Ch.165Chapter 165. Wavering Heart (2)

“……What?”

I asked again, wondering if I had misheard something.

But she, without changing her expression, simply repeated what she had said to me.

“Tonight, stay by my side. That is my order to you, Swen.”

Serpina said this, then chuckled and slowly emptied her glass.

So… is she asking me to stay with her tonight?

“Are you perhaps requesting an escort?”

“If that was a joke you prepared, I’m sorry, but it’s not very funny.”

“No… I wasn’t joking…”

Of course, I had no intention of making jokes.

I didn’t really think she was asking for an escort either.

‘Surely not…’

Serpina stared at me intently, then let out an amused laugh.

“If I were to say that I’m requesting your company for the night, would you be angry?”

“I wouldn’t be angry. How could I be angry with my lord?”

“Huhuhuh. Swen. Despite your words, your expression looks quite troubled. Perhaps I’m not very attractive to you?”

“…That’s not the issue.”

“I want an answer to my question.”

I swallowed a sigh, and decided to play along with her for now.

“My lord, you are an extremely attractive person. I’m sure others feel the same, and of course, so do I.”

“Then why do you look so flustered?”

It wasn’t that I disliked her, but getting deeply involved would be dangerous.

Especially in this situation—touching my lord while she was intoxicated.

I had no family name, no power backing me. It meant I could be eliminated if things went wrong.

Even if things went well, that would be a problem too. She couldn’t unify the continent. She was destined to eventually be defeated by Lunarian. I would have to leave her someday, and if I became too deeply involved with her, I could foresee various complications without having to predict them.

In other words, there was no need to throw myself into a minefield, seduced by a woman’s charms.

Even though the citrus scent lingering on my lips all day was stirring my heart more strongly than ever—

This was a time when I needed to resist.

“…You’re very drunk, my lord.”

“Are you avoiding me? I am being quite serious.”

“I’m not avoiding you. If you truly have sincere feelings, wouldn’t it be better to discuss this when both our minds are clear?”

Serpina’s pupils dilated slightly when she heard my words.

Good. Taking advantage of her momentary weakness, I tried to smoothly change the subject.

“Therefore, while I cannot serve you for the night, I can spend time with you. I’m not busy anyway.”

“You are a more upright man than I thought. Or perhaps someone else already occupies your heart.”

“…”

“I have more to say, but I won’t. I don’t want to earn your hatred. Didn’t I say that I want to make you mine? I will try my best to win your heart.”

After saying this and letting out another chuckle, she emptied her glass again—

I took a sip of wine as well.

The grape flavor mixed with the bitter aroma pleasantly flowed down my throat.

Afterward, we exchanged glances without saying anything.

I maintained silence, not carelessly starting a conversation.

It seemed like now was not the time for me to speak, but rather to listen to her.

After a few minutes had passed—

Serpina carefully parted her lips.

“Swen. I am… very lonely.”

Serpina’s eyes fixed on the empty wine glass.

Like a sinner who had come to a confessional, she murmured in a somewhat sad tone.

“I’ve been running non-stop with the sole mission of rebuilding the fallen empire. It was fine having no one by my side. A ruler must overcome loneliness. Whether I wanted it or not, I was born with Einhart blood, so I thought these were burdens I naturally had to bear, and that’s how I’ve come this far.”

I slowly refilled her empty glass.

She silently accepted it and drank. This entire process flowed very naturally.

“One of the things I vowed to do as a ruler rebuilding the empire was to trust everyone who became my ally, no matter what. They are people who work solely for me in these chaotic times. But… already so many times, so many people have left me. In their final moments, they always cursed me. From those same mouths that once discussed the future with me… it didn’t take long for blades to emerge aimed at me, which is truly ridiculous.”

“My lord…”

“Yesterday, all the rebels were executed. I can’t forget those hate-filled eyes staring at me—the same people who had sworn loyalty to me countless times. I… am in pain. It feels like all of this happened because of my own mistakes, and the thought that I could have prevented it but failed due to my foolishness keeps haunting me.”

Serpina emptied her glass again.

Had she been continuously witnessing the betrayal of her generals?

What must it feel like to realize that those who pledged complete loyalty are secretly sharpening their knives to kill you?

And repeatedly, at intervals of just a few months.

An ordinary person would have lost their mind long ago. I don’t think I could have remained sane either.

Until she reached this state, had she relied not on people but on alcohol? The thought made me feel a bit sympathetic toward her.

“I don’t know how many times this has happened. Carrying on Sidmid’s will, inheriting Algot’s intentions… whenever I feel the ghosts of my dead brothers hovering around me for years… I can’t help but question whether I’m doing the right thing. Can you understand my doubts about whether this position I occupy is truly meant for me?”

