Ch.161Chapter 24. Flesh (6)

—And so, the current situation came to be.

Yuka, who had burst through the door and frozen in place, finally seemed to regain her senses and spoke.

“Senpai, what are you doing right now…?”

Though she had regained her senses, it wasn’t completely.

Yuka’s eyes moved from Kaoru’s face to Izumi’s face sitting next to her, then to their fingers.

Both Kaoru and Izumi had their index fingers placed on a coin. Under the coin was a paper with the fifty sounds table written on it.

And above that was an inverted pentagram with a circle drawn around it.

“Don’t tell me—”

“No, it’s not like that!”

When Yuka opened her mouth with an astonished expression, Kaoru reacted intensely. Still, she didn’t remove her finger from the coin. Izumi, sitting across from her, flinched but likewise kept her finger in place.

“I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not like that!”

This time, Izumi also showed a slightly suspicious expression. In truth, she had also wondered if Kaoru was just playing around when she saw her writing out the fifty sounds table.

“I just wanted to ask!”

“…What?”

Yuka asked back in a dumbfounded voice.

“She left without even saying goodbye to everyone else! We don’t know why, right? I thought I’d never be able to let go of this burden if I didn’t at least ask what happened and if there’s anything we could do…”

“…”

Yuka’s face turned pale as she listened.

Her gaze was fixed on the coin.

“…Yuka?”

Izumi asked cautiously.

“Don’t you feel the same way?”

Kaoru spoke somewhat pressingly.

“You… were Kotone’s closest friend.”

Hearing those words, Yuka’s gaze slowly rose to meet Kaoru’s face.

“Aren’t you frustrated not knowing why Kotone ended up like that?”

Yuka stared at Kaoru for a while without saying anything.

Izumi seemed to be getting a bit anxious. Yuka with no expression was a little scary.

She wasn’t sure what Yuka was holding in her hand. The long object wrapped in thick cloth was something Yuka often carried, but she had never actually seen what was inside.

Usually, she just ignored it.

But somehow, looking at Yuka now, it didn’t seem like an ordinary object.

“Yuka?”

Izumi carefully moved her lips.

“Kaoru is right. We… We’re also sad about losing Kotone. So…”

After remaining silent for a while, Yuka took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. Then she closed her eyes as if trying to calm herself.

Was she sensing something? After standing like that for a while, Yuka slowly opened her eyes again.

“…So, did it work?”

Kaoru’s eyes blinked at Yuka’s question.

“Uh, well… I’m not really sure. Do you sense something?”

The previous “success” was not something Kaoru or Izumi could feel. When they came to their senses, the coin had already moved. And the moved coin didn’t really show much information.

“Yes.”

Yuka answered.

Thud.

The object Yuka had been holding fell to the floor. As if entranced by something, Yuka approached the two of them, leaving the object behind.

Up close, Yuka’s face was a mess. Her skin was dry and completely devoid of color. Beyond just being in a bad mood, she looked like she had health problems.

And above all, the shadows under her eyes revealed how exhausted she was.

Perhaps Yuka knew something about Kotone?

Kaoru had such thoughts, but she had no intention of removing her hand from the coin.

The world that Yuka and Kotone belonged to was far removed from the ordinary world. Naturally, Kaoru hadn’t known such a world existed until she got involved.

A hidden world unknown to others.

…She knew Yuka wasn’t a bad person. And she didn’t dislike her.

But would Yuka give a proper answer if Kaoru asked her about it?

Seeing Yuka approach, Kaoru pressed her finger down harder. She even broke into a cold sweat when Yuka placed her hand on the desk.

But Yuka simply placed her finger on the remaining space of the coin.

“…Yuka?”

When Kaoru spoke in a slightly surprised voice, Yuka looked down at the coin expressionlessly and said:

“Let’s continue.”

“…Will you be okay?”

Kaoru asked. The atmosphere was different from before.

Yuka… still looked extremely exhausted, but there was something eerie about her expression.

“Okay?”

Yuka raised her head to look at Kaoru.

No emotion could be felt from her eyes. So, Kaoru was convinced that Yuka was deliberately hiding her emotions. She was the kind of person who would become this emaciated over losing a friend. In such a situation, showing no emotion wasn’t due to a lack of emotion but a deliberate effort to hide it.

“Did you think it was okay when you started this, Kaoru-senpai?”

“…Well, not exactly.”

“I don’t think it’s okay either.”

Yuka’s voice slightly overlapped with the end of Kaoru’s hesitant voice.

“Calling the dead back to the world, or trying to hear some story… such things usually lead to bad endings.”

Kaoru felt that too. She had almost experienced it firsthand.

“But even so.”

Yuka’s gaze fell again.

“I also want to hear. What Kotone wanted to say…”

“…”

Kaoru stared blankly at Yuka.

“That’s right.”

Izumi said quietly.

Her gaze was also directed at the coin where the three people’s fingers were gathered.

It was just a coin on a paper with letters arranged—

“Kotone wouldn’t do anything bad to us, right?”

