Ch.124Chapter 19. Memories (5)

The first emotion I had toward the existence known as Kagami Kurosawa was “wariness.”

Honestly, this wasn’t entirely my fault.

Having fallen into this world without knowing why, I had no choice but to be suspicious of everything, and in the midst of that, Kagami appeared before me saying, “I’ve come to share some good words with you.”

No matter how you look at it, that’s incredibly suspicious. Plus, during our first meeting, Kagami seemed to be using some kind of power. Looking back now, it might have just been my imagination.

Nyarlathotep.

At first, that’s where I placed Kagami in my mind.

Since Kagami first appeared as Nirlas’s subordinate, I assumed Kagami also held some divine position.

Looking back now, that seems like a completely wrong assumption. Kagami has never once shown any evidence of being such a high-ranking entity in front of me.

Once I set aside those suspicions… Yes, once I set them aside, how should I think of Kagami and how should I treat this person?

When I thought about it that way, it felt incredibly awkward. I couldn’t openly treat Kagami as someone familiar, but it was also complicated to be openly hostile.

Yet I was already speaking informally to Kagami.

“So, this is…”

Since I’d gone so far as to send my friends away, it felt strange to say nothing, so I approached the displayed work and spoke.

Kagami and Koko followed behind me.

Though I call it a “display,” it’s really nothing special. I just did some basic editing using the word processor on the school computer and printed it on the large printer at school. Then I carefully pasted it onto hardboard, cut it out, and placed it on an easel borrowed from the art room.

When I was making it, I was in a hurry and thought it looked decent, but now that I was standing in front of others with it, it looked incredibly shabby.

Perhaps it seemed that way because we had just been enjoying Yuka’s and other classes’ displays.

“I just pulled out some passages from literary writers of this country. Since this is the Literary Club.”

“I see.”

Kagami answered like that, but the atmosphere was extremely awkward, just like it was for me. Kagami seemed to be trying to hide it with a neutral expression, but the hesitant movements made the discomfort obvious.

Trying to break this suffocating atmosphere, I spoke more quickly.

“We also mixed in some of our own writings in between, that’s about it.”

I said that intending to give a brief explanation and move on, but Kagami actually seemed interested.

Ah, I see? From Kagami’s perspective, I’m also some kind of unidentified entity.

Well, even Nirlas, an outer god, finds me puzzling, so how much more confusing must I be to Kagami?

And Koko was there too.

“Where are the writings you wrote?”

Kagami asked, bending slightly to look more closely at the display.

“…Here.”

I think it wouldn’t be bad to live like a cat.

Lazily lying under warm sunlight, dozing off.

That was the quoted passage.

Honestly, now that I was showing it directly, I felt a little embarrassed.

Having lived a life far removed from composition, I wasn’t very confident in my writing.

“…”

Kagami stared at that writing for a while.

I wish Kagami would say something, anything.

“Um, that’s not the only thing I wrote.”

Feeling anxious, I said that, and Kagami blinked before slowly turning toward me.

I walked briskly to pick up one of the literary magazines stacked next to the Literary Club room door.

It wasn’t very thick. It was just a stack of papers stapled together, clearly made just for show.

…Though we had to work hard to make it.

After picking one up, I walked briskly back to Kagami and abruptly handed it over.

“Take one if you want.”

“…”

Kagami silently stared at the magazine for a while.

Doesn’t Kagami want it?

Just as I was thinking that, Kagami took the magazine I was holding out.

When I let go, Kagami slowly raised it to eye level.

[Hanakawa High School Literary Club Magazine ‘Flower (花)’]

I think it’s a really uncreative name for a magazine, but apparently it’s been passed down for generations. So I didn’t think about changing it.

We put our photo on the cover. A picture of all of us standing in front of the school building, smiling brightly.

It just so happened that the Photography Club was in the next room, so Kaoru bought a bunch of food and carried it over to the neighboring club room.

Thanks to that, we were able to take a photo with much clearer quality than a phone camera could provide.

If we were talking about 20 years in the future, we could have just taken a decent photo with a smartphone, but in this era, the difference in quality was much more noticeable.

Unfortunately, none of us had the skills to do proper design, and we didn’t have time to ask someone else since we were in a hurry, so the cover really just had our photo with the title.

We tried to imitate a magazine as best we could, but it was nowhere near the level of real magazines that are sold.

“Oh, are you going to read it here?”

I was surprised to see Kagami flipping through the magazine, and Kagami looked at me.

“Ah… should I go somewhere else to read it?”

“Um… yeah, that might be better. Even though it’s thin, the text is quite long.”

Though honestly, I think it wouldn’t take even 30 minutes to read it all while standing here.

At my words, Kagami closed the magazine. Instead of the solid “thud” of a book closing, there was just the sound of pages fluttering.

We fell into silence again.

“So, did you really come just to see this?”

“Yes, well, that’s right.”

Kagami answered.

Silence again.

“…Do you want to see anything else?”

Kagami seemed to be considering.

And I was surprised that Kagami showed such consideration.

No, I thought Kagami would leave right away.

Not that I’m saying Kagami should leave right now.

