Ch.157157. Farewell

How would I like to be remembered by you?

As the thought of this being the last time struck her, Juyeon found herself staring blankly into the depths of the closet.

Trying to seduce him with her outfit or captivate him with her beauty—such concerns were already past their season.

It felt like going to a photo studio.

Worrying about how to leave the most beautiful impression possible.

Juyeon slowly unbuttoned her pajamas, one by one.

The fabric slid to the floor with a soft rustle.

She took a white blouse from the hanger, put it on, and layered a beige knit sweater over it.

For pants, light blue jeans.

After putting on a black wool coat, Juyeon carefully placed Suhyeok’s wrapped gift into an envelope.

There were two separately wrapped diaries.

One was brand new with nothing written in it, while the other contained Juyeon’s handwriting scattered throughout its pages.

She put on white Converse shoes and stepped outside.

December 24th.

Christmas Eve.

Though it wasn’t snowing, the air was cold enough to make her cheeks sting.

White breath flowed from her mouth.

The place where she was meeting Suhyeok was a café they used to frequent during the times they often hung out together.

Arriving first, Juyeon sat demurely and waited for him.

The warmth of the mug against her palm was comforting.

Christmas decorations, including trees, could be spotted here and there throughout the café.

It’s Christmas, and I’m coming to say goodbye to you…

No, that’s not right.

We weren’t even lovers, so perhaps even the term “goodbye” is a luxury.

As she was downing her coffee with somewhat melancholic thoughts, the person she had been picturing appeared before her.

“Juyeon. Did you wait long?”

“…Hi.”

Juyeon gave a weak smile.

“Want to order a drink first?”

“Ah. Sure.”

Suhyeok returned from the counter with coffee and sat across from her.

“So… were you okay the other day?”

They had both gone home after drinking heavily at an after-party.

“Of course. You know I can handle alcohol better than you.”

“Haha. That’s true.”

Silence fell between them.

It was Juyeon who had called him out, not the other way around.

Suhyeok didn’t readily start the conversation.

“I wanted to wish you a happy birthday.”

Juyeon’s closed lips finally managed to speak.

“I asked Hana.”

“Yeah. I heard.”

“Did you get in trouble because of me?”

“No. Hana’s not like that with me.”

Rather, she had told him she trusted him because she loved him.

“That’s good.”

Juyeon leaned forward slightly and took out the gift from the envelope beside her.

“What’s this…? A book?”

It was clearly the size of a book or notebook.

It wasn’t difficult to guess what it was.

“Next year’s diary.”

“Ah. A diary. Thank you.”

Suhyeok smiled as he accepted the gift.

“They say you can use it in the military too.”

“Then I should write down my leave schedule in it.”

The business at hand was actually finished.

It wouldn’t have been strange to send him off at this point.

“Hey, Suhyeok.”

It was time for Juyeon to say her final goodbye.

“Yeah?”

“Are you happy now?”

A somewhat unexpected question.

Suhyeok gazed into Juyeon’s eyes.

“…Yeah. I think so.”

Suhyeok was happy.

More precisely, he had to be happy.

“I see.”

There were words she wanted to say, but her lips wouldn’t allow them to come out so easily.

Only after gathering her courage could she finally say what she wanted to, a beat late.

“Then I’ll probably be happy too.”

I guess this kind of love exists too.

In this world.

“The other day, you made a wish. While blowing out the candles on the cake.”

“That I want everyone I care about to be happy too?”

“So, Suhyeok.”

She tried not to cry, but why did her throat keep tightening?

“Take care of yourself.”

Suhyeok’s eyes grew hot.

If he could understand even a little of how Juyeon felt standing there, his heart couldn’t help but ache.

“I… won’t contact you again…”

Exit. Delete. Remove.

She wasn’t sure what words to use, but Juyeon acknowledged that the time had truly come for her to step aside.

“So don’t contact me either.”

Of course, he wouldn’t do it for Hana’s sake, but she warned him sternly nonetheless.

“That’s how you can do right by me.”

Tears finally spilled over.

As if disliking herself for this, Juyeon wiped away the droplets with the back of her hand.

“Ah, really. Why do I keep crying? Haha.”

Even though she spoke with a laugh, the moisture in her eyes showed no signs of stopping.

