Ch.145Chapter 145. Why Are You Coming Out Here.

Vivian Platonis.

To me, she was a benefactor in every sense of the word.

During those dark times when I was branded as a Hero Killer, she was the one who kindly accepted me when harsh treatment awaited me wherever I went.

Because there exists a fear that even gratitude-born affection cannot cover.

I’m simply hesitant to approach her carelessly, worried that I might end up like those who died by her hands.

“Why are you standing there like that? Um, could it be that the smell hasn’t completely gone away…?”

“Ah, no, that’s not it. Still, staying in that state of undress is rather, how should I say, problematic…”

If I were to succumb to male instincts in this situation, it might become difficult to maintain the necessary distance in our relationship.

So I must endure.

Even if I haven’t completely shaken off my feelings for her.

“You don’t like this?”

Perhaps she was displeased with my attempt to maintain distance?

Clutching her towel tightly, Vivian began to speak to me with an anxious voice.

“…Pardon?”

“Well, I’ve been staying in my room all the time. I’ve gained a lot of weight…”

Vivian directed both arms below her chest.

Her ample bosom visibly swayed with the movement, creating a deep valley that captured my gaze.

That deep darkness whose depths I couldn’t fathom with the naked eye… If I let my guard down even slightly, all my senses would focus there, potentially causing me to lose my reason.

“…You don’t like it after all? This fa-fat body.”

“No, absolutely not! I don’t think that at all!”

Hearing those absurd words, I hurriedly collected my senses and exclaimed with difficulty.

It’s not a lie. Objectively speaking, she hasn’t gained weight—she’s simply well-endowed where it counts.

If she could somehow fix her tired expression and hunched posture from staying up all night, she could easily be called a beauty like Irie or Merilyn.

“I-I like it. Actually, bigger is better…”

Above all, she’s kind and gentle to me.

She accepts everything I do for her positively and focuses on her research—if I only consider that aspect, she perfectly matches my ideal type.

“You like…?”

“…Yes, I like it.”

After revealing my feelings somewhat honestly, I belatedly realized what I had said and felt my breath catch.

To say I “like” a half-naked woman standing before me—isn’t that essentially sexual harassment?

“…He-hehe.”

But unlike me, who realized I had crossed a line, Vivian showed no sign of being bothered by my words.

The smile on her lips and her flushed cheeks indicated that she was taking my words positively.

“I-I see. So men do like this sort of thing…”

“Um, Miss Housekeeper.”

“Have you perhaps thought about such things while living with me?”

“P-Pardon?”

Such thoughts?

What on earth is she talking about?

“Well… I read it in this book.”

As I wondered, Vivian approached a cluttered part of the library.

She then picked up a book and pulled it toward her. On its cover was a vague illustration depicting a man and woman in an intimate scene.

“It says that when a man and woman like each other… they rub their bodies together…”

Her voice as she spoke in front of that book was extremely shy yet full of curiosity.

Like the innocent reaction of someone just awakening to sexuality, I felt the moisture needed to wet my throat drying up on my skin.

“No, wait. What are you saying…”

“Touching each other, and then after that… huh, hehehe~♡”

Vivian’s hand moved toward the space between her legs, precariously covered by the towel.

Then, with her characteristic gloomy smile, her eyes began to turn toward me.

A gaze filled with unmistakable expectation.

“Y-you feel the same way, right?”

“W-what do you mean by that…”

“You said you l-l-like my body. That means… you want to do it with me, right?”

Thump, thump.

Vivian approached me with trembling steps.

The trembling at the corners of her upturned lips revealed that her typically passive personality was being driven by impulse.

“Um, Vivian.”

And the target of that impulse was none other than me.

She, who disregards others’ strength and authority, treating all humans before her like trash… has come to see me as a special existence, unable to forget me because of my ability.

“You know, I want to continue being with you from now on…”

By the time I realized this, she had already approached to within inches of me.

When our eyes met, her sunken eyes caused my heart to pound violently.

“I’ve always thought about it. More than research, I’ve wanted to spend time with you.”

What should I do in this situation?

Should I rationally suppress this sudden development and calm her impulses?

Or should I maintain my stance of not upsetting her and leave everything to her?

“Y-you feel the same way, right? That’s why you’ve stayed with me…”

“I’M SORRY!!”

A shout escaped before an answer could be formed.

And my body took a step backward.

I belatedly realized what I’d done and tried to stop myself, but it was already too late.

“…Why?”

She realized I had rejected her.

Recognizing the situation, Vivian stopped approaching and stared at me blankly.

“Why are you suddenly apologizing?”

She’s not harming me.

She’s just standing there, asking me. Perhaps I could still fix this, but I couldn’t bring myself to reach out to her.

“…I’m sorry. I understand your feelings, but I can’t move forward with that kind of relationship.”

The reason is simple.

Even though I’m in a position where I have to follow her wishes…

Even though I have feelings for her that can’t be erased by fear, I know there’s something within me that takes priority.

“Why…?”

“…Because I have a lover and family.”

I’ve found precious people since coming to this world.

Before understanding Vivian’s feelings, I had already formed bonds with others, and I had vowed that nothing would break my determination to be with them in the future.

“Lover…?”

“…Yes, the most precious people to me right now.”

The reason I still feel thirsty even after becoming a Hero is because I subconsciously feel anxious that it’s not enough to fully take care of those people.

Even though I find that reality burdensome, I’ve made many resolutions to move forward despite it.

How could I carelessly promise to accept the feelings of someone who even I can’t handle, who makes me tremble with fear?

“Oh, I see. Precious people…”

So even if my life were in danger, I shouldn’t disguise that feeling with lies.

