Ch.120The Essence Remains Unchanged (3)

Several days had passed.

I was scratching my head amid piles of documents.

As the formal preparations began, the amount of work I needed to handle gradually increased.

It was quite late, and Grandmother had already returned to rest, but… I wasn’t alone.

“…Asena, go and rest now.”

Asena was sitting at a table nearby, flipping through documents.

She answered indifferently.

“…Just a little more.”

Though she was far from healthy, she didn’t know when to stop.

I expected this.

I knew from the beginning that she wouldn’t listen to me properly.

It’s not like paperwork is something you can just put down and walk away from immediately.

Still, I was reaching the point of exhaustion now.

Beyond my incompatibility with writing, sitting all day was taking a physical toll.

In this situation where even I was accumulating fatigue, I couldn’t let Asena continue working.

“…What do you mean ‘a little more’? Go in and rest.”

“You go ahead, then. I’ll keep looking through these.”

“…Asena.”

“Brother, I’m used to this.”

She looked at me sharply as she spoke. These aspects of her personality were coming back to life within her.

“This isn’t difficult for me. So, I’ll just look at a bit more.”

“……..”

I scratched my neck and sighed.

I was just planning to focus on my own work again.

“…Ah, brother…?”

In the midst of this, Asena called out to me.

“Yes.”

“…If you’re really worried about me… help me with one thing.”

“…Sure, what is it?”

Wondering what I could help with, I approached her.

Then I looked down at the document she was examining.

Asena spoke.

“…No. That’s not it.”

“Huh?”

“………”

After freezing with a stiff expression for a while, she casually blurted out.

“…Could you massage my shoulders?”

“……..”

Though she said it casually, silence began to surround us.

“…If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”

After a long moment, she spoke while turning a page.

“………”

I stood silently beside her, straightening my upper body… slowly grasping her shoulders.

“…Ah!… Ah. Sorry. That didn’t hurt, brother.”

I hesitated momentarily at her moan, then began to loosen her stiff shoulders.

Even I couldn’t understand why I was suddenly able to do this.

Was it because Asena said she had given up on me?

No, rather… it was probably because lately, it had become difficult to just stand by and watch them.

Especially in Kirsy’s case, the expression she showed a few days ago while taking back the sandwich still pained my heart.

I didn’t want to see such faces anymore, so I started granting these small requests.

“…Is this okay?”

I asked Asena as I massaged her shoulders. I could feel her delicate collarbone and neck beneath her soft skin.

“…Yes. It’s getting… much more comfortable.”

I nodded and continued massaging her shoulders.

****

Asena had decided to give up on Caden.

The more she approached him, the further he drifted away, and the closer she tried to get, the more he suffered.

In every situation where she responded emotionally, Caden only ended up physically hurt.

This time too, as the disaster was brought on by her anger… Asena was now afraid.

If she had given up the first time, when he was badly injured saving those commoner children.

If she had given up then, he wouldn’t have been attacked by Shallon Payne after becoming a commoner.

Because she couldn’t keep giving up, he kept getting more seriously injured.

So… with this second chance given by heaven.

Asena decided to give up on him.

Before he truly died, she resolved not to approach him with her ugly self.

She would simply… fulfill her duty as a younger sister.

As his sister, she carefully examined the documents related to the war he would enter.

As his sister, she ate meals by his side and only discussed matters concerning the family.

As his sister, she looked after his health, expressed concern for him, and acknowledged the women around him.

“…….”

And as his sister…

“…Could you massage my shoulders?”

She asked for his care.

Asena was surprised at her own words.

When the devil first tempted her to say those words, she hesitated briefly but intended to say something else.

But her mouth betrayed her mind. By the time she realized it, the words had already been spoken, and she couldn’t take them back.

Then once again, that devil approached and whispered in the ear of the one who had resolved to remain a sister:

‘If you’re his sister, you can ask him to massage your shoulders.’

And to that suggestion, Asena succumbed with ridiculous ease.

She waited for his action, making that excuse to herself.

…Caden touched her, just like before.

As she had resolved, like when she was his sister.

“…Ah!…”

But her body didn’t respond like a sister’s. At that simple physical contact that would have never satisfied her before, Asena unconsciously let out a moan.

And the more he touched her shoulders, the more she felt not recovery from fatigue… but only growing excitement.

Though she found herself detestable and filthy… she couldn’t tell him to stop.

When he finally removed his hands, she quivered her lips sadly, wanting to ask for more, but this much at least she endured.

Nevertheless, she found it difficult to control her heated body.

She felt she needed some fresh air.

As she had decided… because a sister shouldn’t be like this.

Because she had to give up on Caden.

