Ch.12Inner Thoughts+

# 12. Inner Thoughts+

I can say this one thing for certain.

‘The Captain is, really.’

No matter what conclusion we reach, I’ll stay with Seyeon.

‘Shouldn’t you learn to speak more carefully?’

No matter what conclusion we reach, I’ll stay with Seyeon.

‘Why… it’s not cringy, it’s just… ugh!’

After spending a week together, I roughly know what kind of man the Captain is. I even know from sleeping in the same room. This man is aware of me, but I know he has absolutely no intention of touching me. Not pretending, but genuinely.

This statement too.

The Captain’s true feelings probably mean exactly what he said. Not some vague sense of responsibility, but literal responsibility. As a guild captain. Because of his sense of duty as the one who summoned me, he literally means he’ll stay with me until the end.

Still!

No matter what conclusion we reach, I’ll stay with Seyeon.

‘I can’t even lift my head like this…’

I’m embarrassed.

I’m embarrassed that I’m interpreting the same words differently, embarrassed that I’m weird for doing so, embarrassed that I don’t dislike that interpretation, and embarrassed to look at the face of the man who said those words.

“Uh…”

Why is his voice so gentle? Why can I feel his concern for me so clearly in that single syllable? That’s why I can’t lift my head even more.

“Hmm, I’ll have to be more careful next time.”

Ah. We should clean up together.

I heard the Captain cleaning up after our drinking session, but I’d already missed my chance to get up. The Captain probably thinks I’ve passed out from the alcohol.

‘Ugh… I’m so glad I don’t have any weird drunk habits…’

Captain. I’m sorry. You can just clean up after waking up. I want to say that, but the Captain has already finished cleaning.

“What should I do…”

What do you mean, Captain! You’re supposed to ignore people who’ve collapsed drunk. Just ignore me and go to sleep comfortably first. That way I can also secretly sleep comfortably when you’re asleep…?

“Seyeon, excuse me for a moment, though you might find it unpleasant.”

Ah.

Ah ah.

Ah ah ah?

C-Captain, your hands…?

A sudden feeling of floating. Firm hands supporting my back and the backs of my knees. The sudden rush of masculine scent. Hot body temperature against my cheek. The thump-thump-thump of a heartbeat.

“It’s too much to wash up before sleeping, but you should at least sleep comfortably.”

I couldn’t gather my thoughts, and so that intense floating sensation where I focused on everything I felt ended all too quickly.

The soft bed against my back, and the warm blanket covering me up to my neck. Through the coziness that made me feel like I could really fall asleep now, the Captain would whisper his usual goodnight greeting.

“You worked hard today too.”

No matter what conclusion we reach, I’ll stay with Seyeon.

Captain. If you’re going to ‘stay’ with me.

“Sleep well, Seyeon… AACK!”

Wouldn’t it be better to reconsider your insistence on sleeping ‘separately’ on the floor since the first day?

Right? The Captain is a man full of responsibility. I believe you’ll think so too.

What? What did you say?

That this and that are completely separate matters?

What are you talking about.

I won’t accept any objections.

**

“Haa, haa, haa.”

Cutjukyeora, who I thought had quietly passed out with her head on the table, grabbed my collar and neck the moment I laid her on the bed and forcibly made me lie down beside her. With even more strength than on the first day. Then she half-raised her body and looked down at me with hazy eyes, breathing heavily.

‘What on earth is happening…?’

This whole sequence was so sudden and confusing that I could only look up at her without saying anything.

“Um, Seyeon. You seem really drunk, so let’s keep some distance…”

“Captain.”

“Yes.”

So passing out quietly wasn’t her drunk habit!

How should I put it, the current Cutjukyeora was completely different from her usual self. When she just said “Captain,” I felt an aura suggesting I shouldn’t add any qualifiers. Well. I’m not scared or anything. Really.

“You’re saying two different things.”

“Pardon?”

“You said you’d stay with me until the end.”

“Yes…?”

“Then we should sleep together too. Why do you keep sleeping separately? So be quiet and sleep here with me.”

“No, that and this are completely different matters…”

“Do you dislike sleeping with me that much?”

No, no? Dislike? How could I?

It wasn’t that I disliked it. It was just that I couldn’t sleep properly because I was too conscious of her. But right now, Cutjukyeora was drunk. Logical arguments wouldn’t work, and it didn’t feel right to physically overpower her in this situation.

In fact, even considering how drunk Cutjukyeora was, from my perspective, this was like being hit by a car accelerating suddenly, so rather than feeling any excitement, I just wanted to escape this situation quickly.

‘So I’ll pretend to go along with it, and when she falls asleep, I can slip away?’

I don’t know why she woke up and suddenly became so aggressive, but the best way to deal with drunk people is to put them to sleep quickly. Punishment will come in the form of a hangover and memories of embarrassment the next morning.

