Ch.138Chapter 21. Year-End (2)

Expressing emotions honestly is not as easy as one might think.

Even when it’s not about expressing feelings to others.

Fundamentally, the human mind isn’t like a room divided by walls, but rather like a furnace where all sorts of impurities are mixed together indistinguishably.

People laugh at funny things even when depressed, and feel sad and gloomy emotions even when happy. That’s why it’s not easy to sort out your feelings even when you try to do it alone.

Especially for me right now.

While Yuka was staying at our house with the intention of making me study, she didn’t just force me to study like a cram school teacher.

After studying appropriately in the literature club room after school, then going home and studying for about two more hours, I had free time.

To be honest, it was much better than collapsing onto my futon after returning from my part-time job.

…Speaking of part-time jobs, the manager said I didn’t have to come during exam period.

Though he said I “didn’t have to,” it was practically telling me to rest well. Even after being discharged from the hospital, I didn’t look completely well, and the manager, aware of my condition, gave me time off until the exam period ended.

I was grateful, but I was starting to feel like I was receiving too much.

“What’s wrong?”

Yuka, who was picking up a tangerine from the basket on the heated table, noticed my gaze and asked.

“…It’s nothing.”

I said to Yuka, who looked slightly puzzled.

“I was just wondering if it’s okay for you to stay here this long.”

That was it.

Our house is in Saitama.

To explain further, it takes at least an hour and ten minutes to get to school.

And that “ten minutes” part is only if you take the bus. Including waiting time, it’s ten minutes, so it could take longer if you’re unlucky.

And since I usually walk, that adds another 30 minutes.

While Yuka’s house wasn’t particularly close to school either, at least it was in Tokyo. I’ve been to Yuka’s place a few times, and time-wise, it was definitely much shorter.

“Do you dislike me being here?”

However, rather than directly answering my question, Yuka blocked my words by asking her own question.

“No, that’s not it…”

Right, I don’t dislike it.

If someone with no connection to me wanted to live here, I might dislike it. But unless they were holding a hypnosis app, that wouldn’t happen, so her question wasn’t really applicable.

“Are you uncomfortable? If you are, I’ll go back.”

“…No, that’s not it either…”

To be honest, it’s comfortable.

It’s comfortable, but the problem is that it’s too comfortable.

It’s not like Koko can’t do housework at all.

Until recently, I did almost all the housework, but at some point, Koko started helping with various tasks to assist me.

Though she speaks like a child, Koko is fundamentally intelligent. She easily learned simple tasks like cleaning and washing dishes.

Moreover, while I was in the hospital for a few days, Koko managed the housework alone and even took care of Kuro.

She even stopped by the house to clean up before coming to the hospital. How admirable is that?

And Yuka was the same. While Yuka was staying here, I had no reason to do any chores.

Before I could move, Yuka had already taken care of the housework.

That’s right.

If this continues, I’ll end up leaving all the housework to two high school girls who are much younger than me.

No matter how I thought about it, my conscience wouldn’t allow that.

“If you’re not uncomfortable, then it’s fine, right?”

“…”

This is why it’s difficult to express my feelings properly.

Spending time with a friend is enjoyable. It’s comfortable. It feels reassuring somehow.

But at the same time, I felt a strange burden. This isn’t Yuka’s fault or Koko’s fault. It’s just me feeling that way and suffering alone.

Having run out of things to say, I also reached out and picked up a tangerine.

“Well, that’s good. The studying is going well, and if we continue like this, you should be able to maintain at least a middle ranking.”

Yuka said with a smile.

“It’s Christmas break soon, right? Do you have any plans for the end of the year?”

Hmm.

If Kagami and I had a truly close family relationship, I would have plans.

Unlike in Korea where New Year’s is divided into solar and lunar new years, in Japan, all holidays are based on the solar calendar. Japan’s New Year, or Shōgatsu, is on January 1st.

January 1st, 2005.

It’s really not far away now. Once the final exams are over and the break begins, I’ll be a year older in just a few days.

A year older here.

“…I don’t have any plans yet.”

And as I recalled that I had no plans with Kagami, I suddenly remembered that I had other friends too.

Mako would probably ask me about New Year’s or Christmas plans first, but the situation wasn’t very good right now. Mr. Miura was still hospitalized.

…See? I became depressed in an instant. It was clearly one of those peaceful winter nights, but internally I became very gloomy.

“…Hmm.”

It seems like she was initially going to suggest spending time together if I had no plans, but seeing me suddenly become depressed, Yuka momentarily lost her words.

“Is there anywhere you’d like to go?”

“Anywhere I’d like to go?”

As Yuka asked, seemingly trying to change the mood somehow, I absentmindedly repeated her question.

“Yes. Since we’ll have a long break after the exams, I was thinking we could go somewhere together if there’s a place you want to visit. Like when we went on a trip in the summer.”

Ah, I see.

It’s winter break.

I fell into thought for a moment.

How about a hot spring?

We did go in the summer, but honestly, a midsummer hot spring was a bit too hot for me, who wasn’t born Japanese. But I do have a certain romantic notion about an open-air hot spring in the middle of winter. It’s something that appears a lot in manga.