—but her voice sounded as if Kotone was sitting right there beyond it.

“…I should mention that there’s no guarantee the entity answering is definitely Kotone.”

Yuka said.

“So trusting the answers too much…”

The atmosphere became a bit heavier again at Yuka’s words.

“Phew.”

After seeming to contemplate for a while, Kaoru let out a small sigh and said:

“Alright. I’ll keep that in mind. Then… I’ll start.”

Kaoru swallowed once and looked at Yuka.

“So… you can sense something?”

Yuka nodded.

“Then that means the summoning was successful, right? So…”

Kaoru said.

Originally, such rituals have many “reasons why they don’t work” in the middle. That’s natural if the ritual is “real.” After all, if it were easy to talk to the dead, there would be enormous problems all over the world.

Conversely, even if it’s “fake,” it’s the same. It didn’t work for various reasons, but there should at least be a loophole suggesting it’s not fake, right?

In fact, even in the current situation, there were quite a few things that could have broken it in the middle, but judging by Yuka’s response…

“If there’s something you want to ask, you can ask.”

Kaoru shook off her distracting thoughts and spoke in a slightly trembling voice.

“Um…”

Izumi made such a sound, looking like she didn’t know what to say.

In fact, Kaoru felt the same way.

Even if the ritual had truly succeeded and connected to the other world, and the entity on the other side was Kotone.

…How could one ask such a heartless question like “Tell us how you died” to such a Kotone?

“Are you okay?” The other person was already not okay. It’s questionable if she had ever been okay.

“We’re doing fine.” Saying such things to someone who’s already dead and in the afterlife would be like taunting them.

I wish I could see you. I wish Kotone was okay. I wish the story I heard was a lie—

It felt like her heart was dropping.

The fact that Yuka had such an expression, and that she was cooperating so naturally in this situation, seemed like evidence that Kotone had… really ended up like that.

It was a realization that came too late, but once she had that thought, it felt like her throat was completely blocked.

“…”

Izumi seemed to feel the same way.

After thinking of various things to say, she seemed to have become sad again, with tears about to overflow from her eyes. Her lips were moving, but judging by her trembling fingers, it seemed like just maintaining this posture was overwhelming for her.

“W-well, first—”

Let’s at least check.

As Kaoru was about to say that,

“…May I speak?”

Yuka hastily spoke up. It didn’t seem like she was deliberately trying to cut off Kaoru’s words. It was just an unfortunate timing where they both spoke at the same time.

Kaoru and Izumi looked at each other, then at Yuka.

“Y-yes. Go ahead…”

When Kaoru barely managed to speak, Yuka nodded.

She closed her eyes tightly and opened them again.

After taking several deep breaths, Yuka slowly exhaled and said in a trembling voice:

“…I’m sorry.”

That was what Yuka said.

“If I hadn’t been there at that time…”

Kaoru held her breath.

She remained motionless, her gaze fixed on Yuka.

Yuka continued in a trembling voice:

“If I hadn’t been holding a knife there— It’s all my fault.”

Yuka’s voice was now clearly sobbing.

Izumi’s eyes were darting around. As if she didn’t know how to take this situation.

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry…”

Yuka said again in a sobbing voice.

That wasn’t a standard question.

Normally, questions have an order. You need to confirm if the other person is a woman, a man, or if they’re somewhere here right now. Even if the other person is lying, as Yuka had said earlier, it’s still necessary.

Was that why Yuka thought so? Or maybe she just wanted to cling to something.

Would there be an answer even after skipping all the intermediate steps?

“…”

As if following Kaoru’s concern, there was no answer for a while.

Kaoru didn’t know what to do. In this situation, only Yuka could tell if things were going properly, but Yuka looked like she would have collapsed if she wasn’t supporting herself on the desk with her other arm.

But removing her finger from the coin was scary. It wasn’t because of the side effects that might come from the failure of the ritual. Rather, she was afraid of not getting an answer, of not getting a proper answer from Kotone.

“…Ah!”

The first person to shout was Izumi.

The three people’s hands were moving.

More precisely, the coin was moving.

Kaoru opened her eyes wide. Tears that had welled up in her eyes rolled down.

Yuka was also staring at the coin with her eyes wide open.

The coin moved slowly—

It’s okay.

It formed such a word.

Kaoru’s heart beat fiercely. Izumi also had her eyes wide open. Her glasses were probably already blurred with tears.

“Kotone—”

Yuka called out in a tearful voice, but the coin didn’t stop moving.

Dragging the three people’s fingers, the coin moved strongly as if to say don’t think like that, and formed the word:

Sorry.

“S-sorry?”

Yuka said.

“No, Kotone, you don’t have to be sorry—”

It’s okay.

Once again, Kotone answered.

“Kotone!”

Kaoru shouted.

“Really? Are you really…!”

The coin hesitated.

For a while, thinking Kotone had left, Kaoru waited for a response while trembling.

I’m sorry.

The answer was the same this time too.

“S-sorry…”

Izumi responded as if squeezing out her voice.

