Ch.174Chapter 174: This Isn’t Right… (1)

#

After lying down on the bed in my room at the ducal residence, which I hadn’t visited in who knows how many years.

“Haaah…”

I let out a heavy sigh filled with emotions that couldn’t be put into words.

Since I was lying on the bed, I wasn’t looking in a mirror or anything.

But I could probably sketch my current expression with my eyes closed if I had a writing instrument in hand.

If someone else, especially Shizu, saw me like this.

I’m pretty sure they would stiffen with concern and ask what was wrong.

The crumpled expression on my face as I sighed was infused with various emotions that overwhelmed any other sighs I’d let out recently.

When I was in the Head Family Hall, I had to focus on managing my expression and couldn’t show anything outwardly.

Now that I was back in my room and letting it all out at once, the intensity had deepened.

Even after regressing and participating in the Subjugation Festival.

Even when I faced those twisted mages who turned their backs on the Crimson Pentagram while flaunting the blessing of distorted divinity in Night Haven until I was sick of it.

I knew I was weak, so I was tense, but I wasn’t this troubled.

[You worked hard not to make a foolish expression.]

Things must have been pretty bad for Fafnir to offer something close to praise, albeit in his subtle way.

Of course, separate from giving me such praise.

When Father told me to go to the Sword Mound and undergo the trial.

When I heard Fafnir’s sensitively disturbed breathing in my mind upon hearing the words “Sword Mound.”

I thought he knew something, so.

‘I was just maintaining my expression, but I’m still quite flustered now.’

[I understand.]

‘Thank you for at least saying so.’

[That’s not just empty wor—]

‘Come on, I could feel your excitement in my head from the moment Father told me to go to the Sword Mound for the trial, so stop pretending.’

I tried to probe his true feelings this way.

I did this thinking I needed information before stepping into an unknown world, regardless of whether the response was good or bad.

[Hmm, getting impatient, are we? But this isn’t something you’d fully grasp even if I told you now, so I’ll tell you later.]

Fafnir maintained a calm attitude without any particular reaction to my probing.

Perhaps because I was feeling an anxiety I hadn’t felt in a long time.

Though I desperately wanted to hear it right away.

My physical condition was terrible due to the mild headache from the tense situation.

‘…I have many questions, but I’ll ask after I sort out my complicated thoughts first.’

I agreed with his opinion and ended our conversation with these words.

Literally, since he showed a sensitive reaction to the term “Sword Mound,” he seemed to know about it well, so I should ask him sometime.

But I needed to restrain myself because my body, exhausted and plagued with fatigue and headache from the brief meeting with Father, was not in normal condition, so I postponed it.

[Just relax, after all, time is what we have plenty of.]

After returning to my room and conversing with Fafnir, he heard my request and fell silent after these final words.

“Haaah…”

Another deep sigh escaped my lips after ending the conversation with him.

“Time… is there really that much time left?”

I spoke aloud the last words Fafnir had left, thinking about them simultaneously.

It was quicker to reestablish my sense of time than to contemplate the trial I would have to face at the Sword Mound.

In terms of not wasting the concept of time.

Before my regression, when I couldn’t overcome the impulse fueled by my inferiority complex and left the Cradle.

There was indeed a tremendous difference between the me back then who was about to step into a wretched life.

And the current me who had awakened my special talent and even participated in the Subjugation Festival.

Well, if someone read my thoughts and.

Criticized me for bragging about something that’s merely better than that pathetic state, I wouldn’t have anything to say.

Even if someone said such things to me, I wouldn’t get angry.

Because without any room for excuse.

The me back then, who viewed the world through the blindfold called inferiority complex, was a pitiful fool whenever I recall him.

“Haaah…”

As I continued these idle thoughts, my heavy sighs became somewhat lighter.

It’s something I feel from time to time.

That life from those days, which couldn’t be called proper even as empty flattery, wasn’t entirely a stumbling block in my life.

If I had lived only one life, that wretched existence.

By the time I reached my deathbed.

It would have remained as the most miserable scene in the panorama of life replaying amid regrets like “Ah, I shouldn’t have lived like that.”

But now that I’ve experienced the miracle of turning back time, the nature of it has changed.

“Ah, I shouldn’t have lived like that” has transformed into “Ah, living like that would be disastrous,” serving as a perfect negative example.

As I continued these idle thoughts, easing my heavy heart and mind.

“…Ah…”

Before I knew it, I had dozed off slightly and woken up.

It must be the aftermath of just lying there, not moving my body but only working my mind.

I needed to get up from the bed to avoid falling asleep.

But contrary to the signals my brain was sending, my body refused the brain’s control, responding by making my eyelids feel heavy and start to close.

Brain or body.

I could almost hear someone mocking me for calling this a choice.

But my decision was quick.

“Let me just… close my eyes for a bit.”

If I forced myself to move while exhausted.

My body could move convincingly enough to deceive others.

But I knew from experience that I couldn’t maintain sharp thinking, so.

Needing to prioritize smooth mental functioning, I firmly closed my gradually drooping eyelids by my own will and fell into a short sleep.

Thinking that about an hour would be enough.

As my eyes slowly closed.

Even though nothing should be visible with both eyes closed, the events from less than an hour ago flashed before me like a panorama.

With remarkable clarity.

#

It all began.

When Shizu was carrying one of the two pieces of luggage, the heavier one.

As we were walking, enjoying the atmosphere of our hometown that we hadn’t visited in a long time, after leaving the station.

“Young lady, young master! This old man has been waiting for you both.”

