Ch.1158Cycle of Reincarnation

【 The answer you seek lies only with me. One day, you will seek wisdom and find me on your own. 】

“Don’t even dream of it, for such a day will never come!”

Three hundred years ago, Feilandria vehemently rejected Alfodhr’s voice that had been transmitted through the heretical relic.

It was only natural as a saint of Elpinel.

Though the goddess was said to be so indifferent that she wouldn’t respond even to a saint’s prayers, it was an undeniable truth that she had chosen him and bestowed upon him stigmata and power.

That’s why Feilandria’s faith remained as solid as a steel wall despite receiving no response.

At that time.

—-

One hundred days later.

“…Answer me, Wodanaz of war.”

Feilandria reversed his previously stubborn attitude and spoke to Alfodhr again, just as Alfodhr had assured him he would.

For the past hundred days, he had fasted and prayed to Elpinel, but as always, no answer came.

Without even the goddess’s voice, revelation, or sign descending upon him, only visions of destruction became more frequent and detailed.

“You said this is the inevitable end that this world will face… Are we unable to prevent or even delay it?”

After struggling between faith and anxiety, weighing his duty as a saint against his responsibility to the world, Feilandria finally picked up Alfodhr’s relic.

Though wary and hesitant, he convinced himself there was no other way, swallowing like a thirsty man drinking from a poisoned cup.

【 Do you wish to hear the answer? 】

Alfodhr welcomed the saint of Elpinel who had returned to ask for answers with a low, soft laugh.

All of Feilandria’s worries and conflicts, his efforts and their meaningless results, even his final compromise and rationalization—none of it deviated from his expectations.

“…Speak.”

【 You seek answers from me, yet your inner self harbors only caution and distrust. What do you hope to see and seek through a curtained window? 】

Alfodhr laughed once more.

As if mocking him for seeking answers like a drowning man grasping at straws while still harboring distrust and rejection.

“Whether I believe or not is for me to decide. Must I become your follower to hear your answer? If that’s your intention, then this conversation ends here—”

While seeking answers from Alfodhr, Feilandria had no intention of betraying Elpinel, so he showed strong resistance to what seemed like a demand to believe in him, but…

【 Yet I am generous. I bless this reunion and offer you the opportunity to reach the answer you’ve been seeking, the chance to choose it yourself. 】

Alfodhr, as if unconcerned whether Feilandria believed him or not, calmly proposed to give him the opportunity to choose the answer he wanted.

“Choose?”

【 The fate of mortals is the principle of the world determined since creation. Even gods are bound by this constraint and cannot escape it. If you wish to defy it, you must devise means beyond the providence of the world. 】

Alfodhr said.

Defying fate that had been determined since creation was so difficult and complex that even celestial gods could not guarantee success.

【 I have already made my move, but I cannot affirm that my best is also best for you. Therefore, I shall give you an opportunity. The chance to choose the path your heart leans toward, between obedience and challenge. 】

Of course, he had a countermeasure for this, but whether you would accept that countermeasure was a separate issue, so he had specially prepared a choice.

【 Will you follow my answer without doubt? Or will you, in your distrust of me and overconfidence in yourself, try to create a better answer on your own? 】

If you cannot trust me, if you cannot follow the answer I give, then try to find a more ideal answer yourself. I will personally prepare the means for this.

【 Now, choose. As you wish. 】

That was the choice Alfodhr offered to Feilandria.

It was a trap to make him believe it was an outcome he chose himself, despite already knowing the answer and result he would give.

“…If I choose the latter, what do you intend to do?”

【 I will give you time. A time of dreaming, nearly infinite, that will repeat endlessly until you find the answer. 】

“Infinite time…?”

【 There’s no need to be so wary. Even if it’s infinite, it’s ultimately just an illusion in a forcibly stretched dream. You will wake up again in less than ten days. 】

A dream where a mere ten days is stretched to feel like eternity. A proposal to struggle to find an answer during that long time.

After contemplation, Feilandria accepted the proposal.

Just as Alfodhr had predicted, due to his overconfidence that he could surely find an answer if given infinite time and opportunities.

—-

What followed was a hellish nightmare of endless cycles with death as the refrain.

An eternal nightmare barely established by Alfodhr’s power and the authority of Lilith, a subordinate deity under his command, combined with the voluntary consent of Feilandria himself.

