Ch.112Chapter 19. Longing (1)

Hayun doesn’t know exactly when her feelings for Jieun began.

It probably wasn’t a sudden realization. Rather, a tiny, subtle emotion grew very slowly during the time she’s known Jieun, eventually becoming strong enough to express through words and actions.

Perhaps it’s meaningless to wonder why or how she came to like Jieun. It’s simply that Jieun was always there during difficult moments, quietly sitting beside her whenever she needed someone to complain to.

Hayun feels emotions for Jieun that she’s never felt for anyone else. If asked to choose her favorite person among those she likes, Jieun would immediately come to mind. Hayun had simply accepted this as natural.

Hayun followed Jieun outside a few minutes after Jieun and Jihye had left the room.

Children at the orphanage go to bed early. Living with teachers meant they naturally kept to such schedules. Even the middle and high school students mostly followed the rules.

Some people have negative perceptions about orphanage children, but Hayun couldn’t make a complete comparison having never seen other orphanages. Still, there are families with all members present who aren’t particularly harmonious—everyone’s situation is simply different.

After all, Jieun herself came from this orphanage.

The orphanage appeared to be in excellent condition. Nothing looked worn down or broken. This was mostly possible thanks to Noir Corporation’s “donations.”

And Jieun worked at Noir Corporation to secure those donations, often until late at night.

Had she been scolded at the orphanage? They surely must have said something when she came home late with injuries.

And those injuries were mostly inflicted by magical girls, including Hayun herself.

Jieun could have kept all the money for herself. She could have taken it directly. But instead, she chose to send it to the orphanage as donations. And she did it anonymously, even while being misunderstood by others.

Walking through the quiet hallway and out of the building, Hayun spotted Jieun and Jihye sitting ahead.

The two sat side by side on swings in silence.

The swings had no front or back distinction. From where they sat, they could clearly see beyond the orphanage’s low fence.

Red brick houses and gray walls formed a maze of alleys at the edge of the neighborhood. Built on a relatively high spot in this area, the orphanage offered a clear view of the neighborhood.

Although the fence blocked the immediate view below, the neighborhood beyond was clearly visible.

And there, along the ridge of the hill, was a neighborhood lined with large houses and high walls.

Hayun knew what neighborhood that was.

Despite following the high road, there weren’t many bus stops. Even marts and convenience stores were scarce.

But the people living there didn’t find this inconvenient. If stores were far, they could simply drive there, or even hire someone to drive for them.

It was Hayun’s neighborhood.

Coming down that hillside was a four-lane road that seemed to draw a line, and beyond it was Jieun’s neighborhood.

Until she became a high school student and learned that Jieun had been a combatant, Hayun had never imagined Jieun would live in this neighborhood, despite it being right before her eyes.

No, she hadn’t even imagined what this neighborhood would be like.

That was strange. Surely some of their magical girl battles had taken place in such areas. Why had she never thought Jieun might belong there?

The dim white streetlights cast a faint glow beyond the fence, giving the two sitting side by side a somewhat mystical appearance.

Had they always sat like that since childhood, looking down at the neighborhood?

Hayun thought it was somewhat enviable—

“It reminds me of when we were young,” Jihye said softly, apparently not noticing Hayun watching from a distance.

Though her voice was barely above a whisper, it wasn’t completely masked by the distant car sounds or the TV noise coming from some open window.

“Looking at those houses far away and saying how nice it would be to live in such places.”

Hayun momentarily forgot to breathe at Jihye’s next words.

“…That’s right.”

“You said all places where people live are basically the same.”

“I did.”

As Jihye spoke cheerfully, Jieun nodded in response.

“Well, living in a spacious house would be nice. I remember you said we wouldn’t have to wait for the bathroom in the morning if someone suddenly had a stomachache. Do you remember what you said then?”

“If you live with many children, it’s the same anyway. Even normal houses don’t have as many bathrooms as our orphanage.”

“Right. That’s what you said.”

Jihye laughed.

“In the end, lining up for the bathroom before school would be the same.”

“Having a bathtub would be nice though.”

“You said that too.”

Jieun also let out a small laugh at Jihye’s words. She had seemed in a bad mood since the incident earlier.

“Besides, how big could it be compared to the orphanage? Where we live is already a big house.”

Hearing Jieun’s words, Hayun felt her heart tighten.

Home.

This was Jieun’s home. That’s why she could divert the donations here. It wasn’t just volunteer work—it was a place she considered home.

“True. Even our room is quite spacious. It’s big enough for all the kids to sleep in.”

“Is it really?”

“If you and I sleep close together, there’s plenty of space left.”

Jieun laughed again at Jihye’s words.

“Isn’t that what makes it cramped?”

“Is it?”

They were silent for a moment.

