Ch.11437. I Don’t Peek Into the Future (3)

I experienced far too much.

Even if it was all an illusion.

The things I had gone through never truly disappeared.

But perhaps because that time was so long,

I almost forgot my original purpose.

-Remembering is quite simple.

Humans, all living beings, are slaves to memory.

-If you keep reminding yourself of your worst memories, you can’t forget them even if you want to.

She called it an extreme measure… but it was certainly effective.

I didn’t resort to this method from the beginning.

But being human, perhaps due to the endless weathering of time,

My initial purpose began to grow vague and blurry at some point.

And as if anticipating this, the Demon Lord properly awakened it in me.

Thanks to that, even now, like experiencing a nightmare while awake… those emotions I felt then—regret, anger, helplessness,

And various other negative emotions—I could clearly recall and reflect upon them.

Simultaneously,

…The experiences through Alesia, and the small memories shared with Luirin.

I could vividly remember them all.

In the end, those memories now planted within me the driving force to move forward.

Also.

The absurdity of this world, where mere existence brings pain, where just breathing feels like a curse.

…Sometimes it became unbearably hateful.

And the opposite was true as well.

There were never moments as comfortable as those brief periods of peace, immersed in silence.

In those moments, all worries and anguish seemed meaningless.

Which one was the real me?

The answer was simple.

All of it was me.

What I am, everything that happens within me, is this colorful and diverse.

Chaos and order.

Peace and discord.

All of these constantly collide, circulate, interact, merge, and scatter repeatedly.

This is reflected in nature through various phenomena,

And also reproduced in the societies of intelligent beings, including humans.

“……”

It feels like being devoured.

But in a way, we’ve already been devoured.

By reason and natural order.

By laws and principles.

That which I’ve taken as my foundation.

Beyond the vast universe, that expansive world that continues to widen, expand, and inflate endlessly even in this moment.

That which always remains at the center of such a world.

From that center, the world is re-established, expanded, and formed.

Even the sun we gaze upon is infinitely humble compared to it.

I realize this, knowingly or unknowingly.

…In truth, I still couldn’t comprehend what was what.

I was overwhelmed just trying to understand what I’d heard.

Rather, with my heart and soul, I seemed to grasp it well enough.

But intellectually, I still couldn’t move beyond a surface-level understanding.

-That level is appropriate. For now, it’s better not to know too much.

Dipping your ankles in seawater and

Submerging your entire head are completely different dimensions.

-For now, that much is sufficient.

Since she said so, I let go of my mind to avoid falling deeper into questions and doubts.

As my body developed, what I understood and absorbed gradually changed.

I became able to do things I couldn’t do before.

I naturally came to know things I hadn’t known.

Perhaps because my vision had broadened.

What I saw, heard, and felt became more refined than before.

…Even so, I was still in the adaptation phase.

A newborn child cannot fly or walk from the start.

It was just like that.

Natural order.

To grow larger.

To jump higher.

Preparation is necessary.

-Enjoy your purposeful wandering.

The Demon Lord said.

That earnestness depends on what you’ve experienced.

It depends on how your heart accepts it.

It also depends on your consciousness that tries not to forget it.

And it depends on your will to overcome it.

Among these,

-None has been neglected.

The pain you’ve experienced, the joy as well.

Everything you embrace and reject.

-It’s your right.

====

“T-t-t-this! This?! A-a-are you r-really g-g-giving this to m-me?”

The day before leaving the Lake Dragon’s valley.

We hold a small celebration in the clearing.

Roasting a whole wild boar hanging over the fire.

Sharing the fruit wine Ases had been fermenting.

When I offer my guitar to Aristites as a farewell gift, he becomes overly excited like this.

“I can get another one when I leave, but you can’t, right?”

“Th-that’s true, but still…”

He’s being unnecessarily verbose.

“When someone gives you something, it’s only natural to accept it.”

When Lansrus, transformed into a dragon-man, dismisses it like that, Aristites receives the guitar with trembling hands, as if he’s been bestowed a legendary sword.

