Ch.113Defanged Snake (1)

After the decision for war was made, evening fell. We agreed to begin the serious preparations tomorrow. Even for a family as insignificant as ours compared to the Praesters, war is still war.

One cannot hastily prepare for a life-or-death struggle.

Weapons preparation. Physical conditioning of soldiers. Declaration of war. Summoning subordinate families…

There was so much to consider.

Naturally, since this was my first war, many things were unfamiliar. For someone who had only trained with a sword, taking command and making preparations was overwhelming. Grandmother, who had experienced war several times before, promised to help, but it probably wouldn’t be enough.

“……”

I pushed aside my complicated thoughts. I could worry about all this tomorrow.

After seeing a physician to examine my wounds, I sat with Judy at a small table in the flower garden, having a simple meal.

“…I’ll go with you, Caden.”

Judy spoke when I mentioned the impending war.

Naturally, I cut her off immediately.

“No.”

But her stubbornness wouldn’t yield.

“I don’t care. I’ll ride beside you.”

“I sometimes forget that you’re from an enemy family. Are you saying you’d fight under Praester banners and flags?”

“…….”

Judy froze at my words. Thinking I’d silenced her, I looked up to find her face gradually turning red.

“…?”

Her mouth was working as if she wanted to say something.

After waiting a moment, she spoke in a whisper, her voice lacking confidence.

“…I’ll be under you eventually anyway, so what’s the big deal about fighting under the Praester flag…?”

“-Pfft!”

Food sprayed from my mouth into my bowl at her words.

“Cough! Cough! Cough!”

Seeing my reaction, she smiled with trembling lips, her face still flushed.

It was clearly revenge for my usual teasing, but she seemed to have no sense of boundaries.

Suddenly, she looked different to me. Had she always known how to talk like this? Or was it because she hadn’t tried joking before? She seemed unable to gauge appropriate limits.

This was the kind of talk you’d expect from hot-blooded men in the knight department. Since Judy was also in the knight department, I wondered if she’d picked it up from someone else.

“Cough! Cough…!”

She definitely got me good. I couldn’t find words to respond and just kept coughing.

“..Ahem..ahem.”

Seeing my reddening face, Judy smiled with satisfaction before clearing her throat to change the atmosphere.

“…Well…anyway. Our families being enemies was our ancestors’ story. You and I… we were close enough that marriage was discussed.”

“……”

“And even though we’re enemy families… you’re the one who showed me we could support each other. You said it first. That we could get along despite being from enemy families.”

I took a sip of water, acting as if I hadn’t heard her earlier comment. I forcibly brought the mood down and focused on the original conversation.

All my previous arguments against Judy joining me in war were now undermined by my own past words.

Even so, this was just me losing the argument due to poor speaking skills. There was absolutely no reason for Judy to go to war with me. In fact, it would be strange for her to join.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Why would you get involved in our war?”

“…If I can’t protect the person I love, why did I learn to use a sword in the first place…?”

At those words, my movements froze.

Unlike before, there wasn’t a hint of humor in her words.

Looking up at her, I found her gazing at me with profound eyes.

After exchanging glances for a while, Judy stood up and leaned her upper body toward me.

-Smooch.

We kissed softly.

“…Ha.”

I couldn’t help but smile at Judy’s boldness. The warm feeling from her kiss also contributed to the flush on my face.

Judy smiled naturally and sat back down.

“…Anyway, the answer is no. Understood? This conversation is over.”

Before I could be drawn in further by Judy, I picked up my bowl and stood up.

Judy, who hadn’t finished her meal, tried to grab me in confusion, wanting to continue the conversation, but I quickly moved my legs to leave the garden.

“Caden, we’re not done talking..!”

As I was walking away, something caught my eye that stopped me in my tracks.

In that moment, Judy caught up with me, holding her bowl, and grabbed my shoulder.

“Cade…….”

But Judy, like me, stopped her action.

“……Kirsy.”

I said.

Kirsy was standing behind a pillar leading to the garden.

As soon as our eyes met, Kirsy flinched. As if she’d been caught doing something wrong.

Attendants stood modestly behind her. Perhaps she had come out for a walk.

