Ch.131131. Interlude – Camilla’s Interest Journal 2

Wiping away the sweat that flowed like rain, Camilla exhaled deeply, regulating her breathing. Though her body, pushed to its limits, screamed with intense muscle pain, she deliberately ignored it.

This was the price she had to pay for having lived a comfortable and carefree life according to her whims until now.

Feeling she had rested adequately, she resumed the training she had briefly paused. She regretted that there weren’t systematic training equipment like at the academy, but she couldn’t just do nothing.

All she could do was ensure that such an incident would never happen again, as she couldn’t bring herself to face Gilbert who had just woken up.

She soothed her aching body and continued her training.

Seeing Gilbert being carried to the infirmary that day, Camilla reflected on how her self-centered pursuit of desires could harm those around her.

Looking back, it had been a selfish life. As an academy cadet, no, as a member of the Tristitia family, she had neglected her training and forgotten the duties she should have shouldered.

Obsessed with finding more enjoyable and interesting things, she had turned a blind eye to what was truly important.

And this was the result. She had to face the miserable situation of abandoning her friend and fleeing alone.

Camilla stopped her training, panting. The miserable feeling from that day returned, and she unconsciously bit her lip.

Then a thought suddenly struck her.

In that moment when she left Gilbert behind to seek help, was she really only thinking about getting support?

Wasn’t there a part of her that felt relieved to escape from that place?

A wave of self-loathing rose from deep within Camilla’s chest, making her nauseous. Though she had nothing to throw up, she felt like expelling everything inside her.

She reflexively denied it, but could it be true? Was it possible that in the chaos of the moment, she hadn’t considered such thoughts?

One thought led to another. The belief that it couldn’t be true battled with the question of whether it really wasn’t.

Camilla sat down, staring blankly ahead. She couldn’t shake the feeling of standing on precarious footing.

If it was true that she had harbored even a little of such feelings, could she bear it?

Her thoughts began to spiral in an increasingly negative direction.

Sinking deeper and deeper like quicksand…

– Thwack!

“Ow!”

Camilla clutched her head, groaning from the splitting pain. Who on earth had the audacity to hit the head of a count’s daughter like her?

With tears welling up from the pain, she turned around sharply with narrowed eyes.

“…Gilbert?”

Seeing Gilbert standing before her, Camilla quickly lowered her gaze. Having just been consumed by guilt over him, she couldn’t help but shrink when he suddenly appeared.

Oh, what should I do? What should I say?

Unlike her usual carefree demeanor, Camilla was restless. Meeting Gilbert before she was mentally prepared made her flustered.

Whether aware of her feelings or not, Gilbert put down the towel he had used to hit her head and looked around the open space.

The situation seemed more serious than he had thought.

“What are you doing?”

“W-well, training! I find training fun these days!”

Camilla tried to engage with Gilbert as usual, forcing her brain to work despite its sluggishness.

Her effort was commendable, but her expression was unnatural, and her voice trembled. Though she didn’t seem to notice, Gilbert, as a third party, couldn’t help but sigh.

If Gilbert had ignored Camilla as expected, this might have turned into a depressing scenario rather than an awakening event. Her tremendous potential could have withered before it even bloomed.

For Gilbert, who already considered Camilla a comrade, it was a chilling thought.

“That’s unexpected. Has training become interesting to you?”

“Of course! Moving the body is exciting…?”

Why is that a question?

Gilbert forcibly suppressed a sigh that was about to escape.

What interest could someone who was just experiencing mental anguish have?

Gilbert draped the towel he was holding over Camilla’s head.

“I heard you haven’t eaten anything today. Training isn’t just about physical exertion; it includes eating properly.”

“I don’t have an appetite…”

“I said eating is part of training. It has nothing to do with appetite.”

When he spoke firmly and strictly, Camilla lowered her head. Somehow, she felt she shouldn’t defy Gilbert’s words.

“Then… can I at least wash up first? I smell of sweat.”

“Hmm. Let’s meet in front of the lodging in 30 minutes.”

“Alright.”

As soon as she heard this, Camilla dashed off to wash up. Thirty minutes was tight, but if she hurried, she might even have time to use perfume.

After the quickest shower of her life, Camilla checked the mirror several times before stepping outside. Gilbert was standing in front of the lodging, gazing absently at the sky.

“I’m here!”

“Hmm.”

