Ch.119Opening Battle (2)

When I fell asleep, there was always one recurring dream.

A dream I had every day, with its contents gradually changing.

Even while worrying I might have that dream when I closed my eyes, I was now feeling curious about its gradually evolving content.

My past, present, and future. Yet with details so unfamiliar,

I couldn’t understand what this dream meant at all.

Would Evan know what this dream was about?

But it was such an absurd dream to tell anyone about,

so I ended up keeping my questions to myself, unable to tell Evan.

The first thing I see is fog. Walking alone through pitch-black fog where not even a sliver of light enters.

One step, two steps. Walking for a long time in a place where I can’t feel anything or even know if I’m going in the right direction,

I eventually find myself sitting in a rather familiar place.

I blend naturally into the situation.

As if I had been in this place all along, sitting and examining documents feels more familiar than ever.

My body has perfectly adapted to this situation before I even understand why I’m here.

Though I was an adult just moments ago, my significantly lowered eye level makes me realize I’ve become younger in this dream.

Rustle—

My hand moves regardless of my will, and as always, my eyes examining the documents show not a hint of emotion.

My younger self’s expression, which now feels incredibly awkward, devoid of feeling.

After staring at the table for a long time, my gaze suddenly stops, like a puppet with cut strings.

The sound of footsteps beyond the door, and I meet the gaze of Chris, whose expression is much darker and gloomier than I remember.

A gaze so intense it makes my skin tingle,

but rather than anger directed at me, it was closer to self-blame and sorrow.

What could make him so sad? I might have been quite surprised when I first had this dream,

but I already knew what words would follow.

With my immobile hand twitching ever so slightly, I prepare myself mentally to hear those words.

Words that never become familiar no matter how often I hear them. Words that should never be spoken, things that should never happen.

“…A knight apprentice has died. He took his own life in his room, and I’m returning after handling the situation.”

“What was his name?”

His characteristically deep voice trembles. With a heart full of guilt,

Chris, who even dropped his gaze toward me, opened his mouth.

“Evan Fried…sir.”

My shoulders flinch at the name I know so well, a name that has become part of me through familiarity.

Of course, it was just my inner reaction, but these were words I could never get used to, no matter how many times I heard them.

Even if it’s just a dream, these words heard in this vivid scene create ripples larger than anything else.

Starting the dream with Evan’s death, could there be a more terrible nightmare?

Yes, it was a nightmare. Without flowing blood or flying flesh,

yet the most painful and terrible illusion began just like that.

Evan Fried is dead. Evan is dead.

Hearing those words and seeing my younger self react indifferently,

watching myself, who looks exactly like me as if looking in a mirror, simply nodding and moving on, fills me with frustration.

This shouldn’t end with such a minimal reaction, but at that time, I had no feelings for Evan, did I?

After briefly laughing bitterly to myself, I surrender to the rapidly flowing current of time again.

After Evan’s death, then what?

The guard knight who followed me when walking the streets was a face I’d never seen before.

A rather dull-looking face, and though his skills must be decent as my guard… sure enough, he loses his life to assassins.

I examine the assassins’ bodies. This action is done purely by my will, not part of the dream.

As expected, I slightly furrow my brow. Annihilation. Had they been targeting me since then?

The fallen guard knight began choking while clutching his throat.

After briefly watching the blood gushing up, I close my eyes. The scent of blood disappears.

When the terribly nauseating scent of blood vanishes, what appears in my vision is a garden more beautiful than any other place.

Many noble ladies gather to sip tea. I pop a snack into my mouth,

and once again, they turn their gazes toward me. The person who organized this tea party, and also the quietest person at it.

Evan, who should be secretly talking with Rofena, was nowhere to be found.

Of course, he was already dead and gone. His body would have rotted and decayed in the hot weather.

With an empty heart, I sip Darjeeling to calm the inexplicably rising feeling.

While momentarily calming myself with the aroma filling my mouth, I turn my gaze toward Rofena, who is still standing beside me.

“Miss, would it be alright if I go away for a while?”

“No, stay here.”

At my cold response, Rofena slightly grips my sleeve.

As if resigned, Rofena exhales lightly, looking longingly at the basket of cookies before squeezing her eyes shut.

If Evan hadn’t been there… would I have been such a cold person?

The death of one person, more insignificant than the flutter of a small butterfly’s wings, changes so many things.

The festival I can no longer enjoy, the crystal palace ball passes by.

Dancing a monotonous dance while holding the hand of a fiancé I don’t care about,

and the cool breeze brushes my cheek on an empty balcony.

