Ch.11. I was born at the wrong time.

# 1.

And they lived happily ever after.

What a joke.

Who are fairy tales really for?

Nine warriors and heroes who saved the world.

The Knight of Radiance and the Saint, leaders of the warriors.

Their only son, born between them.

Despite being born amidst countless blessings,

Perhaps I was simply born at the wrong time.

Contrary to everyone’s expectations, I am utterly ordinary.

That was my original sin.

# ====

Tenth place.

Not a high rank.

Nor a particularly low one.

“Lord Kariel is as consistent as ever.”

The gatekeeper’s gossip carried on the wind.

“Such a pathetic son from such a great father. The father’s a dragon while the son’s just a lizard? Wasn’t that how they put it?”

“Would you… just shut your mouth?”

“Why? Did I say something wrong?”

“He’s still our young master, are you insane? How dare you casually spout such disrespectful nonsense that shouldn’t even be thought?”

It hasn’t even been a full day, yet somehow the news has already spread to the main house.

I sigh and climb over the wall to enter through the back door of the residence.

“What a waste.”

I run my fingers through my overgrown hair and retreat to the corner of my room for a while.

*Knock knock*

“Y-young master? You’ve returned, haven’t you?”

“…What is it?”

“The madam asked me to bring you to her when you arrived…”

“Fine.”

I immediately open the door and stride down the hallway.

“W-wait! Let me check your appearance first!”

“…Don’t bother.”

I casually run my fingers through my hair, which has grown long enough to cover my eyes.

“Don’t follow me.”

“Ah…”

I could feel her standing frozen in the middle of the hallway, but I deliberately ignored her.

There’s no point in her accompanying me—it would only invite more criticism, not any glory.

“……”

After catching my breath some distance from the reception room, I calmly proceeded to my destination.

“It’s me.”

Since the door wasn’t closed, I announced myself instead of knocking.

“Come in.”

“Yes.”

As I entered the reception room, a woman in a pure white dress was seated inside.

Her noticeably swollen belly caught my eye.

I naturally lowered my gaze to the carpet on the floor.

“…I heard the news.”

“……”

“Your effort was insufficient.”

“……”

Insufficient, she says.

I’ve heard it so many times now that it doesn’t even sting anymore.

Yes, that’s normal.

…So why do I always feel strange at times like this?

My heart feels like it might burst.

My lungs feel like they’re being crushed.

A nauseating sensation, as if needles were being forcibly pushed into the depths of my lower abdomen.

I unconsciously bite my lip with my molars, trying desperately to hold back.

“I have no excuse.”

“…Why do you keep doing things that leave you with no excuse?”

“……”

“You are clearly a child who could succeed if you tried. Where is your focus?”

“……”

“Why don’t you answer? Are you at a loss for words? Or… do you find this unreasonable?”

I can hardly breathe.

“…That’s not it.”

“I hear emotion in your voice. Are you feeling wronged, Kariel?”

“Not at all… not at all.”

“Are you lying to your mother right now?”

And then.

“…Why have you let your hair grow so long? I remember telling you to keep it trimmed regularly. Is my memory incorrect?”

“…No, it isn’t.”

“Then, are you rebelling now?”

“……”

“Why are you silent again?”

This is maddening.

Cold sweat runs down my back.

My mind grows hazy, and my consciousness turns blank white.

Perhaps it’s nothing to others, but…

…There’s no moment when I feel more pathetic than this.

I don’t know why.

At some point, I gave up trying to understand.

This is just a time to endure and bear through.

Without reason, without anything, just…

“Are you saying your mother’s words are meaningless?!”

She loses her temper.

I flinch but try my best not to show it outwardly, controlling my breathing.

With my lips firmly bitten.

Clenching my teeth to prevent them from grinding.

I focused on taking deep breaths for a moment.

“You were said to be a blessing bestowed upon the world. To us, you are truly something that cannot be exchanged for anything…”

But.

Her words trail off.

I don’t know why.

I’ve never thought about it.

After all, it has nothing to do with me.

She’s just saying whatever she wants to say.

“You are the child of Rueld and me, Ermina. Why… why don’t you put in the little effort required?”

“……”

“Do you not wish to answer?”

The lecture continues.

I have nothing to say.

