Ch.10Tea Party (5)

After sending Evan away, her thoughts were consumed by Evan Fried.

She found it somewhat amusing. She could have just treated him professionally as always. Not giving him affection or her heart. Simply treating him as her knight would have been the easiest approach.

When she first met him, that might have been very simple. When that man lacking common sense, not yet officially appointed, called her “miss,” or even before meeting the assassin.

It might have been possible then.

She suddenly realized her eyes were trembling slightly.

Touching her quivering eyelids, she recognized she was becoming emotional.

Like a tiny pebble thrown into a calm lake, it was creating massive ripples in her heart.

“…Hah.”

Her chest felt tight. Something was blocking her, constricting her airways, making her frown.

Indeed, she shouldn’t have entered the infirmary that day.

How could she have predicted that a single sentence heard then would affect her so deeply?

She picked up the cold teacup, then set it down and closed her eyes briefly, taking a breath.

As the clear air from the green garden filled her lungs, her tight chest seemed to open up momentarily.

But it was only for a moment; soon her chest felt heavy again, and she exhaled with difficulty.

It bothered her, it concerned her. Though she couldn’t understand why, those green eyes that kept circling in her mind were disturbing her peace.

The solemn voice that escaped his lips seemed to mix with the wind.

Had he cast some spell? But he was just a knight, not a magician.

She could only guess it was because of her troubled mind.

As it was boring to keep her place alone during this tedious tea time, she thought it was time to get up.

Perhaps a walk would clear this heaviness.

She didn’t want to know this nameless emotion yet.

She just wanted to erase this tightness, even if only for a moment.

*Scrape*

As she carefully rose from her seat, the noblewomen’s gazes focused on her.

Had they been mindful of her even during their noisy conversation?

If they truly cared, they wouldn’t have talked about her knight.

Her lips twisted, and after erasing the sneer from her face, she slightly bowed her head.

Let them continue their conversation; she would leave.

Their faces, which had turned pale, regained color, and the words from their mouths gradually became louder.

Was her presence so uncomfortable?

If it was uncomfortable, they shouldn’t have invited her. Why call her to such a gathering?

There was such a thing as social courtesy, but she didn’t care about such formalities.

If they truly wanted to please her, they should have used a different approach.

She left without hesitation, lest her gaze toward them grow even colder.

Speaking of Ropena, she thought of her personal maid briefly before realizing she had sent her away, and swallowed.

She had forgotten this while lost in thought; she needed to calm down a bit.

She must have given her cookies? Ropena, who always had cookies in her mouth, was always low on energy without snacks.

That’s why she had personally requested the chef to bake cookies, even though she didn’t particularly like them.

While thinking about Ropena, her thoughts drifted to her knight whom she had sent away like Ropena, and she frowned involuntarily.

It seemed better to stop thinking altogether.

As she emptied her mind of the thoughts that were making her dizzy, the tightness in her chest seemed to ease somewhat, and her expression relaxed.

Emptying her thoughts, she focused on the scenery before her eyes.

The sky turning red as the sun gradually set, the trees appearing dark with shadows beneath that sky,

the slowly withering sunflowers, the blue garden tinted red by the sunset.

Her reverie was broken by a voice reaching her ears.

Her slanted eyes gradually began to distort.

This voice was certainly quite familiar.

“But you say we’ll be together for a long time. I might get fired soon.”

What she saw through the grass was Ropena and her knight. However, her face wrinkled at the words from the knight’s mouth.

Getting fired? Had her father perhaps applied pressure without her knowledge?

She had clearly told him that despite being her father, despite being the Duke of Yuris, she would not tolerate anyone handling her people carelessly.

For a moment, anger almost bloomed in her heart,

but fortunately, seeing the knight shrug his shoulders suggested it was just speculation, and her heart began to calm again.

If it wasn’t her father’s doing, why would he bring this up?

When Ropena said something and the knight opened his mouth again, her face contorted once more.

This time it wasn’t anger or puzzlement. She frowned simply because it was absurd.

That I dislike him? I’ve never harbored such feelings.

Or rather, I’ve avoided thinking deeply about him enough to harbor any emotions.

But I could definitely deny the assumption that I didn’t like him.

He was performing his role well, and all the harshness I had shown him was due to my own confused emotions.

I had been planning to apologize for that later.

The fact that her knight thought this way came as quite a shock.

Had I treated him so harshly that he thought I disliked him? I didn’t dislike him. Rather, my feelings toward him were closer to the positive side.

I just found his green eyes, which seemed to deepen whenever he looked at me, burdensome. That’s all.

She clutched the hem of her dress, then released it with a long exhale.

As Ropena and Evan’s conversation continued, the shadow on her face seemed to grow larger.

“She’s a good person.”

For someone who thought she disliked him, that was too favorable an assessment.

He was a kind person, and compared to him, she had made quite a fool of herself.

Even if she had harbored certain feelings, wouldn’t the perception of the person feeling them be most accurate?

*Tick*

Again, the mask was about to break.

Pushing back the teeth that were trying to bite her lips, she once again feigned a calm expression.

As if unaffected, as if merely interested in the conversation. But there was something she needed to tell him.

That I did not dislike Evan.

