Ch.142?????

Venus thought.

That’s not it.

She had no choice but to conclude that she’d been pushed by reality, unconsciously falling into contemplation.

No matter how turbid and chaotic a life might be.

If that life had even a slightly proper form.

The past is nostalgic.

The present is complicated.

The future is frightening.

She falls into a beautiful dream.

Is this wandering, or is it straying?

What if my steps are slower than others?

What if the path I’m taking and my direction are wrong?

Later, when even recalling such things becomes difficult.

…When I discover myself simply walking as far as my strength allows.

I’ll have no choice but to ask myself at least once.

Am I moving forward properly?

And how much farther must I walk to reach my destination?

What if.

What if all of this was just a useless, futile attempt?

What if all my time and effort, my will and desires, become as meaningless as bubbles?

Like a gust of wind that passes by, disappearing without form or shape.

What if it’s something like that?

That is the invisible future, the fear, the anxiety.

Even if I try to cover my eyes and ears, the seed planted in my mind slowly grows, feeding on the nutrients of anxiety.

It grows vigorously.

Someone says.

If only I were unaffected.

No temptation in this world could stand in my way.

But that is a lie.

Born as a humble human, collapsing and faltering under the storms of life is only natural.

All that remains is the will to resist.

To keep burning the will to struggle until the day you die.

Even that belongs to the realm of innate nature.

Because even the hardest rock sometimes breaks.

Because even the strongest iron bends and breaks when struck hard enough.

‘Until when.’

Until when must I struggle?

Until when must I confront?

Until when. Until when.

Until when must I fight, get hurt, feel pain, scream, swallow tears, suppress screams.

…And struggle desperately?

Is this a battle with an end?

Is there an end even after death?

In the end.

As long as the world doesn’t end, perhaps there is no end.

Then perhaps this world is wrong after all.

Or was it created for that purpose from the beginning?

If so, what are we who have been thrown into such a world?

Why.

…Why throw us into such a living hell?

Those who call this a blessing are truly cursed beings.

Those who babble about this being grace deserve to die as villains.

If that’s the case.

Doesn’t it mean that all malice, curses, nightmares, unhappiness, and pain in this world are blessings? Aren’t they grace?

…Am I supposed to accept that silently?

“Kugh!”

The darkness subsides.

Light arrives.

The vast light devours the blood-red flames that had filled the world.

Gradually expanding its domain.

Is this grace, or a blessing?

Or another form of malice?

Light or darkness, in the end, they both consume and devour each other, expanding their territories, ignoring and trampling anything that isn’t themselves—there might not be much difference.

That’s just how the world is structured.

It’s wrong.

Greatly misaligned.

But, am I the strange one for thinking it’s misaligned?

There are people who live in this kind of world.

There are many who bow their heads to the flow of such a world.

If that’s not wrong?

Why isn’t that wrong?

Were we born to bow our heads, bend our necks, submit, be subjugated, ruled, and used as slaves?

And while even praising those who prattle about it being grace or a blessing.

Must we live miserably, meanly, and vulgarly?

Is that what they call a true life?

Isn’t that wrong?

I’m not trying to claim that dominating and trampling everyone is a good deed.

Why do they babble that submitting and surrendering, even accepting and embracing that with pure will, is necessary?

For what? For what purpose?

‘How can I change anything?’

The light encroaches.

The power that was boiling as if about to explode.

The immense power that was swelling as if to tear the entire body apart, gradually subsides.

Like pouring cold water over heated iron.

Everything subsides.

Blood bursts forth with a surge.

The view ahead becomes a severe landscape of light and red.

Sounds can’t be heard properly, and only a strange, ringing noise like tinnitus, battered by the innocent sound of wind, staggers chaotically.

The heart hardens.

Or perhaps it’s breaking.

“What am I supposed to do?”

What more can I do here?

Am I destined to always be defeated?

Is the end of my life, the dead end, to act like a king only among lowly and weak ones?

What was the reason for instilling in me the desire and will to change the world?

To overcome with will and desperate struggle?

Or to crash, shatter, die, and collapse?

‘Isn’t it unfair?’

I didn’t ask for much.

I already know that damn bastard is different from others, and even what he desires isn’t normal.

Even so, this gap is a bit too severe, isn’t it?

I’ve wanted to give up countless times.

Yet, this personality and temperament wouldn’t allow it.

Do you think it wasn’t hard for me?

It was harder than anyone, painful, and cursed.

Life itself was pain, hatred, and a series of forced struggles.

I cursed myself, and wherever I went, absurdity and injustice ran rampant.

Was it just my eyes that uniquely captured such scenes? Or was the world inherently that way?

Making me unable to overlook it.

Throwing me into such a world without offering any solution or alternative.

…Does God even exist?

“What am I supposed to do?”

Me.

What am I supposed to do here?

I can’t see the answer.

Yet am I supposed to live my whole life recklessly struggling, comforting myself with clumsy consolations?

Of course, by saving someone and protecting someone from danger.

I might get a tiny bit of comfort, though not real comfort.

…But that alone doesn’t quench the thirst.

For a traveler dying of thirst, it’s a sip of water that’s needed right now.

No matter how lavish a feast might be laid out.

