Ch.158Chapter 158

Who am I?

I’ve always wondered this since I came into existence.

I knew everything, yet knew nothing at all. I simply came into being, and because I existed, I became a meaningless life form that merely lived.

The knowledge needed to survive was instinctively embedded within me. I wondered if this instinct might also be knowledge engraved from somewhere.

Though I questioned, no one provided answers.

I stood here alone, merely gazing at the trees.

Since I had no need to eat or sleep, I spent more time doing nothing than anything else.

When I observed mountain beasts eating and returning to their homes to sleep, I realized I was different from them.

I never felt hungry, nor did I ever feel full. I never grew drowsy, nor did I have limits to my stamina.

I was different from other beasts.

So who am I? That question accelerated.

Now that I knew I was different from beasts, I needed to know what kind of being I was. I was curious about my own existence.

But as always, there was no one anywhere to provide that answer.

At first, I simply spent time existing.

After several snowfalls passed and time flowed by, when my small body grew larger and I could view the world from a higher place.

I left the mountain. I abandoned the small world that had been my entire existence and went outside.

I couldn’t stay with the beasts. I determined there was no common ground with creatures that eat and sleep. If there were beings that didn’t do those things, they would truly be my kind.

I thought I might discover what I was.

When I left, there were those who looked similar to me. However, they too continued living like beasts, eating and sleeping. They even feared me.

I seemed to have the same appearance as them. I wondered if my reflection in puddles differed from my actual appearance.

But that wasn’t it. People simply questioned my existence and feared me.

That day, I didn’t find my kind. But I clearly learned who I was.

I was a Demon God. Those who looked like me were humans.

We appeared similar. We weren’t identical, but we both stood on two feet and used two arms. However, they lived like beasts, while I lived as myself.

I couldn’t ignore such a stark difference. It was the moment I realized we were biologically different. Moreover, these humans even feared me.

Emotions that began as fear transformed into hostility. Perhaps they didn’t want their fellow humans to feel the fear they experienced. I was alone, while they formed groups, so I thought that might be why.

It wasn’t that I was particularly broad-minded. I simply turned away because they rejected me.

I hadn’t gone to check who was superior, so there was no need for competition. I hadn’t gone to determine who was stronger, so there was no need to use force.

But what was disappointing was that they didn’t accept me.

Humans were creatures who, like beasts, ate, slept, and continued their lives that way. Unlike beasts, however, they gathered in groups and created things. Humans were probably the only ones who made objects purely for enjoyment.

But, unfortunately, I wasn’t invited.

So I had no choice but to turn away.

I was a Demon God.

That was my first realization. It was also the answer to what I was. When I realized I was a Demon God, not human, I felt a piece within me tighten strongly.

A feeling that I was gradually establishing myself. A feeling of laying the cornerstone for the tower of my identity.

Who am I? I could now answer that question.

Time passed. I saw cherry blossoms hundreds of times, and consequently, autumn leaves hundreds of times as well. I wasted, consumed, discarded, and spent days with trees that showed off their pink and red colors.

I confirmed that even if I died, I wouldn’t truly die, but would return to an adult form based on some point. I was a Demon God. Simultaneously, I was one who cycles. A perfect life form, I named myself Ouroboros.

However, even though the name existed, I was the only one who remembered it, and there was no one anywhere to call me by it.

It was futile. Once again, I thought of human groups. I wondered if my self-given name might be called if I lived like them, but knowing it was an unattainable dream, I immediately gave up.

Rather than spending time meaninglessly, I tried sleeping like humans do. After repeating this many times.

I lost meaning in life. To be precise, it never existed in the first place. I became aware again that I was merely a being living because I was born.

Isn’t this meaningless?

Even after thousands of days. Even after tens of thousands of days, nothing about me changed.

I knew who I was and had defined what I was. But I couldn’t understand why I existed. Why I had to continue this life.

Perhaps that’s why I chose death.

So I chose death. I couldn’t find any other beings like me, Demon Gods, and I was always lonely, spending time alone like this, so I wanted to end everything out of frustration.

But I was a perfect life form, Ouroboros.

True to my self-definition, I didn’t die. Even if I died, I would only become younger, not reaching death. When I became as young as possible, I would return to adulthood, giving me life again.

Was this also meaningless?

Then what in my life had meaning?

Embracing a sense of futility and choosing death, what caught my eye was the Professor.

In the blink of an eye, I lost consciousness again, and in another blink, I awoke to face a new world.

A world I somehow encountered. I stepped into the world I had longed for so much, a world where someone other than myself existed.

At first, I was bewildered, but after realizing I could come this far with Ourr’s help, I felt grateful.

If I had been alone, I would have probably remained by myself, repeating death with a body that couldn’t die, but Ourr’s existence freed me from that cycle.

I am different now.

I used to be someone who didn’t need to consume nutrients or satisfy hunger. Now I consider eating a pleasure.

I didn’t need to sleep either. I didn’t feel fatigue, nor did I need to replenish energy. But now, I fall asleep once a day when the time comes.

When everyone goes to sleep, I too seek sleep as if melting into that rhythm.

As my surroundings changed, my lifestyle and way of thinking changed. However, what remained unchanged was that I am Ouroboros.

“Look at the snow. Isn’t it pretty?”

“…It’s okay.”

I had seen snow hundreds, no, thousands of times. I had seen it so much it was tiresome. Still, seeing snow here felt different.

It didn’t pile up in my dwelling place, nor did it soak all the firewood needed for fires. With no inconveniences, it naturally created a sense of leisure.

“Hmm. I thought it would look different somehow.”

Ourr groaned, lost in thought. I couldn’t understand what she was trying so hard for.

There was no need to look at snow and find it new. Snow is just snow, equally white wherever you see it. What I liked was this environment that erased my emptiness right now.

“Ourr must find snow fascinating.”

“No! It’s not that snow is fascinating, it’s that the first snow of the season is nice.”

I couldn’t grasp the feeling. She claimed she’d seen snow more than once or twice, yet why was she excited and happy about the first snow?

“Because it gives a strong feeling that winter has begun?”

“That’s right, that’s it. And while rain falls all the time, snow only falls in winter. Sometimes it even rains in winter.”

Ourr began lecturing about snow, something not easily seen normally. Seeing her enthusiastically explain something she liked made me smile.

Ourr was another version of me.

However, she had aspects I didn’t possess. She accomplished things I couldn’t do. Despite my thousands and tens of thousands of days, coming here was impossible for me.

Since coming here, everything feels completely different. Though I’m still Ouroboros.

“I suppose that’s it then.”

“What kind of response is that?”

Ourr, with narrowed eyes, began to protest in various ways. She seemed displeased that I treated her like a child.

I gave Ourr a thumbs up.

“Ourr is the best.”

“Are you mocking me?”

“You’re the best.”

One didn’t seem enough, so I gave her two thumbs up.

Ourr tilted her head at the gesture, and finding it strange to be praised at such an incomprehensible timing, she gave me a suspicious look.

This was sincere. I wouldn’t reveal my inner thoughts, but I wanted her to know it was genuine.

Being a Demon God and Ouroboros, I couldn’t thank her enough for allowing me to live as “Ouro” thanks to Ourr.

“…You’re the best too. Here’s mine.”

Meanwhile, Ourr, perhaps deciding to respond to incomprehensible things with incomprehensible actions, pushed her thumb toward me.