Romantic notion—

Wait a minute.

As I was staring at a corner of the ceiling with narrowed eyes, lost in thought, I suddenly felt something creeping up from the depths of my memory.

What was it? I’m sure there was something I had decided I must do at the end of the year—

“Ah.”

“Oh, what is it?”

When I, who had been lost in thought, let out an exclamation, Yuka leaned toward me with interest and asked.

Perhaps it was because I rarely asked her for anything? Yuka’s eyes were sparkling as she looked at me.

But…

Is it okay to just say this?

The term “otaku” certainly existed in 2004. Apparently, the word itself had been around for quite some time before that.

In light novels, otaku are often portrayed as ordinary people. In a way, that’s natural. After all, the consumer base is otaku.

And while it might be different for people in their 20s, teenagers often have a few similar otaku friends around them.

But reality and fiction are different, aren’t they? In novels, there are heroines who like games targeting otaku, read manga often, and even cosplay, but in reality, there are quite a few people who don’t understand the manga or animations that otaku watch.

I haven’t had much leisure time until now, and somehow ended up living with Koko, so I haven’t thought about buying and displaying things like figurines, but my nature is inclined that way.

But after showing no signs of that, am I now going to make such a request to Yuka?

“What? What is it? Are you worried I might feel burdened? Do you want to go to D*sney Land?”

D*sney Land wouldn’t be a problem.

But the place I wanted to go was elsewhere.

“Waa?”

As I was hesitating, Koko, who was listening to our conversation, also showed interest.

“Well…”

“Yes, yes. Tell me.”

After a moment of contemplation, I finally exhaled softly and just spilled what I was thinking.

“Comiket.”

That’s right.

That’s what I really wanted to visit.

Of course, I know.

There will be an enormous crowd. I might not enjoy it as much as I think.

But still.

This is the era when the light novels and manga I loved as a child were at the height of their popularity. Not the 2020s where too much time has passed and content is no longer being produced, but the time when those works were truly popular.

After coming here, I looked them up out of curiosity, and most of them actually existed. Only [Tokyo Slayers], which I had read, didn’t exist.

So, I want to go.

Why, aren’t there people who still regret not having seen Michael Jackson’s concert in Korea because they couldn’t go then? It’s not a matter of whether they could have gone or not, but simply regretting not being there in person.

That was me. Of course, I wouldn’t have thought of traveling to Japan for something like this back then.

“…”

Yuka and Koko didn’t say anything for a moment after I spoke.

Whoosh.

I felt my face instantly heat up.

Koko likes magical girls, and Yuka enjoys video games to some extent.

Of course, Koko can’t be said to have a mental age that matches a high school student one-to-one, and I don’t know if Yuka still enjoys games.

But from what I can see, the two aren’t what I would call outright otaku. It’s not like I haven’t been to Yuka’s room.

“Comiket, you mean that? Where lots of manga fans gather?”

“…”

See? She doesn’t really know.

“Wuu?”

It’s natural that Koko doesn’t know, of course.

“…No, forget it, we can just go to a shrine or something—”

“Hmm.”

As I tried to change the subject, Yuka smiled at the corner of her mouth.

For a very brief moment, I wondered if Yuka was distantly related to Kaoru. The mischievous cat-like smile that appeared on her face was an expression I had never seen from Yuka before.

No, I hadn’t even seen it in the original novel. In the original work, which was from Sasaki’s perspective, Yuka was a very sharp-tempered tsundere. There were hardly any episodes where she would show such a sly expression.

Bang!

Suddenly, Yuka hit the kotatsu with her palm, startling me.

“Sounds good. Let’s go. When is it?”

…I don’t really know either.

Yuka seemed to read that answer from my face and nodded.

“Well, we can look it up somewhere.”

Yuka crossed her arms and nodded several times, making “mm, mm” sounds.

“Then let’s all go together after the break. That’s what you want, right?”

“…”

Even with Yuka speaking so definitively, my face was still burning.

Not that I wanted to take back my words to that extent, but still.

Looking at Yuka, who had an unusually satisfied expression, I nodded somewhat reluctantly.

*

In Yuuki Yuka’s perception, Kurosawa Kotone was not someone whose thoughts were easy to judge.

No, thinking about it, that might be natural. Having never stayed at one school for long due to various circumstances since childhood, Yuka didn’t know how to converse with peers.

It was a bit strange.

Everyone else seemed to easily approach new children, find common ground, and naturally become friends, but when Yuka tried to do the same, it was too difficult.

Just swinging a sword carelessly doesn’t kill a yokai.

The way to move the sword differs depending on the yokai’s form. Moreover, each yokai has vastly different characteristics, so there’s a lot to prepare for.

Learning all of that, and trying to keep up with school lessons, one ends up unable to enjoy the things that other peers might enjoy.

It’s hard to follow conversations about dramas or TV programs watched the day before.

She doesn’t know much about popular songs or singers either.

Of course, she wasn’t always ostracized, but Yuka found it strangely difficult and uncomfortable to follow and adapt to such conversations.

