Ch.129129. A Premature Ending

Shinwoo Kim.

At that time, I was 10 years old.

I was in elementary school, but I only went to school about three days a week.

The reason was that my mother didn’t want to show me, who could see ghosts, to other people.

I wondered if it was possible to meet the required attendance, but the teachers didn’t interfere with me much, perhaps because my mother had pressured them.

So what did I do at home?

Back then, in my ignorance, I would talk with ghosts. There weren’t just scary-looking ghosts, but also ordinary-looking ones.

Because I knew some of them.

“Dad! The lady from Hong’s house next door wants me to pass on a message!”

“…Huh?”

My mom didn’t like it when I talked about ghosts, but my dad would at least listen to my stories sometimes.

That day, Hong’s mom had really insisted that I pass on her message, so I told my dad.

“Her suicide…? Hmm, no, she said Hong’s dad pushed her.”

I spoke cheerfully because I had no interaction with other people, and since I could see the dead, I wasn’t particularly bothered by death itself.

But my father’s expression quickly darkened.

And the next day.

He brought home a large game console.

My father, who didn’t know much about these things, only bought one game CD, making a big fuss about it being the latest game.

“Play this game while you’re at home. Don’t talk to those other things. Understand?”

“…Hmm.”

“Mom doesn’t like it. Understand?”

“I got it!”

The game was called ‘Retry.’

It was a new release, but not particularly well-reviewed. However, for me, who had no access to the internet at the time, it was truly a new world.

Adventuring across continents, overcoming various difficult challenges. The game was challenging, so companions would often die, but I didn’t mind.

After all, I could still see dead people anyway. And besides, it wasn’t a real person dying, just someone in a game.

But watching Aria, the protagonist, grieve in the game stirred strange emotions in me.

When I realized that dead companions couldn’t be used anymore, I felt, for the first time, the sense of loss that comes with death.

It’s uncomfortable.

That was my impression.

Then one day.

While I was playing the game, my mother returned home from work.

She never really liked me much, so I was worried she might scold me for playing games.

But when my mother saw me holding the game controller, she smiled more brightly than ever.

“Oh, you look just like a normal child! That’s nice!”

Ah, I see.

Mother likes it when I play games.

I continued playing games constantly.

The game itself was fun, but I also liked how happy my mother looked when I played it.

And the ghosts didn’t bother me unnecessarily either.

Usually, ghosts don’t suddenly appear with a shock like in movies.

They appear gradually.

For example, hearing crying sounds from a corner of the room when there shouldn’t be any.

Or suddenly hearing knocking on the window. Or footsteps echoing when you’re alone in the house.

They give signs in advance, hoping I’ll find them.

But when I focused on the game, I could forget all of that.

I could concentrate without any distractions.

Yes, that’s what I thought.

[Shinwoo.]

A wet voice soaked in blood came from the veranda.

Splat.

Splat.

The echo of the ghost climbing up the window, leaving bloody marks, was different from usual.

Beyond creepiness, it felt like something rough was pressing down on my throat.

Even I, holding the gamepad, was startled enough to drop it.

[Shinwoo.]

It was Hong’s mom who had climbed over the veranda. She crawled toward me with her bones twisted grotesquely after falling from the apartment rooftop.

[Shinwoo, why didn’t you pass on my message?]

Eyes filled with deep resentment.

When I realized those eyes were directed at me, I couldn’t look away.

I couldn’t hold onto the game anymore.

[Shinwoo, I told you I’m in pain, didn’t I?]

Splat.

Splat.

The lady’s strangely bent hand reached out and began to strangle my neck.

[Shinwoo! Why! Why! Why! That bastard is still living well, isn’t he?! I’m telling you he’s the one who killed me!]

“Kh, ughk!”

It was the first time.

For the very first time, a ghost’s resentment was directly touching my skin. Was it similar to the sensation of sleep paralysis?

[Don’t you feel sorry for me? I wanted to live too! Is it okay to ignore me while you’re just playing your stupid games? Huh? Huh? Huh?]

“A, au…”

[Hong and his father! Do you know how fucking awful it is to see them living on while I’m dead?]

“S, sto…”

Beep, beep.

Brrring!

“Mom’s home.”

At that moment, if my mother hadn’t come home. If Hong’s mom hadn’t hurriedly fled.

I might have died.

So, with tears streaming down my face, I grabbed my mother’s pant leg and cried.

“M, m, mom! Mom! H, Hong’s mom says! Th, that her husband k, killed her! Sh, she wants me to tell! Hic!”

Even hiccupping uncharacteristically, I soaked my mom’s pant leg with tears.

After finishing my jumbled words, I slowly looked up at my mom.

And.

“…”

With cold eyes.