Gilbert stopped his contemplation and looked at Camilla. She felt nervous for some reason and swallowed hard. The hot shower had left her throat a bit dry.

“Is there anything you want to eat?”

“Anything is fine. Whether it’s tasty or not, it’s fun either way!”

Seeing Gilbert behave as usual, Camilla was able to smile like her normal self.

I’m glad he seems okay.

She offered a brief prayer of gratitude to the gods. It lightened her burden a little.

Gilbert nodded once and began leading her somewhere.

Does he have a place in mind?

Camilla was starting to feel excited. But then, realizing she didn’t deserve such feelings, she hung her head.

She felt self-loathing again for so quickly returning to her carefree self.

“You’re not acting like yourself.”

“Huh?”

Camilla, who had been walking behind him with her head down, slightly raised it at Gilbert’s words.

He was still walking, looking ahead.

“Are you feeling guilty?”

“…I can’t help it.”

Would I still be human if I didn’t feel guilty?

Regardless of the reason, the fact remained that she had abandoned her friend in danger and fled alone.

No matter how positively she tried to think or rationalize, something sticky kept holding her back.

A swamp, if anything—a swamp of self-loathing.

“You did everything you could in that situation.”

“Don’t try to comfort me. No matter what, the facts don’t change.”

She answered in a deeply subdued voice, almost mumbling. The sense of helplessness Camilla felt wasn’t something even Gilbert could strip away.

No matter how safe Gilbert was now, no matter how much he said it was okay, she couldn’t dispel the shadow in her heart.

“Gilbert. I’ve always lived as I wanted. I thought it was fun and satisfying. But that’s what’s been choking me. This could have happened anytime, but I foolishly turned a blind eye.”

Camilla began her confession in front of Gilbert. She laid bare the sins she had been contemplating since the Gehenna operation, without holding back.

She had no shallow thoughts of easing her mind. She simply believed it would be worse not to verbally confess her sins.

She couldn’t keep it inside. She had to properly confess her wrongdoing to him.

“I’m sorry. Because I was weak. Because I was foolish, I ran away and left you behind.”

“You did what you had to do. In that situation, someone had to go for help, and that someone was you.”

“Yes, maybe that’s true. But it doesn’t change the fact that I ran away alone. If something had happened to you, I…”

Camilla couldn’t finish her sentence. If something had truly happened to him, she couldn’t imagine what would have become of her.

She didn’t have confidence in her ability to bear that guilt.

Once again, her head drooped.

“Camilla.”

“What…”

Camilla answered without raising her head. She felt she had no right to look at Gilbert.

“I understand why you feel indebted to me. Leaving a comrade on the battlefield is difficult. In fact, many die because they can’t bring themselves to do that difficult thing.”

Though Gilbert was walking forward, he was actually looking into the past.

The atrocities he had witnessed on the battlefield were too numerous to put into words.

Those who betrayed comrades to survive.

Those who sacrificed themselves to save comrades.

He had seen too much of the depths to which humans could sink in the horrors of war.

Were there none like Camilla among them?

No, there certainly were. There were definitely those who, unlike her, chose to stay by their comrades’ side until the end.

But that end couldn’t be called good. Late requests for support often resulted in more comrades being sacrificed.

“This time, we were just lucky. If I hadn’t been able to stop that creature, the damage would have been greater. You prevented that in advance.”

“If that had happened, you would have…”

“Died, probably.”

Gilbert stated this fact very calmly.

Camilla held her breath. His detached manner of speaking about his own death made him appear like embers barely remaining after everything had burned away.

“It was an operation with that risk. I was prepared for the possibility of death.”

“But…”

“That applies to you, me, the special unit members, and everyone involved in the operation. We participated as soldiers of the Empire.”

“Gilbert…”

“So don’t feel guilty. You made the best choice, even knowing you would have to bear that guilt.”

Camilla’s throat felt constricted, and she couldn’t say anything. Gilbert’s words weren’t just meant to comfort her.

He was simply expressing his genuine thoughts to her calmly.

Accepting even his own death with detachment and carrying out his duty.

Camilla felt a strange sadness at his words. How could someone raised gently in a count’s family speak like a weathered veteran of many battlefields?

That detachment and transcendence pierced Camilla’s heart deeply.

“How can you talk like that?”

Fighting back tears, she asked. She asked this man, who seemed to harbor many secrets, how he could be like that.

