Ch.125Chapter 19. Memories (6)

After that, I stayed in the literature club room for a while.

Kagami had gone home, and Kaoru and Izumi had left to enjoy various activities as we suggested.

They told us they had already had plenty of fun in the morning, but it seems there were still a few things that caught their eye.

Since it didn’t look like we’d have visitors for a while, we took over the seats that Kaoru and Izumi had occupied and helped ourselves to the snacks.

After sitting like that for some time—

“Kotone.”

Yuka suddenly called out to me.

“Hmm?”

I was enjoying the texture of the pancake as I took small bites of dorayaki, and I looked up at Yuka.

Yuka was looking at me with quite a serious expression.

“Sorry. I was going to let it go, but I can’t help worrying about it.”

Yuka looked back and forth between me and Koko as she spoke.

“Have you… reconciled with your mother?”

“…”

So she’s asking about it after all.

I thought she was going to let it slide since she hadn’t said anything.

Well, if I were Yuka, I would have been extremely concerned too. After all, Yuka has always been very attentive to me.

I fell into thought for a moment.

Reconciliation.

If we’re talking about reconciliation… there’s nothing to reconcile.

I’ve never fought with Kagami.

In truth, our relationship was closer to one where I was just being unilaterally rude. Until now, we had a relationship where I wouldn’t contact her normally, only calling when I needed something.

In a way, I think we both avoided unnecessary contact with each other.

From Kagami’s perspective, I must have been a suspicious existence too.

Lately, she’s been bringing up things like joining the Congregation and working together.

I guess she was the one who lowered her guard first.

“…Little by little.”

The problem is that I still haven’t told Yuka the truth.

Not just Yuka, but everyone around me… except for Kaoru and Izumi, thinks I’m a child from an abusive home.

Have I come too far to tell them the truth now?

I looked at Yuka.

Her eyes were full of concern.

Would she be disappointed if I told her that my behavior until now was just an act?

If I just leave it to Kagami— Ah.

…I see.

Without realizing it, I was trying to push everything onto Kagami again. I’ve been doing that for so long that it’s become a habit.

“I see.”

Yuka let out a small sigh.

She seemed somewhat relieved, but even she didn’t seem to know what to say next, despite being the one who brought it up.

It’s a difficult situation.

It’s natural to feel relieved when you see abusive parents reform.

However, what about the crimes those parents committed until then? Many subcultures gloss over this by suggesting the parents had their own hardships, but from an outsider’s perspective, it can’t help but feel unsettling.

But I can’t let Kagami be punished just for my convenience. She might be involved in crimes related to the Congregation, but at least regarding “child abuse” toward me, there are no charges.

…Maybe not for Koko though.

Though the current Koko doesn’t seem to care much about it.

In the end, neither of us could continue the conversation.

I felt warm knowing she was worried about me, but at the same time, it was incredibly awkward.

I was about to say something—when I suddenly realized I didn’t know much about what Yuka liked.

“Popular culture” isn’t part of our usual conversations. Since coming to this world, I hardly watch TV.

I’ve often watched what Koko watches, but it’s not content that would interest high school girls.

I don’t go to theaters, collect things, or have favorite foods that make me search for restaurants.

“…”

If we were naturally made friends, I would have learned these things automatically.

Ah, right.

There is something I do know.

Yuka liked games when she was young.

I don’t know about now, but I’ve played the games at my house that I inherited from Yuka.

Maybe I could naturally continue the conversation by bringing up those games—

—just as I was thinking that.

Squeak.

A sound came from the poorly oiled old hinges.

Yuka and I looked toward the door at the same time.

The literature club room door was slightly open.

“Are they in? Are they in? Are they inside?”

“Wait, Harumi, don’t push—”

“I think I heard something rustling—”

After those voices, one of the three people behind the door must have accidentally touched the doorknob, because the door opened completely with another loud squeak.

Beyond the open door stood three very distinctive ghosts.

One gyaru ghost with blonde straight hair let down to imitate Sadako.

One bob-cut ghost wearing the triangular headband unique to Japanese ghosts, which looked somewhat exotic to my eyes.

And a maiden ghost who was just wearing a white dress—if you’re going to claim to be a ghost, couldn’t you at least wear a wig that looks somewhat similar?

Yes, it was Mako’s trio.

“Oh, you were in here,” Mako said with a slightly awkward smile.

“The door was completely closed, so we thought you’d all gone somewhere,” Fukuda said, scratching her head.

“…But this is quite elaborate,” Yamashita said, seemingly a bit surprised to see our preparations.

Well, among the three, only Yamashita had participated in our club activities before. Though our activities consisted of nothing more than just sitting around.

Maybe that’s why she thought we wouldn’t have prepared anything.

Yuka and I turned to face each other again.

And we both smiled slightly and stood up at the same time.

“Welcome to the literature club exhibition,” Yuka said.

I picked up three copies of our anthology that were stacked next to the door and gave them to the three.

“Here’s our anthology.”

“Wow.”

Mako accepted the anthology with a bright smile.

“Did you write this?”

