Ch.117Defanged Snake (5)

I could feel Asena’s desperation, but that didn’t mean I could accept what she was asking.

“…That’s absurd. You’re telling me to stay out of this war that started because of me?”

“……”

“I’m not backing out. You know I can’t.”

When I decided on war, I never intended to just sit somewhere safe and command. I wanted to wield my sword alongside those who would shed blood for me.

But since Asena might think differently, I needed to explain what would happen if I stayed out of the war.

Not only would I be labeled a coward, but numerous other stories would attach themselves to my already complicated situation.

Especially in war, honor lost by fleeing cannot be recovered.

And the finger-pointing wouldn’t just be at me—it would extend to the Praester Family, to Daisy who would be my partner, and even to Judy.

I couldn’t let that happen.

I never gave Asena a choice in the first place.

“I’m not here to ask for your opinion. I’m informing you of my decision.”

Asena lowered her head.

She whispered in a voice barely audible yet desperate.

“…I don’t want this…”

“…What we want and what we must do are different things.”

I said.

How convenient would it be if people could live without caring about others’ opinions, just following their hearts?

Asena, who had been frozen while holding my hand, took a deep breath.

She lifted her head and straightened her back.

She spoke with a somewhat more confident voice, as if she’d made a decision, knowing I wouldn’t waver.

“…Alright. I won’t try to stop you from going to war anymore.”

At this obvious statement, I nodded.

“But let me help with the preparations.”

Her eyes showed a strength I hadn’t seen in her recently.

I looked down at her.

Yes, the strength had returned to her eyes, but her body… I could only say it remained the same.

Her thin arms and legs. Her slender neck.

She still had a body that shouldn’t be pushed too hard.

“…No. You need to rest.”

Now it was my turn to object.

I couldn’t throw her into the pile of paperwork that exhausted even me.

Certainly, since politics wasn’t my specialty, some things would be more difficult, but regardless, Asena needed rest.

As if understanding my concern, she said:

“…I won’t overdo it. I’ll just check the important things.”

“You can barely keep down rice porridge, and you’re talking about helping? You’ll collapse again… Do you think I’m saying this for no reason?”

“…Really, I mean it. I won’t help for long.”

Then she caught me off guard.

“…I’m not just doing this for you. I want to help the countless soldiers going to war. If I push myself a little… we might save hundreds or thousands more lives…”

“……”

Her words shook me. She probably knew they would.

“Why did I study so hard? It was to be helpful in times like this.”

“…”

“…If you think I’m pushing too hard, tell me to rest then. I’ll go rest without arguing.”

“….Hah.”

“Please. This is our family’s war. It’s the war you’re participating in.”

I shifted my gaze to Kirsy beside me. Her eyes still held anger, but I could also feel her concern for me.

She too was taking Asena’s side, trying to persuade me.

After contemplating… I nodded slightly.

I wanted Asena to rest, but truthfully, there wasn’t much leeway. Despite Grandmother’s help, there was a mountain of work to handle, and it was overwhelming for someone like me who had only learned swordsmanship.

If Asena’s physical condition hadn’t been like this, I would have welcomed her help with open arms.

My weak resolve easily crumbled.

In any case, as she said, if she seemed to be pushing herself too hard, I could send her to rest.

She said she would only check important matters, so there was no reason for me to be stubborn anymore.

“…When I tell you to rest, you rest immediately.”

“…I understand.”

As soon as those words fell, Asena tried to get up from the bed, seemingly in a hurry.

I pressed down on her shoulder to stop her.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“I need to start looking now.”

“Not today. Rest.”

“I’m fine right n—”

“—If you’re already not listening to me, then don’t do it at all.”

“……”

At those words, Asena trembled. Then she slowly leaned back onto the bed.

Of course, I wanted her to rest to avoid physical strain, but more than that, I still had something mentally taxing to tell her, which is why I stopped her.

She was already confused enough with the news about Shallon and the war.

But as they say, strike while the iron is hot—it seemed better to deliver all the news at once.

“…And I’m not done telling you everything.”

I spoke more carefully than ever.

The twins looked up at me.

Familiar, beautiful, and loving—my siblings blinked, waiting for my next words.

Seeing their weakened state and considering their feelings, I thought about postponing this, but…

They would find out eventually, so there was no need to delay further.

