Ch.156Chapter 24. Flesh (1)

This is too much.

I’ve never heard that the dead can get tired.

When I first started climbing the stairs, it wasn’t a big problem. Even if there were many steps, I thought that since this wasn’t reality, I wouldn’t be affected by things like gravity.

If there’s one issue, it’s that without gravity, standing on something would be impossible in the first place. I’d probably just float around instead.

So this place has gravity, and I have a body to support that gravity.

Which means I can get tired.

“Wait… let’s rest for a bit before continuing.”

As I plopped down on the stairs, Kuro, who had been walking ahead, stopped too.

Sitting on one step, Kuro stared up at me.

“…You’re not saying anything.”

“Why should I say something?”

“Well, you know. Divine beings usually don’t understand humans and all that.”

I sat on the stairs and looked down at the path I’d climbed. I must have climbed about 300 steps.

I hadn’t counted specifically, but there was a wider space in the middle with another door. When climbing up, the door seemed to jut out with the other side appearing transparent, but looking back down, I could only see a bit of the space beyond the door, not everything I’d climbed through.

So I had definitely entered a “different place.”

I tried to recall. Was it 70 steps and then 700 more? I must have already climbed the first 70. That space in the middle was probably the end of those 70 steps. If I had gone further in that wide space, perhaps I would have seen another world.

Purgatory? Is where I’m going hell?

“Meow.”

Kuro meowed once, then flattened against the floor and stretched out.

“I was waiting to guide you, not to blame you.”

“…Where are you guiding me to? Is this some kind of ordeal?”

“Ordeal?”

“You know, like how people say you go to hell based on your sins after death.”

“Have you forgotten everything I said before you came up here?”

Kuro looked at me like I was pathetic, which I found a bit absurd.

“I asked if you thought you died because your heart stopped.”

“…That’s what most people would think.”

Kuro stared up at me.

“Let me ask again, did you do something wrong?”

“Huh?”

“You’ve been talking about death and hell since earlier.”

“Well… I’ve done as much as anyone else, I guess.”

When I answered, Kuro tilted his head.

“Really? Then shall we take a look?”

“Look at what? Like a life flashing before my eyes?”

“Maybe. Perhaps. Meow.”

After giving such an ambiguous answer, Kuro turned his head.

The empty sky began to move. Like the universe during the Big Bang in the distant past, countless lights scattered from deep within that darkness as if stars were exploding.

And those lights soon became constellations.

“…Ah.”

Constellations of my family.

“There are two types of sleep, right?”

Kuro said, looking up at the sky alongside me.

“Light sleep and deep sleep. Light sleep is when you dream. We’ve just crossed the 70 steps of light sleep, and though we’re climbing the stairs of deeper sleep, we haven’t finished yet, so it’s enough to see dreams.”

Kuro paused briefly, then said,

“And usually, dreams follow your memories.”

I couldn’t respond as I listened, because the movement of those constellations was so beautiful. No, because it was the beauty I remembered.

When I dreamed… my family always appeared. And that family was the last image of them I remembered. The family that left without even a final conversation, without even leaving proper remains.

I hadn’t seen the family from before that for a long time.

The family in the constellations was having a birthday party. It seemed to be my younger sister’s birthday. Neither I nor my sister remembered exactly when it was because we were so young.

My sister, who seemed less than five years old, wore a party hat and was looking at the candles on the cake. Light sparkled in her large eyes. One, two, three, four… there were four candles, so she must have been four years old then.

I was old enough to have some sense of judgment by then, but I was still quite young.

What expression was I making?

“You were probably making the same expression as now. Children love cake.”

Kuro said, as if reading my thoughts.

My much younger parents than in my memory clapped their hands and sang. My sister also clapped along while singing, and so did I.

When the song ended, my sister blew, whoosh. Not all the candles went out at once. She blew again, whoosh, and finally the candles went out.

“Yes, I liked cake.”

I probably ate the cake with cream all over my face.

“Dreams only follow your memories. If you don’t try to remember your family, the only family you can meet in dreams is the last image you saw.”

“…”

“It means you’ve been diving into deeper sleep without even having time to dream.”

“I…”

I opened my mouth to say something, then closed it.

It wasn’t wrong, after all.

I just gazed at that dream endlessly.

Time passed.

My sister grew up, and my parents and I aged. My sister seemed to dislike me terribly but occasionally cared for me. Well, we were family. I did the same. We fought, but I never truly hated her.

When my sister got into the university she wanted, I gave her a watch as a gift. She complained about getting a watch but wore it on her wrist. Thinking about it, I agree. A bag or clothes might have been better than a watch. But I really didn’t know anything about those things.

“Ah, wait. Just a moment.”

I quickly lowered my head. Fortunately, the memories didn’t include sound, but I knew what memory would follow next.

Surely the next memory would be—

“You don’t have to do that.”

Kuro said.

“But still—”

“It’s okay.”

“…”

Kuro’s voice was calm. There was no sense of teasing like usual.

I slowly raised my head.

And there was—

“…Ah.”

Koko was there.

