Ch.146Chapter 22. The Beginning of the Year (3)

The Kurosawa family is an ancient lineage.

From the time before the name Kurosawa existed—no, from before written language itself existed, when the only beliefs in the world were early shamanism and totemism—it’s said that the foundation of this group already existed, though Kagami didn’t quite believe that far back.

Under that name, a consistent belief has been passed down. In Kagami and Kosuzu’s generation, this belief was spreading as a kind of religion.

There is also a “shrine.” If one were to be specific, Kagami and Kosuzu could be considered priestesses of that religion.

Perhaps the last ones.

At first, she followed her sister thinking it was for the sake of the family.

That she was working for a belief that was on the verge of extinction, a faith that could already be considered fallen.

But that wasn’t it.

“This way, please.”

The place Kagami was guided to was the very back of the line.

Though the line was slowly shortening, it seemed it would take quite some time before she could pray.

“…”

Kagami looked at the person who had guided her.

An elderly person with a deeply wrinkled face. No, perhaps they didn’t look that old compared to their actual age.

Ironically, the fact that Kagami knew this elderly person’s age was also part of her sister Kosuzu’s legacy. Though Kagami was barely maintaining it, some parts were still useful.

“I don’t know what you’ve come to pray for, but it seems unlikely that the god you believe in will grant your prayer.”

She stared at that aged face, trying to determine whether the remark was sarcastic or sincere, but failed to fully read the emotion.

So Kagami decided to think of it however she pleased.

At least these were people who always willingly looked after those children, so they probably weren’t treating her with outright hostility.

No, perhaps they could harbor ill feelings precisely because they always willingly looked after them.

The elderly person stared at the silent Kagami for a while, then turned away without a word.

“…Sigh.”

Kagami herself thought she didn’t really know why she was here.

She still didn’t know how to deal with the existence of Kotone, the existence of Koko.

She didn’t think she had been completely harsh. Kagami’s “such behavior” was usually just an act put on in front of others for appearances.

But she hadn’t treated them as family either.

When she clenched her hand in her pocket, she felt a hard keychain.

A keychain shaped like a black cat.

Kotone probably hadn’t given it with any particular emotion. She had handed it over with an indifferent expression, as if it were the natural thing to do.

But conversely, it also meant that Kagami was included among those to whom gifts should naturally be given.

The murmuring crowd was slowly moving forward.

Having been guided to the back, as she moved forward, the distant figures of Kotone and Koko gradually came closer.

On Kotone’s face… she could see a little bit of herself.

That was natural, if you thought about it.

She had given birth to her, after all.

And in the world, such a being is called a “daughter.”

“…”

Their eyes met.

Neither of them particularly smiled.

It wasn’t because there was any emotion in staring at each other without avoiding each other’s gaze.

It was simply because neither knew what to do.

Not knowing how to react when looking at that person.

Eyes that didn’t treat her as a cult leader to follow, nor as another failure that only produced more failures, nor as a potential criminal or terrorist.

They weren’t the warm eyes one would have for family, but at least they seemed to see her as just another person.

Kagami was the first to move her gaze.

She had thought about saying something when they got closer, but since she still didn’t know what to say, Kagami just brushed past.

If one were to describe Kotone’s gaze precisely, it was probably one of “question.”

After all, it was strange that someone like Kagami would come to pay respects at such a place.

…Kagami herself thought so too.

However, amid all that questioning, one thing was certain.

Whatever prayer Kagami might offer, it seemed unlikely that the being she believed in would listen to it.

*

Yuka had never thought of herself as a particularly righteous person.

She tried to be cool-headed but was extremely emotional, with quite clear likes and dislikes.

And strictly speaking, Yuka’s profession until recently had been something she “didn’t want to do.”

Her life had never gone well because of that job.

She had never properly made friends because she had to move between various schools. While there were people in her neighborhood who could be called friends, there was still a certain wall between them. They couldn’t meet often in the first place.

Though they were called yokai, slashing something that looked very much alive was never good for one’s mental health.

Besides, hadn’t she lost her mother because of that work?

So it was something she couldn’t possibly like.

She was just forcing herself to do it because there was no one else who could if not her.

That job was now slowly becoming better for Yuka.

Well, it’s not like she completely wanted to do it now.

She still felt aversion to slashing things. She didn’t like being covered in blood.

But thanks to that job, she had made friends. She no longer needed to transfer to different schools for various reasons, and as a result, she was able to make quite a few friends for the first time in her life by attending one school.

Would last year’s Yuka have imagined being invited to a Christmas party? Or meeting friends during the New Year?

Until now, there had been no peers who understood Yuka’s work.

Most were people in high positions, or those in the same profession. Naturally, they were much older than Yuka, and they weren’t family or friends to begin with. Not people she would share her heart with even if they sympathized.

Now she even had friends who not only sympathized but fought alongside her.

“…”

And because of that, Yuka couldn’t completely like the person who was her friend’s mother.

