Ch.156Chapter 156: A Long, Long Day (6)

#

It’s related to time.

Unlike Fafnir’s usual loud voice echoing in my head when he mentioned that he vaguely noticed my secret, this time his voice was calm and quiet enough to be described as subdued.

Yet that brief statement contained enough impact to jolt my mind awake just as I was starting to relax.

Swept up by that impact, I nearly collapsed right there as my legs weakened, but I managed to stay standing by forcing strength into them.

Honestly, it’s astonishing.

I had thought that Fafnir might eventually notice my secret, but I never expected him to mention it so specifically and show that he had figured it out.

Anyway, from the moment I felt surprised by his statement, I focused on stopping myself from reflexively blurting out “How?” without filtering my thoughts.

If I had reacted that way to his subtle hint about something not yet confirmed, it would have essentially confirmed his words as literal truth.

Fortunately, perhaps due to the considerable time I’ve spent conversing mentally with Fafnir, I was able to suppress the inner thoughts that threatened to escape.

However, while I could control what I expressed outwardly, I couldn’t stop the chill running down my spine or the sinking feeling in my chest.

I could only stand there frozen, unable to wipe away the cold sweat trickling down my back, not finding an appropriate response to his words.

Perhaps taking my silence as a form of confirmation, he continued.

[Hmm, judging by your lack of response, it seems I’ve hit the mark. Right?]

Fafnir’s voice, which had been more solemn than playful moments ago, now shifted back toward a more mischievous tone as he waited for my answer.

Of course, even though he was waiting for my response, how could I possibly give him a satisfactory answer right now?

Although I haven’t lived that long of a life, even including the time before my regression, I finally understood the saying that one can be rendered speechless despite having a mouth when words fail to come.

Still, it’s strange.

I had never uttered a single word to Fafnir about the secret I was keeping, and thinking back on my actions, I couldn’t recall anything that might have inadvertently revealed my secret related to regression.

How had he managed to get so close to the essence of my secret?

If his claim about occasionally hearing my inner thoughts when I let my guard down wasn’t a lie, had he perhaps detected something about regression that leaked from my mind without my knowledge?

But his voice when mentioning it was too calm for that to be the case…

As my head began to spin with questions that yielded no answers no matter how much I pondered them,

[Renium.]

That single word from Fafnir, once again transmitted directly into my mind, made all my previous questions seem meaningless as they vanished instantly.

When he mentioned the name of that being with twisted divinity who governs time—the one who suddenly tried to trap me in his inner world during the final moments of yesterday’s subjugation ceremony—I realized how he had managed to take a step closer to my secret.

[I figured it out when that bastard dragged you into his gloomy place and started foaming at the mouth while calling you an ‘irregular.’]

Fafnir’s voice was cheerful as he praised his own deduction.

It was quite surprising how casually he referred to a demon god who, despite being a twisted being, still possessed divinity and governed the transcendental concept of time—a being whose name most would consider ominous to even utter.

‘Phew…’

With each confident and cheerful word from Fafnir, I could slowly exhale a sigh of relief that no one else could hear.

Why sigh with relief when my secret has been partially exposed? Because Fafnir hadn’t discovered my secret by browsing through my mind like an index in a library, but through sharp(?) deduction based on circumstantial evidence. That’s worth at least a sigh of relief, isn’t it?

Come to think of it, if he had discovered my secret by reading my inner thoughts, he wouldn’t have reacted this way after reading the raw, unfiltered memories in my mind, which could have been quite shocking.

Even though it wasn’t done by my own will, memories of burning the world with flames from my hands, stabbing innocent people with swords, and tearing them apart with my bare hands—memories of inflicting irreparable wounds on countless people—are still so vivid that they sometimes appear in my nightmares.

If he had glimpsed such memories, no matter who he was, he couldn’t have reacted positively.

I should have realized how he discovered my secret when I noticed that despite the solemnity in his voice, he hadn’t completely removed the playfulness. Instead, I ended up being swept along at Fafnir’s pace, though that probably wasn’t his intention.

I couldn’t help but feel disappointed by my dull judgment, but what’s done is done.

Having come this far, trying to cover it up with obvious lies would be transparent, so…

‘Your deduction is rough but accurate, so I can’t really deny it.’

I calmly affirmed Fafnir’s deduction.

[Kehehehe. As I thought.]

The playfulness in Fafnir’s voice intensified at my response.

[I was just taking a shot in the dark, but it hit the mark perfectly.]

