Ch. 158 MtF – Chapter 158
by AfuhfuihgsChapter 158
**A Voice Just for You. (3)**
A proper evaluation includes both strengths _and_ weaknesses.
Koyuki saying, “It was amazing! What part? All of it from start to finish!” was definitely a compliment—but not exactly a _critical_ review.
If you asked why I was so picky even when others complimented me, I wouldn’t have much of an answer.
But still… I want to be just a little more perfect.
“Natsu-unnie, you know you can’t push yourself too hard, right? What if you get sick again like last time?”
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll take it easy.”
“Okay then! If no one stops you, you’ll just keep going, so let’s end it here for today.”
“Eh…”
I just wanted to polish a few parts I wasn’t satisfied with. Just those bits.
But Nozomi raised my arms up in the air like I was surrendering, sighing as she shook her head.
What was with that look? Like I was a stubborn kid throwing a tantrum.
Even though I pouted in protest, I decided to listen—because she was my manager, after all.
I mean, if I don’t listen to Nozomi, then who _would_ I listen to?
“You’re doing really well, Natsu-unnie. Honestly, even if you’re not perfect, I know unnie will still love it.”
“…I know.”
But I want to give Toya the _best_ version of me.
Sure, I know just singing for her is enough to make her happy. I _know_ that better than anyone.
But the reason I want to keep practicing and get even better… is probably because I want to make her even happier than that.
So if I trace it all the way back to the beginning—why do I want to make Toya happy?
_Because I like her._
“Liking” someone could mean a lot of things, but the feeling I had now wasn’t just your everyday “like.”
If anything, it was more like a tangled knot of different kinds of affection.
I liked her as a friend, as family, as someone I admired, as someone who saved me—
And the more I thought about _why_ I liked her, the harder my heart thumped in my chest.
Wait, hold on…
“Natsu-unnie? You okay?”
“Huh? Y-Yeah, totally fine. I was just… a little lost in thought.”
“You were thinking about unnie again, weren’t you?”
…How did she know?
Wait, is Nozomi actually my twin or something?
“Natsu-unnie’s thoughts are easy to read. You’re always thinking about the people around you. And of all those people, the one you think about most often… is unnie.”
“…Was it that obvious?”
“Not _that_ obvious… but anyone who knows you probably wouldn’t miss it.”
If Nozomi—who I hadn’t even known that long—could tell, then how many others had figured it out?
Not that I really minded being found out. But having someone _see through your heart_ like that is way more embarrassing than I expected.
Especially if the one who notices is Toya herself.
…Not that Toya hadn’t already noticed. I mean, no way she hadn’t.
“Unnie would be happy just knowing you’re healthy. Honestly, I’ve never seen her eyes sparkle with so much affection before.”
“…Yeah.”
“And I think _you_ should be more confident. You’re the most important person to her. So go ahead—wrap her around your finger! No one’s gonna stop you!”
Toya’s most important person.
I wasn’t _sure_ that was me—but thinking about all the care and attention she gave me, it felt like denying it would be a disservice to her.
There’s nothing more painful than your feelings going unacknowledged by the one you give them to.
So maybe… Toya and I really were bound by something special.
We knew how we felt. And we both knew that we knew.
**Creak—**
“Huh? What are you two talking about?”
“…Toya?”
The door opened, and there she was—Toya.
My heart jolted on instinct.
I’d already been thinking about her and getting all flustered, and now she was right here, in front of me—like throwing gasoline on a fire.
Uh-oh… is this okay? Am I okay?
As she walked closer, I could feel my heart pounding harder, and my gaze dropped to the floor.
_Why am I suddenly so embarrassed to look at her…?_
The only thing that had changed was that I’d started thinking seriously about my feelings for Toya.
…This isn’t like, a real heart issue or anything, right?
I tried to escape into that little fantasy, but I already knew the truth.
How did it end up like this?
“Yeoreum, are you okay? Your face is all red. Are you catching a cold?”
“W-Wait… could you, um, just stay there for a second?”