“Alright, so Seyeon should also—”

“Captain.”

Cutjukyeora had placed both hands on either side of my head, looking down at me vertically. Her silky golden hair fell like curtains on both sides of my vision, giving off a subtle fragrance.

“Answer just one more thing.”

“Yes.”

Compliance, compliance. And not half-hearted compliance either, because that could trap me in the drunk person’s infinite loop of “Hey, are you listening to me?” If I was going to comply, I had to do it properly.

I noticed that Cutjukyeora’s speech had become shorter at some point, but it wasn’t worth pointing out. It was just that her words carried a bit more force now.

‘But why is she building up suspense like this?’

After staring into Cutjukyeora’s eyes for what felt like about 30 seconds…

Finally, her lips parted.

“Captain.”

“Yes.”

“When I look at you, I feel strange.”

“What?”

“When I think about you, I feel strange.”

Uh… wait. This flow is. No way.

“Men who don’t have the courage to confess properly, men whose intentions to somehow get me are so obvious… Honestly, even if I don’t outright hate them, I’ve never had good feelings toward any man until now…”

“…”

“Why… even though the Captain doesn’t try to seduce me, just treats me kindly and responsibly. Just being considerate so I’m not uncomfortable. Why… do I not dislike such a Captain and feel comfortable yet inexplicably irritated and sorry?”

Why, why. Why?

“I don’t know. I feel strange when I see the Captain. Tell me. The Captain knows a lot, right? And you explain things well. The Captain almost always says the right things. Since the Captain is making me feel strange, the Captain should take responsibility and tell me.”

“Seyeon.”

“Am I the only one who’s strange? Am I weird? Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.”

What should I do with this lady? This went beyond simple mental care and dealing with a drunk person.

Seeing how her tone and atmosphere had completely changed, there’s a good chance she won’t remember this when she wakes up, but they say drunk words are sober thoughts.

This woman who says she feels strange emotions when looking at me, that means…

‘She likes me, right? That’s it, right?’

If someone asked what a guy who’s never dated would know, I’d have nothing to say, but there’s such a thing as atmosphere, you know. If I couldn’t pick up on this, all the web novels and games I’ve consumed would cry. Besides, a week isn’t that short a time, depending on values and circumstances.

“Captain. Why won’t you tell me?”

Captain.

Captain.

Captain.

Looking down at me with unfocused, hazy eyes while repeating “Captain” made her momentarily look like a vengeful ghost, which was creepy. It was scary enough to appear in my dreams. I’m never letting Cutjukyeora drink again.

First, let me get out of this.

“It’s not strange.”

“Then?”

“It’s natural.”

“Nat…ural?”

“Yes.”

It’s not really my place to say what’s natural when I’ve never experienced it in 27 years, but anyway!

“When a man and woman are together, these things can happen. We’re in a special situation and we’ve been through hardships together, right?”

I pretend to answer well while omitting the proper words. This way, even if she remembers tomorrow, there won’t be a problem! Cutjukyeora, who would surely writhe in embarrassment, would definitely be grateful.

“Is that, so?”

“That’s right.”

“I see.”

“Yes, that’s it.”

As expected.

Though my answer wasn’t much of an answer, Cutjukyeora was nodding blankly and mindlessly repeating my words. Looking at her condition, it seemed like this would end soon.

“Then.”

“If this, this strange feeling, is natural…”

“Huh?”

Huh huh huh?

Why are you getting closer, Miss Seon Seyeon!? Weren’t you supposed to pass out by now?!

“Then me doing this is natural too…?”

“No, wait—”

“Stay still.”

*Plop*

Cutjukyeora, who was fixing my face and slowly descending on a trajectory toward a kiss, lost power midway and derailed.

“Phew…”

Although I was tormented by sensations like the feeling smashed against my chest and the breath tickling my ear, at least it ended as an attempted kiss, which was fortunate.

‘Buddha, Jesus, Allah, Confucius, Mencius, three thousand li of mugunghwa…’

Maybe I’m… a little disappointed?

**

‘Ugh, my head.’

As soon as I opened my eyes, I had to experience the pain of something sharp stabbing my head. This is why I usually don’t drink much, but strangely, yesterday was so fun that I forgot about my usual limit and just kept drinking.

We were talking so happily, I shared my worries, and then the Captain…

“Ah.”

When I look at you, Captain, I feel strange.

Ah.

When I think about you, Captain, I feel strange.

Ah ah.

Captain, tell me. Captain. Captain. Captain.

“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”

*Crash*

“What! What’s wrong!”

“Nothing!!”

“What, what is!”

“I said it’s nothing!!!”

How… how am I going to face the Captain from now on…?