He didn’t forget to praise his own deduction.

As I had suspected, Fafnir hadn’t been certain when he brought this up; he had just voiced a thought that occurred to him on the off chance it might be true. And I had taken the bait perfectly, giving strength to his deduction.

Although it was still daylight and the sun hadn’t set yet, I felt that this was the most appropriate time to reveal my secret to Fafnir.

‘Well, since it’s come to this, I’ll tell you one of my secrets, even though it’s not nighttime.’

As I began with a voice feigning calmness,

[I’d be happy to hear it. I understand it’s related to time, but specifically, what’s the connection?]

As expected, Fafnir’s curious question came, and I replied with a simple answer:

‘I traveled back in time.’

[…Hmm?]

His puzzled voice rang in my ears, showing he didn’t immediately understand what I had said, so I continued:

‘After living a failed life and preparing to end it all, a desperate wish I made was granted in an unexpected way.’

As I offered this story—a mixture of truth and exaggeration—

[…Heh heh.]

A light, hollow laugh from Fafnir echoed in my mind.

Fortunately, he didn’t seem to dismiss my words as nonsense, so my story continued without interruption.

With each calm response I gave to Fafnir’s questions about the miracle of regression I had experienced,

[I see…]

Fafnir’s voice resonating in my mind revealed ripples—ripples that could be described as surprise.

#

‘That’s the secret I’ve been keeping.’

With these words, I concluded my story about regression—the secret I had been keeping from Fafnir.

Although I had no intention of dragging it out and kept it brief, it still took quite some time. Even explaining how the person I was in the previous timeline came to experience such a miracle didn’t need to take long.

How could there be much to elaborate on a story about despairing over meager talent, becoming tainted with inferiority, unfairly envying those with brilliant talents around me, repeatedly making wrong choices, causing irreversible consequences, and finally trying to end it all with my death—only to have my desperate wish for others’ happiness granted in an unexpected way, returning me to my 18th birthday?

Of course, I deliberately omitted some parts for the sake of brevity.

I completely excluded how my once-extinguished life was forcibly revived by a demon god’s scheme, turning me into its puppet, and how I was manipulated by the malice it planted in my body to burn the world.

As I mentioned earlier, even if my will wasn’t involved, confessing that I helplessly watched as the normal world burned would only disturb Fafnir more.

Especially considering what he had told me before this conversation matured—that he too, similar to me, had fallen for the demon god Desire’s schemes and committed atrocities that burned the world against his will.

I judged that emphasizing past events from a timeline long gone and recognizing each other’s shameful aspects would only drain us both mentally, so I boldly deleted those parts.

‘If he finds out later, there’s nothing I can do about it.’

Honestly, even if he does find out, I believe the Fafnir who recounted his own past of being controlled by a demon god with such passion would understand. And if he doesn’t?

What can I do? If he condemns me for it, I’ll accept it.

After becoming a demon god’s agent, with my mind gradually eroding as the malice possessing my body committed evil acts, I finally managed to gather my wits and expel it from my body. Then, belatedly, I began preparing for atonement.

I’ve lived accepting even the contempt of being called “Guardian of the Demonic Scripture.” Being held accountable for past events wouldn’t upset me…

[I feel like you’re not telling me everything.]

…Just as my thoughts were about to continue endlessly, Fafnir’s voice brought me back to reality.

[There’s something. I’m becoming convinced that there’s something you’re not fully revealing to me.]

His words, asserting that there was something hidden even after hearing about my past, sent another chill down my spine, but then:

[Well, everyone has parts of their past they don’t want to reveal.]

Fafnir abandoned his attempt to resolve his suspicions further.

[I hope someday you’ll tell me everything.]

With these words, he concluded his thoughts after hearing about my past before regression.

‘Someday…’ was my response.

Despite not being a time when we had agreed to freely share our secrets, our conversation, which had suddenly opened up, ended with both of us revealing our major secrets to some extent, if not completely.

[I’m tired, so I’ll go back to sleep. No training tonight either. Since you’re returning to your family home, there’s no need to exhaust yourself.]

‘I appreciate just hearing you say that.’

And so ended the long conversation with Fafnir that no one else could hear, exchanged only in our minds.

Feeling the tension that had built up during our conversation release all at once,

“Phew…”

I let out a light sigh and leaned back into the chair I had been resting my tired body on before talking with Fafnir.

As I had noticed when I first sat down, this chair was impressively high quality for one placed in quarters meant for Cradle students who weren’t even permanent residents of the fortress.