knowing what to do, just feeling like she needed to pour out these emotions.

That’s all she was doing.

“Why, Kotone?”

Why was it?

Why did it have to be Kotone?

Because she was kind?

Because she was someone who could sacrifice her life for others?

Shouldn’t such a child live even more?

Not all the many people who will continue to live in this world are good people.

There will be politicians who accept dirty money. There will be corrupt civil servants, and businesspeople who crush those they dislike with money.

There will be murderers and rapists.

Did a child like Kotone have to be sacrificed to save all of that?

…Yes, she knows.

Because Yuka is among them.

Because Koko is among them.

Kotone simply chose that path.

In the end, among those who pushed Kotone’s back, Yuka was there, she already knew that.

“Kotone, Kotone…”

Tears welled up in Koko’s eyes.

“She said, let’s go play together.”

She did.

Certainly.

Even as she was collapsing.

Kotone wanted to continue living.

Laughing and chatting with people she liked, living an ordinary life.

She would have wanted to study like all students do (even if they dislike it), take exams, and enjoy a little deviation together after exams.

Everything that people who will live on enjoy were things Kotone wanted to enjoy.

Her vision blurred.

“Why…”

She grabbed Koko’s arm.

Koko was caught too easily. She could have avoided it if she wanted to. The fact that she didn’t was probably because she had neither the strength nor the will to do so.

She tried to imagine Kotone growing older.

It didn’t work well.

Kotone was just Kotone. She couldn’t be replaced by anyone else. Even Koko, who resembled her, couldn’t fill Kotone’s empty space.

That’s why everyone was crying like this.

Yuka embraced Koko.

“Uuu…”

Koko grabbed Yuka as if trying to push her away, but then let her arms drop.

That appearance of not knowing what to do was too pitiful.

What should she do?

Kotone would have been a life milestone for Koko just by being beside her.

Could Yuka do that? Is thinking so excessive arrogance?

In the end, a sob escaped through her clenched teeth.

A child who had done nothing wrong, who just wanted to live, who had just lived earnestly.

In the end, they would have to accept that child’s death.

They would have to watch as the evidence of that life slowly faded away.

They would become more mature, grow into adults, and eventually overcome it all.

She didn’t want that.

Even though she didn’t want it, that’s how it would be in the end.

Everyone here.

She hated that so much.

She hated herself for thinking such thoughts.

“How… How could this happen.”

The words she had muttered alone at home earlier flowed out again.

“How. How…”

“…Uuu…”

Koko’s sobbing echoed in her ears.

Yuka raised her head.

She could see the coffin where Kotone would be lying.

It hurt so much that she couldn’t get up and greet her, even though she was so close.

With no strength in her legs, Yuka ended up collapsing together with Koko.