I was so surprised that I forgot she couldn’t speak and asked her a question.

“…..Can you get up?…..Are you feeling better?”

“….Eh…uh..?”

Kirsy’s eyes darted between Judy and me. Her pupils shook violently, and I could see the sorrowful, sad emotion on her face.

Inwardly, I squeezed my eyes shut.

Kirsy had seen what we were doing.

“…..”

I had no reason to be uncomfortable, but knowing that Kirsy loved me, and knowing her body was weakened, this wasn’t a scene I wanted her to see.

Judy, seeming to understand my feelings, removed her hand from my shoulder and began to compose herself.

“…..Ah……uh….”

Though Kirsy couldn’t speak, I could almost hear her voice. Having been together for so long, I could tell.

‘Ah….um…’

As if mumbling and searching for words, she blinked her eyes and seemed to be thinking.

But what she could do was limited by her inability to speak to me. Perhaps realizing this, she eventually showed that sad smile I’d seen once before.

“…..Ehehe..”

A smile as if congratulating us. Only her mouth smiled while her eyes reddened.

As I had felt once before, Kirsy had changed a lot. In the past, she would have scolded me, but now she smiled despite seeing such intimate skinship between Judy and me.

My heart tightened at that smile.

Before the situation could deepen, I quickly changed the subject.

“Well, Kirsy. It’s good that you’re out for a walk, but I think you should still be resting. Let’s go back. Haven’t you eaten yet?”

Kirsy nodded in response to my words. She lowered the corners of her mouth that she had struggled to raise and turned around following my lead.

“Judy, go back to your room and rest. As I said, I need to look after my siblings now.”

“Ah, right. Yes. Okay, Caden. I’ll… see you later.”

Judy also adapted to the situation and quickly said goodbye to me.

I grabbed the empty bowl from her hands and stacked it with mine.

“Ah, Master Caden, please give those to me…!”

The attendant who had accompanied Kirsy hurriedly took the bowls from me.

I thanked her and handed over the bowls.

After saying a final goodbye to Judy, I turned around with Kirsy’s entourage.

Kirsy’s mood had clearly become gloomy. Having seen the person she loved kissing another woman, she couldn’t possibly feel good.

I quietly asked the attendant walking beside me.

“….Why is Kirsy here..? Did she want to take a walk?”

If she had initially wanted to move around, she would have expressed her wishes to the attendant in writing. I wanted to know why she had come out like this.

The attendant heard my whispered voice and lowered her own voice in response.

“Well… she said she wanted to find you, Master Caden….”

….Oh no.

At that answer, I closed my eyes. It was more heart-wrenching than I had expected.

She must have seen me kissing Judy after coming to find me despite her weak body…

I ended my conversation with the attendant and secretly looked down at Kirsy.

She was walking weakly with dazed eyes, perhaps recalling the earlier situation.

“….Sigh.”

I sighed so quietly that no one could hear.

****

Kirsy and Asena now had separate rooms.

After feeding them lunch, I realized I had to feed them both anyway, and having them in the same room made it inconvenient.

Besides, since Kirsy could now stand, it made sense to care for them separately.

I wanted the sick Asena to rest more comfortably.

When Kirsy heard she had to leave my bed, she made that pitiful expression again… but Asena, who had collapsed, couldn’t possibly get up.

Moreover, now that I was by her side, there was no reason for her to seek traces of me in the bed.

Having returned to Kirsy’s room with her, I began by feeding her first.

“Ah.”

Kirsy opened her mouth to receive the food I gave her.

When I suggested she try eating on her own, she nodded and ate the rice porridge by herself, but her pace and energy were so weak that I eventually took up the spoon.

“Ah.”

Each time she swallowed her food, I brought the spoon to her mouth and spoke to her.

And besides that, an awkward silence hung in the air. Kirsy couldn’t speak, and I couldn’t find anything to say.

At first, she was gloomy about the Judy incident, but as I continued feeding her, her gaze changed.

From sad eyes… to eyes filled with sticky love.

I could understand what it meant for honey to drip from someone’s eyes. Like this morning, she wouldn’t take her eyes off me.

Her half-open eyes, her increasingly reddening cheeks, her deepening breath, her melancholic gaze.