In that sense, Kotone was the first peer friend with whom Yuka had such a perfect “topic of conversation.”

But just as Yuka had to be careful about various topics in front of others, Kotone was similarly cautious about various topics in front of Yuka.

Although Kotone had become much more honest and talkative than when they first met, she still didn’t want to talk about things that might worry others.

So, until Satori revealed it, she had probably been keeping such thoughts to herself.

But now, Kotone was telling Yuka directly.

The place she wanted to go, from her own mouth.

Yuka had no intention of missing this opportunity.

“Then, let’s all go together after the break. That’s what you want, right?”

“…”

Kotone’s face turned red at Yuka’s words.

Yuka had rarely seen Kotone display pure embarrassment like this. No, perhaps this was the first time she had seen her embarrassed in this way.

Even Koko beside them was staring intently at Kotone’s face.

“But how did you come to think of wanting to go there?”

She was naturally curious.

She didn’t think Kotone had no hobbies. As a member of the literature club, she enjoyed reading books and would watch movies or dramas on TV. Yuka had also been glad she brought over an old game when she saw Kotone enjoying it.

But it was refreshing to see Kotone proactively express something she wanted to do like this.

As far as Yuka knew, “Comiket” was far from being a manga festival. Rather, it was a place where many people gathered to buy and sell derivative works of original content, literally a comic “market.”

In other words, if one wasn’t interested in a particular work, it might not be very enjoyable to visit.

“Do you perhaps have a manga you like?”

When Yuka asked that, Kotone’s face turned even redder.

Come to think of it, Kotone’s part-time job was in Akihabara of all places.

And it was a maid café at that.

Initially, she thought Kotone had just found the place based on the hourly wage, but seeing her now, there might be something more to it.

“…”

But Kotone didn’t want to say.

Yuka decided not to push too hard and risk upsetting Kotone.

Well, they had already agreed to go together anyway.

If she watched what Kotone bought there, she would find out what works she liked.

Thinking that, Yuka stared at Kotone’s reddening face for a while, with her arms on the table.

*

Well, alright.

I was planning to mention it someday anyway.

Actually, I had thought about asking in a way that seemed more coincidental, without showing that I wanted to go, but whatever the case, the outcome was good.

Though I was a bit anxious that Yuka might stare intently at what I bought there.

…I won’t be able to buy anything inappropriate. Well, with Koko around, that would be impossible anyway.

After searching on the school library’s computer, I found that the event hadn’t passed yet. They said it would be at the end of the year, and indeed, it was scheduled for the very end of this year.

December 29th and 30th.

It’s truly the day to wrap up a year of fandom. Though I haven’t been particularly enthusiastic about such things since coming here.

“So it’s after Christmas.”

Yuka said, staring intently at the computer screen beside me.

“Good. Then we can enjoy everything there is to enjoy at the end of the year. And then we can go straight to the shrine. That’s what you said, right?”

“…Yes.”

With Yuka smiling so brightly as she spoke, I couldn’t bring myself to refuse.

Well, I did want to go. It’s not like I only want to swing swords in this world.

“Then, we need to study to enjoy all of that happily.”

Ugh.

Yuka looked at me and Koko alternately as she spoke.

“This is the exam that wraps up the year, right? We need to finish it properly and refreshingly to be able to play comfortably.”

That’s not wrong.

I nodded.

*

“Oh, by the way.”

And after school.

Somehow, thanks to Yuka, the club room had completely turned into a study atmosphere. Kaoru, who always diligently looked at his textbooks, suddenly raised his head, perhaps inspired by seeing Izumi studying.

“Does everyone have plans for the end of the year?”

“Ah, well, we…”

Yuka started to speak but then looked at me.

…Why?

Oh, is it because of how I blushed when I said I wanted to go there?

It’s too late to be considerate now after already half-teasing me.

“We do have plans for the end of the year.”

Instead of directly saying where we were going, Yuka concluded her statement that way.

“I thought so.”

Kaoru said with a smile.

“I was thinking of having an end-of-year party.”

“A party should be fine, right?”

“Eh, but you said you have plans?”

“Those plans are for the 30th. If it’s the 31st…”

Yuka trailed off slightly and looked in my direction.

“I’m fine with that.”

“It’s fine!”

Koko excitedly continued after my answer.

That’s right. The word “party” sounds like something fun to hear anytime.

It might be a bit awkward if it involves strangers, but I welcome a party with people I’m close to like this.

“Oh, really?”

Kaoru’s gaze turned to Izumi.

“Izumi, what do you think? The others are okay with it. You wanted to do it too, right?”

“Kaoru…!”

Izumi’s face flushed at Kaoru’s words.

I see.

So it was actually Izumi’s idea.

She just couldn’t find the right timing to bring it up.

“Alright then. Let’s make the 31st the literature club’s end-of-year party. Is that okay?”

By the way, it’s interesting that Kaoru used the term “literature club’s end-of-year party.”

He doesn’t seem to have noticed it himself, but it seems he has completely integrated into the literature club.

I found it somewhat impressive that Izumi was smiling triumphantly even as her face was turning red.