Ch.134134. Senia, and ■■■ (3)

The past that flowed into her memory brought Senia not just a sting, but a searing pain accompanied by pus and discharge.

From her past actions, she had gained only one thing.

Though the dead could not be brought back, she had succeeded in saving the living. In other words, she had at least managed to rescue the remaining Sirens.

Although they now lived in an uncomfortable location by the coast rather than the lake, the Sirens she had saved with her own hands could continue their lives despite the harsh environment.

But that was all.

Even after recovering the memory of rushing to the Schütt province to secure the survival of the remaining Sirens, her expression remained dark.

That shadow was her indelible sin.

Perhaps if she had consulted from the beginning, the outcome would have been different.

If she had informed him about the existence of the Sirens and sought cooperation with humans as she did now.

If she had delivered Hipplisia, the cure for the Lemtert plague, a little faster to prove that Sirens were not harmful to humans.

If, instead of deserting the battlefield alone, she had asked for help in rescuing the remaining Sirens.

The Sirens could have returned to the principality as a trusted race, establishing a firm position through proof.

There would have been no failure caused by prioritizing personal feelings in a moment that required choosing between two options.

He would not have been blamed as an incompetent commander because of someone’s disappearance.

A choice made by one person alone, with no one else to blame.

The worst choice, trampling underfoot the last ray of hope for the principality.

That was the bitter pain contained in Senia’s memories.

“Junon…”

In front of Junon’s bedside, where he had been unconscious for days, Senia visited with a sleepless face and called his name. This time was no different.

But the man lying in bed kept his eyes closed and said nothing.

Finding this scene unbearably painful, Senia bit her lip before speaking to someone who wouldn’t answer.

“You overly kind bastard… Why, why did you have to step in there…”

She had been the fuse.

In a situation where discontent was already rising because they couldn’t gain the upper hand against magical beasts and kept taking damage, his incomprehensible choice of the Heavenly Path Trial had fueled the flames of dissatisfaction.

The only thing maintaining the status quo was the absence of a proper fuse to ignite the fire.

But the fuse had been created.

Because of her disappearance during the Heavenly Path Trial, she had become the topic of conversation, and the spark had been lit.

Then, naturally, she should have cut that fuse before it was even created this time…

“Even though you knew everything… Even though you should have left me to die as you said, why did you do such a thing…?”

He hadn’t done that.

He should have branded a miserable end into every cell of his wounded area and engraved the burning criticism and blame onto his skin.

Despite remembering everything, he had put his foolishly kind nature first and thought of others before himself.

Senia had never felt so disgusted with herself in her life.

Just the fact that she had received help from Junon, just the fact that there had been a similar incident related to Sirens in the past, filled her with revulsion up to her throat.

Then this time, she could be different.

In this changed present, she could ensure he wouldn’t meet the same end.

In this way, Senia had pushed aside her disgust and self-loathing to regain her rationality.

After recalling these memories, she had vowed not to accept any help from Junon.

But the disgust and self-loathing that she had stuffed down her throat and sealed away had finally burst out because of this incident.

“I’m the crazy one… I was the incompetent and useless one…”

Suddenly, such thoughts began to surface.

If she knew he was such a kind-hearted person, shouldn’t she have prevented this from happening?

Someone who goes out of his way to help others and understands them—how could he not step in in this situation?

How could she so easily break the one promise she had made to herself not to shatter?

This was a question to herself: wasn’t she thinking of relying on one person to solve the situation even if the same circumstances unfolded?

Senia couldn’t answer any of these self-inquiries. And soon, other baseless hypotheses began to form.

The most perfect person becomes the most severely twisted.

“Maybe I… was like that too…”

She had begun to speculate that perhaps she had wanted Junon to help her,

That she might have tried to protect the Sirens even by exploiting his kind nature,

That despite her vow, she might have actually intended to rely on Junon as a person as soon as she saw Shanbereshu.

She recalled the worst version of herself—utterly cowardly and selfish.

Beyond disgusting, it was hideous.

Beyond repulsive, it was horrifying.

She wanted to deny it, but wasn’t it possible?

Just as Aris regretted her past, couldn’t she have been such a weak-minded human too?

Even the resolution that this time she wouldn’t produce the same result could be a lie—when this thought occurred to her, Senia could no longer stand before Junon.

Drrrk.

The hospital room was now empty.

Not long after, rustling sounds began to emerge.

“Ugh…”

***

Everything was pitch black before his eyes.

Deep wounds and muscles all over his body throbbed and screamed in pain.

But he couldn’t feel it.

Junon’s body, not yet fully recovered, needed more time for normal thought processes to return.

As time passed, his eyelids began to twitch.

But the first thing his awakened consciousness felt was pain.

‘Damn, what kind of pain is this…’

What on earth had happened to his body? He had to clench his eyes shut and steady his ragged breathing, or it felt like his wounds might reopen at any moment.

Still, the corners of his mouth curved up slightly.

What does pain mean to a person?

It means they’re alive.

‘Despite being in this sorry state, I somehow managed to survive…’

Even though the slightest movement of a finger would send pain throughout his entire arm, making his brain—the central nervous system—panic and command him to stay still, he had survived.

He had survived the encounter with that giant rat with gleaming red eyes without a single broken bone.

“That means… Shanbereshu must have been subjugated somehow when people arrived.”

Before losing consciousness, he had confirmed that Shanbereshu had floated away, so he predicted that his effort to buy time had succeeded. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be alive.