I didn’t want to say that here because it might make it seem like I was chasing Kagami away, which would feel bad.

But at the same time, it felt strange to take Kagami to things like the haunted house or death racing.

After thinking for a moment, I asked,

“…Want to take a photo?”

“What?”

Kagami blinked.

“The Photography Club is right next door.”

Compared to other classes or clubs that were prepared for visitors to fully enjoy the festival, there wasn’t much to do on the top floor of this old school building.

But if I had to pick something enjoyable among them, it would be the Photography Club.

The Photography Club’s content was basically similar to ours. They displayed their photos printed on photo paper.

However, the Photography Club didn’t stop at just displaying; they had set up a small studio in one corner of their room.

It wasn’t much of a studio. They just cleared a wall and placed a chair in a spot where light came in well from the window.

For 200 yen, they would take a photo for you.

They didn’t print it out, but if you gave them your email, they would send you the photo.

It was like a digitized version of sticker photos. Since they didn’t provide actual “sticker photos,” it seemed unpopular.

Maybe they had fewer customers because they were stuck on the top floor of the old building, which was known for being boring.

“Do you want to take a family photo?”

Kagami asked, teasing me a little.

“Yes.”

I answered immediately without much thought.

Well, it’s good to have many photos.

I’m not sure how Kagami thinks of me.

In fact, I’m not sure how I think of Kagami either. I just think I don’t completely dislike Kagami.

If I don’t dislike someone, it wouldn’t be bad to let them have one of my photos, right?

It’s not like we’ll have no photos. We weren’t exactly close friends.

“Are you serious?”

Kagami asked with furrowed brows, so I shrugged.

“It’s a festival.”

Then I looked at Koko.

“Whoa?”

Only after seeing my gaze did Kagami seem to realize what I wanted.

After looking around and considering, Kagami shrugged just like I had and said,

“Well… alright. Since I’m here, I might as well enjoy myself.”

It’s a festival.

Kagami seems to think so too.

*

Though it was just a temporary studio set up in a sunny spot, the photography itself was quite professional.

Befitting a Photography Club from a wealthy school, the camera looked quite good, and there were lights inside.

A student who appeared to be a second-year showed us the carefully taken photo.

The photo on the laptop screen looked quite impressive.

Since we were near the window, there were long shadows, but that actually enhanced the atmosphere.

It was already winter season, and even though it was still early, the sky was already turning orange.

With soft lighting to brighten the dark areas so faces would show up well in the photo, and with a good camera, the faces of the three of us—me, Kagami, and Koko—came out clearly.

To be honest, it was a photo with a somewhat strange atmosphere.

Kagami was in the middle with Koko and me sitting on either side, and both Koko and I looked like the same person when we had similar expressions.

Plus, the background wasn’t the typical backdrop you’d see in family photos but an old school building, and the lighting was mostly natural.

And Kagami’s own aura was far from ordinary.

As a result, despite being taken in beautiful sunset light, the photo had a gloomy atmosphere like a horror movie poster.

But I quite liked that photo.

“Oh, what’s this, what’s this?”

Kaoru smiled as she looked at the photo.

Izumi also stood on her tiptoes behind us to see the photo.

Yuka still seemed a bit awkward.

Right. Kaoru and Izumi had seen Kagami speaking politely to me, but Yuka hadn’t yet.

…How should I explain this to Yuka?

I never intended to deceive her from the beginning, but… it was complicated to explain now for various reasons.

Yuka took care of me because she thought I was an abused child. Most of the things Koko and I use in our room were given by Yuka.

I’ve really done something bad to Yuka.

Feeling guilty inside, I pulled on Yuka’s sleeve.

And showed her the photo.

Kagami slightly moved away from Yuka. Whether Yuka noticed this or not, she looked at the photo with an unreadable expression and then—

“Pfft.”

She suddenly let out a laugh.

Yes. Honestly, it was that kind of photo.

To people who didn’t know us, it might look like a horror movie poster with an awkward, unpleasant feeling, but at least to someone who knew Koko and me, it was a somewhat funny photo.

Isn’t that right? Although we had wiped off the fake blood for the photo, Koko and I were still in ghost costumes.

“Let’s take one too!”

Kaoru immediately exclaimed.

“Is that okay?”

Seeing her speak to the second-year student who took our photo, it seems they are indeed in the same grade.

“We’d be happy to! We haven’t had many customers anyway.”

The student cheerfully said that while holding up the money box. Judging by the sound of coins rolling around inside, it seems very few people had come.

We decided to take a photo all together.

There were five of us, but that was a manageable number with three in front and two behind. Since they had easily photographed the three of us—me, Koko, and Kagami—earlier, there was enough space for this photo too.

While we were noisily finding our positions, I noticed Kagami quietly moving away.

Just before Kagami left the Photography Club, our eyes met.

After hesitating about what to say to Kagami who had paused momentarily,

I awkwardly raised just one hand and waved it slightly.

Kagami stared at me blankly for a moment, then slightly bowed before opening the door and leaving.

I caught a glimpse of the literary magazine in Kagami’s hand.