Nothing I say would get through anyway.

Anything I say would just sound like an excuse.

No, maybe it really would be an excuse.

“…Enough. Go and rest.”

I bowed my head and, without turning around or looking up, made my way out the door.

“Young… master.”

“I told you not to come… Haa. Forget it.”

Irritation welled up inside me, but even if I whispered here, her keen hearing would catch everything.

Silently, I walked down the corridor back to my room.

“……”

I can’t even play an instrument here.

To relieve this suffocation, I was planning to sneak out again tonight, as usual.

*Knock knock*

“…What?”

“Young master, Lord Rueld is returning home today…”

“Oh sh—”

I swallowed the curse that was about to escape.

“What a waste of time.”

But even this, I kept under my breath.

It must be because her due date is approaching.

Before this, mother would be out and about, involved in missionary work and charity services.

“Haa.”

*Screech*

A strange metallic grinding sound echoed from somewhere inside my temples.

No.

Perhaps it was coming from somewhere deep in my chest.

# ====

“What? 10th place? You mean 10th in the entire school? That’s excellent. I couldn’t even achieve that much when I was your age.”

“Rueld.”

“Ah, but it’s true!”

I let the cheerful voice pass through one ear and out the other as I focused on my meal.

Neither too fast nor too slow.

I just need to finish this so I can leave.

The rectangular table was laden with dishes that would normally make my mouth water, but I concentrated only on what was in front of me.

“Still, when things don’t go well or get tough? I had plenty of those times too. But you know what, everyone goes through that. So don’t blame yourself too much or be disappointed.”

“Rueld. Kariel is your son and mine.”

“Hey, who wouldn’t know that?”

“Don’t forget that just as people have high expectations of you and me, they have high expectations of our child too. The children of His Majesty and Melin, and Bariel’s children, are all living up to everyone’s expectations.”

“W-well, that’s…”

“Remember. At Kariel’s age, you had already defeated the Demon Corps Commander.”

“Urgh.”

The brief pause in conversation indicated a change in who was being addressed.

“Kariel. Are you listening properly?”

“…Yes.”

“Kal.”

The man’s voice cut in.

“When someone speaks to you, you should look at them. I may be fine with it, but your mother is speaking to you, isn’t she?”

“……”

Suppressing a sigh that threatened to escape, I slightly turned my head.

“Eyes are the windows to the soul, Kal.”

“…And?”

“Right now, your eyes don’t properly reflect me, your mother, or anything at all.”

“……”

So what do you want me to do about it?

“There’s no need to give up and despair to that extent. Haven’t I told you repeatedly? Academy grades aren’t that important.”

“I know.”

“If you know, why do you have such eyes? Does losing to your friends bother you that much?”

“……”

You’re always like this.

Without understanding anything.

“It’s all because your mind is weak. If you focus more on training your mind and body, you can definitely become like your father, so never give up. Dad also had many times when his mind weakened and things got tough, but it all depends on your mindset. Look at your father. That’s how I saved the world, right?”

I’m not sitting here to listen to a sermon.

“…Thank you for the meal.”

I put down my utensils, dabbed my mouth lightly with a napkin, and rose from my seat.

“Kariel! Your father is speaking to you! What kind of manners—?!”

“Ah! Darling! It’s alright! It’s a sensitive age, we need to be understanding.”

What exactly do they understand?

The urge to spit out a few choice words welled up, but I pretended not to hear and left.

Nothing changes anyway.

Just kill time, waste away, and quietly disappear.

If my very existence is a sin, then I should vanish.

The fear is only momentary.

In the end, I’ll come to accept that it’s the best choice.

“……”

Anyway, with a new sibling on the way, they’ll fill the void I leave behind.

I don’t expect anything.

I don’t trust anyone.

I don’t dream.

I don’t want to be any more unhappy than I already am.

“Before.”

Before, though the memories are faint, when I was very young, the world didn’t seem this blurry.

When did the world become so hopelessly opaque, where I can’t see even a step ahead?

Because I’m not a genius?

Because I have no talent?

Because I lack effort?

Because I have no motivation?

At some point,

I truly stopped wanting to do anything at all.

If there’s one thing I wish for.

…Just leave me alone.

I feel like I’m suffocating to death.

Please, just let me breathe…