When the elderly butler, who had been with the family even before I was born, welcomed us.

And as we boarded the large carriage he had prepared in advance.

The luxury carriage that had brought us from Night Haven to North Kessler City was quite impressive.

But it was nothing compared to the ride comfort of the top-tier carriage bearing our family crest, showcasing technological advancement.

As I enjoyed the comfort of that carriage, my mind was calmly organizing thoughts I had only recalled in the early days of train travel.

Though I called it organizing.

It wasn’t anything grand.

Having successfully completed the Subjugation Festival and facing the winter break at the Cradle.

I was recalling the contents of the letter that had made me postpone my plan to stop by the Cradle to fill in any gaps before returning home, while thinking about what I needed to do.

The letter stated that all matters related to family succession were nullified.

And it ordered both Kal and Iriana, who were involved in the succession, to return to the main house as soon as they confirmed the letter.

At first, I was so surprised when my sister read the letter in a calm tone at a restaurant in Night Haven that I almost choked on my tea.

“I wonder what made him write such a letter and call for me…”

But as time passed, I even muttered this to myself on the train.

I didn’t take the contents of the letter too seriously.

Although it stated that all matters related to family succession were nullified.

As long as it didn’t explicitly state that the designated successor was being replaced with another candidate.

I realized that these were all things that could be overturned using the head of the family’s authority.

Neither my sister nor I use crude language in public settings, even if we might do so in private.

This is a trait both of us siblings inherited from our father.

Because of this, I could easily tell.

If he truly judged that my sister was not suitable for the position of the next head of the family.

Instead of these long and cumbersome phrases in the letter.

He would have sent a letter clearly naming me or someone from a branch family as her replacement, with clear reasons.

Yet, the fact that he brought up matters related to family succession and summoned both my sister and me suggested there was a reason, and my mind was starting to feel heavy, but.

Such concerns didn’t last long as the train journey continued.

It was all thanks to my sister.

On the first day of the train journey, while talking with my sister.

When she saw me declare that if Father brought up family succession, I would refuse, saying I wasn’t qualified to succeed.

“Since we’ve come this far, let me tell you.”

She began like this.

“Father probably thought that writing this much in the letter would be enough to make you turn your steps toward home.”

She revealed something to me that couldn’t be discerned from the letter alone.

The point is this.

While the letter’s content was to summon me and my sister as parties concerned with the nullification of family succession.

Such family succession was just an excuse.

The real purpose was to see the face of a son who had cut ties with home for nearly six years, blinded by the awakening of his special talent, so he sent a letter with such heavy content.

One might say it’s too much of a leap to assume something not written in the letter based on mere suspicion.

But when my sister saw such thoughts forming on my face, she produced another letter.

“…This letter is just an excuse, and since Kal is participating in the Subjugation Festival this time, make sure he doesn’t get hurt no matter what, as his older sister.

Also, right after the Subjugation Festival ends, use the enclosed letter as an excuse to bring him home.

To my beloved daughter, from Joachim.”

She showed me this other letter, so.

I felt both deflation and relief as my suspicions turned out to be true.

Of course.

“You must have really avoided coming home for this to happen. Do you know how much Father scolded me every time I visited home?”

It was also a moment when a different kind of heaviness settled on me as I watched my sister say this with a light laugh.

Anyway, while I was able to relieve the burden related to family succession after hearing my sister’s words.

Regardless of the reason, it was a homecoming after such a long time.

“When you meet Father, don’t forget to apologize for being so distant. Understood?”

I had to endure my sister’s worried nagging longer than expected.

So, in the carriage heading to the Lanos Ducal Residence.

As I recalled the moment when I had shed the burden of family succession.

In my mind, I was determined to show a mature appearance before Father as my sister had advised.

After arriving home, without even having time to rest from the journey like Shizu and the others.

“Young lady, young master, the head of the family has commanded you to proceed to the Head Family Hall immediately.”

When the elderly butler who had greeted us at the station conveyed Father’s summons.

I headed toward the Head Family Hall with the mindset that this was to be expected.

Until then, I had no idea that a burden incomparably heavier than family succession would be placed on me.

#

“Sit down.”

As soon as my sister and I carefully entered the Head Family Hall, we heard a dignified, weighty voice.

Having no reason to refuse.

As we headed to the seats prepared for us.

I turned my head toward the source of the voice.

“You’ve become quite manly.”

I could see Father, who began speaking with a gentle smile directed at me.

Joachim Lanos.

Father to my sister and me, and.

The head of the martial house, considered one of the top three in administrative ability among the historical heads of the thousand-year-old Lanos family.

Even while facing his children, he was busy signing urgent documents that needed approval.

Though approaching fifty years of age.

His appearance maintained a youthfulness that made him look barely forty.

Not to mention his well-groomed short silver hair, which without fail manifests in direct bloodline descendants.

Except for mutations like me.

Regardless of what blood it mixes with.

The appearance of Father… no, the head of the family, as he smoothed his hair, exuded a thoroughly aristocratic demeanor.

In his youth, he showed no interest in social circles and devoted himself solely to military affairs.

But because of his outstanding appearance, not only noble ladies.

But even royal and imperial families from other continents sent marriage proposals, so what more is there to say?

If there’s anything unusual.

“I’m sorry for calling you home without giving you time to rest after the big event of the Subjugation Festival.”

…Despite his aristocratic appearance.

The remarkable thing is that even while exercising his rightful authority as the head of the family, he’s a caring person who shows such apologetic feelings to his children.