Ch.111Secret Conversation (3)

*

“Why do you like Silvia?”

Alice asked slowly, but looking straight at me.

Honestly, I was a bit taken aback.

Not asking if I liked her, but why I liked her—

I asked back to understand the intent of her question.

“Why?”

“Yes, what’s your reason for liking her?”

“Well…”

I thought I could answer easily, but when I tried to speak, the words wouldn’t come out.

If she had asked whether I liked Silvia, I could have answered yes a hundred or even a thousand times, but when asked for the reason, even I couldn’t think of a clear answer.

Possible reasons would come to mind only to be quickly dismissed.

Was it because she saved me?

No, this feeling wasn’t something as simple as gratitude.

Because she’s pretty?

Silvia is beautiful, but I didn’t want to give such a shallow answer.

Because she’s strong?

That would be an even more absurd reason.

Was it because we spent so much time alone together?

No, saying that would make it sound like it could have been anyone, not specifically Silvia.

It felt like countless thoughts were juggling in my head.

No clear explanation that would satisfy even myself remained in my grasp as thoughts merely brushed past my consciousness.

I pondered while watching the flames scatter as chaotically as my thoughts.

“Well…”

“…”

I needed to say something to dispel Alice’s suspicions that I might be forcibly held captive by Silvia or under some curse or brainwashing, but I couldn’t come up with a definitive answer.

Rather, I was the one becoming confused.

Why did I like Silvia?

When did I start liking her?

As I deeply contemplated a question I’d never considered before, I first made a clear statement to Alice.

“Don’t misunderstand. Silvia didn’t brainwash me… nothing like that.”

“…Haha,”

“I understand you don’t trust Silvia, but…”

“Alright, I understand. You love Silvia.”

“…Yes,”

Alice said with a bitter smile.

“Silvia, who survived while leaving Maria behind?”

“I can’t blame Silvia for your death… Above all, when I learned how cruelly she tortured herself over that incident, I couldn’t bring myself to blame her even more,”

“…Ha,”

Alice let out a hollow laugh and nodded.

Then, with a slightly playful voice, she said:

“Even though you had me as your fiancée?”

I couldn’t hide my flustered reaction to her sudden words and waved my hands.

“Ah, no, that was just talk, we weren’t officially engaged yet… and you didn’t particularly want to marry me either…”

“I was fine with it.”

“…Huh?”

“I said I was fine with it, living with you, Ash.”

Her tone seemed to long for a future that had already vanished, and I slowly moved my lips.

In truth, I felt the same.

While I might not have felt a burning, passionate love for Alice, the imagined future of building a family with her didn’t seem so bad.

Of course, she probably didn’t ardently love me romantically either.

But as childhood friends who had known each other for years and shared an incredibly close relationship, she and I had long been like family… no, we were practically family.

Stability, peace, an ordinary and quiet everyday life that would continue forever.

That’s probably what a future with her would have looked like.

As I was picturing that image in my mind,

Alice smiled and said:

“It would have been fun living together.”

It seemed she was imagining the same scene.

I nodded as well.

“…Yes, it would have been nice.”

“With studies, the chaos caused by the Demon Lord… I was extremely busy because of that…”

“Yes.”

“So the engagement was somewhat vaguely postponed, but I had no intention of refusing. It wasn’t that I disliked you, Ash, or anything like that.”

“I never thought that… I also naturally assumed I would marry you.”

“…Haha,”

Alice burst into laughter and slowly rested her head on my shoulder.

Her body, so close to mine, constantly emitted very subtle vibrations.

I could hear rough breathing mixed with mechanical resonance in my ear, not a heartbeat.

Her chest, probably melting away even at this moment.

Her overwhelming holy power, beyond normal limits, was undoubtedly due to the mechanical device inside.

With my limited knowledge, I couldn’t understand the details, but it was clear that her body was under great strain.

After quietly listening to her labored breathing, I opened my mouth with determination.

“But now… I like Silvia.”

“…Even though she’s a woman who crushed your fiancée multiple times?”

Alice’s voice was calm, but somehow I could clearly feel the deep sorrow hidden within it.

Nevertheless, I squeezed my eyes shut and slowly nodded.

“I’m sorry… I’ll… I’ll make sure she apologizes somehow. I’ll apologize many times too, and if she must be punished, I’ll accept punishment alongside her…”

“…”

“But still, I like Silvia. I’ve come to feel and think that I want to live with her, to be with her.”

Alice lifted her head slightly from my shoulder and asked:

“A woman who restrains you by putting handcuffs on your wrist?”

I answered calmly.