As Toya leaned in toward me, I instinctively reached out a hand to stop her.
She looked shocked, probably because I pushed her away for the first time ever—but calming down my own heart took priority right now.
If I didn’t… I might actually drop dead from a cardiac explosion.
I tucked my hair behind my ear and blinked a few times as Toya reached out to me again.
“Yeoreum, are you _sure_ you’re okay?”
“Y-Yeah…”
I couldn’t make eye contact.
I tried looking into her eyes, but every time our gazes met, my face got hotter and I had to look away again.
Okay, deep breaths. Get it together. Nozomi’s still here. If I act like this with her watching—
_…Why is she just watching with that amused look?! Say something!_
“You’re acting really weird today, Yeoreum. Maybe you really _should_ see a doctor—”
“It’s all your fault, Toya!!”
I panicked.
I wasn’t even sick, but at this rate I was going to be dragged to a hospital. So I blurted it out.
Better to admit the truth than to get diagnosed as “perfectly healthy” and die of shame.
But… maybe that wasn’t the _best_ way to phrase it.
Because the moment I said it, Toya’s face looked even _more_ shocked than when I pushed her away earlier.
“No! I mean—wait! It’s not what you think! I didn’t mean it like _that_! I _did_ mean Toya’s the reason, but not like a _blame_ thing—more like, um, thanks to you? Or no, that’s weird too—uhh…”
My face was burning, my heart was pounding, my eyes were darting all over the place, my brain was a mess, and my words were even worse.
I’ve never _been_ in love before, but I’m pretty sure this is what it feels like to be a schoolgirl facing her first crush.
Just thinking that made me even more embarrassed, and I ended up covering my whole face with my hands.
I’ll just… stay like this until I calm down…
“Unnie’s committed a serious crime. A _big_ one.”
“…What do you mean by that?”
“I’ll let Natsu-unnie explain.”
Toya tilted her head, totally clueless, as Nozomi clicked her tongue.
But then she followed Nozomi’s gaze—and looked right at me again.
Explain what, exactly?! How am I supposed to explain anything in this state?!
With Toya staring me down like she wasn’t going to look away until I said something, I fidgeted with my fingers and nervously opened my mouth.
“Toya, um… so…”
“If it’s hard to say, you don’t have to. It’s okay, Yeoreum.”
“It’s not really hard to say, I just… I just need a little time to prepare. So… can you wait a bit?”
I’d say it. Just… not today.
It wasn’t _that_ dramatic of a thing to say, but in this state, I’d definitely mess it up somehow.
So please, Toya. Just give me a little more time.
“…Alright. You’re not the type to break promises anyway.”
“Like _somebody_ we know.”
“You mean that hopeful-sounding person named after a maple tree?”
“She’s got a name full of hope, and yet—”
**And they’re bickering again.**
Every time they try to get along, they end up picking fights with each other again.
Still, thanks to that, I was able to calm down a little.
Thanks, Nozomi.
And sorry, Toya. I promise I’ll tell you—next time.
—
**[Why is Natsu acting so much like a girl lately?]**
**[(Attached: Natsu getting flustered while talking to Toya.MVI)
She seriously looks like a schoolgirl who just ran into her first love LOL]**
↳ [It _could_ actually be her first love.]
↳ [↳ (Toya True Love ♡ Sticker)]
↳ [↳ (Natsu True Love ♡ Sticker)]
↳ [Honestly, from recent clips, it’s starting to feel like they’re _actually_ dating LOL]
↳ [↳ They _do_ live together, so dating seems kinda inevitable?]
↳ [(Polar Bear Lost Its Habitat Sticker)]
↳ [The way the channel owner’s acting all lovey-dovey is actually kinda cute. It’s like she’s finally getting used to it.]
↳ [Natsu falling into “feminine mode” thanks to Toya is wild LOL]
↳ [↳ Honestly, I’m _glad_ it’s Toya.]
↳ [↳ If it were a _guy_, the fandom would’ve exploded on day one LOL]
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