“Because I’m a knight.”

I see. So that’s how Gilbert thinks.

Unable to hold back her tears any longer, they rolled down Camilla’s cheeks.

She hastily wiped them away, afraid he might see. With reddened eyes, she tried to smile.

Camilla now understood what she needed to do.

She had to support Gilbert, who thought so little of his own death.

She believed this was the best she could do for him after leaving him behind.

But before that.

“Thank you. I’ll be strong.”

“Alright.”

Let me cry just a little more.

She followed Gilbert, tears still falling.

***

Ugh! This was a mistake, a mistake!

Having arrived at the restaurant with Gilbert, Camilla had excused herself to the bathroom.

How could a count’s daughter cry and snivel in front of a man who wasn’t family?

Though there was a reason, she still felt shame. It showed how psychologically overwhelmed Camilla had been, but it was still a monumental mistake in her life.

And to think about supporting Gilbert?

Camilla’s cheeks turned bright red.

Thankfully, she hadn’t said that out loud. If she had spoken such words in that situation, she would have been ready to hang herself right then and there.

Fanning her heated face, she looked at the mirror in front of her. In it was a girl with a completely disheveled face.

“Am I… smiling?”

It was something she hadn’t realized. For some reason, the corners of her mouth were turned up and showed no signs of coming down.

She doubted whether this was the same person who had been wallowing in depression and self-loathing before Gilbert arrived.

It seemed suspicious that such terrible feelings could change so drastically after just a few words with Gilbert, like flipping a hand.

Well, I do feel better.

It was true that her mood had improved considerably after crying her heart out.

The indescribable depression and the self-loathing that had been calling forth terrible self-deprecation were now quiet.

Only a reflection on her laziness and a determination to correct her complacent thinking remained.

All this had happened in less than five minutes after talking with Gilbert.

Camilla found it truly amazing. Even though Gilbert was the object of her guilt, the emotions she had been feeling weren’t the kind that would easily disappear just because he showed up.

But after exchanging a few words with him, she had cried like a child and put down her burden.

Even thinking about it now, it seemed too easy, almost inappropriately so for someone feeling guilty.

But that’s probably not important.

It was already in the past, and continuing to carry it would only burden Gilbert.

Though a bit embarrassing, she needed to support him to prevent him from falling apart.

Camilla calmed herself and returned to the table where he was waiting.

Her heart raced inexplicably as she saw him quietly looking at the menu, perhaps because she remembered her earlier emotional display.

“Ta-da! I’m back.”

“It took a while, so I ordered ahead.”

Gilbert showed her the menu, explaining what he had ordered. Coincidentally, it was food she really liked.

“The menu selection is great!”

“I ordered foods you like, so it should be.”

“I see! You deliberately ordered what I like?”

But when did I tell Gilbert what foods I like?

Camilla tilted her head.

She had nodded without thinking, but upon reflection, she couldn’t remember telling him her food preferences.

Had she mentioned it casually, given how talkative she was?

But it was somewhat surprising that he would remember such a trivial comment.

Perhaps Gilbert had a caring side beneath his stoic exterior.

It might even be touching.

Camilla tried to hide her reddened cheeks and conceal her joy.

She felt awkward about showing a smile so soon after crying her eyes out.

“Your meal is ready.”

The food arrived as they were making small talk.

The taste wasn’t as bad as she had expected.

It might have been because she hadn’t had a proper meal in a while, but it tasted better than anything she had eaten recently.

After calmly finishing their meal, the two stepped outside the restaurant. The vibrant street scene greeted them.

Camilla felt that the scenery looked very different now compared to when they had entered.

They say the world you see changes with your state of mind, and this seemed to be such a case. With her mind at peace, the scenery looked peaceful too.

“This is the street.”

“Huh?”

“This is the street we were protecting in that operation. The choice you made was for this too. Our ability to eat a normal meal, to look at this street—it’s all because of choices like yours stacked together. And I told you before.”

Gilbert stood in front of Camilla.

He turned to look at her with the sun at his back.

“If you’re anxious, follow behind me. In that respect, you did splendidly, Camilla.”

Was it an illusion that Gilbert, backlit by the sun, appeared infinitely gentle?

Camilla shook her head.

Even the great Camilla has been caught off guard twice.

She smiled brightly.

***

[Sub-scenario – The Seekers of Twisted Possession information is being updated.]

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