“…Still, we can at least imagine,” Jihye whispered softly again.

“Since we’ll have to leave here when we become adults anyway.”

“Right. That’s true… Only a few years left. It might be different if we go to university.”

“Well, we’ll still have to leave eventually. We can’t stay here after becoming adults.”

Jieun shrugged at Jihye’s words without saying anything.

“So, that’s what I mean. A house that big would be enough for the two of us.”

“It wouldn’t just be enough—there’d be too much space. Besides, look. Those houses are expensive, and maintaining them costs a lot of money…”

“Come on, it’s just imagination, imagination.”

Jihye waved her hand dismissively at Jieun’s words.

“And… well, even if not a big house like that, we could still live together. That seems to be how everyone who leaves first starts out.”

After pondering Jihye’s words for a moment, Hayun let out a small chuckle.

“That’s true too.”

“As long as it’s not too cramped, wouldn’t it be fine? We’ve lived together all this time anyway.”

“…That’s right.”

Jieun only responded that way to Jihye’s cheerful chatter.

What expression was Jieun making?

Judging by her gentle voice, she might be smiling, or perhaps laughing happily like Jihye’s profile suggested.

One thing was certain: these two had been sharing conversations like this for a long time.

In elementary school, in middle school, and until just recently.

Jihye would chatter away, and Jieun would quietly listen, smile, and nod—

“…”

Hayun pressed her lips tightly together.

Her hands clenched in front of her chest.

Jieun had done the same for Hayun. Whenever something was troubling her, Jieun would notice first, grab Hayun’s wrist, and pull her to a quiet place.

And whether sitting side by side or standing face to face.

She would silently stay by Hayun’s side, waiting until Hayun spoke or smiled.

…Yes, that wasn’t necessarily something special.

That was just Jieun’s nature.

From a very long time ago. From the moment she knew Hayun.

Hayun hadn’t misunderstood… these feelings.

Yes. She had never misunderstood.

This feeling of “liking” was utterly sincere. She liked Jieun because that’s who Jieun was. Jieun was the only one who made her feel this way.

Even if Jieun showed the same side to others, what did it matter? Hayun had developed these feelings precisely because of that aspect of Jieun.

So—

So, sorry.

Hayun couldn’t just keep listening.

“What are you two talking about?” Hayun stepped forward with a bright smile.

Jieun and Jihye turned to look at her simultaneously. Both seemed a bit surprised, but it didn’t seem like she had interrupted a conversation she shouldn’t have.

Especially Jihye, who didn’t show any signs of jealousy or dislike.

“Just wondering what we’ll do when we become independent after graduating from university.”

That statement concealed several implications.

The biggest one was what Hayun had just heard about the orphanage.

The natural expectation that one leaves the orphanage upon becoming an adult.

Those with families could stay with them for a long time and receive support from their parents, but Jieun and Jihye couldn’t do that.

They would naturally have to find their own place when they became independent.

Or find a job that provided dormitory accommodation.

“Oh really?”

Hayun spoke without showing that she already understood this.

“I’m thinking of living on my own right after graduating too.”

Hayun said this with some determination.

Standing between the two swings, she looked at both of them alternately.

“It would be fun to live together.”

She didn’t say anything about separating Jihye from Jieun. Hayun had already felt several times how precious Jihye was to Jieun.

Even though they had kissed, Jieun hadn’t shown much reaction to that incident. Perhaps she thought Hayun had kissed her because of the circuit, not because she liked her.

If that were the case, Jieun might have been angry about having her lips stolen like that, but she hadn’t said anything, suggesting she thought it was necessary at the time.

…And Ju-a had done the same thing too. Hmm.

The atmosphere had been somewhat awkward in the room with Jieun and the other children, but perhaps her thoughts had become clearer while talking with Jihye outside.

Hayun found that a bit disappointing.

“Don’t worry, I have no intention of freeloading.”

“Ah.”

Hayun’s words were momentarily halted by Jieun’s response.

That’s right. Jieun didn’t particularly like depending on others.

Even with the orphanage, she could have asked Hayun for help. Either by confiding in Hayun personally or by seeking help from the Federation through Hayun.

But Jieun didn’t particularly like that. She preferred to solve problems with her own hands if possible.

That must be her principle.

It was also why Hayun hadn’t harbored much suspicion toward Jieun.

Because of this, Hayun couldn’t force anything on Jieun.

“I-I’ll be independent too. Once I get a job and start earning money, we could split the rent fairly. Or we could even manage a deposit together.”

As Hayun hastily added this, Jieun smiled bitterly.

“That’s… we’ll see when the time comes. We still have a few years left.”

Jieun said this while slightly closing her eyes.

And at those words, neither Hayun nor Jihye said anything.

