Ch.119119. Study.

# 119. Study

I woke up at the scheduled time and ate meals according to the prescribed diet.

The menu was monotonous, comparable to the days when I survived on canned food.

But I ate consistently after being told it was necessary to help my broken body recover.

After eating breakfast with sleepy eyes, I opened my books.

With a clear mind just awakened from sleep, I carefully absorbed the knowledge left behind by humanity until my concentration waned or lunchtime arrived.

Stimuli become familiar when repeated, and sound is also a stimulus.

When the sounds of moving my pen and turning pages became so natural that I no longer heard them, it was lunchtime.

I put half food, half medicine in my mouth and took a nap with my head on the desk.

Taking light walks, watching movies, and playing games were more like rituals than rest.

I felt nothing from the activities themselves; they were rituals hoping for things to go well afterward.

Once my leg healed, rehabilitation exercises would be added to this routine.

The treatments weren’t so painful anymore. It meant the day to remove the bandages wasn’t far off.

It was good news after a long time. Although I’d grown so accustomed to the wheelchair that it felt comfortable, nothing could be as convenient as walking on my own legs.

But that was still in the future, so today, still dependent on bandages, I returned to the library.

This dark, dry, quiet place was my home.

My familiar home, no different from the outside world except for being warm.

The torn papers scattered on the floor were my footprints of progress.

The books piled on one side of the desk were both the path I had traveled and the road ahead.

Building pillars of achievement and aspiration on the foundation of a regulated life, looking only upward.

Even in this place where no one was beside me and only shadows lay below, it felt somewhat livable.

“After taking plenty of rest, I should focus that much more on studying.”

Living a regulated life meant that those watching me knew when and what I would do.

I smiled wryly at the message window that had gone quiet during movie and game time, then picked up my pen.

“If I apply the formula I saw in that book earlier… Got it! It works perfectly!”

I had grown accustomed to the regulated lifestyle and somewhat familiar with the once-difficult academic subjects.

Though dense text still gave me headaches—as they say, if you can’t avoid it, enjoy it.

Among the papers accumulating daily and problems solved, I began to feel a sense of achievement.

I, who at first couldn’t even understand individual words and struggled to interpret sentences,

could now understand sentences and even implement the knowledge humanity left behind.

An indescribable sense of achievement welled up inside me. I couldn’t help but smile.

When humans fulfill one desire, they naturally aspire to reach greater heights.

“I thought I wasn’t cut out for studying, but that was just prejudice from my previous environment. In all my time living as myself, have I ever felt this close to motivation and achievement?”

Having successfully read through a comprehensive textbook, vast in both content and volume, I naturally reached for another book.

Behind me floated the results of my achievements, starting from basic arithmetic to shapes and functions, like stars.

Challenge and succeed, aspire and achieve.

The gap between desire and fulfillment had never been shorter.

Despite the repetitive daily routine, I frequently felt happiness from fulfillment.

There was no time to fall deeply into contemplation or anguish as usual.

The loneliness that permeated the library and the entire world still tormented me like a worm eating away at me.

But at this moment, I could purely focus on what I wanted to do.

“Really, I never dreamed I’d find such joy in studying of all things.”

The will to survive that had driven me until I reached Paradise had completely disappeared after fulfilling that primary goal.

After achieving my initial objective of reaching Paradise and losing the survival instinct that came from basic needs like food and shelter, I needed additional motivation to continue living.

But the empty Paradise couldn’t give me any further reason to live.

“You know, I’m just saying this now, but I was more twisted than you imagine. Even when you envied this Paradise, I was just depressed. Is there anything more unnecessary than a solitary life form existing in a place without life?”

If you can’t accomplish anything while alive, is there any reason to be alive?

It didn’t take long to confirm that a materially abundant life doesn’t bring happiness.

I was depressed and empty.

I needed to find meaning in life for myself, whatever it might be.

A reason why I shouldn’t die, why I must exist.

For me, that was studying.

“Originally, I wanted to immerse myself in text to organize my complicated feelings and prepare for goodbyes, but I never expected it to be this fun… and fulfilling.”

It was the only thing that could make past humanity happy and ensure that my existence in this world wouldn’t be forgotten as time passed.

That’s why I chose it, but ironically, it was the most suitable activity for enjoying life.

