Ch.153153. What I Desire More Than Freedom

“But this time it’s a bit different. Well, I’d like it to be somewhat special.”

“……”

“At least our farewell.”

I understood both the meaning and weight of Findenai’s words. I had known something was off since she mentioned returning to the Republic of Clark.

“……”

I wasn’t particularly surprised because I had already suspected she might make this choice.

“You’re not very surprised.”

Findenai took a sip of alcohol and smiled wryly. It wasn’t her usual mischievous smile but one tinged with bitterness.

“I possess half of your soul.”

“Yes, I know.”

The terms of our contract.

I could have killed her anytime if I had wanted to. But Findenai just shrugged her shoulders.

“But I still have half of it.”

“……”

“That’s enough for me.”

A being with half a soul destroyed.

In truth, I had never seen such a person before, so I didn’t know exactly what would happen, but one thing was clear—she wouldn’t live long.

It was fair to say she was living on borrowed time.

Yet Findenai responded calmly.

“I just need to finish everything before I die.”

Her resolve was that firm.

So much so that I felt I shouldn’t interfere carelessly.

Nevertheless, my tongue continued to speak.

“Still can’t tell me the reason?”

If only she would tell me the reason. If she explained why she was being so forceful, I might understand.

The smile lingering on Findenai’s lips remained unchanged.

“Sorry.”

It was a special apology.

Not her usual casual remark, but a sincere apology for having to make this choice.

Before I knew it, I was bringing the wine glass to my lips.

The headmaster’s premium liquor was worthy of being called nectar. The sweet liquid enveloping my tongue contained various types of sweetness, but…

Strangely, I could only taste bitterness.

“Besides apologizing, do you have anything else to say?”

“Hmm, what should I say?”

Findenai absentmindedly stared at the swirling liquid as she rotated her glass. From this gesture, I sensed she was avoiding my gaze.

It was unlike her.

Not like Findenai at all.

“Well, too much conversation becomes a burden when it comes to farewells, doesn’t it?”

“What if I say I won’t let you go?”

“Well, I can’t say I didn’t expect that.”

She answered by nodding toward the axe leaning against her chair.

It meant she would fight her way past me if necessary.

Did she know that her resolute attitude was weighing on my heart?

Yes, honestly, I was surprised.

I hadn’t realized I would feel this way about Findenai leaving.

A kind of quiet sadness beyond mere regret had settled within me.

Starting with the Dark Spiritmaster’s recent absence, I felt as though connections I had taken for granted were slowly being severed.

“Well, if you want revenge, let me give it to you. When we fought in the mountains, the mountain spirit did most of the work anyway.”

“Things are different now than they were then.”

Findenai chuckled at my words.

“Right, honestly, even I would have a hard time winning against the current master.”

Then she added:

“From now on, I plan to drug the master.”

“……”

I wondered what she was talking about, but Findenai suddenly stood up, grabbed the teapot from the corner of my room, and brought over the container with tea leaves.

“It’s not harmful. Rather, it’s a sleeping aid that will help the master, who hasn’t been sleeping well, get a good night’s rest.”

Abandoning the wine glass, she started brewing tea. This scattered behavior was typical of Findenai, but it wasn’t a welcome situation at all.

“Are you asking me to drink that?”

“Yes, drink it and sleep soundly. I’ll escape in the meantime.”

Silence fell for a moment.

As the water began to boil, she crumpled and stuffed in the tea leaves.

The calm sound of flowing water.

After that static sound, which was hard to imagine Findenai creating, she offered me the tea.

It looked exactly like tea served by an ordinary maid. If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t have believed Findenai had brewed it.

But drinking it was another matter.

“Do you want to escape that badly?”

I wondered if Findenai wanted to break free from my restraint so desperately.

To my question, Findenai shook her head bitterly.

“No, that’s not what I mean.”

“……”

“The master will definitely try to stop me.”

“Yes.”

I couldn’t just watch Findenai leave. This would be much more dangerous than her previous crossing to the Republic of Clark.

“And I’ll use any means necessary to escape from the master. You’re quite strong, but you’re weak when it comes to chasing after someone who’s fleeing.”

She was right.

I was strong in head-on battles but had no advantage in mobile combat when pursuing an enemy.

The fight with Dina, Dante’s monster artist, in Claren, the city of artists, was a prime example.

I couldn’t properly chase after her as she fled.

“I’m confident I can escape. But in the process, I won’t be able to leave unscathed, and I can’t bring myself to harm the master. That’s how strong you are.”

Findenai’s gaze, now calm, settled on the teacup. I finally understood.

The meaning of this tea was…

Not a threat, negotiation, or some ridiculous trick.