With a disgusted expression as if she had no affection left for me, my mother silently went into her room.

After that.

I was sent to live with my grandmother, who was a shaman.

My grandmother taught me that if I communicated carelessly with ghosts, they would come looking for me more.

So I ignored them, and I didn’t want to fall into such danger again.

I realized then that death was something truly frightening.

My mother never came to see me after that.

But my father would visit me occasionally.

Every time he came, he brought along what looked like the ghost of a factory worker.

The number increased each time I saw him, and their hands were gradually reaching for my father’s neck.

Out of concern, I mentioned this to my father.

And he, too, stopped visiting me.

In the end.

I was alone.

My grandmother was with me, but she was very busy and often talked about my spiritual sight, which I didn’t want to hear about.

With the empty space left by my family unfilled.

That’s how I became a high school student.

First year of high school.

While tidying up my room, I noticed an old game console.

Almost instinctively, I dusted it off, checked the CD inside, and connected it to the TV.

The game started with a familiar sound.

The game my father had bought for me.

The one that had made my mother happy.

That game.

I, once again.

Became immersed in Retry.

It was very brief.

Just a fleeting moment in my short life.

The game that had made our family harmonious, if only for a moment.

* * *

“Your story saved me.”

“…Pardon?”

Aria seemed completely confused by my words, but I gave her a gentle smile.

For the first time in a very long time.

I felt a natural smile forming. Not the slightly stiff one I wore every day.

It felt like ice that had been frozen solid was melting under the sunlight.

“So please don’t say that story was meaningless. Don’t make me, who found salvation in it, feel miserable.”

“…I don’t understand.”

But Aria, adding a “however,” approached me as if she had received a shock.

“Still, it comforts me.”

Slowly approaching, Aria looked up at me. Then, slightly bowing her head as if embarrassed, she asked.

“You’re not the Professor Deus I know. You’re not Shinwoo Kim.”

“That’s right.”

I’m not the first-cycle Shinwoo Kim she knew.

“But you’re very similar. So, um.”

“…”

“Could you help me say goodbye?”

A brave statement.

But also the statement I had been waiting for so long.

Therefore.

I gently nodded.

And Aria fell into my arms.

“Professor, I truly love you.”

As if she wanted to burrow into me like a child.

“If I could give you everything I have, I would. I value you more than myself.”

Aria’s voice began to sob again, and I could feel my chest becoming damp.

“Even if you had some ulterior motive. Even if I was just being used as your tool.”

“…”

“I still loved you. I always wanted to do what you wished. I wanted to listen to what you said, follow you, and rely on you.”

I decided not to question whether her feelings could truly be called love.

Whether it was an explosive emotion from being brainwashed at a young age, or the innocent but impossible first love of a young girl.

In the end, that choice belonged to Aria Rius herself.

“If it weren’t for you, no one could have saved us. We wouldn’t have even made it that far.”

“…”

“Thank you for saving me.”

Gently.

I embrace her as well.

I place one hand on her head and stroke it softly, and she buries her face deeper in response to my touch.

“So.”

One step further.

To gather courage.

“So.”

With a trembling voice, almost biting my shirt, Aria struggled to say what she didn’t want to say.

“Goodbye…”

Farewells are sad.

Because it was Aria who first taught me this in the game.

I shared the pain she was feeling now.

That’s why I held her a little tighter, standing in for the first-cycle Shinwoo Kim.

His last words.

– If there is a next time for you, then.

When I first heard it, seeing Aria’s condition, I thought it meant “don’t look for me.”

But now that we’ve reached this point, I still don’t know what it meant.

He might have regretted it at the very end.

Or he might have cursed with hatred.

Or he might have felt jealous of me in the second cycle and tried to interfere.

But what does it matter?

In his place, I release Aria from the bonds that held her.

“If there’s one thing I wish for you.”

Just one thing.

What I wish for Aria Rius.

Something I’ve said many times.

The first-cycle me meant it differently, but to quote it:

“Live as a student should.”

“…Ah.”

“Attend lectures, take exams, hang out with friends, fight, fall in love, experience all the things you can only do during this time.”

“But…”

What about the burden she carries?

The responsibility of knowing about the world’s destruction?

I gently stroke Aria’s forehead as she looks up at me with those questions in her eyes.

“You were the protagonist of the story. Because through you, I saw the world.

But this is now reality.

“I’ve come here myself. So you don’t need to carry that burden.”

I kiss the forehead of this lovely child.

A parting gift, and a celebration of birth.

Comfort for the hardships endured.

A gesture with implicit meaning.

“You’ve done well, Aria.”

Now.

Break free from that tragic role.

Live as an ordinary schoolgirl.

“Congratulations on your ending.”