Though her eyes showed sadness at still not being connected with me, she still held the same feelings.

……Truly, the more I looked at her, the more I realized.

She couldn’t manage without me.

My private thoughts, unknown to anyone else, became increasingly firm. It was a fact I hadn’t seen until things had come to this.

Without me, this child could no longer function.

“Ah.”

At my word, she opened her mouth like a doll.

Even though she wouldn’t eat if someone else fed her. Even though she wouldn’t eat by herself. Kirsy became docile at my words.

I kept thinking about what I meant to her.

In the long silence, I searched for something to say.

“….Kirsy, you need to find a way to speak again.”

Kirsy opened her mouth for a moment… slowly closed it, then nodded.

“…I heard it happened because of shock… they say it will gradually get better. Lots of good memories….”

I was about to say that making lots of good memories would help, but the incident with Judy came to mind and my words stopped.

After a brief pause, I finished my sentence.

“They say making lots of good memories will help. When your body gets stronger, try going for walks and such.”

I subtly suggested she go without me.

“……”

Kirsy didn’t move her head at those words. She who had listened to everything I said suddenly stopped.

She turned to the table right next to the bed. There was paper, ink, and a quill pen for her to use.

She dipped the quill in the inkwell but hesitated for a long time.

It took her a while to move the quill to the paper. It took her a while to write the first letter. Blinking her eyes, she seemed to be contemplating for a long time whether to write or not.

I waited silently.

Finally, after writing something short, she put down the pen and turned her face away from me.

I tilted my head to see what she had written and turned the paper.

“Walks together..”

After the short text, the ink faded and disappeared. It seemed she couldn’t finish what she wanted to write.

Then I heard a sniffling sound and looked up.

Kirsy had turned her head away and was wiping away tears.

I wasn’t someone who wouldn’t understand why she was doing this.

Before all this happened, she used to go for walks with me every day.

Her voice was still vivid in my memory.

‘Brother! Let’s go for a walk! Hurry!’

Those words she used to say, entering my room so naturally, with such a bright smile.

Now having to express herself with such difficulty might have made her feel sad.

She continued to sniffle, not showing her face to me.

She was roughly wiping away tears with the back of her hand.

Seeing that, my answer was as good as decided.

“…..Stop crying, Kirsy. Let’s go for walks together.”

Her body flinched. Then, as if letting out all her tears at once, her breathing intensified for a moment before quickly calming down.

“Ah.”

I said, holding up the spoon. After wiping away her tears, she carefully showed her face to me.

An unguarded face with tear-soaked eyebrows. Red-rimmed eyes. An embarrassed expression.

She showed me the expression she had been hiding and opened her mouth.

“…….”

Frozen by that expression, I couldn’t put the spoon in her open mouth.

Without realizing it, I raised my other hand to wipe away her tears.

“….Ah…?”

I pretended not to hear Kirsy’s words.

And then, as if nothing had happened, I put the spoon in her mouth.

.

.

.

.

After feeding her all the food, I prepared to leave.

“…Rest, Kirsy. Your body hasn’t recovered yet… go to bed early today.”

She nodded.

I got up and walked toward the door.

“….Ah..!”

Suddenly, Kirsy’s cry stopped me in my tracks.

I turned around to look at her.

She had called me but didn’t do anything.

She just looked at me.

“….Do you have something to say?”

I asked, pointing to the quill pen. I meant for her to write if she had something to say.

But she didn’t move.

She looked at me with those honey-dripping eyes… with an expression that seemed to want something.

“…..”

I could easily guess what she wanted.

I hesitated for a moment.

But it was really just a moment.

As before, if I was going to end up doing it anyway after seeing her gloomy expression, there was no need to hesitate.

I approached her.

Gently placing my hand on her silver hair, I pulled her forehead toward me.

Unlike usual, I gave her a very light kiss.

“….Now go to sleep, Kirsy.”

This was our natural greeting, after all.

She drew in a breath… unlike the smile she had shown earlier with Judy, where only her lips were raised.

This time, her eyes curved into crescents too, and she smiled shyly.

“……”

Seeing such a pure smile over something so small, my heart… ached once again.