This was…

“Help me avoid swinging my axe at the master.”

A plea.

Findenai’s plea not to have to wield her weapon against me.

Though our opinions clashed, she was indirectly saying she didn’t want to fight.

“I can’t believe…”

I was dumbfounded.

I never imagined such a day would come in my lifetime.

“That I would be persuaded by you.”

I carefully took the tea and brought the cup to my lips. The warm tea went down smoothly.

It cleared the alcohol’s effects, but fatigue quickly set in. However, it wasn’t an unpleasant, artificial fatigue.

Rather, it felt like the warmth of the tea naturally allowed the suppressed fatigue to surface.

After finishing the tea, I slowly handed the cup back to Findenai. She received it politely, just like a maid.

“Thank you.”

“I didn’t do it to receive thanks.”

“You must be getting sleepy already. Well, do you have any final words?”

The atmosphere lightened somewhat at the end. As she seemed to return to her usual self, I couldn’t help but chuckle as I answered.

“Quite.”

“Hmm?”

“Your skills have improved.”

Her tea-brewing skills, once comparable to pig urine, had developed considerably. She must have practiced hard where no one could see.

Since she wouldn’t brew tea for anyone else, it was simply to gain my approval.

“Ha.”

Findenai slowly brushed her bangs with her hand. Was some emotion welling up?

I tried to pretend not to notice and slowly closed my eyes, naturally surrendering to the approaching drowsiness, but…

At that moment.

A soft yet violent sensation covered my lips. The hot breath I felt.

Findenai, who had somehow come right up to my face, was kissing me carefully yet intensely.

Her unskilled tongue movement resembled a predator devouring its prey rather than a kiss.

Was it because of the drug?

I couldn’t say anything or react.

I could only look at her with her eyes tightly closed, my body frozen, and…

Slowly closing my eyes, I lost consciousness.

* * *

“Phew.”

Looking down at Deus Verdi sprawled on the bed, Findenai stopped kissing him.

Then, unconsciously tracing her lips with her finger, she savored the taste.

It was her first time, but…

It was a moment that made her understand perfectly why lovers bite and suck at each other.

“I should have done this earlier.”

His lips looked so sweet after drinking the tea for her sake that Findenai instinctively rushed forward.

Thinking about it, she had just kissed him after he drank tea containing sleeping medicine, and she wondered if the drug might affect her too.

But Findenai didn’t worry much, assuming it would only be a small amount.

After roughly laying Deus on the bed and covering him with a blanket, she stared blankly at him.

She didn’t know how much time had passed, but she realized she had been looking at him as if drawn in.

‘I should go now.’

If she kept looking, she felt she might wait endlessly until he woke up.

As she hurried to move…

Thud.

A large bag caught her foot.

The luggage Deus had been packing for tomorrow’s departure was still scattered about, not properly organized.

Findenai had just disturbed it further, and a photo jutted out from his packed belongings.

“……”

Findenai unconsciously picked it up slowly.

It had the same background as the photo she owned, but with a different person.

It showed her standing somewhat awkwardly in front of a wall with wings drawn on it.

“You didn’t throw it away.”

After staring at her own photo for a while, Findenai crumpled it. Then she tore it up and threw it out the window.

The finely torn photo pieces scattered in the wind, naturally flying away.

Now it was time for her to disappear like those pieces.

“Just forget. It’ll be easier that way.”

Findenai, now ready to leave.

As she took one last look at the sleeping Deus, she felt her legs grow heavy.

“Ha, how ridiculous.”

It was ridiculous.

Yes, there was no other way to express it than to say it was ridiculous.

“The leader of the resistance, falling like this.”

She had to admit it.

The maid’s leash Deus Verdi had put on her was truly sweet.

So sweet that it made Findenai want to settle down here.

But the end of Findenai’s path was not here.

She had too many burdens to sit down, forget everything, and live in happiness.

Giving up everything she carried…

“Wouldn’t be like me at all.”

She couldn’t be Findenai anymore.

“A wolf can’t be kept on a leash. You knew that when you took me in.”

Step by step.

She barely managed to move her heavy feet forward. With each step toward the outside, her heart ached more, and her axe felt heavier.

“I never thought the day would come when I’d want to give up the fight for freedom.”

After placing her hand on the doorknob one last time…

Findenai slowly raised her head.

Her white hair fell, covering her distorted red eyes.

“Damn it.”

And as if lamenting:

“To think I’d come to want…”

She exhaled with a sob.

“Something more than freedom.”

The door closed heavily, and silence enveloped the room.

And so the wolf who had crossed the mountains set off on a journey back to her homeland.