Ch.162157 – Seol Yun-seul

This is a story from before I became the Kariri Queen.

“Completely useless from start to finish. What have you ever done right to look at me like that, you burden!”

I thought at least my mother wouldn’t betray me.

The mother who had protected me from my father, who would get drunk every day and become violent, was now throwing ceramic bowls at my face.

The shattered pottery lay scattered across the floor in dozens of pieces.

Blood trickled from my forehead and cheek down to my chin, dripping steadily, but I couldn’t bring myself to look up.

Perhaps those broken ceramic pieces represented my heart at that moment.

I left home again.

As I told my mother, I quit being a trainee and terminated my contract with the agency by mutual agreement.

And the process was surprisingly smooth.

I guess all that talk about my debut being imminent was just lies.

It was another shock to realize the company had never had any expectations for me from the beginning.

I cried pathetically while eating my first sausage bread in five years.

My first meal, sitting on a playground swing watching the sunset.

I wanted to believe my throat was closing up because I was wolfing down the bread too quickly.

“Hic… hic… waaaaaah…”

Five whole years just disappeared…

What do I even have left?

Thighs with burst blood vessels from forcing myself to do splits,

Knowing how to properly clean full-length mirrors with glass cleaner,

At best, the skills to sing somewhat impressively and maintain pretty dance lines?

I had no friends since I didn’t attend school, and now the thought of going back seemed impossible—how could I handle magic studies when I didn’t even understand basic math?

I felt like a piece of garbage tossed into this world.

Like a worthless pebble on the street with no value or use.

At least pebbles don’t have thoughts.

While I carry these stupid thoughts of wanting to die every day.

Maybe I’m just stupid.

The doctor says I’m not, but maybe I am.

How could someone with so many disqualifications become an idol?

A fourteen-year-old student had nowhere to go, so I had no choice but to return home.

I’d heard about runaway families, but I was too scared to even go near such places.

In the end, back in that house filled with shouting, I locked my bedroom door, pulled the blanket over my head, and logged into my secret hideout as always.

[I’m a ruined 8th grader…]

I posted my story in detail, but there wasn’t much response.

There were plenty of people whose lives were even more ruined than mine.

Seeing them gave me momentary comfort thinking “at least I shouldn’t end up like that,” but it wasn’t enough to drive away the severe depression that kept returning.

“I want to die…”

Then one day, someone left a comment.

-lol your life is properly ruined hahaha

Who doesn’t know that?

I didn’t even have the energy to argue back, just scrolling down with dead eyes.

And when I refreshed the page,

-Easiest ways to recover when your life is ruined: if you don’t do at least one of these, just kys

1. All-in on crypto: Chances are less than 1% but maybe you’re that lucky one lmao

2. Deep-sea fishing vessel: A reliable job that will NEVER be replaced by AI or robots!

3. Clinical trial part-time: If regular part-time jobs aren’t enough, maybe you’re just not looking hard enough?

4. Military enlistment: They pay well! At least the money’s good! Overseas deployment pays double!

5. VTuber: The good-looking and talented people don’t come here anyway. If you’re starting from zero, this is your only answer lol

“Ugh… it’s that regular commenter.”

There’s someone who consistently comments on these kinds of posts.

I don’t even know why they do it. Maybe to feel superior.

Among the words I would normally ignore, the term “VTuber” particularly caught my eye.

During my grueling trainee days, I occasionally watched various VTuber streams online.

If it were me… couldn’t I succeed?

I’m not sure where that vague confidence came from.

And when I opened the app to look for VTuber videos on VTube.

[VTube Recommended Video: (Documentary) Honey Badgers Have No Natural Predators!]

The title was the complete opposite of fragile me, who was like that broken pottery.

Yes, this is it.

* * *

Kariri had served her purpose well as an excellent substitute for Yoonseul.

The character Yoonseul created had an internally strong personality with no hesitation.

But that became meaningless after Chena’s death last year.

Panic attacks, which she had never experienced while being Kariri, kept happening even during virtual reality connections.

And today, after fleeing from the team scrim,

She wanted to say it was beyond her control, but she couldn’t.

“…”

Only the quiet clinking of dishes at the kitchen table echoed through the apartment.

The lights in the living room and bedroom were all turned off.

The siblings were eating dinner by the light of a single small lamp.

But her younger brother, Seol Tae-yang, disliking this gloomy atmosphere, put down his chopsticks with a clack.

“I’m not going home tonight.”

“Why?”

“How can I leave when you’re like this?”

“I’m… I’m fine, it’s not like this is the first time…”

“Today was especially bad. Don’t you think so too?”

“…”

Yoonseul’s reddened eyes were lined with visible blood vessels.

“Then I’ll call mom and let her know.”

