Ch.138Negotiation (1)

*

“Pia. That’s…”

“You’re not going to deny it, are you?”

“…”

I closed my mouth at Pia’s resolute voice.

Could I honestly say “no” to Pia’s accusation that I had treated her like a convenient tool?

Only then did I reflect on my relationship with Pia.

I had cherished Pia.

If I were to ask myself whether I had ever thought of Pia as anything less than precious, I could assert without a hint of shame that I had not.

I definitely cherished Pia.

That month of solitude after being rescued by the Green Lady.

The terrible loneliness I experienced after entering this forest—no, perhaps the first true isolation I’d ever known in all my days—would have been unbearable without Pia.

Back then, she was in fox form and couldn’t even converse with me, but that was enough.

I truly cherished Pia, who had always been by my side even before I realized it.

“…”

When had it started?

When had I begun to delude myself?

“You always just ask me for favors.”

“…”

“You don’t even speak to me unless you’re curious about something or need something.”

Pia spoke with a trembling voice.

I couldn’t say anything in response to her reproach.

But once Pia started speaking, she began pouring out all the resentment she had been carefully stacking in her heart, like a dam breaking.

“You don’t spend time with me. You’re always flirting with Silvia, completely forgetting about me until you need something.”

“…”

“I want to talk with you too, go for walks together, play together, take naps together, but you never call for me unless you have a reason.”

“…”

“Today too, you called for me just to learn how to handle spirits.”

Heavy laments and reproaches flowed through Pia’s tearful voice, pounding against my chest.

How long had Pia been thinking this way?

Most likely, she had felt this way for a very long time.

She had only now, after her growth, gained the eloquence to fully explain her sad feelings.

I closed my eyes tightly, my head bowed with guilt.

When exactly had I started thinking of Pia as merely convenient?

Was it when I discovered I was a spirit mage?

Was it when she set herself on fire to keep me warm?

Was it after I learned that Pia could amplify my magic?

I couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment, but what was certain was that I had been gravely mistaken.

Spirit magic wasn’t about controlling spirits.

‘There’s something else a spirit mage must be born with.’

‘Even if you have the ability to command us freely, even if you can use us, the one who can sympathize with us becomes a spirit mage.’

‘Because you are such a person, we willingly serve and love our mage.’

The Green Lady’s words passed through my mind one by one.

A spirit mage wasn’t someone who controlled spirits, but someone who was loved by spirits.

Spirits weren’t simply magical power or weapons.

Spirits didn’t obey me; they loved me.

Pia loved me,

Even though I only sought her out when I needed something.

“I’m sorry.”

“…Keuung,”

Hearing my hollow apology, Pia made a sound like a fox’s false bark, her face scrunched up.

Her bloodshot eyes and quivering eyelids, along with her twitching nose bridge, showed she was desperately holding back tears.

I slowly embraced Pia.

I judged that this would convey my feelings better than mere words of apology.

Pia raised her arms, pressing against my shoulders as if to push me away, but there was no strength in her hands.

Her drooping ears tickled my neck, but I paid no mind as I held her tightly in my arms, whispering repeatedly.

“I’m sorry, truly. I’m really sorry.”

“…Hmph.”

“I was so fixated on going after the Demon King… Since I’m much weaker than Silvia or Alice, I needed Pia’s help to support them… No, that’s not it. This is just an excuse.”

I shook my head, pressing my lips together to suppress the despicable excuses that kept emerging.

Of course, it was true that the Demon King’s revival was imminent.

And it might not be entirely wrong to say that humanity’s hope rested in my hands, even if that was somewhat exaggerated.

But that was no reason to neglect Pia or treat her carelessly.

Rather, if I truly cared about the world, the right decision would have been to devote all my sincerity to Pia, my only spirit.

“This might sound like an excuse, but I’ve never not cherished you… I was just too intoxicated, I think.”

“…”

“Someone like me, who was never special, got so drunk on the power to handle spirits that… I treated you carelessly.”

It was a foolish delusion.

I have no power of my own.

There was no hidden talent within me.

I was simply loved.

Far more than I deserved.

“I hate it.”

“…Yes.”

“Don’t do it anymore.”

“I won’t.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise.”

Pia’s ears slowly rose.

Opening my eyes slightly, I could see her tail slowly wagging from side to side.

I said to Pia:

“Pia, is there anything you want to do?”

“…Huh?”

Pia’s voice had brightened so much that it felt distinctly different from just moments ago.

“Let’s do whatever Pia wants to do.”

“Whatever I want? Anything?”

“Yes.”

“Will you really do anything for me?”

“I might not be able to fulfill impossible requests, but I’ll try my best.”

Pia’s tail wagged even more vigorously.

She hugged my back tightly and remained still for a moment, thinking.

What request could she be contemplating that required such deliberation?

With a tense heart, I waited for her answer, and soon Pia slowly began to speak.

“I don’t want anything special. Just hold me like this, talk to me often… pat my head and things like that.”

“…Pia.”

“I’m happiest when I’m with Ash.”

“…”

Pia’s love, as pure as a child’s innocent goodwill, seemed to drop into my murky heart.

A drop of water falling into mud remains mud, but Pia’s clear, clean drop of affection seemed to gradually purify the muddy depths of my heart.

I tried to hide my overwhelming emotions as I spoke.

“Really, is that enough?”

“Yes. It’s enough.”

“But…”

“But I do have one request.”

“…Yes?”

Pia slowly pulled away from my embrace and looked at me.

Pia’s youthful face overflowed with adorable charm that could make anyone’s heart skip a beat, but her expression was nothing short of serious.

It felt almost a shame that only I could see such a cute girl.

But that cute face with its solemn expression began to slowly open her small lips, facing me directly.

“There’s nothing I want you to do, but there is something I want you to stop doing.”

“Stop doing?”

“Yes. I have a complaint.”

The mention of a complaint made my heart sink once again.

I suppose it would be strange if there weren’t any.

No matter how much Pia loved me as my spirit, not all of my actions could appear favorable to her.

I nodded and promised.

“If I resolve this complaint, will you forgive me for being unkind to you all this time?”

“Unkind…?”

“…Ah, I mean for making you feel neglected.”

“Oh, yes, I’ll forgive you if you grant my request.”

“Alright.”

“Do you promise?”

“Yes, I’ll definitely do it.”

I nodded firmly and made a solemn promise.

Of course, I had made some calculations.

Habits might be hard to break, but at least since she was asking me not to do something rather than to do something, I judged that with effort, there would be nothing I couldn’t grant.

No, rather, if it could alleviate my guilt for having neglected Pia all this time, there was no request I wouldn’t be able to fulfill.

I asked with firm determination.

“So, what’s this complaint?”

“…Ah, now that I’m about to say it, it’s a bit… awkward.”

“It’s okay. I won’t be upset with you over something like that.”

“…Okay, I’ll tell you… then.”

“Yes, just tell me. I’ll do anything…”

Pia cut me off mid-sentence and answered.

“Stop having sex with Silvia so much.”

“…Huh?”

“I know you two are in love, but you do it too often.”

“…Eh?”

“Think about me a little, having to see that every night.”

“…”

Apparently, I had been doing Pia a greater wrong than I had realized.

.