Well, she wasn’t sure if “liking a friend’s parent” was the right expression.

The atmosphere had changed lately.

Kotone had described it as “reconciliation,” and indeed, their relationship no longer seemed like one-sided abuse as before.

From Yuka’s perspective, Kurosawa Kagami was still very inadequate as a mother, but if Kotone herself responded that way, there was no room for Yuka to step in.

She didn’t know how the law would judge it.

Yuka didn’t really want relationships to be disrupted because of the law.

…In this way, Yuka had a selfish side. At least, that’s what she thought of herself.

Kotone’s mother, Kagami, met Yuka’s gaze and walked slowly, patiently waiting until her turn came.

Why had she come all this way?

This was a person who had called her own daughter—who could communicate directly with divine beings—a “failure.”

Wouldn’t it be better to pray to the god she believed in instead?

While Yuka was thinking this, Kagami was ringing the bell.

Bowing twice, clapping her hands twice.

Keeping her hands together for a moment, she closed her eyes and remained silent for a few seconds before bowing once more.

Then she turned around.

Yuka thought she would leave now that her prayer was finished, but Kagami walked straight toward her.

She stopped about five steps away.

“…”

“…”

The two looked at each other without saying anything for a while.

At first, Yuka wondered if it was a hostile action, but Kurosawa Kagami’s expression wasn’t particularly glaring at her.

Just an expressionless face that, paradoxically, seemed like it wanted to say something.

“…Do you have something to say?”

Yuka asked. If she didn’t, this person would probably stay like that forever.

For a very brief moment, she thought even asking was meaningless. Kurosawa Kagami remained frozen, just looking at Yuka without doing anything.

But soon,

“…”

Kurosawa Kagami slowly leaned toward Yuka.

*

In fact, what Kagami had done could hardly be called a prayer.

Thinking about it now, she was a bit doubtful whether what she had could be called a complete religion.

The being she believed in had a quite different atmosphere from the kind of religions people typically believed in.

It wasn’t a being she believed in hoping it would remove obstacles in her path, or vaguely wishing for blessings.

Nor was it a being she worshipped simply because it was great and deserved worship.

Nor was it a being she believed in to prepare for the day of the end in the distant future, trying to get on its good side to go to heaven.

Rather, there was a more specific reason.

To break down the boundary between life and death, to make the very concept of death disappear.

A world where no one fears death and everyone enjoys eternal life.

This was a belief that had been passed down since ancient times, from before the name Kurosawa was created.

That’s why they had consistently worked to bring a powerful being who could change the rules of the world into this world.

Kosuzu seemed to have additional purposes beyond that.

Therefore, Kagami had never prayed. She had only wished.

She had wished for something for the purpose, but it wasn’t Kagami’s own wish.

“…”

With her eyes closed and hands clasped, she organized her thoughts.

If she were to wish for something, would it be right to make that wish here?

It didn’t take long to reach a conclusion.

After finishing her “prayer,” Kagami turned around.

She saw Yuuki Yuka standing nearby.

Kagami approached her and abruptly bowed to her.

“…Huh?”

As if she hadn’t expected such a thing, Yuuki Yuka let out a surprised sound.

Kagami said:

“Please take care of my daughter.”

…Daughter.

The word still didn’t feel quite right on her lips. In fact, Kagami herself didn’t know how Kotone would think about it.

Would she accept the term? Would she look up at Kagami as if she were saying something strange? …Probably. Kagami could easily picture that expression in her mind.

It was an expression Kotone often made in front of Kagami.

“Um, yes? Excuse me.”

After making such a request, Kagami felt like she was a terribly inadequate person.

Yes, she was an inadequate person.

How else could she express it?

“…”

Yuuki Yuka remained silent for a while.

“…I told you last time too.”

Only after hearing Yuuki Yuka’s voice did Kagami raise her head.

“You should have said that back then.”

Yuuki Yuka was smiling.

“I shouldn’t be the one saying this after what I said back then, but fine. I was planning to do so anyway, even if you didn’t like it.”

Kagami still didn’t fully understand the meaning of that smile.

An expression that seemed somewhat relieved, yet also a bit angry at the same time.

“But now that I think about it, it’s a bit strange.”

Yuuki Yuka said as if finding it absurd.

“You’re supposed to be a mother, right?”

“…”

“Then say ‘please take care of her’ directly to your daughter. It’s New Year’s. What are you doing saying such things to someone else’s daughter?”

Kagami stared at Yuuki Yuka’s face.

“You should at least give her some New Year’s money.”

“…”

Kagami pondered those words for a moment.

“Oh, and if you’re going out, have her change into casual clothes. It’s hard to clean stains off shrine maiden clothes.”

It was a strange feeling.

Being told such things by someone much younger—to be precise, someone who could be her daughter.

“…Is it because of what you did before?”

Not particularly.

I see. Yuuki Yuka still thought Kagami had abused Kotone.

Strictly speaking, that might be correct, but at least in Kagami’s opinion, Kotone wouldn’t consider “neglect” as abuse.

