Ch.129Chapter 129. Wise Prison Life (4)

I thought anger was an emotion that lasted a long time.

In movies, protagonists spend decades fueling their rage while sharpening the blade of revenge.

But I’ve learned that anger fades more easily than expected.

Just as Jinsoo has resigned himself to burying the past, I too have given up.

After all, struggling changes nothing, so I’ve accepted my situation.

“Here. Let me change your diaper.”

“……”

Perhaps it’s more accurate to say I no longer have the energy to be angry.

When Jinsoo comes in to change my diaper, I have to swallow my tears as shame and self-loathing wash over me simultaneously.

“Your hair’s a bit messy. Want to wash up?”

“……”

I want to wash. I desperately want to wash.

But I can’t bring myself to ask him to bathe me.

In my helpless state, I didn’t want to beg him to wash me too.

I felt like the moment I begged, my last remaining shred of dignity would crumble…

“Up we go. Let’s get you washed.”

“Hnng……”

When he unfastened my leash and lifted me up, I felt an inexplicable sense of liberation, but I kept my mouth firmly shut.

I hated myself for feeling joy over something so trivial.

And I didn’t want to show that to this man.

“Close your eyes. I’m going to shampoo your hair.”

“……”

“It’s gotten a bit long. Should we cut it back to a bob?”

“……”

Sitting helplessly on Jinsoo’s thigh while being washed, I kept my mouth tightly shut again.

I was afraid of how casually Jinsoo talked about the future.

Jinsoo clearly loves me.

I know that well.

But he loves Cuss even more.

He’d probably do anything for Cuss.

When these three weeks are over…

I feared the decision Jinsoo would make for Cuss’s sake.

“Open your mouth.”

“……”

“That’s right. Eating well.”

“……”

I no longer refuse meals now.

I’ve realized that such protests won’t weaken Jinsoo’s resolve.

He’s the type who would force an IV on me even if I starved myself.

One spoonful, then another.

I just sat quietly, opening my mouth to receive the food Jinsoo kindly fed me.

If I spilled a little, Jinsoo would wipe it with his fingers and lick it off.

The funny thing is…

The truly ridiculous part is…

At some point, I began looking forward to this time.

This time when Jinsoo sits beside me, speaking naturally as he always does, feeding me like a princess.

But I never showed it.

I never responded to his words or met his eyes.

I needed to still appear angry.

I needed to show that my anger hadn’t subsided.

That way, Jinsoo would feel guilty.

“Hmm. I should do the dishes now. No, should we stay here a bit longer?”

“……”

“I was joking. The grease will be hard to clean if it sets.”

“……”

“Let me know if you’re uncomfortable. Call me if you need to use the bathroom.”

“……”

When Jinsoo leaves.

I want to hold him back, tell him not to go.

I want to ask him to stay longer.

But all I could do was glare at his retreating back as he closed the door.

“Unnngh……”

I strained my waist muscles as much as possible to lurch forward.

My weight shifted suddenly forward, making my chest hurt.

I struggled with my short arms and thighs, trying to cross the vast ocean of the mattress.

“Kek!”

But as expected, the leash tightened, choking my neck and stopping me.

I collapsed in that spot, staring at the closed door.

I immediately missed Jinsoo, whom I’d just been treating coldly.

When Jinsoo was beside me, I hadn’t realized how suffocating it was.

The helplessness and self-loathing of not even being able to crawl properly rushed over me, making my breathing quicken.

The loneliness of having no one to talk to, without even a phone, in an activity range of just a few feet, crushed me.

In this spacious room, I was gasping for breath as if suffering from claustrophobia.

I’m going crazy.

I’ll truly go insane at this rate.

Please come back, Jinsoo.

“Hnnng……”

Ah. Something suddenly gushed out.

At first I thought it was urine, but I quickly realized it was something else.

This imprisonment has taught me something.

That I have a stronger sex drive than I thought…

When I lived alone, I masturbated daily, so I never really felt bothered by sexual urges.

But after spending days tied up like this, with my limbs gone, I was starting to reach my limit.

“Hnngh…… Unnngh……”

I lay face down with the leash between my legs, straining my neck to make the leash taut.

As I desperately moved my hips, I suddenly felt pathetic and stopped.

The thick diaper prevented much stimulation anyway.

Burying my face in the bed, I sighed deeply and started to worry about Jinsoo.

With that man’s sex drive, he must be going crazy by now.

What if he suddenly can’t hold back anymore and violates me?

What if he decides to use me as a male masturbation toy, with nothing I can do but struggle helplessly without arms or legs?

“Haah……”

The thought sent chills throughout my body.

Ah. It’s gushing out again…

This is maddening. The tingling is unbearable.

As I breathed heavily, an ominous thought occurred to me.

What if Jinsoo’s method of handling his sexual urges wasn’t masturbation…?

“Ah.”

No way.

Anything but that.

My heart sank.

***

My heart ached.

It hurt so much.

“Open your mouth.”

“……”

“That’s right. Eating well.”

“……”

It was certainly good news that she was now willingly eating.

But Juliane never opened her mouth except to eat.

When I changed her diaper, washed her body, brushed her hair…

No matter what I said, Juliane wouldn’t say a word.

She must still be furious with me.

This is troubling if it continues.

I was starting to worry that Juliane might break at this rate.

Should I release her soon?

“Let me know if you’re uncomfortable. Call me if you need to use the bathroom.”

“……”

After closing the door, I collapsed from exhaustion.

This wasn’t what I wanted.

