Ch.114Defanged Snake (2)

“Will the families gather under my banner?”

I ask my grandmother with a lamenting tone.

“They were loyal to Asena, not to me.”

The next families I check on the documents weren’t originally loyal to the Praester family, but ones that Asena had recruited through her own power.

I couldn’t help but be amazed at the power she had built up during her years as the family head… but at the same time, I felt troubled.

Now that Asena had fallen, it seemed like everything would be useless.

Grandmother speaks.

“They will all gather. The alliances Asena built are stronger than you think.”

“…….”

Taking on the family head’s duties for the first time felt awkward in every way. Nothing felt certain, and I was just anxious. The thought that hundreds or thousands of lives could depend on my choices made it even worse.

As if to reassure me, Grandmother continued.

“….They have no choice but to gather. Some of the families loyal to us are connected through mutual interests… but there’s an even bigger factor.”

“….?”

“You’re too kind to understand. And since Asena never showed this side of herself to you, you wouldn’t know.”

Immediately after, Grandmother looked at me with a slightly proud smile.

“They’re all afraid of Asena. She doesn’t show her emotions, so the allied families and subordinate houses are always on edge. They don’t know what makes her happy or what angers her. So with war as a clear justification, they’re… afraid of retaliation if they don’t help us. Do you understand how significant this is?”

I was slightly surprised by what she was telling me, but it made sense quickly. For someone as villainous as her… it was entirely possible.

Did she read my expression? Grandmother asked.

“Do you think that’s a bad thing?”

“What? No, I didn’t think that.”

“Hmm. Then are you surprised that Asena recruited families through force? But don’t worry too much. Asena treats the subordinate families well. Well enough. She just mixes in a bit of fear in the process. Effective governance requires the power of fear.”

“I don’t doubt the relationships Asena has built. I’m doubting myself. I may be the acting family head… but how will they view me, a commoner who was exiled from the family? They might turn their backs on me for Asena’s sake. The perception that Asena doesn’t like me must be widespread.”

“Worrying about this is pointless. Just finish writing those letters. We have many dispatches to send out today.”

-Tap tap tap tap!

Suddenly, our attention shifts to the sound of hurried footsteps outside the door.

Then comes a knock.

-Knock knock knock knock!

“Lady Riana, Lord Caden! It’s Helen!”

At that urgent voice, I say.

“Come in.”

-Creeak.

Helen opens the door and immediately says upon seeing our expressions.

“Lady Asena has woken up…!”

****

Asena woke to a familiar scent. When she opened her eyes, the attendant nursing her beside the bed cried out in shock, but Asena couldn’t hear what was being said.

She only thought one thing.

So I didn’t die after all.

Rather, she felt the illusion that she was more vibrant than before falling asleep. And she found this seemingly renewed health disgusting.

She couldn’t tell how much time had passed.

She only knew for certain that she had fallen into a long, long sleep.

She dreamed of nothing, not even Caden, but she felt the passage of time… so she knew she had opened her eyes after what felt like ages.

With the attendant rushing out in surprise, she was left alone in the room.

Looking around, she could quickly identify the familiar scent that had awakened her.

It was Caden’s smell. This was his room, his bed.

And as she realized she was in his room, the reality that Caden’s departure wasn’t just a nightmare hit her hard.

She had lain in his bed longing for him.

Though she had declared hundreds of times that she hadn’t given up hope that he was alive, deep down she had accepted that he was gone.

He had been broken by her orders and her greed.

Asena reached out to the spot where Caden always used to lie. He seemed to shimmer before her.

Tears began to flow without her realizing it.

Though she had just awakened from a long sleep and her mind wasn’t fully clear yet… the fact that he was gone and the pain in her chest remained just as intense.

“….Brother…”

Her voice, weak and cracked, called for him pleadingly. As soon as she woke up, she found herself searching for him.

The next moment, all strength drained from her body. She simply couldn’t bear this reality. She didn’t want to bear it.

Her eyes began to close again.

“….sena..!”

Was it an auditory hallucination? Caden’s voice, the one she so desperately wanted to hear, echoed in her ears. Asena unconsciously smiled a hollow smile, then began to lose consciousness.

She was satisfied with hearing his voice one last time.

“Asena!”

At the second voice that clearly reached her, Asena’s heart clenched painfully in surprise.

Her weak eyes flew open, and she began to look around.

And there he was, standing before her.

With bandages wrapped around various wounds, breathing heavily, staring intently at her.

For Asena, it was as if the world had stopped.

She couldn’t even breathe.

Even when she blinked. Even when she tried to clear her mind, wondering if this was a dream.

He was still standing there.

“….Are you conscious…?”

He asked.

Asena’s shoulders began to tremble.

She couldn’t answer. She couldn’t make a sound.

