Ch.145. Look at Me. Look at Me. (2)

Just after sunrise.

Due to his mother being half-bedridden, his father, having heard the news from somewhere, returned late to their residence.

“Kariel. Did you really… have to go that far?”

I don’t understand the point of the question.

Was it necessary, he asks?

“What else would you have me do? Get beaten by Patina while satisfying her base desires? Taking hits like a dog? And what would you say to me then?”

“That—Patina wouldn’t have gone that far, would she? I understand you both lost your tempers, but even so…”

“Why are you so certain she wouldn’t? By whose authority?”

“We all know her character better than anyone, you and I both. Why do you keep steering things in such a negative direction…?”

“It seems she’s particularly temperamental with me.”

“That’s… because she has high expectations for you. It’s been that way since you were little.”

“Who asked her to expect anything? What is she basing that on?”

The more we talk, the more my anger builds.

I don’t even want to deal with this, but…

“Anyway, when people fight, tempers flare and things can get intense. I’m not criticizing that part. But… don’t you think making your mother witness such a scene was going a bit too far?”

“Why? You just said people can get hurt when fighting. Isn’t that normal in real combat? Didn’t you always say to train as if it were real battle?”

My left hand, which had been half-split and dangling, was now perfectly fine as if nothing had happened.

Even my right hand, which had been crushed and mangled, was completely normal.

With just a few movements from my mother, both hands that could have been permanently disabled returned to normal, as if by magic.

“Even so, to use such extreme measures in a practice match? I know you trusted your mother’s abilities, but… no matter how upset you were, to damage your own body like that—”

“What… did you say?”

Kariel interrupted, biting his lip as he pressed the point.

But Lueld continued his opinion without the slightest hesitation.

“Because you knew it could be healed anytime. You thought if you showed Ermina, she would fix it without issue. That’s why you did something so reckless. You calculated that showing her once would be far more effective than a hundred verbal complaints to Ermina, who’s always criticizing you. Being as smart as you are, that’s how you planned it, right? Am I wrong?”

“That’s absurd…!”

No.

That’s not it.

Well… perhaps I did have such an intuition.

No, that’s probably right.

But did I think about it rationally?

Not at all.

But if the result turned out this way, and they want to interpret it like that, then what am I supposed to do?

The outcome was correct.

Just seeing those distorted expressions, those faces crumbling in dismay.

…It definitely had meaning.

“What a terrible notion. If something had gone wrong and Ermina had been shocked, causing an accident…”

At that point, my father fell silent for a moment and sighed deeply.

“…Kariel. Don’t ever do that again.”

“……”

“And explain the situation to your mother and Patina, and apologize to them.”

…?

Apologize?

“Why should I?”

“…What?”

As if he’d heard something incomprehensible.

His golden eyes momentarily twisted with bewilderment.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“Are you seriously asking that right now?”

“What excuse did Patina give?”

“……”

Lueld, looking somber, suppressed his frustration as much as possible before answering.

“She said it was entirely her fault, that she had done something foolish, that she was ashamed, and that she would even give up her position as a knight.”

“Then I suppose that’s how it is.”

“…Kariel.”

She went that far?

For a moment, concern and worry for Patina welled up, but Kariel dismissed it with a sigh.

What can I do?

She brought this on herself, didn’t she?

From the beginning.

Why should I, the victim… feel guilty?

Why always.

…must I worry about and feel sorry for others’ wounds?

I’m the victim, aren’t I?

I’m the one who suffered, right?

-That’s because you’re too gentle? Being kind is good, but… a good heart is a vulnerability easily exploited. It’s not that you’re bad. It’s those bastards who use your kindness against you that are despicable.

A voice snickering with a snort came from one side.

The Demon King, sprawled on the sofa, muttered to himself as if reading Kariel’s thoughts, or perhaps deliberately provoking them.

And.

No matter how much she rambled on.

Her voice was merely a one-sided echo directed only at Kariel himself.

Lueld spoke with a subdued expression.

“…It seems your head hasn’t cooled down yet. Let’s… continue this conversation after you’ve had some time to calm down.”

As Lueld was about to leave Kariel’s room.

“Stay in your room today. I can’t let you wander around in that state—it’s too dangerous. I’m not telling you to reflect in isolation, but I’d like you to calm down and think about what went wrong and why things turned out this way.”

“……”

I was planning to stay cooped up anyway, even without being told.

Despite not responding, it was as if they had tacitly agreed and confirmed it.

Both Kariel and Lueld.

Without any final answer or response about it.

The door closed.

“Ha.”

Relief and regret flood in simultaneously.

I still couldn’t tell which emotion was dominant.

The confusion filling my mind grew worse, and the sense of guilt darkening my chest intensified, making even breathing difficult.

Why… should I be suffering from guilt and remorse?

