Ch.180Siblings (1)

Yoon Sejin, now mostly known as Llewellyn, had not known about his sister’s romantic feelings for him for very long.

He considered himself quite perceptive, believing he could notice things from subtle signs even without witnessing them directly.

In reality, Yoon Sejin wasn’t particularly perceptive. If anything, it was quite the opposite.

The fact that he had never dated despite being fairly popular in his own right wasn’t solely due to his sister’s interference.

His own obliviousness, accommodating nature, and stubborn, weed-like resilience were major factors.

That’s why Llewellyn had only recently discovered his sister’s feelings.

Normally, siblings would either express disgust or completely give in to depravity in such a situation.

But Yoon Sejin was an orphan. The person responsible for his upbringing was none other than his sister.

Would such a sister have taught him that such behavior between family members was strange?

Of course not. That’s why Yoon Sejin continued to bathe with his sister even when he was in sixth grade.

It saved on the water bill, so it was beneficial.

Because of this, Llewellyn was only now realizing certain things after a long time had passed.

Things like how his sister might have been showing signs of her feelings for him for much longer than he thought.

It was only natural that Llewellyn, after much contemplation and anguish, finally decided to ask directly.

In fact, given his preference for direct solutions, it felt more like he was only now getting around to asking.

But Lucilla, unaware of this, was taken aback.

Now? When he already knew everything?

Yet she didn’t panic. It wasn’t in her nature to panic, and she had been waiting for this for a long time.

She calmly took Llewellyn back with her.

She found a new room in case Ortemilia or the god might interrupt them upon their return.

A room with a large bed. Llewellyn was slightly intimidated by the possibilities, and Lucilla noticed her brother’s apprehension but was puzzled by it.

What Llewellyn feared didn’t happen. At least not now.

But Llewellyn was uncertain on one hand.

If his sister wanted that and pushed for it…

Would he be able to refuse?

Llewellyn calmly examined his inner feelings and realized he probably couldn’t refuse.

Llewellyn, Yoon Sejin, felt indebted to Yoon Sea.

She had taken care of him his whole life. Moving from factory to restaurant to all sorts of places, she had kept him from going to an orphanage while ensuring he had everything he needed.

Though they weren’t without hardships, Llewellyn was a person who knew gratitude.

Above all, he didn’t want to say such things to his sister who had been so kind and devoted.

So Llewellyn knew that if his sister demanded such things as payment for raising him…

He would have no choice but to accept.

Perhaps he might even enjoy it.

He thought that during his middle school years, when his desires were at their peak, he might have actively wanted it.

The more he dwelled on it, the more he felt it was shameful, and Llewellyn’s expression darkened. Lucilla, sitting across from him, watched his reactions carefully.

A long silence followed. A long and terrible silence that had continued since Llewellyn first brought up the subject.

Such silence naturally invited thoughts, and thoughts bred more thoughts, growing larger.

Llewellyn knew well what these growing thoughts would lead to.

Mutual misunderstanding, conflicts born from lack of understanding.

At the end of it all was the severing of relationships. Llewellyn took a deep breath and spoke.

“Let me ask again.”

Though the eyes facing him showed a hint of fear, Llewellyn didn’t hesitate.

“You like me, don’t you, Noona?”

Lucilla hesitated briefly before answering.

“Yes, yes.”

“Not just because I’m your brother, not just family love…”

“Because I like you, yes. That’s what it is.”

She smiled awkwardly as she fumbled with her words, seemingly pleased to have finally said it out loud.

Llewellyn felt like sighing, but was also surprised that he didn’t feel as disturbed as he expected.

Maybe it’s because I’m an orphan who didn’t receive proper family education, he thought instead of lamenting.

‘Why does Noona like me anyway?’

“The reason… I’m not really sure myself.”

They both knew this was a lie.

Lucilla had a fairly good idea, if not precisely, where her feelings originated.

When she was Yoon Sea, when their family abandoned them and she was left alone with Yoon Sejin.

She felt responsible. Having grown up kind and caring, Yoon Sea had the mental strength to bear that responsibility.

But that alone wasn’t enough. Yoon Sea knew she couldn’t endure in an environment where she didn’t reflexively love her brother.

She created a reason to endure for her brother’s sake.

But humans are such creatures. Even if an emotion begins as a falsehood, it becomes real when harbored for a long time.

At some point, Yoon Sea came to love her brother.

Her false resolve to do anything for her brother became real, and her love for him became genuine.

Perhaps it was also because looking at her brother reminded her of happier times.

But Lucilla deliberately didn’t mention these reasons. It was too cruel a story, too much in the past, and merely the initial trigger.

There were other, smaller reasons.

Yoon Sea remembered the small child who called her “Noona” and followed her around.

She remembered the kind child who greeted her with a smile when she returned, who willingly shared his portion with her despite being in his growing years.