Empty, solitary. And winter again.

The square on a snowy day was more chaotic than usual.

The duke’s knights all deployed to subdue a madman who appeared wearing a robe.

And they lose 30 percent. A black magician who called himself Annihilation,

and the disease that spread. The disease without a cure quickly spread to the residents of the duchy,

and even infected the knights.

A disease that wouldn’t disappear even when drawing upon mana.

No matter how strong a knight was, they would eventually fall to it.

At some point, I could move my body freely and walk down the corridor.

The duke’s mansion without a trace of vitality, surely around this time Rofena would have been running through the corridors looking for Evan…

The scenery beyond the window where snow was falling was just white.

Like the bed I saw in this dream, like the child who closed their eyes lying on the bed.

Rofena is dead. A fact that never changed in the recurring dream.

A child who died with black spots all over her body, coughing up blood.

The position of personal maid was never filled afterward. Despite the inconvenience,

it was to commemorate her, even a little, by looking at that empty space.

But why? Why am I unbothered by Rofena’s death, what am I exactly?

My finger brushes against the steamy window.

Leaving a slight trace that quickly turns white again from the cold outside.

Only a faint stain indicates that a finger passed by.

The current memory is the same. In this recurring dream, only I know about the deaths of Rofena and Evan.

A fact no one else knows, like the faint trace on the window, only I can recognize it.

If this were reality, could I have endured it?

The winter of my 15th year in the dream. Looking at the scenery that seems much more desolate than usual,

I turn my head at the sound of staggering footsteps from beyond the corridor.

The maid Lize, slowly approaching from over there, had a haggard face with dark spots rising from her neck.

Yes, you’ll die soon too.

“…Who has died?”

The words that have become everyday conversation are cold.

In this duchy where a joyful life has become a vulgar joke,

asking who died was now just a greeting.

And at the words from Lize’s mouth, I briefly tilt my head back,

then sigh while watching the last leaf falling from a tree.

Chris is dead.

When will the time to wake up from this insufferable dream come to me?

I slowly close my eyes. A chilling wind wraps around my body, and a creepy chill begins to run up my spine.

Unfortunately, winter was still far from over.

#

Even after a year had passed, not much had changed.

The constantly changing guard knights, my father who lives trapped in darkness without ever showing his face.

The duke’s mansion, where the epidemic was spreading, no longer showed traces of people.

It wouldn’t be strange if a young maid I didn’t even know fell and died.

Even the cleric who came from the imperial capital shook his head, so I was just grateful that the disease’s grasp hadn’t reached me.

“It’s been a while.”

“…Let’s go. I don’t feel like talking.”

“This time’s banquet—”

“Adel Roman.”

When the cold voice flowed out, Adel looked at me and stiffened his expression.

I didn’t want to exchange even a bit of conversation. What those purple eyes meant,

I had known for a long time, having seen it from that future.

“Go. There will be no more conversation.”

I didn’t want to continue the conversation that had been cut off like that.

Didn’t I already know that there was not a hint of affection mixed in those eyes?

The one who had shown me eyes filled with affection was already dead and gone in the dream.

No Chris, no Rofena. No Lize, no Evan.

This dream, where there was no one to lean on, was like hell for Airin Yuris.

If it weren’t just a dream, I would have gone mad long ago.

Like a hedgehog with raised quills, stabbing and cutting those who approached with thorns,

I would have protected myself like the thorns of a rose, for sure.

The gaze glaring at me from afar must be the daughter of Count Terazein.

I laugh at being glared at by someone who had always been friendly to me.

Not because I was happy or pleased, but because I couldn’t accept it otherwise.

It wasn’t a particularly good feeling. The desire to wake up from this dream grew stronger,

and now I always walked near Seiren at dawn.

The calm lakeside no longer even had ripples.

If it didn’t rain, everyone would die from the epidemic, and there wouldn’t even be creatures left to disturb the water of that lake.

The forest that surrounded the piano is now gone. The man who sat at the piano left alone in the forest,

playing a serenade for me, is gone.

That fact was so bitter that I quietly stared into the empty air, exhaling a breath filled with chill.

I remembered Evan’s words that the stars looked lonely. Indeed, they did look lonely.

Because the star floating alone in that pitch-black darkness seemed just like me.

I could only quietly watch my breath scatter in the wind.

Spring, summer, autumn, and winter.

Even after this tedious repetition continued three times, not much changed significantly.

More people died, and died again, so much so that the fact that Yuris was ruined to the point where the term “Five Great Houses” became meaningless was perhaps the only fact that remained.