“…Judy, who saved me, has been staying here as our guest recently, as you might know.”

“…Ju…dy?”

Asena quietly repeated her name as if hearing it for the first time.

“…You didn’t know. Judy is here, Asena.”

She pondered the name for a moment, then looked at me urgently as if something had occurred to her.

She probably remembered the promise she made with Judy.

Noticing her realization, I calmly told her:

“…It seems Judy will also marry me.”

“……”

“……”

Both of them froze in place.

Beyond that fact, I had nothing more to add.

Any further explanation would likely be something they wouldn’t want to hear.

Asena could no longer look at me.

Silence hung between us for a long time.

She stared blankly ahead and murmured weakly:

“…Ah… so Judy ended up saving you…?”

“…Yes. Judy helped me.”

“…If you’re accepting her feelings because of the promise I made with Judy, you don’t have to—”

“—That’s not it. I have feelings for her too.”

At this firm statement, Asena’s eyes trembled.

But that was all. Unlike before, she didn’t get angry or express dissatisfaction.

Instead, she continued the conversation in a calm voice.

“…Anyway, I should thank Judy for helping you…”

“……”

“…Thank…”

“……”

After struggling for a while, she finally blurted out:

“…I should thank her…”

I didn’t understand why I felt something choking in my throat as I watched her.

I didn’t doubt the sincerity of Asena’s gratitude.

At the same time, considering her feelings… expressing such natural sentiments might not be easy.

“…So… are you going to Daisy… and Judy?”

Asena’s quiet voice continued to ask me questions. But these questions weren’t really seeking answers from me.

They were just words she was uttering, as if mulling over the situation.

“…Leaving me… and Kirsy…”

At that moment, Kirsy clutched her chest.

“…Ah…”

Kirsy was already red-eyed with a shocked expression.

Realizing my gaze had turned to her, she glared at me in embarrassment, then wiped her eyes and smiled as if nothing was wrong.

Then she hurriedly turned away, took the quill pen from the table, and began writing on the paper she had brought.

Soon, she left the bed and held up the paper while covering her face.

Congratulations.

I couldn’t see Kirsy’s face as she conveyed those words.

From behind the paper, only her pitiful laugh could be heard once more.

“……….Ehehe..”

After that, Kirsy suddenly turned quickly and left the room.

I thought about stopping her, but I had already said everything I wanted to say.

…And knowing I couldn’t do anything about her pain, I could only remain helpless.

…No. There was a way to help her. I was just deliberately turning away from it with all my might.

Kirsy smiled and congratulated me, but I knew better than anyone that it wasn’t her true feelings.

I continued to stare at the door she had left through, then shifted my gaze to Asena who remained.

In that brief moment, Asena’s expression had become much stronger. It was as if she had made some kind of resolution.

When our eyes met, she spoke:

“I have something to tell you too.”

“…I’m listening.”

“…….”

Her green eyes met mine without wavering, but her lips didn’t move. Whatever she wanted to say, she hesitated for a long time.

“…Yes?”

Only after I prompted her did she carefully open her mouth.

“…Actually, I…”

Asena met my eyes, then slightly averted her gaze as she spoke.

“…Actually, I’ve let go of my feelings for you.”

“What?”

“I’ve given up. So… so don’t worry anymore.”

I too couldn’t give a proper response for a long time. It was something I had been waiting for, but I never thought I’d hear it like this.

It was a sudden change, but that’s how feelings often work.

For now… I slowly smiled.

“…I see… so that’s how it is.”

I knelt before her and took her neatly folded hands.

“Asena, you’ve made a good decision, truly.”

And I praised her for her decision. Asena still wouldn’t look at me, but she nodded and listened.

“…There will come a time when you’ll think this was a good choice. You’ve thought well, Asena.”

“…Yes.”

“That’s good. That’s good…”

I looked at her with a persistent smile.

This was clearly something that had to be done.

But… for some reason, my heart didn’t feel as relieved as the expression on my face suggested.

Rather, Asena’s expression better represented my feelings.

I didn’t feel the happiness I had expected from this situation.

Was it because I knew the circumstances that led her to this decision? Was it because understanding Asena’s heart made my own heart ache? Or was it because I couldn’t fully believe her words yet?

Or… was there another reason?

I simply felt a complex mix of emotions.