Ch.120Chapter 19. Longing (9)

No matter what, I couldn’t help feeling anxious.

That’s why Hayun and the other magical girls followed the two after sending them off. At first, I thought it was just for their safety. And that thought was somewhat correct.

After all, an alien had followed the two of them. By normal human standards, aliens are threatening beings. An alien’s punch could sometimes be more dangerous than a human swinging a rock.

Jieun, who could transform, might somehow block that power, but Jihye, being an ordinary human, couldn’t, right?

So this was only natural. Though the other magical girls showed various subtle expressions, it was still the right thing to do.

That’s why when the alien first appeared, Hayun didn’t immediately rush in. At least the opponent wasn’t a kaijin.

“…”

When she saw Jieun kissing Jihye, for some reason, Rose grabbed her arm tightly and shook her head.

…I wasn’t planning to rush out anyway. Honestly.

Hayun had her own conviction.

She believed Jieun liked her. Otherwise, the circuit wouldn’t have activated when they kissed.

For Jieun, Hayun’s kiss had the power to completely reverse the color of the circuit.

So wouldn’t it be strange if Jieun didn’t like her?

But there were a few problems.

Jieun didn’t just like Hayun.

Whatever her preferences were, “kissing” wasn’t something special that Jieun only did with Hayun. She had already kissed two other girls.

Then, was Hayun’s position to Jieun just that insignificant?

After spending so much time getting to know each other, after becoming someone precious to each other, Hayun’s position wasn’t much different from the other girls.

So she couldn’t help feeling anxious.

Hayun’s feelings for Jieun were more than just friendship.

Was it because she had been too late to be certain?

No, she had been too late to realize it. Only after losing Jieun did she slowly begin to understand.

That’s why for Hayun, that “thought” was somewhat shocking.

“Isn’t that right, Jieun?”

Hayun stood up, placed both hands on the table, and spoke to Jieun.

She wanted to say it. She wanted Jieun to realize.

If Jieun valued Hayun that much, she hoped Jieun would recognize those feelings.

“…Love.”

Jieun murmured.

That word made her heart flutter.

Much more than when Hayun herself had shouted it.

Hayun remembered. Jieun had already shown certain desires toward her.

When Hayun had approached Jieun too closely. And when Hayun had lost confidence in her feelings for Jieun.

Both times, Jieun had pushed Hayun against the wall, brought her face close, and forced her thoughts on her.

What was Hayun to Jieun?

She had been thinking about it since they met again. And she could draw a conclusion.

Perhaps Jieun also saw Hayun as a radiant being.

Perhaps Jieun felt the same way about Hayun as Hayun felt about Jieun—

Admiration and jealousy. The various emotions one feels when seeing someone accomplish what they cannot.

And perhaps those emotions had been dormant in her heart for years, only to blossom into love.

“That’s…”

Jieun slightly opened her mouth, seemingly yielding to the pressure of Hayun’s gaze.

From those lips, Hayun could clearly sense what words were about to come out.

And before those two syllables that Hayun had spoken could come from those lips—

“Y-yes, that’s right!”

Someone quickly exclaimed, standing up just like Hayun.

“I-I think it could be called l-love, yes!”

It was Jihye.

A girl who had been with Jieun even longer than Hayun—no, longer than Hayun had.

The other girl who had just kissed Jieun moments ago.

…This time, Hayun decided not to interrupt the words of this girl, who was also Jieun’s hope.

After all, persuasiveness comes from objective facts.

Besides, it wasn’t yet time to fully reveal those true feelings.

Hayun was confident she knew Jieun’s personality to some extent.

If she spoke that way, Jieun would surely push Hayun away. She might arbitrarily think Hayun was mistaken and try to give her a “better” option.

So she needed to create an environment where Jieun could clearly acknowledge her own feelings, where Jieun herself could say “I love you” without hesitation.

‘I’m sorry.’

She felt guilty for having such dark thoughts. She also felt somewhat sorry toward Jihye.

But she couldn’t help it.

Hayun thought, I didn’t know I had such a dark side.

…After receiving so much kindness from Jieun. How many times had Jieun rejected on Hayun’s behalf and taken the contempt meant for her?

Though Jieun would never think of it this way, what Hayun had done was no different from the actions of a villainous lady in a romance novel.

Using the weak as a shield and taking advantage of them.

She was even more vicious for not being aware of it.

So Hayun couldn’t openly say she loved Jieun right now. Not until she had atoned for those sins.

She couldn’t brazenly demand Jieun to say she loved her either.

Therefore, she couldn’t stop Jihye, who had done no wrong to Jieun, from speaking.

She could only wait.

…Yet, even now, she was insidiously trying to ride on someone else’s goodwill.