I indifferently stare at the wall covered with ivy vines.

The white-painted walls of the duke’s mansion were from reality. In spring when I turned 19, just like in reality,

the duke’s mansion had collapsed to the point where not even a bit of its former prestige could be found.

“Head of the family.”

I turn my head at those words. Now that even the duke had long since fallen to the curse,

the position of head of the Yuris family naturally came to me. But I didn’t run it.

More precisely, there wasn’t enough of anything left to run.

The only thing that remained was perhaps the fiancé who stubbornly stuck to me.

Why would an engagement made only verbally, without a ring or vow, remain like this?

I withdraw my gaze from the person of Roman standing behind me. I had no intention of answering.

If I just closed my eyes and waited a little, time would flow and show me the next event.

Annihilation ran rampant. Garrot Yuris, the head of the Yuris family, died entangled in a curse,

and I fully inherited the empty shell that was Yuris. The crown prince declared a subjugation against Annihilation.

The crown prince, who was an Expert, reached Master by fighting numerous Annihilations.

One of only two Masters in the empire, he killed many black magicians with his tremendous divine power,

and also created a fairy tale-like love story with a beautiful woman named Scarlet Terazein.

A pure woman born in the countryside, and a young man devastated by killing numerous black magicians.

The two met as if by fate and continued as if by fate,

and unlike me who was branded as a villainess at some point, they built up their power by gaining the favor of all people.

Isn’t it awkward? For a woman who suddenly appeared, it’s strange how she gains the affection of so many people.

So I tried to cut it off. It was suspicious no matter how I looked at it.

Regardless of this being a dream,

the behavior shown by the woman named Scarlet Terazein seemed too smooth, as if she was colluding with someone.

If that someone colluding was Annihilation, I felt strongly that I had to stop it.

I tried hard to separate her from the crown prince, speaking of iron and blood.

But.

“Airin Yuris, by imperial order, you are to be summarily executed for charges of treason.”

Airin quietly laughed at the fact that this was the end. The blade touching her neck was cold.

The crown prince’s eyes, emitting a chilling aura, showed surprisingly no favor at all,

making Airin, who realized again that this was a dream, quietly look around.

Adel Roman, the legitimate son of Hatan, and the crown prince.

And Scarlet Terazein watching her from afar.

Seeing Scarlet appear as a villain even in her dream, as if her jealousy had been quite severe, Airin let out a deep sigh.

Adel Roman stopped the soldiers who flinched at that sigh with his hand.

Whether it was the last compassion, or sympathy. What’s important is that they had died and disappeared in reality.

If Evan hadn’t been able to subjugate Roman, such a reality might have come to her.

Swish—

Looking at the sword flying toward her, she thinks.

What does this mean? Is it the future, or just an illusion?

She closed her eyes, and then came the eerie sound of her throat being cut.

And as the dream ends, she wakes up from sleep, looking at the clear sunlight shining on her eyes.

#

A body drenched in cold sweat, and beside it was Evan staring at her.

In the room where sunlight slightly shone, she smiled at those clear green eyes,

and Evan, looking at Airin with concern, embraced her with his body.

“Haven’t you sweated too much? Are you alright?”

Why was this question asking if she was alright so reassuring, as if she was hearing it for the first time in five years, Airin quietly laughed.

In the beginning of the dream, Evan had died, so in that dream, no one had asked her if she was alright.

By the way, this is the first time I’ve dreamed of dying like this.

If I continue to have dreams of dying like this, wouldn’t it be a bit creepy?

Airin, wiping off the beads of sweat on her forehead, buried her face in Evan’s chest.

Feeling the thump-thump of his heartbeat, she snuggles against the warmth that wraps around her arms.

Although her breasts touch Evan directly because she’s not wearing any underwear… what does that matter?

This is the only pleasure a woman who has just woken from a nightmare can enjoy,

so Airin, who had been clinging to Evan for a long time, slowly examined his face.

“You’re not dead.”

“…How could I be dead? I did collapse first… but I was just tired.”

“Always saying you’re tired and collapsing first, is that okay for a man?”

“You’re too much, miss. Where on earth did you learn such things…”

“From books.”

Books, Evan laughed bitterly at those words, and Airin smiled broadly and hugged Evan’s waist.

The warm sunlight touching her face, and this clearly felt warmth.

Perhaps everything was just a nightmare, a nightmare that would never repeat.

A fantasy that contrasted with a reality that would be completely different. Airin firmly believed.

After that day, Airin no longer had nightmares.