Ch.120What I Want to Protect (1)

“Lite? Time to get up.”

And something was trying to escape from my arms. So I pulled that something even closer.

“Just 5 more minutes…”

It’s still far from enough. I want to hold Nam Ju-an like this for much longer than just 5 minutes.

As I was enjoying this truly comfortable rest, I felt my mind becoming clearer. Clear enough to realize what I was doing.

But I still didn’t want to let go. Since the water was already spilled, it didn’t matter what I did now.

Alright, let’s try the seduction strategy that failed yesterday. First step was pressing our bodies together. Since I’ve already accomplished that, I should move on to the next strategy.

…What were other ways to seduce someone again?

Wait, shouldn’t this much be enough to win someone over? If we both like each other, how can he still resist?

Anyway, Ju-an’s patience is way too strong, so this strategy probably won’t work well in the future either. What other methods could I try?

I might as well get ready to go out. I agreed to join the strategy meeting today. With that thought, I got up, but Ju-an was still lying in bed.

“Ju-an? Aren’t you getting up?”

“I’ll… get up later.”

“Why? Are you feeling sick somewhere?”

“It’s just… something.”

Ju-an said with a reddening face while awkwardly lying there. Probably because of the natural physiological phenomenon that occurs every morning.

“Did you pitch a tent?”

“…”

Ju-an couldn’t answer my question and just blushed. So my guess was right.

But couldn’t this be an opportunity? Right now, Ju-an is half-asleep, so his judgment is probably much weaker. There’s a chance his true feelings might slip out instead of his usual self-restraint.

Okay, I’ll just say one thing. Just one line, nothing too much.

“Um… want me to help?”

“…What did you say?”

“…Don’t make me say it twice, it’s embarrassing.”

My face burned hot. And Ju-an’s face turned bright red just like mine. This is so damn embarrassing.

Anyway, we were both too embarrassed to say anything. The silence continued until Ju-an finally spoke.

“I’m fine.”

This frustrating guy rejected me just like always, even when I’m practically serving myself on a platter. Now I’m determined to make Ju-an give in right now.

So I immediately went to Ju-an’s side, lay down, and embraced him.

After all that determination, this is all I can do—it seems so inadequate.

But doing anything more is absolutely impossible. If I tried anything beyond this, I’d probably want to kill myself from embarrassment.

As I desperately tried to hide my embarrassment, Ju-an sighed softly and said:

“Then can I do what I want?”

“…Yes.”

Ju-an got up from the bed, climbed on top of me, and spoke again with an ice-cold voice and expressionless face.

“Are you sure I can do whatever I want?”

I was going to answer “yes” of course. But I was so scared of the situation that I couldn’t get the words out.

It wasn’t just because Ju-an, who was always kind and gentle, suddenly changed to a cold attitude. Beyond that, I was afraid of the relationship itself.

Ever since my body changed, I hadn’t touched it at all because I was scared. In that situation, having an intimate relationship with someone was absolutely impossible.

Of course, I know that everyone is afraid their first time. But knowing something doesn’t always mean you can put it into practice.

I barely know my own body, so letting someone else touch it freely feels too uncertain and terrifying.

I definitely have feelings for Ju-an. But right now, my fear of intimacy is still greater.

“…I’m sorry.”

So I ran away again. Ju-an returned to his usual demeanor and got off me.

“I’m sorry for scaring you. I’ll go wash up now.”

Ju-an gave a bitter smile and headed to the bathroom. Could it be that he’s been waiting all this time just for my sake?

I’ve always thought that kind of kindness was unnecessary. But now, I’m truly grateful for his considerate nature.

Without that kindness, both of us might have been deeply hurt.

With these bitter feelings, I got ready and headed to the strategy meeting.

I arrived after walking mindlessly, but there was a serious problem.

The atmosphere that had been somewhat bright until Tuesday had changed to something like a funeral home.

“Ah… hello…”

Rebecca spoke in a truly dark voice. Probably because the future she saw in her dreams was very grim.

“What kind of future did you see today?”

“Would you like to see it yourself, Lite?”

Come to think of it, Rebecca could show her visions of the future to others.

“Alright. How do I do it?”

“I’ll give you a sleeping pill. Take it and sleep here.”

Rebecca, still with lifeless eyes, brought me some medicine and water.

Okay, let’s just see it once. How bad could it be beyond us dying?

So I took the sleeping pill and quickly fell asleep.

***

I woke up, but I didn’t see any dream. Did something go wrong?

“Rebecca? I didn’t see anything.”

“Yes, that’s normal.”

The future that should have been visible wasn’t there. That could only mean one thing.

“Did I die?”

“Yes, and at Leo’s hands.”

I could accept the fact that I died. But what came next was something I couldn’t just brush off.

“…How did Leo act in the future?”

“After killing you, he was killed by the new hero.”

“Did I get a chance to talk with Leo? I mean, do we absolutely have to fight him?”

“As soon as you tried to talk, Leo attacked you.”

I was certain Leo would come back to our side. But not only did he not return, he was clearly hostile toward us.

If Leo were here, I might have been able to persuade him somehow, but there’s no chance of meeting him.

So we inevitably have to fight. No wonder everyone was in a funeral mood.

Thanks to learning about this terrible future, I became depressed. Meanwhile, Rebecca tried to speak in a forcibly cheerful voice.

“It’s okay, if we completely abandon our feelings for Leo, we can easily defeat someone like him.”

“There’s no way we can do that…”

“But if we don’t, we’ll die. And this world will be in danger too.”

“…Have you abandoned your feelings for Leo, Rebecca?”

“…No.”

Rebecca’s seemingly bright voice darkened in an instant. Looks like I touched a sore spot.

As the gloomy atmosphere returned, Rebecca avoided my gaze and said:

“By the way, I think you should sit out this operation, Lite.”

“…What?”

“I’m sorry to say this, but if you come, you’ll be more of a hindrance than help because you’re too weak. So you’ll have to stay behind.”

I want to argue against that, but it’s all true, so there’s nothing I can say. I really am pathetically weak.

Of course, if I sacrificed all my lifespan, I could be somewhat strong. But that wouldn’t be helpful.

The effort needed to protect me from common enemies would be greater than any attack I could make by sacrificing my lifespan.

So I have no choice but to sit this one out. I can’t do anything in this final battle.

Even though Leo left us, I have to stay in a safe place and do nothing.

This is how it always ends up. So what am I supposed to do…

“…What if I could be helpful?”

Suddenly, an extremely slim possibility crossed my mind.

“Then of course I’d ask for your help. We need all the help we can get right now.”

If I could manifest an extremely powerful first supernatural power, I could definitely be helpful.

Of course, the chances of that are dirt low. Winning the lottery might be more likely.

But it’s still higher than zero. That’s enough to take a chance.

So I immediately ran to the training ground. The orange-haired person greeted me cheerfully.

“Hello. Like you said yesterday, after a good rest…”

“I’m sorry! I have something really urgent right now!”

If, just if, I could get a powerful supernatural power, the situation could completely change. No, any helpful power would be enough.

After all, my powers haven’t been that strong so far, right? So maybe this time, this damn world could give me a strong power.

I’ve been living such a difficult life, sacrificing so much of my lifespan. At least this once, please help me.

And so, I kept pulling the trigger until my first supernatural power would manifest.