“Then Senia and Cain should be fine, right?”

He actually wanted to move his body somehow and see Senia and Cain with his own eyes, but that wasn’t possible.

For now, all he could do was endure the pain and squirm a little to look around the room.

Of course, that would only be temporary, and with time, he would be able to move properly.

Anyway, this was the second time he had realized he was lying on a soft bed.

Thanks to his previous experience, his mind rotated faster than before, commanding him to read the situation.

“…I’m not the only one who got hurt, but there’s no one else in the hospital room.”

How long had he been asleep?

There might have been few serious injuries, or the people who had been here might have all recovered… but it would be more correct to assume that more time had passed.

He wished he could at least check what had happened.

“Oh, brother’s awake! Are you okay?”

“Well, I’m fine… actually, I can’t really say that.”

“Does it hurt a lot? They say it gets better if you blow on it, should I try?”

“…I’ll pass on that.”

How did someone arrive at just the right moment?

It seemed that this time she had come instead of her sick mother, but well, he didn’t mind.

“By the way, kiddo. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what is it?”

***

As he asked various questions, Nella told him everything she had seen without any filter.

Of course, being a pure child, there were exaggerated parts that he had to filter out himself, but after listening frequently, he could roughly understand the situation.

The Devourers had all been eliminated here, and the mother, Shanbereshu, had been dealt with before she could reproduce, so they wouldn’t attack again.

All in all, it could be considered a well-handled situation.

Although the Sirens had suffered significant damage, they had somehow managed to subjugate Shanbereshu following Cain and Senia’s instructions.

However, that didn’t mean everything had gone well.

There was no mention of humans continuing to collaborate with the Sirens, which meant the interests of the two forces still didn’t align.

He wasn’t sure how the Sirens had managed to deal with Shanbereshu on their own, but this was clearly a red flag.

The imprisoned humans should not remain confined in that place.

The good news was that the imprisoned humans could still be released before the main force arrived.

Therefore, he needed to consult with Senia as soon as possible to resolve this matter.

-‘Senia went to the lake earlier. When I asked her to play, she said she wanted to be alone?’

The lake.

According to Nella, Senia often visited the lake when she had complicated thoughts. That hadn’t changed, past or present, she was certain.

Anyway, now that he knew her location and could move, albeit slowly, Junon headed straight for the lakeside.

-‘She’s probably leaning against a tree and throwing small pebbles into the lake one by one. I heard that’s how she deals with her worries!’

Nella had even complained that Senia had been doing this with no expression, and she felt like she would get angry if disturbed.

Junon agreed with Nella’s assessment a hundred times over.

There had been times when looking at an expressionless Senia gave off an aura that suggested she shouldn’t be disturbed.

-‘But it’s okay! When she really doesn’t want to be disturbed, she either locks herself in her room or tells you not to bother her.’

Nella had spoken as if revealing a secret about Senia that only she knew, shrugging her shoulders.

But today was somewhat different.

A glint of light reflected from the lake appeared on that prickly, haughty face.

Eventually, that light gradually moved away from where it should have been.

“…”

Tears, of all things.

He had never seen Senia’s tears even in the past. Above all, “tears” was the word that least suited her, both outwardly and inwardly.

Nella wouldn’t have anticipated this either…

So, just for today, should he really not disturb her?

A pebble made a “plop” sound as it entered the lakeside again.

One, two, three like that.

Somehow, the pebbles seemed to be getting larger, but that must be his imagination?

Eventually, all the pebbles near Senia were gone, and she naturally turned her head to pick up pebbles from elsewhere.

Then, inevitably, they would have to face each other.

“…Ju, Junon?”

Senia immediately turned her face away and began wiping away her flowing tears. There was no calmness in that series of actions.

It meant that for once, emotion had preceded reason for her.

“Damn, how embarrassing.”

“…I didn’t come to see you cry.”

“Then what? Why did you come?”

Though she tried to pretend she was fine, her voice was already full of moisture.

He couldn’t bring up the main issue now. He didn’t even have the heart to do so.

Junon thought it was time to listen to Senia’s story.

“Why were you crying? It’s not like you.”

“What’s imprinted in your head as ‘like me’ that makes you say that? I can cry too.”

“…True. That’s why it’s even stranger.”

“What?”

“If I, inexperienced as I am, were to give an example, I would have said that you sometimes cry like this. Because when your judgment isn’t particularly clouded, you don’t let anyone extract any information.”

And is that really all? Of course not.

“After that, you’d probably try to figure out how I found this place. I’m guessing you must have mentioned Nella among the people you often meet at the lake.”

This isn’t just piecing things together.

If Junon had to name the reason why he would want to avoid Senia in this life, it would definitely be her unique insight that not only shrouds every word in smoke but also dissects the other person in reverse.

Senia was a person who had made it a habit not to give any information to others.

Junon, thinking there was no need to beat around the bush, threw a straight pitch.

“I did come to you with a specific purpose. But in your current state, I can’t bring it up.”

If you’re not your usual self, we can’t solve this problem. So I want to hear your story first. That was his meaning.

By now, if Junon hadn’t been there, about five or six pebbles would have sunk into the lake.

Eventually, Senia turned her head again with moisture in her eyes.

Although she was on the verge of tears and seemed afraid of something…

Nevertheless, her eyes showed that she was prepared for everything.

“May I ask if the me in your memories… ever tried to use you?”

Of course, with a desperate tone that she normally wouldn’t reveal.