Serpina’s golden eyes looked incredibly lonely as she spoke.

She always displayed an unapproachable charisma, but at this moment, she seemed very vulnerable.

Perhaps like Lady Irene in those days when she repeatedly affirmed her loyalty under the Brans army.

Back then, Lady Irene seemed so fragile that one wrong touch might break her, and Serpina now appeared the same way.

“Swen, answer me. How much more blood must I swallow? Just for sitting in a position that was merely given to me, how many more allies—not enemies, but those who once worked with me—must I send away… with my own hands?”

“…”

I tried inputting her question, just in case.

As expected, only a meaningless answer was output: [Unknown].

How nice it would have been if I could have told her something plausible here.

“Yes. I know. I… shouldn’t be weakened by such things. I know I’m sitting in a position that doesn’t allow for it. I… inherited the will of Einhart. I bear the mission to unify this continent…”

Serpina said this and then wore a very bitter smile.

What should I say to her?

I organized a model answer in my head.

‘My lord, you must strengthen your resolve. If you waver, they will become more emboldened, and the discipline of the state will collapse… That should do it.’

Yes.

I could have simply found what would be considered a model answer and said it as is.

“…My lord.”

“Speak.”

“I won’t tell you to strengthen your heart… You’ve probably heard that enough from others, and you know it best yourself.”

Looking at her desolate eyes—

I simply couldn’t offer a “calculated answer.”

“These are chaotic times. Nevertheless, no one becomes accustomed to killing others. I think that in such situations, to keep finding strength, one needs moments to pause. So…”

“Perhaps for just today, allowing yourself to be vulnerable might be one approach.”

“…”

I looked around, then took an empty glass from the cabinet and filled it with wine.

“You said you ‘shouldn’t be weakened by such things,’ but we’re talking about killing dozens of people, former allies at that. Learning that those you trusted were pointing swords at you. I know it’s not a light burden. Whether you’re a ruler of a nation or an ordinary person, not many can easily take the lives of others.”

“Swen…”

Was it simple compassion?

Or was it an act to win her favor?

Or perhaps… what exactly was this emotion I was feeling?

One thing was certain: I wanted to be her strength right now.

Beyond everything else, this was the one fact that shone clearly.

Serpina silently looked at me with her flushed, intoxicated face for a while—

Then slowly parted her lips.

“Swen. Won’t you stay with me?”

“As I said, I serve you in the Serpina army. Is that not enough?”

“…Will you not leave my side?”

“Of course—”

How nice it would have been if I could have said, “I won’t.”

But those words simply refused to emerge from my throat.

I… couldn’t lie to the crumbling Serpina before me.

“Swen. You may not understand, but… my life has been a continuous series of days where I couldn’t trust anyone wholeheartedly. The general I trusted called me a witch and was desperate to kill me, and the advisor who always gave reliable counsel was plotting to assassinate me behind my back. They always begged me to trust them, and I did. Of course, I granted all their requests too… but the results were always the same. They all left my side.”

“But you were different. You didn’t force me to trust you. Instead, you showed me through results. Without seeking any reward from me, naturally and subtly, making sure your achievements weren’t too obvious… that’s how you nipped rebellion in the bud twice, and even saved my life.”

Of course I couldn’t demand trust.

The reason was simple: even I didn’t know the basis for that trust.

It was just how things were, but apparently it came across as something very special to Serpina.

“I only did what needed to be done.”

“Yes. I thought you would say that. If you had demanded something in return, perhaps I could have held onto you…”

She said this with a bitter smile, then shook her head.

“No. I still have time left.”

“Time, my lord?”

“Swen, time to persuade you.”

She said this and smiled again.

Strangely, it struck me as an innocent, childlike smile.

“It’s embarrassing to bring this up myself, but I am quite a decent woman. If I can just win your heart, you wouldn’t leave even if I told you to, would you? Huhuhuh.”

Serpina said this and held out her glass to me.

I easily understood that she wanted to clink glasses.

The clear sound of glass touching filled the quiet room.

“You said earlier that you’d be fine spending time with me today, right? I’d like you to keep that promise, Swen.”

“Understood.”

And so I spent the night with her.

Honestly, I could have refused if I wanted to, and she likely would have let me go without trying to upset me—

But right now, I wanted to be the one to stay by her side as she wavered so much.

The reason—

‘She said she merely sat in a position given to her…’

That sentence she uttered so fleetingly.

Perhaps until she rose to that position, there were circumstances I didn’t know—

No, that no one knew.

Anyway.

The decision to stay by her side was entirely my own.

I couldn’t deny that my heart, which had only contained Luna, was now wavering just a little.