She knew that warm, small embrace that would willingly come to her no matter how difficult things were, no matter how irritable she became.

When work was hard, when she resented their departed parents.

When she couldn’t forgive, when life was miserable, wretched, and the future looked bleak.

She knew the gentle child who wiped her face as if to tell her not to cry, who embraced her and helped her fall asleep.

Despite not having been taught, despite never having experienced happy times.

He was a child who knew how to cherish and love his sister.

Yoon Sea couldn’t help but love such a brother. So the questions that arose disappeared into the background.

Would Yoon Sea’s life have been better without Yoon Sejin?

Of course not.

Rather, she thought she was happy because Yoon Sejin was there.

She believed all her happiness was owed to her brother.

Strangely, the siblings felt indebted to each other.

So Lucilla was inwardly prepared to accept even if her brother ever demanded something unconventional from her.

That was how she felt when Yoon Sejin was still in middle school.

After Yoon Sejin passed through puberty and stabilized, she knew the opportunity had passed.

But that opportunity had come around again now. The siblings faced each other.

“So.”

“I like you. Just because you’re Sejin… even though you’re my brother…”

Her face naturally reddened as she spoke. Her eyes felt hot too.

Feeling like something might flow out, she closed her eyes and opened them to find a hand approaching.

As that hand gently caressed Yoon Sea’s cheek, Lucilla’s lips trembled slightly.

“What do you want to do?”

Their eyes met as he asked. The question was cruel but also a fate they had to face.

So Yoon Sea pondered.

“What do you want to do, Sejin?”

Her voice was somewhat choked. Llewellyn answered desperately, even as his heart softened.

“I don’t know.”

“Like goals, or how you want to live.”

“First I need to deal with Netel somehow, and the Empire too… I just want to live happily.”

It’s a vague answer. But because of that, it’s a good goal to keep in perspective.

“I’m thinking of getting information from the Dream God and finding the gods. It would be good if they became allies, or even if not—”

“What about me?”

Llewellyn’s eyes met Lucilla’s.

Llewellyn reflected on his past actions.

He became obsessed with the game his sister enjoyed after losing her.

He tried to understand his sister. He didn’t resent her.

How could he? She was his sister. His beloved sister.

That’s why when he opened his eyes in the strange land of Netel, in the fortress of the Three Clans.

He was relieved. The possibility that his sister hadn’t abandoned him, that she might be waiting for him in this world—that slender hope alone made him happy and glad.

That’s what helped him endure.

That’s why he called himself Llewellyn, derived from Lucilla.

Llewellyn acknowledged what he wanted.

“What do you want with me?”

“…I want to live happily with you, Noona.”

Lucilla’s expression brightened but then faltered. She realized they meant different things.

“How do you want to live, Noona?”

Nevertheless, Llewellyn asked his sister.

How she wanted to live.

And what she wanted to do.

Lucilla hesitated to answer such questions.

After hesitating, choosing, and pondering her answer…

“I want to be included in your happy life.”

It was a difficult thing to accept. Even Llewellyn couldn’t readily agree to it.

The story hidden behind those words was something even the oblivious Llewellyn could understand.

As Llewellyn conflicted and hesitated, Lucilla knew it was time for her to take a step forward.

“Is that not possible?”

“…It’s not that it’s impossible.”

As expected. Lucilla knew her brother well. Just as her brother knew her well.

They both knew that if pushed, neither would resist. Lucilla had somehow pulled her chair closer to face Llewellyn.

Their knees touched. A subtle warmth seemed to rise.

Their hands overlapped. Gently stroking the joined hands, Lucilla looked into Llewellyn’s eyes.

Llewellyn tried not to be conscious of his sister’s hand on his leg.

“Aren’t you going to ask about my happiness?”

A rare tone. A tone that weakened his resolve.

Beneath Llewellyn’s rapidly beating heart, a whirlwind of complex emotions was brewing.

“Your happiness is…”

“Being with Sejin.”

Even Lucilla felt guilty saying something like that. Llewellyn felt his insides churning, his blood rushing, and closed his eyes.

When he opened his eyes, Lucilla was suddenly close enough that their noses almost touched.

Their eyes met. Llewellyn was perfectly reflected in Lucilla’s gray eyes.

“How do you feel about Noona, Sejin?”

He could feel her breath. Somewhat sweet, and from the woman’s unique scent came a familiar smell.

The scent that had made Yoon Sejin agonize and lust throughout middle school.

Yoon Sea remembered well how every summer in middle school, he would blush and turn away, or hurry to the bathroom, naturally hiding his quickened pace.

So she took the final step.

“Want to find out?”

Even her gentle question was characteristic of his sister.

Kind and careful.

Llewellyn couldn’t even answer.

He just quietly closed his eyes and felt the approaching warmth.