Ch.118The Essence Remains Unchanged (1)

After my conversation with Asena ended, I was walking down the corridor leading to the office.

Then, I stopped in my tracks as Kirsy’s pitiful laughter and Asena’s words came to mind.

“……”

My head and heart were both becoming complicated. It was difficult to describe what I was feeling.

Eventually, I changed course from heading to the office. I thought swinging my sword and working up a sweat might help clear my troubled mind.

As I was heading to the training grounds, I ran into Judy.

“Judy?”

“Oh, Caden.”

She seemed to have been looking for me, as she ran toward me the moment she spotted me.

She had dressed herself up in a way that was strangely different yet beautiful.

“…Did you dress up?”

At my question, Judy covered her face, pretending to touch her hair.

“…Huh? Ah… well… I was meeting with Lady Riana…”

“You met Grandmother?”

Surprised by what came out of her mouth, I asked again, and she removed the hand covering her face and spoke with a bright expression.

“That’s right…! Ri… Lady Riana gave her permission..!”

“..Huh?”

“Us. She gave… her permission.”

As my reaction was slow due to my complicated thoughts, Judy, who had been excited, calmed herself to match my mood. She seemed to feel awkward.

But I was just slow to react, not unhappy.

As I processed her words, a smile slowly began to form on my lips.

“Is that true?”

When I smiled genuinely, Judy looked at me and began to smile again as well.

“Yes. She said she’d been bothered by our previous meeting with the parents. She said she’d talk to my father again. And Lady Riana said she approves.”

After her words, we looked into each other’s eyes and smiled.

When I naturally opened my arms, Judy embraced me.

There was nothing better than having what I thought would be difficult resolve itself without problems.

After a brief hug, Judy pulled away from me and said,

“Oh, and because of that, Lady Riana invited us to dinner.”

“Sure, I’d love to.”

“…..Um…”

“…..?”

“….But Daisy is also… invited.”

“….Hmm.”

Daisy too, huh. Perhaps Grandmother wanted to meet the people who would become my partners.

I felt slightly uncomfortable. After all, Grandmother still wasn’t welcoming Daisy.

Maybe she was planning to clear everything up during this opportunity.

I nodded to Judy.

“Alright. I’ll talk to Daisy about it.”

****

“Daisy.”

I found Daisy in the garden. The same garden visible from my room’s window.

She was quietly admiring the flowers when she turned to me at my call.

“….Caden.”

She smiled at my appearance, but I could glimpse the anguish hidden within it.

Unlike Grandmother, I had no ill feelings toward her, so seeing her like this made me feel sorry for her.

That’s why I’d been taking good care of her whenever I had free time lately, but unless the fundamental problem disappeared, she would inevitably remain in this state.

Daisy was still trying hard to be accepted by the Praester family.

As for the twins… there were complicated circumstances, so I could understand.

But being disliked even by Grandmother Riana seemed quite difficult for her.

Although she tried to appear strong, seeing her come to the garden to look at flowers whenever she had time suggested she was under considerable stress.

I approached her and sat down beside her.

“…Daisy, today—”

“—Is something wrong?”

Just as I was about to ask about her day, Daisy asked me first.

“….What?”

That was actually what I should have been asking. When I was watching her from a distance, she looked pitiful with her shoulders slightly drooped.

“…You look troubled.”

Daisy looked up at me with concern.

Only after she asked did I realize I was still carrying the weight of what happened with the twins.

She was worried about something I hadn’t even noticed myself.

This situation where I came to comfort her but ended up being comforted instead.

I smiled slightly and said,

“…..I’m fine. I’m more worried about you.”

“……..”

“….It’s hard, isn’t it?”

“……”

“….If there’s anything you want to ask of me, just tell me.”

Even knowing Daisy’s pain, I couldn’t approach Grandmother and ask her not to treat Daisy that way.

The more I did that, the worse Daisy would look, and Grandmother’s stubbornness was sometimes unyielding.

It was much better to let things resolve naturally with Grandmother.

Once she got to know what kind of person Daisy was, Grandmother would eventually soften her anger.

“……”

Normally, Daisy would have thanked me and smiled at my words, but today she didn’t.

This showed me that she was suffering even more than I had thought.