“…Brother, I’m going to get some fresh air and bring some tea… would you like some?”

“…No thanks. Asena, just go to bed after getting some air. Don’t come back here, understand?”

“…….”

“…I said don’t come back, go and rest.”

Asena wanted to refuse, but her body was at its limit now.

She felt she might abandon her resolution to remain his sister and fall in love with him again.

Before that happened, Asena turned away.

The cold air would help.

And then she would return here and receive forgiveness, not permission.

That way she could help him.

Asena wandered outside for a long time.

Everywhere she went, memories of Caden surfaced.

Along with those memories… the emotions she had felt also returned vividly.

Feeling those emotions, she let out a weak laugh.

Looking back now, there wasn’t a single moment when she hadn’t loved him.

From the beginning, this mindset of being his sister was what felt most unfamiliar.

She steadied her heart by imagining Caden’s death.

That was a future that must not exist.

It was right for her to give up.

After composing herself for a long while, Asena returned to the office where Caden was.

If he asked why she returned so late, she planned to simply apologize and sit back down to examine the documents.

If she could reduce even slightly the probability of Caden dying by examining the documents more carefully… she was willing to sacrifice all her sleep.

-Creak.

“…Brother, I just wanted to look at the documents a little more…”

As she entered while making excuses, what Asena’s eyes found was… Caden asleep, slumped over his desk.

“………..”

All her movements had already become silent.

“…….”

“…….”

“…Brother… are you asleep?”

His breathing answered for him.

Asena unconsciously swallowed.

-Gulp.

But then, shaking her head, she entered the room.

What difference would it make if he was asleep?

As she had thought when entering… Asena moved quietly, intending to examine more documents.

She had resolved to act as his sister.

So as not to wake him.

She sat back at the desk and began turning pages.

As she calmed herself and turned one page…

The next moment, even she didn’t know what happened.

Suddenly her legs straightened, lifting her from her seat, and her body was drawn to him.

When she came to her senses the next moment, Asena was kneeling beside Caden’s desk, her face close to his.

“…Haa… haa…”

Her breathing had become rough.

Even she didn’t know why this was happening.

“……”

“…Haa… haa…”

His eyebrows. Nose. Lips. His breathing. His scent.

…Everything evoked nostalgia in her.

“…Brother… if you’re awake… say something now.”

Her breath moistened his face.

“…..”

As he still showed no reaction, her body began to move on its own.

Asena placed one hand on his desk and the other on her knee, slowly leaning forward.

Her mouth began to open by itself. Her tongue slowly emerged. Her eyes gradually closed.

“…….”

And just before touching his lips.

She felt Caden’s breath. His living breath.

His breath, which until just days ago she thought she would never feel again, touched Asena.

The moment she felt his life force, she couldn’t move forward.

Her body wouldn’t approach any closer.

She remembered the moment she heard the news of his death.

She remembered seeing his burned sword.

The despair she felt during that long time came back to her.

The time when she believed Caden was dead because of her selfishness came back to her.

At the same time, feeling her heart drop, Asena withdrew from him.

Then she turned and fled from the room.

She hurried to her own room with her weakened body.

After roughly closing the door, she collapsed against it.

“…Crazy bitch… crazy bitch…”

Clutching her head, she lashed out at herself.

“…A woman who puts her desires before her brother’s life…”

Filthy woman. Selfish woman. Disgusting woman.

Using every insult imaginable, Asena cursed herself.

But even so.

…Even so, that flutter returned.

Before their lips met, she felt that unchanging excitement that remained the same even after hundreds of times.

She couldn’t come to her senses.

The pain she felt when told Caden would be with Judy was vivid. She remembered the jealousy, wondering why it couldn’t be her.

She longed for the warmth she felt when he called her name in the past. She reminisced about the reliability she felt when he was by her side.

No matter how many times she tried to convince herself… she couldn’t give him up.

Despite hitting her head, clawing at her body, and shedding tears.

She still loved him. She still saw him as a man. She couldn’t see him as just a brother.

“…Hic… ugh…”

And in that frustration, tears flowed from Asena’s eyes.

She wanted to give him up… but it was simply impossible for her.

Asena’s heart was already bound to Caden.

.

.

.

How much time had passed, even she couldn’t tell.

What she could tell was that the room was brightening with the blue light of dawn, and cold air was caressing her skin.

Asena had remained frozen with her head in her hands for a long time… but now she slowly stood up.

The conclusion she reached after long deliberation was ultimately just one.

In fact, there was no other option.

‘…Just one more time.’

She resolved.

Just one more time… she would confront these filthy feelings.

After all, giving up was impossible.