“…You won’t believe me, but today is the first time. She’s never done it before.”

“…”

“Really.”

“Ha, I guess she was afraid you might follow me. Coward.”

“…Haha,”

Alice sighed deeply and asked briefly:

“Have you slept together?”

I answered honestly.

“Countless times.”

“…Pervert.”

“…”

Having clearly felt that something in our sexual preferences was gradually becoming twisted… no, being revealed during my intimate moments with Silvia, I had no rebuttal to Alice’s condemnation.

In the end, I just gave an awkward smile while scratching the back of my head.

“There wasn’t much else to do…”

“Pervert.”

“No… it’s that forest, you know.”

“…Forest.”

Why do I like Silvia?

As we talked, I seemed to vaguely see an answer to Alice’s question.

Of course, I couldn’t be certain if this was really the reason I fell for Silvia, but I fumbled through the still unrefined conclusion that had hazily emerged in my mind.

“…In that forest where everything was lacking, as we relied on each other… I fell for her slowly, like something seeping in. I don’t think there was any special moment.”

“…”

“She overcame my crises, and I helped her endure her sorrows… and in the process, we became unable to live without each other… I think.”

Despite my embarrassed delivery of these words with a reddened face,

Alice’s response was extremely calm and cold.

“…Is that really so?”

“Alice?”

Alice looked at the flames with sharp eyes, then slowly closed them and said:

“Ash…”

“Yes…?”

“The graves you made.”

At those words, I unconsciously held my breath.

“Were they really killed by monsters?”

*

“Not Laila’s grave, but the graves of five unnamed men. The graves of my subordinates who were found dead.”

“W-Why suddenly…”

I had completely forgotten.

It was disgusting how I could forget such a thing, but.

Nevertheless, I had forgotten.

No, perhaps I wanted to forget.

My body trembled violently.

Alice didn’t even look at me as she asked again:

“You said they appeared to have been killed by monsters.”

“…”

“Are you sure?”

It was me.

I killed them.

Knowing this fact to my core, my lips simply wouldn’t move.

Not because I didn’t want to speak, but literally because my face was convulsing with fear and guilt.

Of course, now that Alice knows about my curse, she might not blame me directly.

She might even understand why I didn’t tell the truth back then, when I didn’t know it was Alice.

But that was something only Alice could decide.

Besides, to be understood, my confession had to come first.

“…That,”

My body trembled madly.

Saying I would share Silvia’s punishment, that I would apologize on her behalf.

How arrogant and deranged I was to spout such nonsense so shamelessly.

I was the criminal.

I was the greater criminal, how dare I.

I felt nauseated by my pathetic morality.

In the end, I had essentially demanded forgiveness from Alice while flaunting our relationship and familiarity.

The reason I could do that was because, despite her suffering, Alice was still alive and well.

But those five priests…

They could never return.

Because I had definitely killed them.

“Ash.”

Her voice calling my name somehow sounded like a judge pronouncing a sentence.

Though I hadn’t lived particularly devoutly, I hadn’t flagrantly violated the teachings of the Goddess Church either.

In my childhood, I had seen heretics who opposed the Goddess Church being executed.

Official executions by inquisitors always began with the criminal reciting their sins.

Of course, Alice wouldn’t execute me, but I had to confess my sins before her now.

I had to confess my sins before the inquisitor.

“Alice…”

Unlike me, who could barely speak, Alice slowly but steadily continued:

“It’s actually a bit strange.”

“…No, that’s not…”

“Whether you were under a curse, or couldn’t leave the forest, or both, the normal reaction when meeting me… no, someone who could help, would be to ask for help.”

“…”

“You didn’t do that at all. You even lied to me.”

“…Well.”

“The Ash I know is like a bookworm, so living in a forest doesn’t seem to suit you, and it’s strange that you wouldn’t ask for help even when facing an inquisitor directly under the Pope.”

“With the curse… going to the city,”

“If you had explained the situation to me, who works directly under the Pope, we could have found a solution without you going to the city with the curse? Like me returning with the Vatican’s best curse breaker after reporting back.”

“Y-You said even you couldn’t break this curse…”

“You didn’t know that until just now.”

Alice calmly refuted all my words.

Why did each of her words sound like the blade of a guillotine approaching my neck?

The sound of me swallowing echoed loudly amidst the crackling of the bonfire.

At the same time, Alice’s voice slowly began to bring down the blade of truth upon me.

“The you I saw didn’t seem physically unable to leave the forest, but rather like someone who had given up on leaving.”

“…”

Alice opened her slowly closed eyes and said:

“Ash.”

Her voice trembled faintly.

“Did you kill them?”

.