Within it, Feilandria struggled with all possible means to prevent destruction, and each time he failed and met death, he returned to the beginning and tried again.

‘I failed.’

The first attempt failed even before facing destruction.

He tried to convey to representatives of other churches the deaths of gods and the destruction of the world he had witnessed, hoping to put their heads together and devise countermeasures, but…

“What nonsense!”

“The gods met death? Like us on this earth? How dare you make such blasphemous and impious remarks…!”

“For someone who is a saint to deny their divinity! The Church of Elpinel has gone completely mad!”

“Blasphemy! This is blasphemy!”

In an era when conflicts between churches were already becoming visible, his statement only caused discord like fire catching on oil.

His first attempt, which aimed to resolve inter-church conflicts as a first step toward solving the problem, backfired and triggered a religious war.

Feilandria, who tried to control the situation as it flowed in an unexpected direction, was also assassinated by an agent sent by an unknown cleric during the conflict.

And so began the next cycle.

‘…I was too hasty. In my urgency, I failed to anticipate the backlash.’

Learning from his mistake in the previous cycle where he ruined everything by being too hasty, Feilandria acted more cautiously and carefully while building his influence.

Instead of denying the immortality of gods in an official setting with all cardinals present, he quietly met with cardinals who were relatively friendly to him and tried to win them over one by one.

“Kuhk…!”

…And was assassinated again.

Someone who noticed his movements misunderstood it as the Church of Elpinel’s underground work to subjugate other churches under its command.

‘…This won’t do. I need to deal with assassins first.’

From the third attempt, he became even more cautious, prioritizing his own safety over problem-solving.

If he died, he would return to the beginning at that moment, so he needed to survive to observe what followed and try something.

Whether that judgment was effective or not, unlike the previous two lives, the third cycle lasted for what felt like 5 years.

In the fifth year, he eventually died in battle during a sudden outbreak of monster armies.

‘I lacked power. I need to expand my influence more…’

The next cycle.

When he showed pro-imperial behavior to gain active support from the Empire, another religious war broke out with accusations that the Church of Elpinel was trying to collude with the Empire.

This time he wasn’t assassinated, so he could achieve victory, but having wasted too much power in human wars, they couldn’t defeat the monster armies and were annihilated.

‘Next time, next time it will surely work out.’

Even after that, he tried similar approaches several times, changing only the order or means slightly, but…

‘Next time, next time I will definitely succeed!’

He died in battle.

‘I got the order wrong. I should have prioritized bringing in the Church of Menes.’

He collapsed, unable to manage internal strife.

‘The Churches of Volberg and Grimnir, why do these lunatics keep betraying me? Should I exclude them from the start?’

He was betrayed.

‘Pushing allies into a trap to gain control of the Holy State? The Sun Church people are truly insane!’

He repeatedly lost power and fell due to insidious machinations.

No matter how many times he repeated, at best he could only reduce the worst-case scenario of religious war to cold war, assassination, or political struggle.

No matter what he did, the result of opposition from other churches and internal strife did not change at all.

‘These pathetic fools…! Fine, if you’re so determined to prove yourselves beyond salvation, I too must change my approach!’

After repeating about twenty meaningless lives, from Feilandria’s perspective, the leadership of other churches no longer even seemed like fellow clerics.

They appeared only as obstacles holding him back, obsessed with power, ambition, competitive psychology, and paranoia.

From then on, Feilandria abandoned his previous moderate approach of trying to persuade other churches amicably and adopted a hardline policy of subjugating and forcibly unifying them by any means necessary.

Ironically, after that, Feilandria’s average lifespan per cycle increased by more than 4 years compared to when he took a moderate approach.

As if the results clearly proved that choice was the best option and correct answer he could take.

Of course, even if he unified the Holy State that way, it didn’t mean the hardships and deaths he would experience would disappear like a mirage.

‘If I contact the Crown Prince, the Imperial House sends assassins… why?’

‘My strategy wasn’t good. I should have bypassed and targeted the flank there.’

‘What is that monster? Blocking the combined attack of twelve high paladins, it’s like a demon that would only appear in old tales.’

While he could somehow resolve the Holy State issue with such extreme hardline policies, there was still no sign of reaching solutions for issues related to the Empire’s movements or monster armies.

His ordeal was just beginning.

An eternity-like long time remained until the end would come.