After sitting with a gloomy face for a while, she calmly asked me,

“……Will you hold me..?”

“…….”

At her words, which she had clearly struggled to say, I embraced her with a serious expression without saying anything.

Then, patting her back, I said,

“…..I’m sorry. Everything will be alright.”

“…Caden has nothing to be sorry for. It’s all… my fault…”

“….What could Daisy have done wrong? They thought I was dead… the Hexter family’s choice was natural.”

“…Still. Still, the Praester soldiers and Judy went looking for you… I, who was supposed to be your wife… my family just stood by…”

“…..If there hadn’t been a plague, Daisy would have come looking for me too. It’s okay.”

As I continued to comfort her with warm words, Daisy gradually began to calm down.

While holding her… my eyes searched for someone.

Through the window of my room, Asena was looking down at us.

“…..”

We exchanged glances for a brief moment, but Asena managed a difficult smile, a sad one.

After making a gesture as if apologizing for the interruption, she disappeared from the window.

Once again, seeing her like that darkened my heart.

She didn’t seem to have any ulterior motives.

‘……..Actually, I’ve given up my feelings for my brother.’

Her voice echoed in my mind. Though it was her feelings toward me, that resigned voice kept bothering me.

I could guess a few reasons for this change. After all, this recent incident where I nearly died was somewhat connected to Asena, so she seemed to be blaming herself.

Just looking at Kirsy, she wasn’t showing any of her usual aegyo or tantrums, and whenever she saw me with Judy or Daisy, she quickly turned away and fled.

As unfortunate events kept happening when they approached me, they had changed.

No love could withstand obstacles of this magnitude.

But what they had to endure….

The obstacle of being siblings, the obstacle of me rejecting their feelings. The more they approached, the more incidents occurred.

It was actually remarkable that they had endured this far.

This is how it had to be.

But why didn’t I feel relieved?

“….Caden?”

At Daisy’s call, I shook off my thoughts.

I separated from her and faced her.

“….You really do have something troubling you today, don’t you?”

Daisy asked.

“…….”

I smiled and shook my head. It wasn’t a topic I could discuss with her.

“No. I don’t have any worries.”

“…..”

Seeing that she still looked concerned despite my words, I changed the subject.

“By the way, Daisy. Today, Grandmother invited you to dinner.”

“Me?”

Daisy covered her mouth in surprise.

“Yes. Along with Judy. I think… she wants to see all the people who will become my wives.”

“…Ah.”

It seemed slightly different from what she had expected, as Daisy showed a subtle reaction.

But then, she corrected her expression and spoke with determined eyes.

“I’ll go.”

“Daisy, just in case, if you don’t want to—”

“—How could I? How could I refuse when Lady Riana invited me?”

“…..”

She was right. I would have done the same in her position.

“Don’t worry about me, Caden. Your comfort today has given me courage. I’ll… definitely regain Lady Riana’s approval.”

“….Alright. Just hang in there a little longer. As you know… if I intervene… it might make things more difficult…”

“Yes, I know. Caden, just stay quiet. I’ll try my best.”

She said that and got up from her seat.

****

Feeling dinner time approaching, I began organizing my documents.

After meeting with Daisy, I had been cooped up in the office continuously.

Since there were quite a variety of things to handle today, I also entrusted the servants with taking care of the twins’ meals.

They had become stronger than before, so I believed they would be fine.

“Caden, let’s get ready to go for dinner.”

Grandmother, who was helping me, said.

I nodded to her and stood up.

-Knock knock knock.

At that moment, there was a knock.

‘Lady Riana, Lord Caden, it’s Helen. Lady Kirsy is here to see you.’

“….Kirsy?”

I looked at Grandmother with confusion. She didn’t show much change in expression.

Was Kirsy looking for me about dinner? I hadn’t fed her for a while; was that why? She hadn’t been throwing tantrums lately. I wondered if she wanted to throw a tantrum at me after a long time.

“It’s okay to open the door.”

When I signaled, Helen opened the door.

Kirsy entered the room hesitantly, with her hands behind her back.

“Kirsy, what is it?”

I asked, then immediately adjusted my thinking. The fact that Kirsy had aphasia was something I couldn’t get used to no matter how much time passed.

