Ch.136Legal Affair? (5)

CLANG-!!

I held a spoon, assuming my stance.

Shit… the weapon in my hand felt terribly flimsy.

“Hey!! Tina!! Kana!”

I called out to the two immediately.

“Huh?”

“Whaaaat…”

Both struggled to get up somehow.

“You two can copy my techniques after watching them, right?! Hurry and neutralize the poison!!”

I instructed them.

In the end, I had no choice but to use our numerical advantage.

Tina could imitate techniques after seeing them once. I learned that during our previous fight.

And… Kana could just do it. She was simply a natural talent.

“Hnnnngh…!!”

Tina immediately copied my technique. It was a method to expel poison by spreading breath throughout the body.

WHOOSH-!!

The effect was immediate. Tina got to her feet.

Kana also observed quietly, then attempted to copy the technique.

“Hnnnngh… haaaa…!”

Kana calmly followed my and Tina’s breathing method.

“Phew… I can move now.”

Kana sighed with relief as she managed to stand up somehow.

However, Erina, being a civilian, and Thumbs-up Man, who hadn’t reached that level yet, were still knocked out by the sleeping gas.

Somehow, we needed to carry those two, subdue this madman, and escape safely.

In other words, we needed to divide our tasks.

“Tina!! Carry those two and run outside!! Kana!!! Find something that can be used as a weapon! Then let’s hold this guy off!!”

I shouted loudly.

“Wait. Who are you to give orders…!”

Kana started to grumble.

However, Tina didn’t hesitate and hoisted both Eri and Thumbs-up Man onto her shoulders. With Tina’s overwhelming strength, carrying two people was nothing.

“Got it!! Be careful!! Shota!”

Tina winked at me, then immediately smashed through the wall and went outside. Was breaking the wall really necessary? Anyway.

“Wait! My precious film crew!!”

The old man tried to chase after Tina.

“Where do you think you’re going? I’m your opponent.”

I pointed my spoon at the old man.

“You little vermin… I’ll kill you!!!”

The old man shouted loudly, wielding a blood-slick baseball bat.

“Then Shota… hang in there somehow!!”

Kana quickly began searching the entire lodge.

Well… living as a naturalist in this forest. Wouldn’t there be tools like a logging axe or a hammer? I made such an optimistic prediction. With luck… we might even find our confiscated swords.

Anyway, I had one job. While Kana searched, I needed to hold out somehow.

“Die!!!!”

The old man swung his baseball bat widely.

CLAAAAAANG-!!

Even I couldn’t overcome the inherent weakness of my weapon. The durability of a spoon was obvious. If I blocked the baseball bat head-on, the spoon would just bend or break.

CLANG-! CLANG-! CLANG-!

Therefore, I had no choice but to hold the spoon at an angle to deflect the old man’s baseball bat strikes. I was minimizing durability damage by deflecting attacks.

CLAAANG-!! CLANG-!!!

“Uhahaha! Well done!! But… you cannot defeat my obsession!!!”

The old man closed the distance between us.

‘He’s fast…!’

Durability wasn’t his only specialty. This old man was strong. Well, that’s probably how he survived in this insane forest for three years.

“HYAAAAH!!!”

The old man raised his baseball bat high for a powerful swing.

“Holy shit!!!”

It was difficult to deflect such a wide attack.

CLAAAAAANG-!!

The spoon bent helplessly. The spoon hero… utterly defeated!!!

“Die!!!!!”

The old man swung his bat at me with bloodshot eyes.

“Hnnngh!!”

CRAAAAAASH-!!

The baseball bat shattered the wall behind me. I barely managed to throw myself through the broken wall.

Beyond the broken wall was a room with papers plastered all over.

“Ugh…!”

And there were skeletons on the wall.

‘1st Film Crew’

‘2nd Film Crew’

‘3rd Film Crew’

Papers with these labels were attached above the skulls.

The parade of film crew introductions… continued up to the 15th.

He had killed at least 15 groups of hikers. This guy was insane.

I carefully examined the room.

‘Kinji Sakamoto, who appeared on “I Am a Naturalist”!! Receiving countless love calls from the mass media afterward’

‘Why Kinji’s Slow Life Makes People Go Wild’

‘Kinji Sakamoto, Dating a Famous Actress?’

These kinds of newspaper articles were clipped. But… they weren’t real newspapers. They were self-made articles he had fabricated and edited.

He had created fake newspaper articles depicting the future he desired. Incredible dedication. What’s that… law of attraction thing?

There was an SNS page concept he had captured himself.

‘Followers: 1,000,000’

An incredible number…!!

Moreover, the effort put into creating fake DM windows was impressive.

He had fabricated scenes of receiving private messages from all sorts of beautiful celebrities.

“True madness…!”

I trembled.

“Since I was young, I had only one dream…”

The old man looked at me with madness gleaming in his eyes.

“That was… to become popular!!”

The old man stated firmly.

“Ah… everyone has such dreams…”

I tried to sound sympathetic while creating distance. I need something to use as a weapon!! What is Kana doing?!! Is she having some kind of cyber psycho episode?