It would have been better if I’d felt relief.

No, I did feel it.

But only for a very brief moment.

But now?

Why… do I feel irritated and uncomfortable, as if I’ve done something terrible?

-I told you, didn’t I? It’s because you’re too kind. Being altruistic, you think about the harm you’ve caused before the harm done to you. It’s not complicated, is it?

The Demon King kept snorting mockingly.

Though in the form of a pretty girl, her face was covered as if by a demon’s mask,

and on her upturned face as she lay there was truly a terrible sneer.

From that form filled with malice, a cold and subtle emotion bloomed.

-O General! Honor is a treasure second only to the soul, regardless of gender.

Therefore, those who try to steal my wallet are like stealing trash.

Even if they have it, it’s completely! Meaningless! Hahah!

Suddenly speaking such nonsense in an exaggerated tone, Kariel, who had been focusing on deep breathing, deliberately questioned:

“What is that supposed to be?”

-One can only forget what cannot be changed. What’s past is clearly past.

The past is long gone and cannot be grasped, and the future has not yet come, so fear not and worry not. All that remains for us, therefore, is only the conventional present.

“……”

-O weak one! Thy name is Kariel! Kekeke!

The Demon King rose abruptly from the sofa.

-Put down those emotions. If they’re too much to bear, if you cannot forget, then at least close your eyes.

“……”

-The moon has set. From now on, it is only the time of the sun, is it not?

Having said that, the Demon King, as if she had said something amusing, giggled and disappeared through the wall of the building.

“Haah.”

That irresponsible person… no, Demon King.

As if I could sleep at a time like this.

Nevertheless.

What I should do, what I want to do.

Not a single thing came to mind properly.

Now I just suffer.

As usual.

Hoping this moment will pass like a fleeting instant.

====

Beyond walls and across barriers.

Where the Demon King arrived, two people who had contributed to her death were there.

The woman who had fiercely clashed with Kariel yesterday was continuing a conversation with a complicated expression.

More precisely, Lueld was asking Patina about the situation to confirm the circumstances once more.

And Saint Ermina.

With both hands clasped before her chest and eyes closed.

Her continuous recitation of prayers seemed like that of a sinner atoning and repenting.

And while Lueld, unable to bring himself to ask her to stop, watched with concern.

As he continued to listen attentively to Patina’s words.

The sight of the hero comforting and caring for his wife and subordinate was utterly pitiful.

‘Still the same.’

He doesn’t crumble.

He doesn’t break.

Even in defeat, let alone dying, he doesn’t even get damaged.

There were many heroes besides Lueld, many called champions.

But the Golden Demon King felt, as an adversary, that this guy was truly impossible.

Because in all the world, he was the only one.

‘That… damned will that bends easily but never breaks.’

The Nine Heroes, they say.

They were once more numerous, but those who came to be called the Nine Heroes were, after the passage of time, psychologically driven to the point where they could collapse at any moment.

Yet somehow, far from self-destructing, they only grew stronger.

‘But.’

The aftereffects still remain, it seems.

Saint Ermina.

Innocent and pure, but implanted with obsessions by the church, initially a puppet without her own will.

The girl who, as time passed, fell into despair at failing to properly fulfill her role as a savior.

…Even after becoming a mother, she was still immersed in victimhood, anxiety, and obsession.

Strictly speaking, it would be right to view it as post-traumatic stress disorder.

“The young lord said not to expect anything from him! But even though it was extreme, he ended up putting me in a difficult position! Having seen that! How can he tell me not to expect anything…?”

“Patina. What are you trying to say?”

“Whatever circumstances there are for hiding his skills and deliberately acting like a dropout! The young lord is making his own efforts in his own way.”

“Patina. Please calm down and get to the point.”

At that moment, a subdued monologue was heard from one side.

“Is it my sin? If I had saved more people… is it because of my inadequacy that the child has become so twisted? I should be the one atoning, so why have you made that child so twisted? Father in heaven, I truly don’t understand. If it’s my fault, then rather kill me and take me away…”

“…Ermina.”

“M-My lady! Don’t think like that! If you say such things, what becomes of me who was saved by you and Lord Lueld? Please… such sad words…”

The Demon King laughed wryly.

What a mess.

Despite the pleas of the two, Ermina’s eyes remained lifeless and vacant.

“Isn’t it… strange? My child was clearly not so twisted and misaligned when young… right, Lueld? Patina? They said that child was the blessing of the world. And how much effort did we put into raising that child properly? Even when the child volunteered as a hostage for the princess and the country, traveling between nations… even there, that child… that child…!”

“……”

Lueld remained silent.

A very appropriate response.

The right answer here is to keep your mouth shut and just listen.

“Was the incident five years ago the problem after all?”

At that point.

Due to Patina’s pointed question.