As I realized that this situation was the result of staying true to those sincere feelings, Vivian looked at me with wide-open eyes and quietly spoke.

“So you have other people besides me.”

“…Vivian?”

“Yes, that’s right. You must have gone through a lot while I was away…”

Her voice, which had been trembling with her timid personality, now somehow felt cold.

No, it wasn’t just her voice that had grown cold.

Her hunched back had straightened, and her trembling had subsided, leaving her standing rigidly in place.

“I see. Without knowing that… I’ve been waiting for you all this time.”

“Vivian, wait.”

“I kept waiting, looking forward to seeing you again… but you had people closer to you, more important than me.”

With that, her hand stretched out into the air.

I felt anxious that my statement had upset her, but she wasn’t aiming any mysterious technique at me.

She simply waved her hand beside her and clutched something she pulled from the space that opened.

“…So, someday you’ll leave me to go to those people?”

What she took out from the leather pouch was what’s commonly called a dagger.

A blade sharp enough to reflect the library’s lighting…

Facing this object that embodied killing intent, I felt my breath catch.

What is she trying to do with that knife? Surely not targeting them instead of me?

“I’ll just die.”

But what came from her lips was the opposite of what I expected.

“…What?”

“I hate everything now. I’ll just die.”

“Vivian, wait, this is too sudden!”

When I saw her pointing the dagger at her own throat, I finally understood the situation and screamed.

“Please calm down. I’ll listen to how you feel, so please calm down first…”

“No, no matter how I think about it, this is the only way now.”

“That’s not being rational! Put the knife down first and let’s talk!”

Vivian turned her half-open eyes toward me.

Were the tears glistening in her eyes from despair at my rejection, or from fear of taking her own life?

“I-I don’t know. If you hate me, then just…”

Either way, she had lost her reason.

Belatedly realizing this, I rushed forward, pushed her down, and quickly grabbed the knife from her hand.

“Let go of this, quickly!”

“N-no, don’t…”

“LISTEN TO ME!!!!!”

A shout burst from my mouth.

With that, her resistance stopped with a thud, and the strength left Vivian’s hand.

Fortunately, her body wasn’t much larger than an average adult woman. It wasn’t difficult to knock the knife from her hand once she stopped resisting…

“Uu, uuu…”

As I threw the knife far away,

Sobbing sounds began to escape from her mouth as she lay on the floor.

“Uwaaaaaaang!”

And following that came sorrowful crying… no, not just crying.

The way she endlessly wiped her tears with both hands was like that of a child who didn’t know how to control their emotions.

“…Vivian.”

“Sorry, I’m sorryyyy…”

The apology that followed made the back of my head throb.

I never thought that someone who had killed people so mercilessly would show such a childlike side.

“I didn’t know you would get so angry. Sorry, I’m sorry…”

What is it?

Even though she hasn’t forgotten me because of my ability, why is she so generous only to me?

She’s willing to offer not just her emotions but her body, and despite being unable to control her feelings, she doesn’t get angry at me but rather fears my anger like a child.

“But, I don’t really understand… what I was researching for.”

Vivian spoke to me in a strained voice as I wondered about this.

“I can’t remember anything… As time passes, my mind becomes whiter and whiter.”

“…What do you mean?”

“I don’t know why I’m living, nothing comes to mind… but your face keeps appearing.”

This seemed different from just being tired and unable to think clearly.

If it were just minor forgetfulness, she wouldn’t regard me so specially. Unless her memory was continuously fading beyond something temporary, she wouldn’t be clutching my clothes so desperately at this moment.

“But when you said you don’t need me, my mind became a mess… I just felt like I hated everything.”

“…Vivian.”

“Don’t abandon me.”

I felt a lump rising in my throat.

Facing her pitiful state, I felt the fear that hadn’t been suppressed even when seeing her naked body completely disappear.

“Please… don’t leave me alone.”

Even though I couldn’t resist her power, I knew that power wouldn’t extend to me.

After choosing to point a knife at her own chest rather than going to kill them, I couldn’t possibly continue to fear that she would kill me.

‘Vivian, do you really like me?’

So I wanted to know.

I wished for an opportunity to spend more time with her and understand what kind of person she was.

‘Will you not betray me?’

If she answered that question affirmatively, perhaps I could connect with her like with those two.

If she guaranteed absolute trust in me in this harsh world…

Then perhaps I too could erase my hesitation and offer her my sincere feelings.

-CRASH!

But just as I was about to ask that sincere question, the sound of breaking glass rang out.

As my nerves reflexively tensed, I saw something flying from a distance and embedding itself in her neck.

A single needle, extremely thin and presumably with a sharp edge.

“Ah, ah…”

“…Vivian?”

“Don’t worry. I merely shot her with a tranquilizer dart.”

As Vivian gradually lost consciousness, a voice followed.

A weapon formed in my hand as I immediately became alert, and its tip was aimed at where he stood.

“Who are you…”

“How disappointing. I have never once forgotten you, yet you’ve already forgotten me?”

My body trembled.

It came from what could be called déjà vu.

Though he wore a black cloak and mask, his distinctively solemn voice told me he was the person I knew.

“…Why are you appearing here?”

Yes, he was the Hero who had employed me as a porter in the past and treated me like a peer.

The reason I felt wary of him despite identifying him was clear.

“Haha, you ask why I’m here? You’re asking something so obvious.”

“Is it so strange that I, a traitor, would visit the Imperial Palace on business?”

He was the most wanted fugitive in the current Empire.

After all, he was the leader of the anti-imperial organization “Nihil.”