“Well, you’re having an interesting conversation.”

Though her eyes looking at him remained cold, her inner feelings were not at all like that.

A metallic taste lingered in her mouth.

#

It felt suffocating.

How should I explain this? Even though I wasn’t meeting her gaze, it felt like it was crushing me, and my bowed head began to tilt further.

“Evan Fried.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“That’s not what I want to hear. Do you really think I dislike you?”

My sealed lips wouldn’t open easily.

The voice calling my name was so cold that for a moment, I felt as if my body had frozen.

It was wrong enough to talk about her when Airin wasn’t around, but to be caught directly by her like this.

I didn’t know how much she had heard,

but my mind was overheating, trying to figure out how to salvage what I had said.

I didn’t think this stifling situation would end even if I apologized like a parrot.

Then, perhaps it would be better to speak honestly.

Being a mercenary wouldn’t be bad. With that thought, I steeled my heart again.

If I was going to be fired anyway, it might be more refreshing to speak my mind before leaving.

“…To be honest, I thought you disliked me.”

“Why?”

“I don’t understand what I did wrong during the week I’ve been a knight. But you reprimanded me, so I’m just curious about the reason.”

My voice, speaking with my head bowed, was more composed than ever.

Was it because I had already given up? Suppressing a hollow laugh that was forming, I looked at Airin’s face.

There was nothing reflected in those blue eyes; what was she thinking about what I had said?

However, if there was one thing I wished for, it was that she wouldn’t be hurt.

I couldn’t even guess how much pain she might have already experienced in this duke’s mansion.

The expression worn by this 15-year-old girl was like that of a monk who had transcended everything.

Could I understand even a fragment of the emotions she had felt until now?

I interpreted becoming her knight like this:

To prevent the tragedy she would face from her side. Because the tragedy Airin Yuris would face wasn’t just losing her life through execution.

If becoming her knight was simply a product of chance, I hoped for a clean ending.

Whether I worked as a mercenary or found a way back to my original world, that was my business.

I just wanted to part ways wishing for her well-being.

Looking at Airin’s still expressionless face, I smiled faintly.

When those blue eyes closed once and her lips moved, I already sensed my fate.

The words that would follow would probably be telling me to leave this duke’s mansion.

But the words that flowed from her lips were enough to shatter my expression.

“I’m sorry.”

From that utterly expressionless face came an infinitely warm voice.

I thought her face was emotionless. I thought only coldness would ripple in those blue eyes.

When she slightly bowed her head and then looked up, she was clearly apologizing to me.

Feeling guilty, apologizing. As if she was truly sorry that I had come to think that way, her face was shadowed as she let out a faint sigh.

“I have nothing to say about why you came to think that.”

“……”

“I sincerely apologize to you.”

Her delicate hand touched her chest, and her bowing figure was elegant.

But the most surprising thing was that she was apologizing to me.

Then, were all my thoughts just misunderstandings?

A hollow laugh escaped at the sudden surge of emptiness.

“I thought… you disliked me.”

That gaze that would invariably turn cold at actions no different from usual, that atmosphere that would become chilly again when she looked at me even when the mood was fine.

Wasn’t that enough to think she disliked me?

When I asked with puzzlement, Airin let out a faint sigh and then slowly opened her mouth.

“…It’s just that my heart became complicated. I promise it won’t be like that anymore.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

If my thoughts had been misunderstandings, how would she feel hearing what I said?

I wanted to apologize, but my lips only moved slightly, and words wouldn’t come out easily. So I just stared at her blankly.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything. I’ve already heard more than enough.”

While I was still puzzling over that ambiguous statement, her next words reached my ears.

“Don’t carelessly say you’ll be fired. Even if my father, Garot Yuris, commands it, only I can decide your treatment.”

“…Yes.”

“If I wasn’t satisfied, I could have dismissed you long ago.”

“……”

“The reason you could continue as a knight despite that.”

She looked at me for a moment, then averted her gaze and moved her lips, staring into space.

“Even though you lack common sense, sometimes show foolish behavior, and have a habit of muttering to yourself. Your sincerity, your skill, your kindness. They pleased me.”

So. The faint sigh and the words that followed entered through my ears and crumbled my expression.

Like the warmth of midsummer, I finally felt that the air enveloping this garden was warm.

Her words were warm, and her eyes looking into space were no longer cold.

“Do you understand now? That I don’t dislike you.”

“…Yes.”

Truly, to the bone. Because I engraved that momentary warmth she sent into my heart.

I was finally able to relax my stiffened expression.

With the burden weighing on my shoulders gone, I could now breathe comfortably.

With the scent of grass filling my nose and the scenery before me being an incredibly beautiful garden, I looked at Airin and smiled brightly.

“Thank you. For thinking that way.”

Airin, who had been staring at me, turned her back without any lingering attachment.

Was that her way of saying she had said all she needed to? As she walked alone through the garden, she paused and spoke.

“Let’s go, it will be dark soon.”

“…Yes.”

As she said, the sky was already dyed black as if paint had been splashed across it.

After briefly looking at Ropena, who was giggling at me, I soon moved toward Airin.

Even the garden permeated with darkness seemed remarkably beautiful to me.