“In that sense, I’ve been living with gratitude every day lately. Reading these books and passing knowledge to you was my choice, but this environment and ability didn’t originate solely from me.”

If all the knowledge humanity left behind hadn’t remained intact in this place of all places.

If I didn’t have the ability to make knowledge my own by reading books and exploring problems and theories a few times—it was just that I had no opportunity to learn before.

I couldn’t have chosen “studying,” and even if I somehow did, it wouldn’t have been as enjoyable as it is now.

As I said earlier, happiness is an illusion that exists briefly between aspiration and achievement, and that distance would have been much greater.

“Of course, as I learn more and more, eventually a wall will block me and I’ll suffer. But knowing there’s something beyond that, I’ll be fine for a while.”

Saying that, I opened the first page of a thick book.

Behind me floated stars identical to the knowledge floating in the library.

Feeling proud of the stars rising in my universe,

I began turning pages to make more stars rise.

Studying is like how humans, born as empty shells, form themselves through life.

It’s the act of filling what’s lacking in oneself from an empty state.

In that sense, studying is more beneficial to life than anything else.

But because the knowledge accumulated since humanity’s existence is so vast,

trying to understand it inevitably involves much effort and pain.

“If we create a model that considers interaction variables derived from temporal changes in three-dimensional space and analyze entropy changes, we might be able to predict the thermal death of the universe, that is, the future… So how exactly do we do that?!”

“If that person knew, the world wouldn’t have ended, right?”

“That’s true, but it seems so irresponsible and it makes me angry. At least leave some hints.”

“Why do you think it’s an unsolved problem? You can’t say that when you’re the one who suddenly wanted to look at it, Mori. Anyway, I brought coffee and toast, so have some while you work.”

“…Thanks.”

When you learn one thing, ten more unknowns appear.

So when you study those ten things, a thousand more unknowns emerge.

Having many goals is a good thing, but with so many, it only gives me headaches.

So when I check out books on unsolved problems or ones written as if they were almost solved but ran out of time, I only realize my limitations.

It’s enjoyable but painful. Painful but enjoyable.

If I had to say which is greater, overall it’s probably the pain.

In these days that seem to summarize life itself, some people said to me:

[But Mori, do you really need to study directly?]

[Can’t you just put books under the Drone and turn the pages?]

[Even with the basic difference in level, it would be faster if someone with some education researched it.]

The records in books don’t change regardless of who reads them.

So if I just show the contents of the books through the Drone, those who have researched more than me now would interpret them.

The suggestion that I didn’t need to study so painfully, just capture the images well, popped up occasionally when I least expected it.

It was true.

Even the Robot in the Underground City never told me to acquire all this knowledge.

Just by passing this knowledge to those who still have plenty of time left, the world would change.

And I could easily make a machine that turns pages one by one even now.

As evident from the Phenomenon Fixation Device in the garden, like the Spaceport, this place was overflowing with the Substance Itself that hadn’t taken form.

For me, who still remembered the various machines I made at the Spaceport, making such a machine would be extremely easy.

“If I don’t do this, there’s no reason for me to exist.”

But doing that would eliminate the reason for my existence.

I couldn’t bear the thought of my existence becoming unbearably light.

“Still, I’m somewhat useful now, aren’t I?”

But that’s an old story now.

With my surprisingly excellent mind that even I didn’t know about, I quickly acquired knowledge and could now claim my own role.

For example, as I just mentioned, visualizing formulas or diagrams recorded in books using the Substance Itself.

Since the Substance Itself changed its properties only through human perception, it was something that robots and drones alone could never do.

[What are you saying?]

[Did someone just say something?]

“No, just talking to myself.”

Well, actually, most of those who asked if I needed to study too disappeared long ago.

Now, only scholars who explore knowledge like me send messages during study time.

It seemed everyone had acknowledged my efforts and decided to watch over me with warm eyes.

[If possible, could you show the formula from before page 2 once more?]

[Ah, I’d like to see the function we made yesterday again. It’s difficult to implement on the computer.]

“Then explain this to me too. I still don’t understand the wave equation no matter how many times I look at it…”

…Or maybe they ran away because the “basics” became so complicated that even past scholars couldn’t understand them at once.

Considering how many people used to give advice saying [How can a person from the future not know that?] when I was learning simple functions or equations, it’s a pretty likely story, isn’t it?