Ch.16654. God… Are You There? (3)

“I found it out!”

“…?”

As soon as I ventured into the past, Heba came to greet me.

Unlike before, she had grown about a hand span taller and her appearance had matured considerably… but it didn’t seem like much time had passed.

“You called us the Giant race, didn’t you?”

“I did back then.”

“That means you considered our distant ancestors to be giants, and that our bloodline and race originated from them, right?”

“…”

That’s not quite it, but I suppose it could be interpreted that way.

“I heard that Marduk created us and all living beings from the blood of Kingu, who was Tiamat’s subordinate, and from the earth.”

-Not subordinate, but lover. He was even a creation of Tiamat. And… he also shared the same name as my husband.

The Demon Lord chimed in smugly.

“But… there’s a hidden story here.”

Enlil, who killed Abzu, Tiamat’s husband.

Enraged, Tiamat tried to kill Enlil, but the situation changed when Marduk intervened.

The other gods, fearing Tiamat, rallied behind Marduk and supported him.

After defeating her, Marduk used her corpse to create the sky and earth, mountains and hills, and pierced her eyes and chest to make rivers and their sources.

“There’s nothing about giants in this story… but if you equated dragons with giants, wouldn’t this fit quite well?”

“…Are you asking me that?”

She’s asking me to confirm it, which is rather awkward.

If I were truly the god they believe in, I might respond or provide an answer.

“Then… perhaps you are a god from the outside?”

“Outside?”

“If you’re not our god, I thought you might be a foreign deity from another world.”

“You speak as if such beings exist.”

“They do. Isn’t that obvious?”

Then something doesn’t add up.

“Yet if you’re not hostile to us or harm us, but bestow grace instead… I wonder if you might not be on bad terms with our gods or evil gods…”

“…”

How should I respond to this?

“Do you not know about your origins?”

“Origins? I just told you about that, didn’t I?”

Kingu.

The creatures born from him.

“We were formed from divine blood, but specifically from evil divine blood. We contain both divinity and evil, and because we bear original sin, we humans simultaneously hold good and evil, grasping the nameplate of morality and enduring it while serving to atone, right?”

“…”

I’m not sure about that.

But they speak of original sin too.

Whether I wanted to be born or not, honestly, I don’t know.

But what is original sin, and why must we suffer, be forced, and compelled simply for being born?

Were we born to be used as servants?

Is fate and destiny just a shackle binding us for such a reason?

“If you’re just paying for original sin and being used as servants, why give you the consciousness and will to think and judge for yourselves?”

“Excuse me? What do you mean by that?”

“Did you want to be born?”

“I-I’m not sure about that.”

“Were you born because you were needed in this world?”

Heba seemed very troubled by these questions.

“I… I don’t know.”

“Are you in this world, born, and living because you need atonement and salvation?”

“…”

“Do you want to become a god? Do you want to live forever? Were you born to become great and magnificent? Is that what you want?”

She looked confused.

“I-I don’t know. I’ve been told many times that I should live well. Become great, become magnificent, become holy, become sublime. If I can serve the gods and stand beside them, what greater glory could there be? I was taught… that’s the most glorious way to live eternally and happily.”

“Yes. Those weren’t things you truly desired. You never wanted them. They’re actually useless and unnecessary things. They’re just delusions whispered into your ear by others.”

Salvation and heaven.

Destruction and hell.

If I didn’t exist, what meaning would any of it have?

It would be meaningless.

Completely useless.

Everything originated from me.

I feared it.

I longed for it.

Everything…

Can only exist and be real because I give it meaning.

“A god created you. Then gave you missions, difficulties, and trials. If you overcome and conquer them, you receive rewards. The rewards are called heaven, honor, power, wisdom… happiness.”

Should I desire that?

Must I pursue that?

Why? For what reason?

“Heba. Who told you that you need salvation?”

“…”

“How is that any different from an adult giving food to a child who behaves well?”

If such a being is a god…

How is that different from someone who is just ahead of us, a little better, a little more impressive?

Someone with power, a bit more knowledge.

Born to live longer.