*

…Kagami didn’t know how to express that feeling.

Kagami had seen many “children” so far.

All were “failures.” Most were physically incomplete.

The time it took for them to emerge varied. However, none ever took the normal human gestation period of 10 months. Sometimes it was a month, sometimes ten days.

Slimy, barely taking human form, merely existing.

Some moved according to their instincts and sacrificed those nearby. Those who melted into the same slimy existence would try to imitate human form again, only to be sealed away.

They weren’t killed.

No, they couldn’t be. There was no method to do so.

And the Kurosawa family had various complications that made it difficult to seek help from elsewhere.

They were also stubborn.

And so, year after year.

Perhaps when Kagami was first old enough to have children, after continuously creating them, one day a human-like form was finally achieved. That took 10 months.

But there was a problem.

“…We solved the body’s problem, but now it’s the soul?”

Another failure.

Kosuzu seemed very disappointed with the result.

Still, that unconscious being grew just like a human. Even its growth rate resembled that of a human. It was inevitable that Kosuzu, who was initially disappointed, gradually became interested in this being that grew without even needing to be fed.

Though that interest seemed to have faded after about 14 years.

“…”

Having finished that thought, Kagami looked down at the magazine in hand.

…There had never been a time when Kagami thought of it as her child. Not until now.

What was inside was clearly something alien. Something that should rightfully be worshipped, perhaps something that would connect her to the god beyond.

It would be a lie to say there was no hatred. It would be a lie to say there was no resentment.

It would also be a lie to say Kagami wasn’t terrified when seeing it move for the first time.

But now.

“Why does it seem so harmless?”

Having left the school building, Kagami found an empty bench.

It wasn’t actually that easy. The school was packed with people. It was strange that so many people had gathered to enjoy this unremarkable student festival.

Well, that’s how it is. People find meaning in unremarkable things, without knowing what truth lies beyond.

So, finding a bench with no one sitting on it was purely Kagami’s luck.

Kagami quickly took a seat before anyone else could.

Humans are strange creatures; they will force themselves onto crowded trains that look like cattle transport, yet they hesitate to sit next to someone on a bench. Probably no one would disturb Kagami while sitting here.

The paper was quite high quality for something made by students. It was really the coated paper used in magazines.

The editing wasn’t particularly well done, but it was decent for kids without professional knowledge.

Turning page after page, Kagami searched for the writing by the entity known as Kotone Kurosawa.

“…A cat?”

Kagami knew well that she kept a cat.

It was a bit strange that a non-human, alien entity would feel the loneliness that humans feel.

Isn’t the universe beyond empty? Though there are countless stars, the universe is too vast for their light to reach each other.

How could a being that resides in such a place dislike being alone in a room so much that it brings in another creature? Does that make sense?

…Sometimes, Kuro’s eyes gaze far away. Even when I look in the same direction, I see nothing.

Is Kuro lost in thought? What thoughts does Kuro have?

When those eyes look at me instead of far away, I have slightly more concrete thoughts.

I wonder if this child enjoys being with me…

…These sentiments were too human for a being from far away.

“Is this written by Kotone?”

Kagami was startled by that voice.

Looking up, there was the teacher from earlier.

The homeroom teacher of Kotone Kurosawa and Koko Kurosawa.

Recalling the name “Koko” made Kagami feel even stranger.

Where did that name come from? It was a name disconnected from the outer beings Kagami knew. A name like one given to a puppy.

Was it derived from her own name?

“Excuse me, may I sit next to you?”

“…”

Kagami looked up at the teacher silently, then nodded slightly.

The teacher sat down next to Kagami. Not too close. The bench was wide enough for three people to sit comfortably.

The teacher sitting next to Kagami was silent for a moment.

“Kotone…”

The teacher seemed about to bring up child abuse to Kagami, but fortunately, spoke more cautiously than expected.

“Even though she seems fine on the outside, she’s a child who needs a lot of attention.”

Normally, Kagami would have said that the teacher should provide that attention. Whether sincere or an act, it didn’t matter.

“She seems to have improved by spending time with friends, but I can still see areas where she’s lacking.”

Though the fact itself was strange, Kagami still said nothing.

Kagami just lowered gaze to the open pages.

…Sometimes, I want to just lie down and sleep like Kuro, without a care. Without any worries…

“Please pay attention to her and watch over her at home. And…”

The teacher was about to bring up abuse again but showed extreme caution and closed their mouth.

Perhaps they thought it might “worsen” the situation?

“Judging by Kotone’s behavior today, it seems she hasn’t given up on you, Kurosawa-san.”

“…”

Kagami gave no response to those words either.

The teacher hesitated for a moment, then finally decided that saying more was meaningless and stood up.

Then, bowing to Kagami, the teacher said,

“Please, take good care of Kotone. She’s a good child. At least she deserves better care than she’s getting now…”

In fact, the teacher had already called Kagami several times. After the first call, Kagami had ignored all the rest.

Until the teacher straightened up hesitantly and disappeared from sight while watching for Kagami’s reaction, Kagami gave no answer.

No.

Perhaps Kagami “couldn’t” answer.