“In middle school… after ranking dead last in the girls’ looks ranking for boys in our class, I decided. No matter what… I would end this miserable life!!!! And become a celebrity!!!”

The old man shouted loudly.

“So when living as a naturalist became trendy, I seized the opportunity to live in this dangerous forest!! I even underwent training to create impact for the mass media! But… no one ever came…!!!”

The old man spoke as if sobbing.

“Well… they’ll come eventually, right? If you want something strongly enough, it comes true, right?”

The old man raised his baseball bat.

Shit!! He really was influenced by self-help books!!

“You should have just kept pretending to be a film crew… Then none of this would have happened.”

CRAAAACK-!!

The old man dragged his baseball bat along the ground and charged at me like a berserker.

“Shit!! Kana!! When are you coming?!”

I shouted loudly for Kana.

“Shota!!!”

At that moment, Kana appeared heroically. With her sky-blue silver hair fluttering, Kana who burst onto the scene was… truly goddess-like.

WHAM-!

Kana immediately tackled the old man.

“Guhak!!!”

The old man rolled on the ground from the sudden tackle. This would buy us some time.

“Kana!! The weapons?!”

I looked around at Kana.

“I searched everywhere… but this is all I found!”

Kana immediately dumped out the weapons.

Spoon, spoon, spoon… and fork, fork, spoon, spoon……..

“They’re all cutlery!!! Are you kidding me?!!”

I immediately complained.

I never thought Kana would have this kind of sense of humor. But… awakening her humor in this situation…

“No!! There really was nothing but cutlery!!! Spoons were everywhere, I’m telling you?!!”

Kana shouted in an aggrieved tone.

Shit… not only is he a psycho… he has a spoon fetish?!!!

“Hehehehe. When I eventually become a celebrity… lots of guests will visit… I stocked up on cutlery for that.”

The old man got up, laughing.

He’s truly insane… With this level of obsession, it’s strange he hasn’t become famous yet.

“You have no chance of winning. Quietly… remain as my exclusive film crew forever. The 16th film crew!!!”

The old man swung his baseball bat and rushed toward me.

No choice. I had to do what I could.

GRAB-!

I picked up a spoon that looked relatively sturdy. The fork seemed to have more killing power, but it was a tiny fruit fork. It would be destroyed in 3 seconds if hit by the baseball bat.

CLICK-!

Kana also picked up a spoon.

“Kana. You should escape and join Tina’s group.”

I said to Kana.

“Hmph. Leaving an enemy right in front of me? That’s not what a swordsman does.”

Kana smiled and leaned her back against mine.

“And… I don’t feel like we’re going to lose.”

Kana murmured softly.

“Yeah… I don’t feel that way either.”

I smiled and agreed.

“WE DON’T FEEL LIKE WE’RE GOING TO LOSE AT ALL!!!!!”

Kana and I shouted as we charged forward with our spoons.

“Foolish ones!!!”

The old man swung his baseball bat.

The plan was simple. I would draw aggro by blocking the old man’s attacks. Meanwhile, Kana would exploit any openings.

I had gotten the hang of deflecting attacks rather than blocking them.

“Uhahaha! Good blocking!!! Let’s see how long you can last!!”

The old man laughed as he swung his baseball bat.

“Celebrity Smash!!!!”

“Celebrity Punch!!!”

“Celebrity Kick!!!”

“Celebrity Buster!!!”

The strange technique names were a bonus.

Though he was acting confident, beads of sweat had formed on his forehead. Yes, he was feeling a bit pressured. He was surprised by how well I was blocking his attacks.

CLANG-! CLANG-! CLANG-!!

I enthusiastically parried attacks with my spoon. This… could be useful in other real combat situations too. Such thoughts naturally came to mind.

CRACK-!

One spoon had already broken.

“Next!!”

I immediately grabbed another utensil from the pile Kana had brought. In this moment, I was a weapon master… no, a spoon master.

CLANG-! CLANG-! CLANG-!!

While I was engaged in this fierce battle with utensils flying everywhere, Kana swung her spoon with proper sword technique.

Her posture and fighting spirit were excellent.

However, a spoon was still a spoon.

TINK-!! TINK-!!! TINK-!!!

Her attacks did absolutely no damage.

“Damn it!!! I feel like an idiot!”

Kana cried out with a tearful expression.

‘I could use Issen, but…’

That wasn’t feasible. This old man’s body was strange. When trying to find a weak point, the weak point would shift. He had unconsciously mastered a technique to defend against Issen.

Moreover, his body’s defense was abnormally high. What kind of training did he do…!!

In the end, I had no choice but to reach a new level.

‘I like this…!!’

This was an opportunity to become stronger.

If weak points shift… I had no choice but to create a weak point myself.

“Hnnnngh…!”

I charged my breathing.

TINK-!!! TINK-!!!

Meanwhile, Kana continued hitting the old man with her spoon, looking tearful.

Kana… just hang on a bit. I’m right on the verge of an enlightenment event.