“That’s….”

Lueld’s expression contorted.

Ermina also opened her mouth to say something, but nothing flowed from her lips.

‘Five years ago, huh.’

A story the Demon King doesn’t know.

But she can roughly guess.

From hints Kariel had dropped bit by bit.

From various other hints visible around him, it’s possible to make some inferences.

But.

This has some disconnect from expectations about Kariel, or underestimation or overestimation of him.

Also.

Even this isn’t clearly understood.

If it’s not clear, then it’s not properly known.

‘Roughly guessing in the realm of imperfect hypotheses is not the duty of a wise observer.’

Even if that hypothesis guarantees 99.9% accuracy.

The absence of 1% means inaccuracy.

Even a 0.1% deficiency signifies complete imperfection.

“We have continually seen examples of foolish second generations who ruin their family fortunes, sell out their countries, and destroy the great achievements and reputations of their ancestors… Lueld.”

“……”

At Ermina’s words, Lueld simply nodded gravely.

“In times of chaos, as the world sinks into misery, those villains and rogues used it as an opportunity to focus on indulging in their own pleasures. Not protecting the weak, disregarding not only the will and cause of their ancestors, but even scorning, betraying, and turning away from the will of God… I couldn’t let our Kariel grow up to be like them. Absolutely not…”

‘Hmm.’

Since her invasion of the middle realm, countless people had betrayed their countries and races in plain sight.

Naturally, if the tide was turning and they didn’t want to die in vain, it was normal to bow down and kneel.

Compared to other Demon Kings, she had treated her enemies relatively chivalrously.

She thoroughly respected those who surrendered.

Conversely, if they neither surrendered nor accepted defeat.

…She burned everything to the ground without leaving a single plant, and slaughtered them all.

After all, isn’t that what war is?

Moreover.

The demon race had sufficient justification, reason, and cause to hate the creatures walking the middle realm.

Even if she controlled them, it wasn’t something she could control completely.

‘Well, that’s my circumstance, so it doesn’t matter now.’

“The young lord is just going through a temporary phase. The wounds haven’t all been washed away yet…”

“Patina.”

Just looking at her unstable gaze and complexion, it was clear she wasn’t in a normal state.

Had the young woman also been as psychologically shocked as Ermina?

“Why are you disappointed on your own? He said that’s what you said, right?”

Amidst all this.

Lueld set aside their opinions and thoughts for a moment.

And focused entirely on what Kariel had said.

“I can’t say we didn’t put pressure on him, but was it really that severe?”

“Lueld?”

“…Commander?”

“Perhaps.”

Looking somewhat tired, but quickly hiding his anxious expression, he said:

“We should have paid more attention to that child.”

At this, Ermina, with trembling eyes, asked as if checking whether she had missed something:

“Attention… you say? Aren’t we already giving… too much… of that?”

Oh ho?

At this, the Demon King made a sound that could have been either a sigh or a wry laugh.

Lueld had unexpectedly reached the correct answer.

But whether that correct answer would lead to a sublime mistake resulting in the wrong answer.

Or whether it would truly lead to a simple and clear solution.

The Demon King began to grow a little curious about that point.

Even so.

‘The water has not just been spilled, it’s completely dried up… how do you intend to restore this?’

Also.

That saint who still hasn’t grasped the situation, deluding herself that she was doing her best.

Was it because she was pregnant and psychologically unstable and anxious?

But looking at Kariel’s state, that didn’t seem to be the case.

Being strict versus showing affection.

Paying attention, but what is the nature of that attention?

She seemed surprisingly unaware of such points.

No, more precisely.

‘Because it’s her own child.’

The Golden Demon King knew better than anyone how the saint treated outsiders.

In fact, she had once used that to stab a dagger into her heart.

Using the unfortunate.

Exploiting the pitiful.

To plant betrayal, guilt, remorse, anxiety, and hatred deep in her heart.

She had fed her all kinds of bitterness.

Yet that woman never disappointed, hated, or resented.

She embraced even that.

So isn’t it even more ridiculous?

Why doesn’t she do the same for her own child?

‘Treating him strictly so he doesn’t go astray, guiding him on the right path… is that what she thought?’

It’s not wrong.

But it’s not exactly right either.

Moreover.

If they lacked in this area, why didn’t they place a nanny or someone beside him to give advice or support?

‘How pathetic.’

It was truly, truly such a trivial problem.

Compared to facing her, it was really nothing significant.

How could those who were so sharp-minded back then become so complacent when placed in a family environment?

‘Well… that’s right. I’m just an observer, so it doesn’t matter to me.’

Whether they reach the right answer.

Or reach the wrong answer and everything falls apart, breaks down, and all they’ve built crumbles like a sandcastle.

As a Demon King! I don’t care at all~!

Not my problem!