She had realized this about herself thanks to Jieun.

‘So—I’m sorry.’

Hayun thought.

Though dark and gloomy, she still couldn’t give up.

She couldn’t stop until her relationship with Jieun became one of “liking.”

*

“I love you as family! Yes!”

That’s what Jihye shouted.

Why did she impulsively step forward like that? Probably because she thought she couldn’t just keep losing.

It was only natural.

Jihye had been unaware of her feelings for Jieun for a long time.

Whether her orientation had always been that way and she just hadn’t realized it, or whether recent events had psychologically influenced her, Jihye didn’t know.

In fact, she didn’t want to know either.

Guilt still lingered in Jihye’s heart. Not defending her friend in front of their schoolmates when she was in such a situation.

It was something Jieun didn’t know about, and even if she did, she would have scoffed and dismissed it. But the fact that Jihye had been powerless, only able to watch from afar, remained a knot in her heart.

If they had just been friends, would she have felt this much guilt?

“…As family?”

“Yes!”

Family.

That’s how Jihye had always thought of Jieun.

Always, never once separated family.

The most precious person to Jihye in the world was Jieun. Although her life so far hadn’t been long, if there was one relationship Jihye could never give up, it was her relationship with Jieun.

If this feeling wasn’t love, what was it?

“So, it’s love.”

That’s why, this time, Jihye could speak clearly.

Although she couldn’t yet tell the other stories that came with it.

She didn’t have the courage to go that far yet—

But as long as there was a possibility of getting there, Jihye had no intention of stopping saying these words.

*

Seeing the conversation suddenly flow in that direction, Ju-a couldn’t help but feel very perplexed.

Love? What are they suddenly talking about?!

If she had been her usual self, she would have shouted, asking what they were talking about.

But Jieun was sitting at this table.

And because of that, Ju-a couldn’t completely ignore what the two were saying.

Love.

It refers to when feelings of liking someone exceed a certain level. She knew that when expressions of liking are used between a man and woman, it often means the same as love.

But while she could say “I like you,” she still couldn’t casually say “I love you.”

Because she thought her relationship with Jieun hadn’t reached that point yet.

In this situation, Ju-a was barely keeping up from the very back. She could see the two running right in front of her, but in reality, she thought she might be one or two laps behind.

That’s why she felt a bit frustrated.

Moreover, she was also anxious.

Among those who had kissed Jieun’s face, Ju-a was the only one whose kiss hadn’t reached the “lips.”

She hadn’t thought Jihye was capable of going that far.

And today of all days, she had followed Hayun and witnessed that scene firsthand.

Ju-a clasped her hands tightly in front of her chest.

The feeling just beginning to sprout in her heart. A feeling she had never experienced before and didn’t know how to express.

Its nature might be the same as what Hayun and Jihye were talking about, but unlike the two who had a “narrative” to precede it, Ju-a’s feelings were still hers alone.

Surely, if she suddenly revealed them, Jieun would only be perplexed.

But—

“Th-that makes sense!”

Even so, she couldn’t just stand by.

Being two laps behind, Ju-a had to run.

“L-love is a word that can be used in any situation! P-people talk about loving their country too, right? Who would criticize using it for different relationships?”

There would be.

Of course there would be.

Probably a lot of people.

But Ju-a decided not to acknowledge that.

“S-so, a circuit powered by love makes perfect sense! Isn’t it perfect for drawing energy from all sorts of places?”

At Ju-a’s words, Jieun, who had initially looked very surprised, gradually returned to a serious expression.

Did this… work?

Jieun and Jihye seemed somewhat taken aback by Ju-a’s sudden interjection, but she couldn’t just stay silent at this moment.

If she could buy even a little time, she could reduce the distance. Even if she couldn’t completely catch up or overtake them.

Having become a magical girl, she couldn’t just give up on everything in advance.

Ju-a… Ju-a herself was also a magical girl who dealt with hope.

Not reaching out for the hope right in front of her would make her unworthy of being called a magical girl.

*

Loving one’s country? That sounds like something a division commander would say during a military lecture. Or maybe a political officer.

But thanks to that slightly jarring metaphor, I realized that the word “love” could be used more diversely than I thought.

Of course, it’s still a somewhat heavy word. Too ticklish to use with just anyone.

But, love.

An emotion that encompasses both hope and despair.

To be honest, I still think “desire” is the right answer.

But if the reason I desire something comes from love, that wouldn’t be wrong either.

I’ve been constantly desiring something since the moment I came into this world.

When I was first born, I despaired at having nothing in my hands and desired to gain something, anything.

Resenting whoever threw me into this world, whether it was an author or a god, I desired to be someone who could stand out in this world.