“We had to pad it out to fill the pages, but yes.”

It was true. Mine, Koko’s, and even the others’ writings were much longer than what we first showed to Izumi. Though the difference was less than a page.

“What’s this display?”

Yamashita asked, looking at the printed materials we had set up.

“…We thought we should have some decorations.”

“Can we sit down and read?”

Mako asked, pointing to the seats.

“Yes.”

Yuka answered. I pushed the snacks we were eating to the center of the table.

“Wow!”

As we all gathered around the table, Koko exclaimed.

She seemed happy that the three people who usually doted on her had come. Well, the three were dressed in full festival attire. Fukuda gently patted Koko’s head and sat down in an empty seat.

Mako opened the anthology.

Sitting like that, she really fits in with the literature club.

The three of them don’t seem to be in any club activities yet, maybe I should invite them.

…After thinking that, I realized I had truly become a member of this club.

*

“Everyone is so passionate.”

Yuka’s grandfather arrived when the festival was almost over.

I thought he might have come too late, but thinking about it again, her grandfather probably wouldn’t be interested in things like death racing or haunted houses. The same went for Yuka’s father who came with him.

He was probably curious about how his granddaughter was doing in school.

Even Kaoru and Izumi, who had been laughing and chatting loudly just three minutes ago, were standing politely in their places.

Grandfather’s eyes, as he looked around the club, seemed a bit moist, though that might have been my imagination.

…His granddaughter had been traveling around for work. Yuka, who had been inheriting the family business without making proper friends, was now enjoying school life with real friends. Maybe he was a bit moved by that.

After carefully examining our exhibits, Grandfather held one copy of the anthology and asked, “May I take one of these?”

“Yes, of course,” Izumi replied with a very polite attitude.

Grandfather nodded with a slight smile and took one copy of the anthology.

With that, a total of five copies were distributed today.

Since one of the eleven copies was for club reference, the copies distributed today amounted to nearly half of what we had prepared.

It was an unexpected success.

Above all, I was relieved that the people who took the anthologies would cherish them.

…When it was first completed, I didn’t think much of it.

Well, my writing in there is also a trace of me.

I think it’s fair to say that the first day of the festival was a success.

The time when Grandfather and Yuka’s father came together was at the end of the first day of the festival. They were the last visitors to our club.

The literature club doesn’t have much to clean up. We just had to gather the packaging from the snacks we ate and throw them in the trash.

It was natural for the five literature club members, along with Yuka’s father and grandfather, to leave together.

“Goodbye.”

“Thank you for visiting today.”

Kaoru and Izumi bowed politely, and Grandfather waved at them with a benevolent smile.

We also waved to the two of them and walked alongside the two men.

“Shall we go together?” Yuka asked.

She probably meant they would give us a ride.

I shook my head.

If I lived reasonably close, I would have gratefully accepted the ride, but I live in Saitama. In Korean terms, it would be like getting a ride from Cheongdam to Goyang City. No, considering the size of Tokyo, it might be much farther than that.

“It’s okay. We’ll take the train—”

“If that’s the case, how about staying over for the night?”

As I was about to decline, Yuka’s father smiled and suggested.

“…”

Since I had stayed over before, it was probably a natural suggestion.

But I—

I’ve received too much already.

“Yeah. Since it’s come to this, stay over for a night,” Yuka said with a smile. There was a hint of expectation in her eyes.

“We’re planning to grill meat for dinner tonight.”

“Wow!”

Grandfather added decisively, and Koko raised both hands above her head and cheered.

“…”

With anticipation already blooming on Koko’s face, it was difficult to refuse due to the atmosphere.

Maybe I’ve become more comfortable with living here too. If this had been when I first arrived, I would have immediately followed them while inwardly chanting “meat.”

“…Then, I’ll accept your hospitality.”

“What hospitality?”

Grandfather nodded with a smile.

It was a strange feeling.

Somewhere ticklish, and despite the chilly weather, it felt warm somewhere.

A sensation I had forgotten for too long.

Maybe it was because it was warmth I hadn’t felt in a long time. Without realizing it, I found myself following them.

*

Yakiniku tasted quite similar to the grilled meat I used to eat in Korea.

But there were subtle differences that were hard to pinpoint, which made it enjoyable.

After dinner, I changed into the underwear Yuka and I had bought on the way, and borrowed Yuka’s clothes.

Actually, the size didn’t fit. They were a bit loose on me, but the waist had an elastic band, so it was passable as a loose fit.

“I’m going to get some fresh air for a bit.”

“Want me to come with you?”

“No. I’ll just be a moment.”

Yuka blinked at my words.

This is just my thought, but I think if this had been just a few months ago, Yuka wouldn’t have let me go.

Because I’m the kind of person who cuts my wrists on a whim. Well, I still do cut my wrists.

“Okay. Don’t stay out too long. It’s cold.”

But Yuka soon nodded and said that.

Trust.

…Though my side was riddled with lies, it was a dazzling trust that Yuka held unilaterally.

But at least what I just said wasn’t a lie. I had no intention of running away to some distant place from here.