That’s right. There were still a few years left.

For now, Jihye was too important to Jieun, making it difficult for anyone else to squeeze into that space.

Of course, Hayun had no intention of completely pushing Jihye out of Jieun’s heart.

The framework of family couldn’t and shouldn’t be broken.

She just wanted to firmly establish her own place near Jieun. Just as it seemed natural for Jieun and Jihye to live together, she wanted it to feel equally natural for her to be there too.

After all, the relationship between sisters and… “another relationship” is literally “different,” isn’t it?

*

Living with Hayun… well, I’d be happy about that.

Wouldn’t I? I like Hayun, after all. It’s inevitable that such thoughts would cross my mind.

I felt the same happiness when Hayun kissed me today. If I hadn’t been happy, the circuit wouldn’t have activated.

No, that’s not right. If it had been someone I disliked, would it have had the opposite effect?

…Anyway, I can’t just exploit those feelings recklessly.

It’s problematic to assume someone likes me back just because I like them. That could even ruin the relationship.

Even if we ended up living together, and even if I gained some sort of “certainty” in the process, doing something strange could turn a lifelong friend into just “someone else.”

I need to act cautiously.

Still, the fact that Hayun could do such a thing must mean she doesn’t have negative feelings toward me.

…

Thinking about it again, Hayun is quite remarkable.

The fact that she could kiss someone of the same gender— Well, even actors film kissing scenes with the same gender when necessary, so perhaps it’s right to think it’s possible if one wants to do it.

I took a few gentle breaths with my eyes closed.

The still fairly cool night air helped cool my heated insides a bit.

Well, I couldn’t say the air was particularly good.

“Let’s go inside.”

It was time to go to bed.

My body felt stiff and heavy. No matter how much assistance I get from the circuit, running around so energetically is exhausting.

Plus, today was mentally tiring too.

Rising to a very high place and then crashing back down isn’t exactly enjoyable.

Pang Pang was still in a deep sleep. It makes me uncomfortable to… enjoy myself too much alone.

As I got up from my seat, Jihye followed suit, and Hayun, who had been standing between Jihye and me, quickly moved closer to me.

I suddenly thought of something I wanted to ask Hayun, but then closed my mouth.

“Hm? What is it? Do you have something to say?”

Hayun, perceptive as always, immediately noticed and asked, but I shook my head.

“No, it’s nothing.”

Hayun tilted her head but believed me.

Is it really nothing?

To be honest, I’m not sure.

I was afraid to ask Hayun if she had contacted her parents.

I know their relationship isn’t very good. The fact that they still don’t reach out shows they truly saw their daughter as merely a tool.

But in the original webtoon, Hayun used a bouquet from her parents as a staff.

That probably hadn’t changed much in this world.

I hesitated to casually ask such questions to a child who thinks about her parents… no, who yearns for them.

…

No, it’s not just that.

It was closer to guilt.

After all, Hayun ended up separated from her parents because of me.

Not just Hayun, but all the other children too. I don’t know if the lack of contact is because they’re hiding or because they’re exerting their influence in other ways, which makes me even more afraid to suggest calling them.

If Hayun gets hurt because of me, if the other children here get hurt, could I handle that?

In the end, I’m postponing again.

I kept putting things off until it came to this, and here I am, postponing something else.

When we entered the room, the children had already laid out the bedding.

Though it was only the second day, the children were becoming frighteningly accustomed to staying here.

Perhaps having stayed in much worse places before helped them adapt.

At least it wasn’t an act. The children seemed genuinely happy in their own way.

“Just a moment.”

Before we could lie down on the bedding, Ju-a raised her hand and spoke.

She looked much neater than when she wore those worn-out, dirty clothes in the ruins, which made her characteristic strictness more apparent.

I decided to consider that a good thing.

Ju-a looked at me and said:

“I think it’s unfair to sleep in the same spot every time.”

“Unfair?”

As Rose asked with a smile, Ju-a’s face reddened slightly, but she continued undeterred.

“Like near the door, or near the chair. Some spots might be uncomfortable. So, I think we should rotate sleeping positions every night.”

“…Really?”

Ju-a’s suggestion sounded quite reasonable.

Indeed, a child sleeping in the middle would be warmer than one near the window. It would feel quieter than sleeping near the door. The desk was right under the window, so those near the window might feel more cold and discomfort from the chair legs.

“Um, but I…”

Jihye raised her hand timidly and said:

“I prefer being next to Jieun.”

“…”

The children’s gazes turned back to Ju-a, whose face reddened even more.

“W-we can change the other positions!”

Unable to separate me and Jihye, Ju-a finally blurted that out.

“Ju-a, shh.”

Since it was already bedtime for the children, when I responded like that, Ju-a’s face turned even redder.