Not just Koko, but everyone I had met in that world.

“I told you, right? Dreams follow memories.”

Kuro said to me as I stared blankly with my mouth open.

The dream followed my memories.

Hanging out with friends, feeding Koko, putting her to bed. Most of it was really nothing special. I was happy just eating something with my friends, and my friends seemed to enjoy watching me. Koko was the same.

Playing at the beach, staying at hot springs. Enjoying sports days and cultural festivals.

Having Christmas parties, praying together at shrines.

“If you have both unpleasant experiences and good memories, isn’t it okay to just pick out the good parts? Such memories are usually mixed together. Bad memories make the good ones feel better.”

Yuka in her shrine maiden outfit smiled at me. So did Koko. Even Kagami gave a slight smile.

And slowly, like a fire gradually dying down, they all faded into dim starlight and disappeared.

“…”

I wiped my eyes.

“How do you feel?”

“…Do I really need to say it out loud?”

“Expressing emotions verbally is apparently a crucial part of psychological therapy.”

I almost laughed at the absurdity of a supernatural being talking about psychology.

“…I’m annoyed.”

“With me?”

“No, with this situation.”

I sniffled and rubbed my eyes hard.

Why do I still have a body even though I’m dead? I was annoyed at sweating profusely while climbing stairs, and annoyed at myself for crying.

My aching legs annoyed me, and my aching heart annoyed me.

Most of all, I was annoyed at myself for not being able to do anything here.

As I climbed the stairs, I thought about the friends I had left behind.

What were they doing now?

Were they mourning my death? What happened to my body? No, more than that, I had no way of knowing what was happening in that world.

My chest felt tight.

There was still so much I wanted to tell Koko. I had many things I wanted to say to Yuka, and I wanted to know why Kagami had suddenly become so kind recently.

Though I pretended not to care, many of Kaoru’s ghost stories were quite interesting, and honestly, I had sometimes looked forward to the bread fishing. I felt a bit sorry for Izumi, but teasing her by saying strange things was quite fun.

And Mako too. Ah, did Mako know about my death? She would really be sad. Even though it wasn’t her fault at all, she would think my death was her responsibility. Would Fukuda have a complicated expression? What about Yamashita? They were all friends, but I couldn’t imagine what expressions they would make after my death.

The manager would probably be sad too. Maybe the manager would try to take care of Koko a little. And Miki… it would have been fun if she could have entered the same school. She would have been an older underclassman.

And Yuka—

—I want to go back and tell her it’s okay. I want to tell her that the knife she stabbed me with didn’t hurt at all, that I wasn’t even injured like this. She must be terribly distressed and confused. She probably can’t even think that it wasn’t her who stabbed me. How was Koko? What did Kagami say to her? I’m very worried.

“I’m annoyed and angry.”

“Do you want to go back?”

“You’re asking the obvious.”

I wiped my eyes.

“Of course. I didn’t want to leave yet.”

“Even after hearing all that?”

“…Yes.”

Who would want to die? When so many people treat me so well.

Even if I get cut, stabbed, torn, and bleed all over, I didn’t really want to leave those kids. I wanted to see them grow up.

“I see.”

When I looked up after hearing Kuro’s words, the sky had turned black again. I couldn’t even see traces of the stars that had been there, which broke my heart.

“That answer is enough.”

Kuro got up and stretched, extending both front paws forward.

“Meow, shall we continue climbing after our rest?”

I stood up.

Looking up, the end of the stairs seemed closer than before. Though I hadn’t actually walked, so the real distance must be the same.

“So, what was that?”

“What else? Your dream.”

“Did you show me that to comfort me?”

“Did I?”

The tip of Kuro’s tail swayed gently as he climbed a few steps ahead of me.

“The word ‘dream’ has several meanings, doesn’t it?”

“…You’ve been saying cryptic things all this time.”

Kuro just meowed again.

I’m starting to think that meow might be Kuro’s way of laughing.

*

“…What?”

Shii immediately looked serious upon hearing the story.

“Where is the senior now?”

“…”

Yuu didn’t say anything.

Thinking it would be impolite to call a senior in the middle of the night, Shii waited until the next morning.

She wanted to sleep but couldn’t easily fall asleep. Although Hagiwara had said she would guard the house, the fear from yesterday didn’t disappear just because someone was there.

She had known about the monsters since summer vacation, and she had known since then that her brother’s blood could repel those monsters.

But she had never been terrified by those monsters in her daily life. Even if she had seen them then… it was quite disconnected from her everyday life.

“Meow.”

Kuro sat beside Shii and Sasaki as if guarding them.

That gave her some peace of mind, but Shii still couldn’t sleep at all.

She waited until 10 PM and immediately called Kotone, but no one answered. After trying twice, she called Koko, but she didn’t answer either.

Feeling urgent due to yesterday’s events, Shii called people who were close to Kotone.

The first person she called was Yuka.

[I’m sorry. Yuka is in a situation where it’s a bit difficult to answer the phone right now…]

“Ah, yes, I’m sorry. Excuse me.”

