Ch.119Once More into the Depths

Dark.

And bright.

Within this contradictory space, I find myself.

The sensation of sinking into the deep abyss began to coexist with the feeling of something pushing me away.

My hazy consciousness became clear, and soon I was able to walk again.

This place is dark, yet brilliantly illuminated.

As if the Milky Way stretched above my head had descended to my eye level. The Earth Core before me was clear and transparent, yet pulsating deeply and violently.

[My power is weakening.]

Saying this, the Earth Core began to expand itself demonstratively.

Its momentum was so fierce that I fell backward and had to spend quite some time walking back.

I can feel that the expanded Earth Core’s energy is gradually weakening. Because I am the Earth Core, and the Earth Core is me.

“Yes. I know. But what can we do about it? I still need to consume two more.”

[That is my limit. I cannot become any weaker.]

“We made a contract. If you don’t like it, shrink back down.”

[An adult cannot become a child.]

“You know all this, so why do you keep whining?”

Honestly, I felt frustrated.

Well, coming here every time I absorb a fragment of the Earth Core is one thing, but this feels like those nutritionally void conversations in novels where the author wants to say something philosophical but lacks the skill, so they just throw in some character speaking loftily to pad the word count.

[So, where shall I extend myself?]

“The northern mountains and the southern swamplands.”

[I extend into the snow-capped mountains and the swamps where countless lives have been deposited. I expand. I feel my barrier thinning. Can you feel it too?]

“Yes… not a particularly good feeling.”

How should I describe this?

The feeling of skin thinning? It sounds like a cosmetics advertisement, but honestly, I can’t think of any other way to express it.

“How long do I have to stay here? I want to go back soon…”

[As you said, you are me, and I am you. This is also where you belong.]

“Right. Of course.”

I plopped down, figuring I’d return when the time was right.

Before me, the Earth Core undulated like a giant jellyfish, sparkling with light as if visualizing neurons and synapses.

“…”

Why?

Somehow, this place feels increasingly comfortable.

Come to think of it, until just now, I was speaking more like a street thug than a sovereign ruler.

Like a poser who maintains appearances outside but slouches at home.

Perhaps, as the Earth Core says, this is where I truly belong.

Due to a contract made in times immemorial, our souls have become intertwined.

Just as a child is formed with half the genes from mother and father through meiosis, I, with every strand of my soul entangled, will live until the day all beings of this land perish.

Like all sovereigns, I will be both the first and the last Amurtat.

[Do you regret becoming a sovereign?]

“Why? Do I look troubled?”

[I feel your pressure. Your sense of responsibility. You wear duty like armor. Like a tree concealing itself with bark.]

“Yes. Except for not aging, I’m just an ordinary human.”

I lay down completely.

Naturally, sleep didn’t come, but at least I could feel some sense of liberation.

It was also nice that my shoulders didn’t ache, thanks to the indescribable texture of this floor.

“Sigh…”

[I sense vibrations from a distant land. West from here. The smell of blood and groans of pain carried by the wind. What happened?]

“Nothing special. The gates of hell opened.”

[Are they closed now?]

“Yes.”

[Then the groans we hear now are merely echoes.]

“…”

It feels like we’re forcing conversation because we have too much time and nothing to say.

But strangely, I don’t feel much aversion to it.

Is this what a soul-sharing contract feels like?

[Is the rise and fall of the land so important? After all, the land is eternal.]

“For those who live on it, of course it’s important.”

[Then are your subjects prospering?]

“Well…”

I couldn’t answer hastily.

Just as when we think of the Industrial Revolution, we imagine factories belching smoke and steamships, not the illiterate white workers inside those factories or the Black slaves confined in those steamships. When I thought of Amurtat, I only pictured the towering clock tower, the neatly arranged workshops, and the bustling markets.

In this Amurtat too, countless people must be dying of poverty.

The uncomfortable fact that what is pocket change to some is a fortune to others is a problem that can never be solved as long as humans assign value to things.

“…Damn it. I don’t know. Some are prospering, some are perishing. It’s not something I can control.”

[Are you not the highest one? The tallest tree receives the most sunlight.]

“And for that sunlight, other vegetation withers and dies.”

[That is natural. For growth, those lower than oneself must be excluded.]

“Sigh… you sound like a ruthless businessman…”

Listening to the Earth Core speak like a 19th or 20th-century unscrupulous businessman, I secretly thought its words were right.

It’s obvious.

If there’s a factory, there’s a factory owner, and if there’s a factory owner, there are employees.

And no matter what empty words are spoken, the relationship between factory owners and employees was never equal.

How could the relationship between those who give money and those who receive it ever be equal?

If the relationship between them could be equal, humanity could truly claim to have evolved.

“Sometimes I miss my original world.”

[Why?]

“Because it wouldn’t matter if I died. Where I came from, I was a nobody. Just someone trapped in a room, lost in delusions, who could die at any moment without anyone finding it strange. Whether I went outside or not, my value was always rock bottom.”

[I cannot imagine that. The earth never rejects even the smallest grain of soil.]

“But people do.”

I suddenly thought of my hometown.

A world filled with skyscrapers, clouds of exhaust and smog rolling in. To me, born and raised in a world covered with neon and chrome, this world covered with vegetation and mist was like paradise, which is why I was drawn to it.

While sitting at the computer, immersed in games, I became an omnipotent being.

I became a super soldier who single-handedly devastated enemy territory, a guardian spirit protecting the nation through centuries, a brilliant commander leading impossible victories.

But none of it could shield me from my own reflection in the black screen when it turned off.

Perhaps this is all a dream?

If I fall asleep now, I might wake up in my cramped, damp studio apartment.

[Do you miss your homeland?]

“Well… I’m not sure.”

Between a world that continues even if I die, and a world that perishes if I die, which is more insane, which is more normal?

Between a society where people despair, rage, and turn knives on others when their lives end, and a society where millions flee when “His” life ends, which is more miserable?

No, do I even have the right to judge?

“…Who are you?”

[I am the land. I am the forest, the swamp, and also the mountain, the plain, and the coast.]

“…Then what are you?”

[I am life.]

“Life?”

[Humans live on the land, under the land, close to the land. Under the sky, beside the coastline. And within my embrace.]

“I see.”

I nodded.

[And you are the one who commands me. Sovereign. One among those who lead countless beings. Your bloodline, your genes, your mind create the barrier that gives people a homeland.]

Homeland.

So I am one who gives a homeland…?

Not hopes, not wishes, but a homeland.

[As I am one with your body and soul, I will remain until you die, and as long as you live, I will live. We are bound by a sacred contract, and only death can break our oath.]

Death.

Never before had that word felt so heavy.

“Thank you. My mind is a bit clearer now.”

The conversation ended, and I knew my allotted time was up.

[It is time to go.]

The Earth Core seemed to know this too, gently pushing my body.

“Yes. Farewell.”

My body, my mind, floats upward.

The brightly glowing Earth Core grows more distant, and darkness takes me away. It will be a long period of patience before I can meet it again.

And so I awakened.

As a human, as a sovereign, as Tiberius von Adler.