Yuka was trembling with her left arm. It seemed like that arm would soon be unable to support Yuka’s body leaning forward.

Yuka.

It’s not your fault.

It’s okay.

Don’t worry.

Was it because the answers couldn’t be heard? Was Kotone on the other side also worried about them?

Watching the coin form such words one after another, Yuka was sobbing.

“Kotone, please…”

Yuka murmured.

The coin hesitated once more.

After staying still for a long time, as if speaking strongly, the coin slowly but surely moved to each letter.

It’s okay.

Really.

It’s not your fault.

It’s okay.

Could the entity be another being that can only say such things?

But even while thinking that, at the same time—

Without even asking for the other person’s name—

All three of them thought that the one answering would be “Kotone.”

“Kotone… I…”

Yuka opened her mouth as if to say something.

But soon, she dropped her head weakly.

“…Has she left?”

Kaoru asked cautiously.

Yuka nodded slightly.

And then, as if collapsing, she knelt down.

Kneeling on the floor, gripping the desk tightly with both hands, with her head bowed over it, she looked truly pitiful.

Kotone removed her finger from the coin.

Izumi did the same.

The truth of the conversation that Yuka and Kotone had just now is unknown. What wrong could Yuka have done to make Kotone end up like that? Kaoru found it hard to imagine.

But there was one thing for certain.

Kotone didn’t think it was wrong.

Whether Yuka would tell the story or not was unknown.

But whatever story she heard, Kaoru… well, honestly, even Kaoru herself didn’t know how she would react to Yuka.

But still, she would try.

…Because Kotone did too.

Kaoru and Izumi approached Yuka, who was kneeling on the floor.

And sitting side by side on either side of her, they placed their hands on Yuka’s shoulders.

The three of them sat leaning on each other for a long time.

*

“It’s not your fault, Yuka!”

I shouted.

I don’t know how to answer.

In fact, I’m not sure if my answers were properly heard.

The voices of Kaoru, Izumi, and Yuka gradually became quieter, until they finally became inaudible.

I closed my eyes and concentrated, trying to get as close as possible to those voices.

And with my mouth, I kept shouting:

“I’m okay! So you too…!”

My throat hurt. After coughing a few times, I took a breath to answer again.

“I think that’s enough.”

Kuro, sitting in front of me, said.

“You can’t hear their voices anymore, right? Then, no matter how many times you shout here, it won’t be conveyed.”

I know. No, I don’t know exactly how it works. But still, I could tell that the three of them were no longer by my side…

The feeling of being connected to consciousness somewhere, the feeling of moving something with my hands, was now completely gone.

Curled up on a boat drifting in the middle of the vast sea, I was breathing heavily.

“Do you want to go back?”

“…Of course.”

Though Kuro asked in a gentle voice, my answer had a bit of an edge to it.

I raised my head to look at Kuro and said:

“Of course I want to go back.”

“Meow.”

Kuro made a meowing sound and then said:

“What if it’s not so positive in that world?”

“…What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said.”

Kuro said.

“Think about what entity your body was connected to.”

“…Can Nirlas interfere when I return to my body?”

“Well.”

Kuro continued to throw enigmatic words.

The path to the moon of this world.

Quite some time had passed since we left Ultar, went to the port city of Dallas Rin, got a boat, and started sailing in one direction.

The boat was big enough for the two of us to sit on, but honestly, being in the middle of the sea like this was a bit scary. Well, right now, I’ve had such a shocking experience that even that fear has flown away.

…Kaoru’s ability seemed to be much stronger than I thought.

“Let me ask you again, what do you think about death?”

“…When the heart stops?”

“Then you’re already dead in that world. Alright, now let’s think a bit more religiously. In this case, what do you think about death?”

“Religiously, it would be when the soul leaves the body.”

Most religions say so.

As I calmed down from my heavy breathing and sat down, Kuro continued the conversation.

“Then, you’re still alive. After all, this is the world of dreams. You either find a passage here by falling into a deep sleep, or you find a passage to cross over from the real world with your body intact. Since you didn’t bring your body, it’s obviously the former.”

“…”

I frowned, trying to process the sudden influx of information.

“So, are you saying I’m in a vegetative state or something?”

“Death is such a strange concept.”

Instead of directly answering my question, Kuro licked his front paws and replied. Or was that an answer? It looked a bit strange to see his tongue moving outside while hearing his voice.

“Saying it’s not ‘death’ when the brain dies. And then saying ‘alive’ while pumping the heart diligently. In such a situation, does it seem right to consider the body alive?”

“…You’re starting to annoy me a bit.”

“Just as the concept of god differs in each myth, the concept of death also differs for each person who speaks of it. So, you might not actually be dead.”

“…”

“The prophecy said, right? You die to the one who believes. But this guy named Kudan only prophesies about events that can be considered disasters.”

I stared at Kuro.

“Oh, but what was the way to prevent it? Right, ‘think once more’? Hmm, it seems like Yuka thought once more. By the way, who could be the one you believe in?”

Meow.

Kuro let out a meowing sound.

“Is believing just about trust? I’m not sure.”