“It’s been almost two years. You’ve changed beyond recognition in that short time.”

“……”

Kariel himself had been feeling this too.

People say he’s grown taller than before, but he doesn’t feel much about it.

His physique has become somewhat more robust compared to before, but again, he’s indifferent about it.

Compared to physical fighters, he would still have a fragile build, but since he doesn’t rely on muscles or bone structure to fight, there’s no need to be fixated or bound by such things.

Nor did he have any particular reason to find deep attraction in a muscle-packed body or take pride in such things.

“Next time we meet, I’ll land a hit on you.”

“…Sure.”

That fellow Lyurik has been displaying competitive spirit ever since he faced Kariel.

Even when sparring with Ases, he wasn’t this persistent. What could be the reason?

“Puhat!”

Mayer, tilting his wine pouch in the corner, seems to consider even this an unnecessary formality, remaining absorbed in his own world.

Always drunk yet never letting go of his sword.

A man whose blood seems made of alcohol, yet whose body is as unyielding as a rusted sword.

Nevertheless, he’s one of the few skilled enough to match Ases.

In fact, the true master of Lyurik and Aristites would be Mayer, not Lansrus.

“……”

That man must be naturally gifted in some sense.

To drink so much alcohol and live with a constantly clouded mind, yet for his skills to not only remain sharp but improve daily… it simply doesn’t add up.

Above all, being close to alcohol itself implies that both body and mind are not entirely sound.

For the past Kariel, who couldn’t transcend the category of an ordinary person despite being a model student, seeing such an existence would often lead to strange contemplations.

From those who always slept through classes yet maintained top grades at the academy,

To those who lived recklessly yet displayed innate talent when it mattered.

For Kariel, who had struggled despite his efforts, this naturally evoked feelings of deprivation and inferiority.

…In that sense, his current self might also be the epitome of unreasonableness.

Therefore, Kariel neither underestimated nor overestimated this.

Much less did he have any intention to boast or show off.

At his age, one would typically be swayed by the desire to flaunt their achievements.

…But he felt no such motivation.

It was bad before, but now it’s even worse.

That’s how much time has passed.

The nearly two years spent here felt like almost ten years to Kariel.

How long had he been immersed in illusions?

Even during the training to open his eyes and build his body, he was constantly half-lost in illusions.

…But there’s a clear limit to what can be achieved and trained through such means.

Skills don’t improve just by working hard or practicing for a long time.

I didn’t know this, but the Demon Lord pointed it out clearly.

And then.

“Did you figure out on your own that merely honing your skills diligently is infinitely insufficient?”

“……”

After thinking for a moment, Kariel answered:

“No. I was told.”

“I thought as much.”

Lansrus nodded his large head as if his curiosity had been satisfied.

But then:

“But how did you know the timing?”

“Timing?”

“Strictly speaking, it wouldn’t have been strange for you to continue training here for a few more years. Why are you setting out specifically now?”

“That’s…”

Because I was told there’s nothing more to gain here.

By whom?

…By the Demon Lord.

By nurturing his body in this place rich with natural energy, his body had developed accordingly.

But on the other hand, it was unbalanced.

I don’t fully understand, but the Demon Lord said that since she is predominantly composed of cold energy, there’s now a need to infuse hot energy to achieve balance.

…Then she mentioned the harmony of yin and yang, which confused me at first.

Thinking about it, there was such a passage in the heart sutra that Grandeus had taught me.

[Penetrate like flames devouring fuel, and cut through like the cold that freezes lakes and rivers.]

This was apparently the essence of referring to the harmony of yin and yang, and it became somewhat easier to understand when approached through the magical theory that mages commonly refer to regarding heat and cold.

“At first, your mind couldn’t keep up with your body, but now it’s the opposite. Your body has reached its peak, but your mind hasn’t caught up.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. I’d like to advise you to be more patient and take a longer view… but you must have your reasons for wanting to leave. Isn’t that right?”

“……”

“Strengthen your resolve. At your current level, you’d have nothing to envy anywhere in the world.”