I didn’t want to imprison Juliane.

I wanted to go back to the days when the three of us could smile at each other.

“Jinsoo.”

“Yes…?”

Looking up, I saw Cuss kneeling in front of me.

She silently spread her arms wide, so I hugged her tightly.

So tight I could crush her ribs…

“What should we do about Juliane now?”

“Kill her.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Abandon her and run away.”

“I can’t do that either.”

“……”

Poke, poke.

Cuss jabbed my shoulder with her chin, as if dissatisfied.

“Then persuade her.”

“How?”

“I don’t know either.”

“Come on.”

“Hehehe……”

I thought she was going to give serious advice.

By the way, Cuss didn’t seem bothered at all by Juliane’s condition.

While I was so troubled and heartbroken.

Spending all day wondering how I could trust Juliane.

Then again, it would be more strange if this girl was serious and not mischievous.

“Actually… there is a way to make Juliane trustworthy.”

“What is it?”

“Make Juliane unable to live without you.”

“How would I do that?”

What, make her love me so much she can’t live without me?

That’s nonsense.

I thought I couldn’t live without Elizabeth, but here I am, living just fine.

I can’t even predict my own future feelings, let alone someone else’s.

Juliane might think she loves me passionately now and can’t live without me…

But that’s separate from whether I can trust her.

No matter what Juliane says, I probably won’t believe her.

It will sound like words meant to escape the immediate situation.

Even if she doesn’t report me for a long time after I release her and we get along well, I’ll constantly doubt her and live in anxiety.

I couldn’t trust someone I lived with so closely, especially when flimsy excuses like anal plugs or mechanical tails wouldn’t cover it.

How ironic…

“Hmm… I have a plan.”

“What is it? Tell me.”

“I’ll take care of it. You just act normal, Jinsoo.”

“What is it exactly…?”

Cuss pressed her forehead against mine and smiled broadly.

That makes me nervous somehow.

Nothing Cuss has come up with so far has been normal.

But I decided to trust her this time.

I had no other lifeline to grab onto.

*

“These days, my manager at work is going crazy. He says he’s frustrated because there’s no one he can talk to now that I’m gone.”

“……”

“I must be good at my job. I was supposed to work from home until next month, but he’s urging me to come back to the office soon.”

“……”

“Are you full? Is this enough?”

“……”

“I’m glad you’re eating well.”

I wiped the corner of Juliane’s mouth as she turned her head away.

The stumpy limbs protruding from the ends of her short sleeves and shorts.

Looking at Juliane lying there helplessly, I felt emotions I couldn’t fully express.

The longer I looked, the more beautiful she seemed, and I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

A woman who must rely on others for all basic needs, who cannot resist anything done to her.

This might make me sound like a creepy psychopath, but I briefly thought this might be the most attractive form of a woman.

I felt blood rushing downward.

Though I wanted desperately to pounce on her and ravish her…

‘I must endure.’

I decided to suppress my urges.

I had trampled on Juliane’s human dignity.

No matter how much I loved her, if she were to be raped now, I felt Juliane’s mind would break completely.

I didn’t want that.

I’d rather die than let that happen.

“Jinsoo!”

“…?!”

Just then, the door burst open and Cuss came running in.

I was about to tell her to leave in my surprise, but Cuss grabbed my arm and pressed close to me.

“Hehe, Jinsoo. Let’s play a game. Bella lent me a game console.”

“Oh, okay. Let’s do that later. Right now, please go out…”

“Jinsoo. Kiss me.”

“Now?”

“Yes. Now. Right now.”

“W-wait… mmph…”

She forcibly grabbed my collar and pulled me in, making me kiss her.

Soft lips enveloped my lower lip, and I savored the moist touch of her tongue.

We did plenty of this just this morning, so why now?

Only after thoroughly exploring my lips did Cuss finally release me.

“Let’s go quickly, Jinsoo. We’re going to do something fun and enjoyable that makes time fly.”

“Umm…”

Is that how you describe a game?

In the end, I had to let myself be dragged away by Cuss’s persistence.

If I left her alone, she’d probably keep pestering me and throw a fit.

I was about to leave the room, leaving behind Juliane who seemed dazed for some reason.

“Huh?”

Suddenly I felt my clothes being pulled back with resistance.

When I turned around, Juliane had followed me as far as her leash would allow and was tugging at my pants with her mouth.

Her eyes looked so desperate and urgent that I was startled.

Cuss silently let go of my arm.

“Don’t go, Jinsoo. Don’t leave me…”

“Juliane.”

“Don’t go away. Please. Stay with me. Okay?”

“Yes, yes. I’ll stay with you. I won’t leave.”

“Hold me… Jinsoo. Hold me.”

“Yes.”

How many days had it been since I’d heard Juliane’s voice?

When I grabbed her waist to lift her up, Juliane was breathing heavily and whimpering.

I picked her up and hugged her tightly.

Her short arms tried to hug me back, gathering inward.

At that moment, I faintly heard the door closing behind me.

“Jinsoo. Do you love me?”

“I love you.”

“Prove it to me.”

“What?”

“Don’t handle it alone. Use me.”

For a moment, I stood still, not understanding what she meant.

Then Juliane tilted her head and whispered quietly.

“Whether you ravage me, treat me like a bitch, or use me like an onahole, I don’t care… Just use me. Don’t think about looking at anyone else, just pour all your dirty lust into me alone. Got it? You sex-crazed bastard.”

“……”

The thread of my reason snapped.