Instead, she could only cry.

She covered her face with both hands and began to sob uncontrollably, muffling the sound.

Because she didn’t deserve to make a sound. She didn’t deserve to cry.

But she couldn’t stop the tears flowing down… so she forcibly covered them like this.

She couldn’t hold back her tears. No matter who saw her, no matter how much her shoulders shook, she cried endlessly.

She heard Caden approaching.

For the first time, she suppressed her instinct to want Caden.

She wanted to throw herself into his arms. She wanted to wrap her arms tightly around his neck and press her body against his to feel his warmth.

But she couldn’t. She couldn’t brazenly do that to someone she had nearly killed with her own hands.

Caden might already hate her.

Asena had nothing to say to him either.

So even though he had returned when she thought he was dead… Asena couldn’t look at him or touch him.

The more intense her tears became, the harder it was to hold back her sobs.

She began to feel dizzy. Her head spun.

For a moment, she wondered if seeing Caden had been her imagination.

She wondered if all this was just a hallucination seen by her increasingly deranged mind.

As evidence, she couldn’t hear any sound from Caden who should be beside her.

Yet her tears wouldn’t stop.

She couldn’t remove her hands from her face. She couldn’t look at him.

Because she felt filthy, and at the same time, she was afraid he might hate her enough to kill her… she couldn’t make any changes to her posture.

-Creak… thud.

The sound of the door closing gently.

Had he left her behind? Or as she had thought earlier, perhaps everything had been an illusion.

At that moment, something touched Asena’s head.

She flinched at the touch… but she could so easily tell what it was.

Because it was such a familiar touch.

“….Stop.”

His voice said.

Only then could Asena understand what the sound of the closing door meant.

Since Asena would only return to her true self when they were alone, he had dismissed all the attendants.

Asena could no longer hold back.

She released her hands and threw her arms in the direction of the voice.

Her face collided with a familiar sensation, and her arms grabbed the body of the man she had been longing for.

Asena continued to cry, her shoulders still shaking.

She prayed and prayed that this wasn’t a dream. If this was a dream, and if Caden’s death was reality, she couldn’t bear the gap between them.

If this was a dream, she would take her life immediately after waking.

“…I’m… I’m sorry… *sob*… I’ll just stay like this for a moment, brother…”

His hand stroked her head.

With each touch, Asena felt his presence becoming more and more vivid. It started to feel real.

****

A considerable amount of time passes.

Her tears have calmed down by now.

But the strength in her arms didn’t fade. With her head buried against me, she doesn’t move at all.

Just when I think she might have fallen asleep like this, she tightens her arms around me as if confirming my existence.

She said she would stay like this for just a moment… but no matter how long I wait, she doesn’t let me go.

As relieved as I was that she hadn’t died and had awakened, I had been generously watching her behavior, but now I needed to end it.

Otherwise, it seemed like she would never let me go.

“….Asena, let go now.”

At my words, she didn’t object.

It was completely different from how she used to be stubborn when we were alone.

Like Kirsy, Asena had changed too.

She lifted her head and looked up at me.

This was the first time we were facing each other since she woke up.

Her swollen eyes confirmed my presence, then she tried to hold back tears again.

Having calmed her tears, I began to say what I had wanted to say all along.

“…..Since you just woke up, I’ll talk about this later… but I’m angry at your actions, Asena.”

“…….”

“Just because you thought I was dead… acting like this…”

I gritted my teeth. I suppressed the urge to lecture her right now.

“….For now, just focus on your health. Stop… making people worry.”

With that, having said exactly what I wanted to say, I turned around.

As I turned, her reluctant arm reached toward me, but then she clenched her fist and pulled back.

-Thud. Thud.

As I was about to reach the door, she spoke.

“…..It was a lie..!”

“………”

I stopped in my tracks.

“….When I said I hated you! When I said I would hate you for life…! When I said I would curse you…!”

Her voice became increasingly tearful. She seemed to be talking about our last farewell.

“….I…! I exiled you from the family….sob…it doesn’t change the fact that you were hurt because of an ungrateful woman like me…! I don’t expect forgiveness…! But still…. saying I hated you was a lie…”

“…..”

“I thought those curses would be the last… I thought those would be the last words I ever said to you…. words I could never take back….”

How much must she have regretted it, to correct those words as soon as she regained consciousness.

“It was a lie…. brother…. brother….”

I turned to look at her.

Asena… sobbing on my bed.

As I left, I had hoped she would hate me. I didn’t expect to return like this, but I sincerely hoped she would move on.

But wishing for that… means the opposite.

I wished for it because I knew she wouldn’t.

Looking at her, I had to tell her the truth hidden deep in my heart.

My subdued voice continued, cutting through Asena’s sobs.

“……I knew.”

There was no need for her to correct herself.