…What I’ve needed from the past until now has always been just a sip of water.

‘If selling my body, heart, and soul to the devil doesn’t work.’

What should I do now?

Effort?

Endless effort?

Is the opponent just playing around?

Or should I just pray for the opponent to die and win by default?

There’s no way, is there?

The conclusion is to shed the pretense of victory and defeat.

…But why should I give up? Why should only I give up? What great sin have I committed?

Why…?

“……”

As the intensity of the light gradually increases.

Now truly, all the flames that had been swirling around… have subsided.

An inexplicable stillness arrives with the fading light.

In the end, the silence, so miserable it’s beyond words, leads me to even greater despair.

“Haa.”

Beyond despair, it’s now even more wretched.

The misery pierced so deeply that I couldn’t even think of resignation.

“…Ha.”

Suddenly, I remembered.

Childhood.

That time when I couldn’t see even a step ahead into the future.

I was looking at that dark back, which stood particularly tall.

Perhaps, without realizing it, my journey had been following that.

I cannot replace him.

But there is someone who can replace him, right before my eyes.

…Is there any need to try so hard?

It wasn’t me.

I didn’t need to try so hard.

If that’s the case, isn’t it enough now?

It might have been an absurdly short life for some.

But for me.

…It was an endlessly long journey.

The past no longer matters.

The present has collapsed.

The future… is no longer visible.

That’s fine, isn’t it?

“…Anyway.”

Having begged the devil.

There’s probably no more hope in my future.

Something calls.

At an unknown call, all strength drains from my body.

…Yes.

I’ve done enough, so let’s stop here.

Beyond this, there would be no meaning anyway.

……

……….

Through rising bubbles.

Small water droplets emerge stealthily over the dark space.

Someone who was watching it, examining its contents.

Eventually, with the same feeling as before, with eyes half interested and half bored.

Brought a long, long index finger toward it without malice.

The water droplet is so fragile that even the slightest touch would burst it.

Knowing this, it did not hesitate.

Just dully, bluntly.

Just as its index finger was about to touch the curved surface of the water droplet.

With a jerk.

Something firmly grabbed her hand.

It was a dark figure.

“Ah.”

Finally.

Has it come this far?

As it turned its gaze from the water droplet.

There he was, beside it.

A pair of golden eyes flashing brilliantly within the dark figure.

Pale and so impassive that not even a fragment of emotion could be discerned, truly indifferent.

What emotion and mood it had used to block this.

It couldn’t know.

…She couldn’t know.

But.

I can guess the intention.

I have been watching him and his surroundings for a very long time, after all.

“Come here, Kariel.”

In the bright yet dark space.

She murmured.

“I am ready whenever you are.”

To grasp fate.

If you want to capture the ideal you desire.

“Come here and prove your faith to me.”

I will wait.

Embracing fleeting joy.

Holding onto sad, sorrowful youthful feelings.

I will wait all along.

“Now truly… there isn’t much time left.”

With that voice, the world blurs.

The voices that were heard fade away, becoming indistinct.

That’s how I felt.

It seems like collapsing, like sitting down.

It seems like breaking.

It goes out.

Yes, “sinking into the ground” would be the right expression.

Thus, in a moment that was both fleeting and eternal, in an extremely brief passing.

Kariel, who had just emitted radiance, encountering the scene where bright red flames still enveloped everything.

Once again.

…No, let me correct myself.

From the pitch-black darkness, a brilliant light reversed.

A dazzling sword light (劍光) that reached the midpoint between gold and white.

He scattered it further.

‘I.’

I didn’t shoulder power to abandon and let go.

So this process should not lead to someone’s frustration, despair, or giving up.

…Even if that guidance is right.

I will use my power to reject it.

I am not one who obeys.

I am neither the submissive one nor the surrenderer, nor the faithful servant that the fellow before me has cursed.

What I pursue might be the same as the one before me.

I.

…From beginning to end, with a rebellious mindset, with trivial yet grand defiance, I’ve forcibly dragged my body this far.

So my origin is defiance, resentment, sorrow.

Born from frustration and despair.

Resignation covering the entire body.

I am the one who has been cutting away each callus and hardened skin with a blade, bleeding by my own hand.

Someone like me should not fall into someone else’s unreasonable despair.

I.

…Regardless of talent, I chose to wield a sword to change the absurd and unreasonable reality.

It didn’t have to be a sword.

But the reason I deliberately chose the sword is, after all, because of that.

Because my father wielded a sword.

Because the whole world wanted me to wield a sword in the name of a knight.

Even if it was inefficient and somewhat forced, there’s no helping it.

In the end, it’s because I wanted it.

The light flickers.

And in an instant, it covers the sky and earth.

The future I glimpsed faintly earlier.

A future that might exist.

Unlike the future that perhaps shouldn’t exist but would certainly have happened.

This, without clumsy sympathy or compassion.

At once, without time to think or contemplate.

Devoured the surroundings, then the royal palace, and then filled the inside of the inner walls.

It was a pillar of light descending from the sky.

Perhaps an aspect of a miracle. A facet of a wonder.

In the time it takes someone to blink a couple of times.

A great marvel descended upon the area.

It descended.

Truly… like God’s miracle and divine punishment.