“Did you want to be born? Was there a need for you to be born?”

“I…”

“Did salvation and redemption need your existence? Or was it only you who needed them?”

You.

“…You weren’t born because you wanted to be. It wasn’t your will or intention.”

If there had been such will or intention…

That would be a different realm.

“Yet you live for the gods? You pray for them, worship them, and revere them?”

“…”

“And by doing so, has the god fulfilled your wishes? Has he answered your requests?”

“At least… the god before me now… has responded to me, hasn’t he?”

“Let me correct that misconception.”

Taking a deep breath,

I answered.

“I am a human like you. And I have never bestowed any grace upon you. That alone is the truth.”

I am.

Not any god you know.

“Let me ask again. God created the world. And molded you, as you said. I ask, why did he create you? Did he want you to suffer?”

Heba immediately objected.

“T-that can’t be! If that were the case… what difference would there be between him and an evil god?”

“I ask again. Then why did they create the world and you?”

“That’s…”

“To fulfill your requests? What about the countless other living beings and creatures? Do they ignore and turn away from them, but only listen to your hopes and requests? If so, you truly live a blessed life. Is that because you’re unique and special? Or just coincidence? Due to the god’s whim?”

“…”

“What if.”

If there’s a reason they created the world and you.

“What if the reason wasn’t to make you servants or slaves? What if that great being desperately wanted something from you?”

“…”

Heba’s eyes widened dramatically.

“If you weren’t created as a servant, then you’re not a helpless being who just repeatedly bows your head to them.”

You.

“You, none other than you, are the one who can fulfill your god’s wish. Only then do you become a chosen being, and only then can you finally stand beside them.”

Beyond a thousand years.

Beyond ten thousand years.

Kneeling for a lifetime.

Just bowing your head.

Nothing is achieved.

Except enduring, persevering, and bearing it.

“…”

They must surely…

Want us to accomplish something.

If not me, if not us…

I would be nothing, even to them.

Even to myself, the master of my own life.

“The reason for your birth was surely not to live like domesticated animals, just bowing your heads and accepting what’s given.”

So.

All that desperate struggling to look good to them, in reality, contains a terrible selfishness—wanting only oneself to be considered precious, valuable, and good.

Yet it was they who made us pursue this.

Then why did they give us will, free will?

If they wanted obedient servants, they shouldn’t have given us free will.

And even the free will, negative emotions, and evil hearts that could blaspheme, betray, and turn against them at any time.

“If prayer and bowing could accomplish everything, then he would truly be omnipotent.”

But a world that works that way would be unbearably boring, empty, and hollow.

“Also, if by being loyal, kneeling, and worshiping him, he gives me treasures… even an ordinary king could do that, as could those who possess wealth and power. Stretching it further, even a robber who’s a bit stronger than you could do it.”

What’s the difference between:

Flattering and bowing to a king to gain favor.

Flattering and bowing to a god to gain favor.

Begging a robber to spare your life.

If there’s a god who’s satisfied with that…

Wouldn’t that be the worshippers belittling, blaspheming, and desecrating the god?

If you believe your god will value you highly for such trivial acts…

That’s underestimating the god.

That’s degrading the god to something insignificant.

Why don’t they understand that?

Why don’t they think about it?

“…”

Suddenly, I turned my gaze to the Demon Lord.

…She was wearing an expression I’d never seen before.

-Kariel. You just…

Strange.

I wasn’t the kind of person to say such things.

Why, at this moment, am I so eloquently expressing thoughts I’ve never even consciously held?

No.

Perhaps these were doubts I’ve harbored my entire life.

Such things have been stored in my subconscious for a very long time.

“My god. No. You said you weren’t. Then… who are you? What should I call you?”

“…”

Strangely,

I had nothing to say.

I thought I should reveal my name, but

Somehow, that didn’t feel right.

So.

I simply answered like this.

“I am…”

A dark star.

A star as dark as pitch black.

The valley of dead stars.

A metaphysical spatial form where gravity has completely collapsed.

The abyss of the black star.

A long, deep pillar.