Rather, if Kagami had offered to help back then, Kotone would have fled in terror.

I see.

Kotone’s personality probably began to change after meeting this girl.

A girl who seemed to have no particular attachment to the world, who just sat alone in her room like a living doll, probably found a reason to live in this world because she met such friends at that school.

“Kotone said she forgave you,” Yuuki Yuka said.

“Then you should act in a way that somewhat repays that forgiveness.”

…

I see.

While she couldn’t agree one hundred percent, Kotone was certainly slowly getting closer to Kagami these days.

Not deliberately with some ulterior motive, but just naturally.

“Look over there.”

Following Yuuki Yuka’s chin gesture, Kagami turned her head to see two people watching from a distance.

Kotone’s face was visibly flushed with embarrassment, even from this distance.

That makes sense.

Whether she thought of Kagami as her mother or not, she must be very curious about what was happening, seeing someone like Kagami bowing to Yuuki Yuka.

Though Kagami had no intention of telling her.

“…Go on. Honestly, I still don’t fully trust you.”

Looking at Yuuki Yuka, who spoke as if she would personally deal with Kagami if she did something untrustworthy again, Kagami… chose to say nothing.

Kagami gave Yuuki Yuka another slight bow and headed toward the two, still not knowing what to do.

*

What on earth is going on?

The Kagami I know, well, honestly I’m still not sure exactly what kind of person she is, but she doesn’t seem like someone who would easily bow to others.

Isn’t that right? Besides her attitude toward people, Kagami’s position itself is quite high within the cult.

Isn’t she much more accustomed to being revered by others than politely elevating someone else?

I blankly thought as I watched Kagami approaching us.

Kagami came near us with an expression not much different from usual, and with a slight smile on her face, said:

“Shall we go?”

“Where to?”

“I wonder.”

In response to my question, Kagami tilted her head with an expression that somehow seemed a bit more cheerful, and said:

“You’re asking where we’re going when you suddenly said ‘let’s go’ without knowing yourself?”

“Well, I was told to take you all somewhere.”

“…”

I looked toward Yuka.

Yuka, meeting my eyes from a distance, gave us a slight wave. I waved back at Yuka and then looked at Kagami again.

“So… why?”

“I wonder.”

A double “I wonder.”

It was enough to make my mind briefly hazy.

While I was trying to figure out the reason at maximum speed, Kagami asked:

“If you don’t want to, I can leave now.”

“…No, it’s not that I don’t want to…”

That’s right. I didn’t particularly dislike it. Rather, I just felt a bit strange.

Are we that close?

Well, we’ve eaten together a few times, said the part of my brain responsible for “objectivity.”

It was just that Kagami had shown up while I was cooking, and it felt awkward to eat alone, so I fed her and sent her on her way, but we had eaten together.

And… though Kagami didn’t give me anything, I did give her a Christmas present.

Come to think of it, why did I buy it? I just felt like I should. I didn’t even think about buying anything for Sasaki, Hagiwara, or Nakahara.

Kagami wasn’t even at the Christmas party.

“Have you already eaten?”

“We have, right?”

I tilted my head as I spoke.

Yuka’s family would never invite us over without feeding us.

“But that doesn’t mean you can’t eat something else. Shall we go for a snack?”

“Ooh?”

Koko reacted to the word “snack.”

Using food to lure people, how unfair.

Well, I often fall for it too.

“What would you like? Perhaps ice cream is a bit much?”

“Ice cream!”

“It seems it’s not too much after all.”

Kagami said with a slight laugh at Koko’s reaction.

It was a different kind of laugh from what I usually saw, strangely unfamiliar.

This one seemed much more natural, though.

“But you should change clothes first. White clothes are hard to clean if something gets on them. Especially something like ice cream.”

“No, I wasn’t planning to wear these clothes while eating ice cream either.”

Even Yuka would find that a bit embarrassing, wouldn’t she?

I also wonder if it’s even allowed. Well, since it’s also a work uniform, it probably wouldn’t be a big problem.

“Then, shall we go?”

“Umm…”

I turned my gaze.

Koko was looking at me with an expression full of excitement.

Probably more excited about the ice cream than about Kagami.

“…Let’s go.”

I nodded while holding back a sigh.

At my answer, Kagami also seemed pleased. I have no idea why.

“Think of it as a response to your gift from before.”

“…”

Is that it?

When she puts it that way, it kind of makes sense. Hmm, I still don’t really get it.

Well… I won’t refuse free ice cream either.

It’s winter, but the inside of the shop will surely be very warm.

“Let’s go.”

“Not that way.”

As Kagami confidently walked in the completely opposite direction from Yuka’s house, I grabbed Kagami’s sleeve slightly and said:

“…”

Kagami looked at my hand.

I quickly let go.

“…Let’s go.”

This time I spoke first and started walking.

Kagami and Koko followed behind me.

Strangely enough, as both of them were smiling, they looked a bit alike.