To communicate with her, I had to ask questions that could be answered with ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

“….Did you come for food?”

I asked.

She slowly nodded.

I sighed. Not because she was bothersome, but because I already had dinner plans. Even though I wanted to take care of her, I couldn’t, which is why I sighed.

“….What should I do? I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can feed you today.”

Kirsy shook her head vigorously.

“…..?”

Wondering what she was trying to say, she took something out from behind her back.

There were many sandwiches on a plate. Anyone could see that Kirsy had made them.

She said something in a small voice.

“…Uu.”

Looking at those sandwiches, I asked,

“…..For me to eat?”

Kirsy nodded.

“…….”

“…….”

“…….Ah…this..really.”

I felt my chest tightening and didn’t know how to react.

My heart ached even more. Recently, every time I saw her, my heart ached with that pity. The problem was that the pain was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore.

Daisy, and smiling whenever I shared news with Judy, sometimes when I was with Judy and she would run away after seeing us together, still wanting me to feed her, and now worrying about me and bringing this meal—all of it was pitiful and… at the same time…

At the same time…

…it was endearing.

Not as a woman, but as a person.

Feeling this way was unavoidable as a human being.

But even that wasn’t good.

The more I felt this way, the more my heart ached.

How could I hate her? I simply couldn’t hate her at all. It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep hurting and pushing away this Kirsy. I was gradually losing strength.

All the harsh words I had said to her in the past still remained as a lump in my heart. I didn’t want to create any more such memories.

Suddenly, I could somewhat grasp why I didn’t feel completely relieved after hearing Asena’s words.

It was because I didn’t hate them.

“……”

Looking at Grandmother, she too was unable to speak.

After the twins confessed their feelings for me to Grandmother. Although she had been sensitive to all of the twins’ expressions of affection, now she couldn’t say anything.

She too had seen the twins falling apart after the news of my death spread, so I thought her thoughts had become complicated.

“….Thank you, I’ll enjoy it.”

In the end, unable to refuse Kirsy’s kindness, I took the plate from her.

I would have to eat it either as a late-night snack or after dinner.

Kirsy nodded and started to leave the room… but stopped in her tracks.

I had returned to my seat with the sandwiches as if I was about to eat, but I found myself watching Kirsy as she hesitated.

Kirsy briefly glanced at Grandmother, then turned around again and came deeper into the room.

She sat beside me, took one sandwich, and carefully brought it to my mouth.

Feeding each other like this was something we had done often, but not since I learned about their feelings.

Grandmother still didn’t say anything.

I finally had to reveal the truth.

“………Kirsy, actually… your brother has dinner plans.”

Kirsy froze for a moment, blinking her eyes.

“….With Daisy, Judy, and Grandmother.”

Kirsy looked alternately at my eyes, mouth, and the sandwich, then abruptly stood up.

As if she was sorry for doing something unnecessary, as if she was embarrassed for being a disturbance, she blushed, blinked her eyes, opened and closed her mouth, and began to clear away the sandwiches with the plate.

“Kirsy, leave them..! You don’t have to clear them..!”

I said urgently, but Kirsy shook her head vigorously. Then, with her remaining hand, she mimicked eating something with a fork.

It seemed like she was saying not to eat these sandwiches, but to eat a lot at dinner.

….Why was it harder to see her now, when she was trying to give up everything, than when she was seeking my affection through mischief?

Thinking about the effort she must have put into making those sandwiches for me, and the feelings she must have had, tormented me even more.

Once again, her pitiful appearance made my heart ache, and as I frowned, she saw my expression and smiled.

“…Ehehe.”

And then, as if telling me to change my expression too, she used her thumb and index finger to draw a smile on her lips.

After doing that, Kirsy didn’t stay in the room any longer. She quickly turned and disappeared.

“…….”

I felt drained and slumped in my chair.

Grandmother, who had been watching us from the side, spoke in a small voice.

“…..Caden. My thoughts… haven’t changed.”

“…..What do you mean?”

She began to slowly walk toward the direction Kirsy had left.

Before crossing the threshold, she turned to look at me once.

“….My words about respecting whatever choice you make… that’s what I mean.”