Starlight. Trajectory. Light that bites its own tail.

And.

…Chaos.

“One who chases the black star.”

In this moment of speaking, one thing became clear to me.

I…

For some reason, felt I had definitely crossed a line.

More precisely, I had traversed it,

That’s what I sensed.

But still.

I had only reached the entrance.

After climbing the mountain, I thought I had reached the summit.

But the mountain I climbed, compared to the sky…

Was just a tiny aspect of the vast ground below.

====

Come to think of it, even in the Irenis Church, some would occasionally speak of what the god desires or wants.

How many actually believed this to be the truth?

They likely knew it was just using god to achieve individual goals under the guise of religious authority.

-If this god determines everything, why does he ask us to decide? Why doesn’t god directly communicate his voice? If we choose for ourselves, we’ll fail, make mistakes, and end up with deep regrets. We might fail to achieve anything and become frustrated. We’d only produce results far from perfection and completeness. Yet still, why?

“…”

-Now you can answer. Tell me. Why did god give you free will?

“…”

To live freely?

To live happily?

To change the broken world? To transform it?

To live well?

To survive through evil means?

“The freedom to accept their world.”

Also, the attitude and stance toward them.

And sincerity. True intentions.

For example,

Not being dragged along to follow blindly, or being swayed by surroundings to obey mindlessly.

“To obey in the purest sense, to fulfill their intentions, to accomplish what they expect.”

-…Sigh.

“And the opposite as well.”

Will you stand beside them?

Or will you rebel against them?

The ruler of hell.

That brilliant morning star of the heavens, who in his own will and arrogance opposed the Lord of Heaven.

Yet in the scriptures, the Lord of Heaven, the Lord, was surprisingly calm when facing him.

What could be the reason?

For someone who should be eternally suffering as a criminal deserving universal condemnation.

That’s why some say:

The omnipotent One loved even him because He loves everyone.

And no matter how much he struggles and rages, he can’t harm the Lord at all—he’s just a weak being.

…I used to believe that.

But now I understand it differently.

Even that was His will.

-By understanding, you now add arrogance. You feel you could reach that level too. It’s a grand delusion, and many forerunners and prophets fell into that trap… slipping from the heights they had climbed. And falling from such heights is death itself. Not just any death, but a truly miserable one.

“Just because I understand something doesn’t mean I think it’s everything. And understanding doesn’t mean I need to become arrogant.”

-Yes. That’s… your greatest strength. That nature of yours.

That’s why you are the Holy Son.

Usually, when someone’s head grows that big, they commit the foolish act of truly believing they are a god.

In reality, they are nothing.

So, can you create heaven and earth? Can you create creatures?

“But I didn’t get to ask what I really needed to know.”

-Instead, you gained something greater, didn’t you?

…That’s true.

The Demon Lord immediately pressed on with her question.

-And now you understand roughly, don’t you?

“A little.”

I understand what destruction is.

“They were the Giant race not in this life, but in their previous life.”

That’s why they were promised victory, and by surrendering supremacy and the divine throne to the current gods…

They were promised eternal victory and prosperity.

But there was a condition.

Also…

Those who fell to them are not eternally fallen and defeated.

“Past lives, reincarnation… I know these are controversial topics in the Irenis Church.”

-What about me changing from an earth spirit to a demon realm being? Isn’t that a past life?

“But you have your memories intact.”

-Who said that? That my memories are intact?

“…?”

-Only one thing is intact. The original will I’ve pursued from the beginning.

I am.

-…Despite that, I just want to know why this world had to be born.

Gods or whatever, they’re just uninvited guests living on top of it all.

In the end, whether it’s the king of humans, the king of fairies, the king of pigs, the king of mice, the king of insects, or the king of rocks, trees, and water.

-Everything is bound to the world and existence. All of us.

So to discover the truth.

You must understand the world and approach the fundamental truth of how it was made and created.

-…Well. Now that the opportunity has flown away, it’s impossible for me.

“…”

Suddenly.

I asked about a doubt I had felt earlier.

“Could you, perhaps, become a god right now if you wanted to?”

I asked.