Suhyeok pulled out a tissue and handed it to her.

Juyeon gratefully accepted it.

“You understand what I’m saying, right? Suhyeok?”

Suhyeok nodded.

“Merry Christmas.”

In the envelope she had brought, there remained one diary she hadn’t given him.

“I should get going now. You should go to Hana too.”

“Juyeon.”

“Yes?”

Juyeon, who had risen from her chair, stopped in her tracks at his call.

“This.”

What Suhyeok held out was a box slightly larger than a 500-won coin.

“It’s a guitar pick.”

He didn’t even try to hide what it was.

“Just… because you said you enjoyed playing guitar at the performance… and it’s Christmas too…”

It was his way of roundaboutly expressing that this was his final gift.

“…Thank you.”

Juyeon smiled brightly.

They say you look ugly when you smile while crying.

It seemed her plan to look pretty at the end had failed miserably.

After giving her best smile, Juyeon turned away from Suhyeok and fled the café.

Step by step.

Juyeon managed to reach home, passing through streets where carols played.

After setting down the envelope, she tightly gripped the pick Suhyeok had given her.

You did well, Juyeon.

This much is good enough, right?

The remaining diary she couldn’t give him was full of lingering feelings for Suhyeok.

A diary packed with things she wanted to do with him next year.

Like going cherry blossom viewing together.

Or revisiting the beach they had all gone to in summer.

She had successfully managed not to give it to him.

The Stratocaster standing in a corner of her room.

A guitar she had tried to learn because she loved Suhyeok.

Juyeon hugged the cream-colored guitar to her chest, tears falling steadily.

Her legs gave out completely.

Kneeling, she buried her face in the mattress of her bed.

“Huh…”

The dam of tears she had been holding back finally burst.

She couldn’t breathe properly.

“Hic… huh… ahuh…”

I’ll be happy too.

Probably.

Merry Christmas.

Suhyeok.

* * *

Suhyeok headed not to his own home but to Hana’s.

There was still quite some time until their appointment, but Suhyeok just wanted to see Hana.

Knock knock knock

The one who came out was Hana, who hadn’t even finished putting on her makeup.

“Huh? What? You’re here already?”

“Yeah.”

In Suhyeok’s hand was what appeared to be the diary given by Juyeon.

“…Did you talk well?”

Hana was Suhyeok’s girlfriend.

By now, she could tell what he was thinking just by looking at his face.

It was a face in agony.

And intensely so.

“Yeah. It ended well.”

“…You’ve been through a lot.”

Even though he had gone to meet another woman on Christmas Day, Hana embraced him tenderly.

Suhyeok’s hands held her tightly, as if they had been waiting for her warmth.

They were two people who knew exactly what the other was thinking.

“Hana.”

“…Yes?”

“Will Juyeon be okay?”

It was a difficult question.

Hana also knew how much Suhyeok liked Juyeon.

How much determination that timid girl must have needed to burn her heart like that—no words were necessary.

“She’ll be fine.”

There was nothing more she could say.

A deep sigh escaped from Hana’s lips.

Looking at her boyfriend who seemed to have lost his mind, she thought perhaps introducing the two had been a mistake.

“What did Juyeon say?”

“…She told me to be happy.”

“Then, Lee Suhyeok.”

Hana caressed his cheek, which looked on the verge of tears.

“Be happy enough to die from it. That’s all you need to do.”

Being happy enough to leave absolutely no regrets.

That was the right direction Hana believed Suhyeok should take.

“Hey. Wait here for a moment. I haven’t finished my makeup yet.”

Hana was instinctively seized by the thought that they needed to get out of the gloomy room.

The two had planned to go see the twinkling illuminations outside, rather than stay in the depressing room that would only make them more melancholic.

“…Okay.”

Sitting on Hana’s bed, Suhyeok quietly unwrapped the diary Juyeon had given him.

Dark blue wrapping paper and a blue ribbon.

After removing the tape, a dark brown leather diary lay inside.

He turned the first page with a soft rustle.

The stiffness characteristic of a new product remained intact.

A single message written in the center.

Suhyeok slowly traced the words with his index finger.

[May this year be filled with only good things]

In the end, he hung his head low.