That might be an exaggeration.

Or perhaps high praise.

The Lake Dragon before him is, in some ways, a being against whom even the current Kariel would find it difficult to guarantee victory.

Yet even he says:

“Your father is a breathing calamity. Even I couldn’t face him.”

“He was that threatening to the higher-ups. If he hadn’t been of that caliber, he couldn’t have defeated it. They must have judged so, which is why they allowed such a being to be born in this era. Or perhaps an even greater trial comparable to that will arrive later, I wouldn’t know. I don’t see the future.”

“……”

If that’s the case,

For what reason was Kariel himself born, and how did he come this far?

“……”

Kariel knew.

He had already engaged in repeated battles with the virtual version of his father that the Demon Lord had created in the dream world.

Seriously, he hadn’t won against him even once.

The Golden Beast.

Assuming that was his prime when facing the Demon Lord.

His father, the current Hero, still stood like an insurmountable barrier.

Like a wall rising so high into the sky that it seemed impossible to overcome.

But the Demon Lord said this:

Probably, he’s even stronger now than he was then.

That now, possessing only the Holy Sword without the Holy Relic, he would be stronger than when he faced her.

…At this point, it’s disheartening.

How could one feel arrogant or satisfied in such circumstances?

One can only feel perpetually inadequate.

“Having high goals is a good thing.”

Lansrus seemed to penetrate his inner thoughts with that remark.

“But don’t be too absorbed in them. A mountain is just a mountain. Whether you make it a wall blocking your path or a scenic view to enjoy, it all depends on your mindset.”

“Yes. I’m always contemplating that.”

The biggest obstacle is ultimately created by myself.

No one has ever called it an obstacle.

I merely perceived it as such. Felt it as such.

So removing it is also up to me.

“……”

But even if I adopt such a mindset, the reality that it stands in my way is an undeniable fact.

It’s just that there’s no need to be frightened before attempting to overcome it.

If fear grows into terror as time accumulates, it will only become more challenging.

At that moment, Ases interjected:

“Let’s stop with the serious talk, shall we? It’s not fun. Oh, speaking of which, how about playing a tune to liven things up?”

As she suggested this while swirling her wooden cup, Lansrus responded with a grunt and left his seat.

“……”

Kariel, indicating no problem, received the guitar back from Aristites.

“Yes. Only at times like these does your expression come alive.”

As Ases giggled and widened the distance, Mines, who had been fixating on the roasting meat and the blazing fire, seemed to perk up with interest, turning his attention this way.

“Haah!”

As Aristites clasped his cheeks with anticipation, a strange feeling welled up.

Should this be called pressure, or expectation?

Work? A task repeated over a long period?

Anyway, after all that, there was no reason to feel nervous now.

“……”

Didn’t Ases say to liven things up?

If so…

Beyond the usual strumming of strings,

This time, he wanted to play the guitar in a different way.

Sweeping with his fingers, flicking his wrist to pluck the strings, tapping, picking, even striking.

Even beyond the strings, drumming on the guitar body with the back of his hand and palm like a percussion instrument.

Then striking the strings again.

“Waaah—!!!”

Rather than the music itself, it was more about the style of performance, the act itself.

Focusing more on that,

He continued his performance.

Rather than stimulating sensibility, it was about direct emotion.

Flashy dance and rhythm.

Like how attention is drawn to vibrant singing.

In a way that’s closer to a spectacle, but with the intention of enhancing the mood by watching, enjoying, and boosting the atmosphere.

And so, he continued his final performance here to the end.

The night is deep, but thanks to the blazing fire and the surrounding forest, the area is incredibly bright.

As if nestled in the embrace of the forest, using its beating heart as a hearth around which to gather.

The sizzling meat, which initially smelled unpleasant, now smells only savory and fragrant.

The sparks and embers popping from the flames are only wistful.

In the end, all of this is just a momentary pleasure, a fleeting entertainment.

It doesn’t matter.

If I can rest even for a moment.

That alone was satisfying enough.