Yuka’s grandfather spoke so apologetically that Shii unconsciously bowed her head into the air before hanging up.

What was really happening?

And the next place she called—

[…Kotone is…]

Yamashita, who answered the phone, trailed off.

From his voice, Shii realized that Yamashita knew something about Kotone’s condition.

[Kotone is a bit injured right now.]

After much hesitation, Yamashita finally said that.

“…What?”

Shii’s reaction was understandable.

If it was just a “bit” of an injury, Yamashita wouldn’t sound so hesitant when speaking to Shii.

A voice that seemed to be debating whether to lie or not.

The last time she met Yamashita, though he wasn’t someone she would call a close friend, he didn’t seem like someone who would trail off without reason.

“Where is the senior now?”

Without realizing it, Shii asked in a somewhat impolite tone.

She regretted it immediately after speaking, but she was more worried about Kotone.

Because wasn’t she the person who would immediately regain consciousness even after losing so much blood? If someone like Kotone was in a condition that warranted such a voice, the situation couldn’t be good.

[That’s—]

Just as Yamashita was about to answer, the door burst open.

“Souta, Shii—”

Hagiwara, who rushed in urgently, saw Shii on the phone and Sasaki sitting beside her with a serious expression, listening to the call, and closed her mouth.

[—I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you right now. I don’t know yet either.]

“Ah, I see. I’m sorry…”

[…No, it’s understandable to be worried.]

Yamashita responded to Shii’s apology.

Indeed, if you know someone is injured but don’t know where they are, it’s natural to worry. Shii felt the same way now.

[…When I find out where she is, I’ll let you know too.]

“Thank you…!”

Once again, Shii unconsciously bowed to the air.

After hanging up, her brother looked at her with a serious expression.

“What did they say?”

“Kotone is… injured. They don’t know which hospital yet.”

“…I see? That’s serious.”

Her brother surely remembered what happened that summer.

It’s natural to be worried when someone like that is injured and in the hospital. Especially considering the monster they saw yesterday.

“But it’s good that she’s in the hospital. I’m sure the senior will recover with just a little time.”

“You’re right. The situation doesn’t seem good right now, so let’s not try to find her ourselves for now. Not knowing which hospital might mean they’re deliberately hiding it.”

Shii and her brother nodded at each other.

“…Hagiwara?”

Then they turned to Hagiwara, who had burst through the door and was now blankly watching the two talk.

“Yes?”

Hagiwara answered in a slightly dazed voice.

“Did you… have something to say?”

“Ah, that.”

Hagiwara, still looking a bit dazed, fell into thought for a moment, then smiled at Shii and said,

“Our people have decided to protect this place. For a while… though I can’t say it’s completely safe, you can feel somewhat secure.”

“…Thank you.”

Shii thanked Hagiwara with a complicated expression.

It was a mix of fear and relief. And there was also a slight feeling of defeat.

In this situation, there was nothing Shii could do. Just wait for news.

Even her blood—

—Ah?

Shii, who had been thinking about something, blinked.

“What’s wrong?”

Her brother asked worriedly.

Shii quickly shook her head.

“No, I’m fine. I just felt relieved.”

“…I see.”

Her brother said while rubbing his eyes.

“Ugh.”

Then he stretched both arms and said,

“Alright, shall we have breakfast? For now, all we can do is wait for news.”

Shii nodded in agreement.

*

“Souta, just a moment.”

Hagiwara urgently called out to Souta, who had come out of the room after forcing Shii to rest instead of cooking.

Souta approached with a slightly puzzled expression, and Hagiwara hunched her shoulders. Her eyes looked at the door behind Souta, as if worried that Shii might suddenly come out.

“I’ll help with the cooking too.”

“What? Senior, you worked hard yesterday, and you’re a guest now, so I should—”

“Just come with me.”

But before Souta could finish, Hagiwara grabbed his arm and dragged him to the kitchen.

“Senior?”

When Souta spoke in surprise at Hagiwara’s unusual behavior, she finally opened her mouth after reaching the corner of the kitchen.

“Phew.”

The first thing that came out was a sigh.

An incredibly worried sigh.

“Senior?”

“Souta, try not to be too shocked when you hear this.”

Hagiwara said with a pale face.

“…Last night, Kotone Kurosawa died.”

“…”

Souta remained frozen with that puzzled expression for a long time.

“…What?”

That was all Souta could manage to say.

“I just heard the news. I went in to tell you, but… your sister.”

“But Yamashita—”

“…He’s probably lying. He knows your sister too.”

“We can’t be sure—”

“Kurosawa was at the Yamashita house yesterday.”

“…”

“I’m just… telling you so at least you know. You’re her brother. And you weren’t as close to Kurosawa as Shii was.”

Though the shock hadn’t faded, hearing that, Souta could understand why Hagiwara was telling him this.

…At least one of them should know, so they can cope when they learn the truth later.

However—

“…”

Both Hagiwara and Souta stood there for a long time, doing nothing.

What could they do?

Neither of them knew what to say or do in this situation.

They just felt heavy, as if a lump of lead had entered a corner of their hearts.