Unlike my neighborhood, the streets here are somewhat brighter. I’m not sure if it’s because there are actually more light sources or if it’s just my feeling.

But because of that, there wasn’t much eeriness in walking the streets at midnight.

Even entering the darkened shrine, I could see adequately.

I slowly walked to the offertory box.

And standing in front of it, I hesitated for a moment.

I had only seen it in Japanese manga, but I had never actually put money in an offertory box when traveling.

No, even after starting to live in Japan, I had never done it.

Are there any methods or procedures? Is there a minimum amount to put in?

After staring at the offertory box for a while, I shrugged and rummaged through my pocket.

I took out a 500-yen coin.

After contemplating the coin for a moment, I put the money in the offertory box.

I don’t actually believe in gods.

Even after directly seeing the existence of yokai, even after knowing the existence of the afterlife, even now knowing that there are godlike beings beyond this universe, I have never thought of relying on the existence of a god.

So even now, this was more of an action to ease my mind rather than a sincere one.

“…”

Well, 5,000 won should be more than any minimum amount, if there is one.

I put the coin in the offertory box. Then, hesitantly, I reached out and pulled the string attached to the top of the offertory box to ring the bell.

And then, I clapped my hands twice, like I had seen in an animation before.

With my hands still together, I closed my eyes,

…Please help Yuka forgive me even after everything is over…

I made such a selfish wish.

Without even knowing which god is enshrined here.

After standing like that for a moment, I slowly raised my head and opened my eyes.

I lowered my joined hands and took a deep breath.

The cold night air filled my lungs, making me feel a bit refreshed.

If the god beyond truly exists, would they grant my request? They wouldn’t refuse because I’m an alien existence from beyond this world, would they?

I shrugged to myself and turned around—

“…!”

And I was terrified.

It was pure luck that I didn’t scream.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” said the person standing in the darkness, smiling a bit awkwardly.

“Did I startle you?”

It was Yuka’s father.

“…No.”

I shook my head.

I was startled, but I couldn’t say that to him. He’s much older than me.

“I left something behind and came to get it, and I saw you here. I was wondering whether to leave, but I waited a bit. Is that okay?”

“Ah, yes. It’s fine.”

He was indeed holding a yellow envelope in his hand.

Even though it’s a religious facility, it’s a place where money changes hands, so of course there would be administrative work to do. I convinced myself of this.

Feeling like I should say something but feeling a bit awkward, I decided to say anything.

“…Is there a specific way to make a wish?”

I asked, realizing he must have seen me making a wish.

Being a Shinto priest, he would naturally know about such methods.

“There is a set procedure.”

At those words, I felt even more embarrassed. I had made a haphazard prayer.

“But even if you don’t strictly follow it, if you prayed with sincere reverence, they probably heard you.”

I nodded.

Yuka’s father turned his body, and I started walking too.

“Do you feel a bit better?”

“…Yes.”

As someone who doesn’t believe in gods, I was merely imitating, but even that made me feel a bit better.

Because I have many worries I can’t share with anyone.

“I see.”

Thankfully, Yuka’s father didn’t ask any further.

We entered the warm room and went upstairs to Yuka’s room.

“Meow.”

And as soon as we opened the door to Yuka’s room, there was Kuro, sitting with a sullen expression, looking up at me.

“…”

Well, yes.

Since learning that he’s not an ordinary cat, I’ve been a bit less worried.

“…What exactly is that thing?” Yuka asked incredulously.

Since I’m often away from home, our house is almost always prepared with enough food for Kuro to eat all day.

And I clean his litter box every morning.

Unlike other cats, he doesn’t scratch things when left alone, which made me think he was a divinely possessed cat.

“…Actually, I’m not sure either.”

I picked up Kuro.

Kuro had a sullen expression until I sat on the floor and placed him on my lap, but as soon as I gently scratched behind his ears, his eyes narrowed and he took on a languid expression.

“He’s not an ordinary cat, it seems.”

“Yeah.”

When Yuka spoke incredulously, I nodded.

“…Was he like this in Kyoto too?”

“Yes.”

As Kuro yawned widely, I handed him over to Koko.

“Wow!”

Koko, who received Kuro, immediately hugged him tightly and lay down on the futon spread on the floor.

From within Koko’s embrace, Kuro gave me a resentful look, which made me laugh a little.

“Isn’t it dangerous?”

“Probably not.”

I still don’t know what kind of being is attached to Kuro.

But at least I didn’t feel threatened like when I was talking to Nirlas.

In fact, in that dream, I felt at ease.

So, it’s probably fine.

…Why does he help me so much when I can’t even take proper care of him?

After watching Koko hugging Kuro with a warm smile, I got up and looked for my phone.

Click.

And I captured Koko’s image in a photo.

Yuka, as if she had just thought of it too, quickly found her phone.

Click, click.

Throughout the photo session, Kuro maintained a sullen expression while being hugged by Koko—

But in its own way, he looked very comfortable.

…I wish days like this could continue for a long time with all of us.

It bothered me a little that I might not be able to turn all the pages of this book of memories to the end.