She was living separately from her parents. This was Seol Yoon-seul’s house.

She couldn’t stand the endless fighting between her parents, with dishes, golf clubs, and occasionally even knives flying around the house.

And her middle school second-year brother, Seol Tae-yang, would occasionally visit Yoonseul’s place like this to enjoy a sense of freedom.

“What did mom say?”

“She cursed.”

“Your stuff?”

“I came straight from academy, so I’ll just go to school from here tomorrow.”

“Do whatever you want. Not eating more dinner?”

“Nah. You’re such a terrible cook.”

“I… I made this for you and this is how you thank me, you little brat…?”

“Yep, nice self-burn.”

“You’re doing the dishes!”

Yoonseul glared at him.

Tae-yang, who had been about to lie down on the sofa for some leisure time, had no choice but to put on rubber gloves.

In this house owned 100% by Yoonseul, Tae-yang was definitely at the bottom of the hierarchy.

“Why doesn’t noona buy a dishwasher when you’re rich?”

“I always think about buying one but… waaah it’s all too troublesooome.”

“Even ordering one is too much trouble? Noona, you should really try to fix that lethargy.”

Tae-yang’s advice was sincere, but Yoonseul pretended not to hear.

She had no interest in anything unrelated to her main occupation.

Using a VR capsule was dangerous for someone with panic disorder, but VR was actually perfect for treating Yoonseul’s depression, so Tae-yang couldn’t completely object.

“Why did you have to lie like that? You could have just said you were sick.”

All that nonsense about doorbells and deliveries.

Adding unnecessary details only made the situation worse.

If she had just said she was sick and couldn’t play, everyone would have understood.

“Kariri is never sick.”

“Huh, still roleplaying?”

“You try being in that situation… when your mind goes blank and you can’t think of anything. I… I did my best…!”

The TV that Tae-yang had turned on was still streaming NoName’s broadcast.

Yoonseul lay upside down on the sofa, her black hair touching the floor in a strange position.

With Kariri’s sudden departure causing the scrim to be canceled, everyone was now receiving feedback from their coaches and managers.

NoName was quietly playing ranked games, either because she had already taught everything or had nothing to teach.

“Isn’t NoName cool?” Tae-yang proudly called from the kitchen.

Every time he visited Yoonseul’s house, he would talk about how NoName destroyed pro League players, or claim he was a “senior member” of NoName’s chat room.

“Yeah. I wonder how someone like her exists.”

Although she had been forced to watch the stream at her brother’s insistence, she found NoName’s broadcasts surprisingly fresh and innovative.

Everyone probably thought the same thing—is she really 14 years old?

She had been surprised when she heard that one of her own songs was used as the opening for NoName’s broadcast.

“You’re not thinking of quitting streaming, are you?”

“Are you crazy…? Hey, your allowance comes from what I earn streaming, you brat!”

“Okay, okay! Sorry!”

“Sigh… I shouldn’t even bother.”

Seol Tae-yang was imitating phrases Kariri often used. He was more mature than other kids his age.

Yoonseul suddenly thought that perhaps he was deliberately trying to lighten the mood.

Just as she was thinking this, Tae-yang, having finished the dishes, came over and kicked Yoonseul, who was precariously perched on the sofa, and took her spot.

“Move. This is my spot.”

THUD-

“Seriously, Seol Tae-yang…! You wanna die?”

“Not particularly.”

So much for being mature! At this rate, it might have been better to send him home.

“Where are you going? Not watching more of the stream?”

“No. I’m going to bed.”

“Already? Don’t check any community sites today, okay?”

“I wasn’t going to…!”

Back in her room, Yoonseul sighed deeply and turned on her phone.

Despite her brother’s advice, she couldn’t stop ego-surfing by searching her name.

For Kariri, this was almost like a ritual.

But even though she could roughly anticipate it mentally, all the negative emotions pouring out from people were too much for one person to handle.

“Haah…”

Kariri had always been known for her frequent unannounced absences.

It wasn’t often, but the occasional panic symptoms were making it increasingly difficult to maintain the concept.

She knew that even if she took sleeping pills, she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep just lying there.

Still, it was easier to be Kariri than Seol Yoon-seul, so she entered the capsule again.

Because a honey badger would never get hurt.

[NoName has sent you an invitation. (2/3)]

What’s this now?

[Kariri: What’s this? Did my Namei miss me and contact me?]

[NoName: Want to go to an amusement park together?]

[Kariri: ?]

An amusement park?

Yoonseul frowned at NoName’s sudden suggestion.

Was she talking about a VR space?

But why now of all times?

[Kariri: Are you streaming?]

[NoName: No.]

[Kariri: Who’s the other person?]

[NoName: Adella.]