After meeting Jihye, I desired family, and after meeting Hayun, I desired her position.

Looking back, I was an incredibly materialistic person, and that tendency hasn’t changed at all even now.

So, I can’t resist the temptation of that word “love” that Hayun and Jihye speak of.

Even if the emotion behind that word they speak of is completely elsewhere.

Even if it’s just a modifier attached to friends or family.

Simply because the sweetness that comes from the incredibly heavy word “love” is so much better than the warmth that comes from the word “like.”

“…I see.”

I nodded, pretending to understand.

“I think… it could… move… with such emotions.”

I spoke each word separately because, honestly, I wasn’t entirely confident even as I spoke.

The red-faced alien gentleman quietly looked at me. It wasn’t easy to discern any emotion from his expression.

But at least, his outward expression didn’t show any contempt for me.

“I see.”

The gentleman opened his mouth with quite a serious attitude.

“If such emotions can cause both despair and hope, perhaps it’s best not to delve too deeply. Heavier emotions have constraints when used. Especially love, because it’s so easily broken.”

“…”

I neither affirmed nor denied that sentiment.

The gentleman slowly rose from his seat and buttoned his coat. Though it seemed a bit hot for this weather, he spoke with an unfazed expression.

“Then, I’ll relay that to the chairman. Since we’re not entirely certain yet, shall we leave it as a hypothesis for now?”

He still doesn’t completely believe it. Well, if he believed so easily, one could say he lacks business acumen.

And, saying love rather than desire would make it harder for them to research. Even if they’re currently friendly to us, I didn’t want to hand over all the information.

“I’ll go ahead and pay. Please enjoy your meal at your leisure.”

“…You’re leaving?”

“I originally came to have a conversation. It’s a happy coincidence that we found some common ground unexpectedly.”

“…”

Not knowing how to respond to that, I decided to remain silent.

“Then, we’ll contact you again if there’s anything additional. If you wish to contact us, please use the number on the business card. Ah, it doesn’t matter if you hand it over to the police. Even if they trace the number, they won’t be able to find the chairman’s location.”

Of course not.

If this could fall into the hands of the police or the current chairman, they wouldn’t have set up a direct route that might lead straight to the chairman.

Perhaps the gentleman approached us only at this point because the current chairman’s situation has truly worsened. It would be problematic if this salesman were captured by the current chairman and had information extracted from him.

“Once again, it was a pleasure meeting you today. I hope you enjoy your meal.”

With those words, the gentleman bowed politely and turned around.

“…”

We, including the girls who were already eating, paused for a moment and watched the gentleman’s retreating figure.

Whether his claim of coming to have a conversation was sincere or not, there was no hesitation in his departing figure.

After momentarily forgetting what to say, I looked toward James at the next table and asked.

“Is the chairman always like that?”

“You could say so. After all, he’s a person with many opponents due to his ideology.”

James answered and then began nibbling on the walnuts that the buffet staff had placed on his table.

Isn’t he upset that the man didn’t say a word to him?

Or is he so fanatically devoted to the chairman?

I made eye contact with Cherry, who was sitting across from James, but Cherry just tilted her head.

“…”

Turning my gaze back, I quietly looked down at the plate in front of me.

As I was trying to organize my thoughts—

Growl.

“Ah.”

I heard a stomach growling from beside me.

It was Jihye.

Oh, right, she hasn’t gotten her food yet.

She could have gone ahead, but the conversation at our table had been too heavy for that.

I chuckled and stood up.

“…Well, let’s eat as that man suggested. Come to think of it, we haven’t had lunch yet.”

As I said that and moved forward with my plate, Jihye followed right behind me.

Would she bring up a serious topic? About what happened today, or the conversation we just had—

But the topic Jihye brought up wasn’t that.

“J-Jieun, have you ever been to a place like this before?”

“Um… no.”

There was hardly any occasion to go to a buffet in this world. Since no one around us had gotten married. No relatives, no adult friends.

“Th-then, do you know how to use it?”

I almost laughed at that.

“Don’t we just take whatever we want and eat it?”

I’m not unfamiliar with the concept of a buffet. Even if not a high-end one, I’ve been to restaurants with “all-you-can-eat” signs.

But… being attached to a hotel, there seemed to be an incredibly wide variety of food.

“Actually, it’s my first time too. …Let’s follow Hayun and take a look around.”

As I said that, looking at Hayun who had somehow already attached herself to my side, she smiled. Ju-a was also beside her. Both of them had probably been to places like this a few times.

Even now, my circuit was spinning rapidly.

Whether it was because I loved—desired—the three people occupying the space around me, or because hungry me desired the food in front of me, I couldn’t quite distinguish.