Ch.10Shh(1)

Asena was uncomfortable from the start. Lucil Hover, the student council president, talked too much. She said the goal was for student council members to become close.

Asena couldn’t understand why they needed to become friends when they could just focus on student council work.

But she had no choice but to endure this unpleasantness. She couldn’t afford to lose this power.

With the student council’s authority, she could bend minor rules.

For example,

Visiting Caden’s dormitory whenever she wanted,

Skipping classes to go for walks with him,

Entering locked rooms with him, and so on…

In short, she could increase her interactions with Caden. Asena wanted that power.

So she played along with this charade to some extent.

But when Lucil Hover asked about her past, that crossed a line Asena had established.

Asking about her childhood was essentially asking about Caden. Without him, there was nothing left of her childhood.

Thanks to his efforts, what should have been a lonely time filled with darkness became a time as beautiful as flowers.

These memories were like treasures to her.

She didn’t want to share them with others. They shouldn’t know about Caden’s beauty. Only she should know. The foxes might covet him.

Caden had already been caught staring blankly at Daisy. Nothing would probably come of it, but… you never know.

Even though she knew Caden wasn’t the type to fall in love based on looks alone… it was better to be careful.

That’s why she decided to hide Caden. She didn’t want to mention him.

“I said no. Don’t you know it’s rude to pry into someone’s family matters?”

Before they could become more curious, she shut them up with a lie.

“…Besides, I don’t have any good memories from my childhood worth sharing.”

She doused their curiosity with cold water. They wouldn’t dare ask questions after that.

She hoped this would be enough.

In truth, if she removed Caden from the picture, she had nothing to say. That’s how much he had filled her childhood.

But the conversation took an unexpected turn.

Just when she wanted to escape this exhausting gathering, the topic shifted to family members.

First Kirsy. Then naturally…

“Oh! Come to think of it, doesn’t Lady Asena have an older brother too?”

Asena felt her mask cracking. Just approaching the topic was enough to break her composure.

This was why she disliked the Praester Family. As powerful as the family was, their private affairs were widely known.

Asena found herself glaring threateningly at Daisy without realizing it. Like a mother bird protecting her eggs.

“I’ve never met him so I don’t know… What kind of person is he? His name is Cade-“

Threat number one approaching. Daisy Hexter.

The discomfort was far greater than she had anticipated, making it difficult to contain herself. Her voice came out cold.

“-Him.”

Don’t speak his name. Don’t even think about getting close to him. Don’t make eye contact with him, don’t even talk to him. Never. Don’t covet him.

Suppressing the countless words she wanted to spit out, Asena barely maintained her courtesy and dignity.

“…Please don’t be curious, Daisy Hexter.”

She was careful not to let her intense feelings for him leak out.

The atmosphere sank once again.

Taking a deep breath gave her time to think rationally.

Asena had another goal to achieve at this Academy.

She needed to plant the perception that she and Caden were not related.

If she failed to do this, when she later fulfilled her dream of binding Caden through marriage, these gossipy nobles would judge and point fingers at them.

Asena herself didn’t care, but she could see how Caden would suffer from it.

Even though they weren’t blood-related… they would call it incest. They would make a fuss about how a marriage could occur within the same family.

So she needed to make an effort at this Academy.

In this place where nobles from numerous families gathered, she needed to implant the implicit understanding that Caden and she were not siblings.

“He’s not a Praester. You have no reason to be interested in him.”

The student council was the starting point. She made it clear that Caden was not her brother, and since he wasn’t a Praester, there was no reason to be interested in him.

These words were difficult to say, but she had to endure it.

…Asena couldn’t understand why there were so many obstacles to her love.

But that didn’t mean she was thinking of giving up.

If what she wanted was at the end of this path, she could endure any pain.

As the conversation continued, Daisy and Lucil’s expressions deteriorated.

They seemed to regret bringing up the topic.

Asena was satisfied. Since she was already at it, she said some harsh things. That they would expel him, that he was adopted.

“…I have never, not once, thought of him as my brother.”

…That she never thought of him as her brother.

Well, the last statement did contain some truth. She thought of him not as a brother, but as her man.

A heavy silence enveloped them. But Asena felt no guilt.

It was Lucil Hover who had stirred up the hornet’s nest.

She had advised them that she didn’t want to talk about it, to skip her turn.

This awkward situation arose because they carelessly ignored a Praester’s warning.

Asena thought to use this awkwardness to end this moment more quickly.

She needed to go see Caden.

Trapped in this student council meeting, she hadn’t even had lunch with him. If she had to go through dinner without him too… that would build up a lot of frustration.

Today hadn’t been particularly enjoyable, so she didn’t have much to tell him, but Caden probably had a lot to tell her.

Just listening to him talk was enough to make Asena happy.

Ah.

Imagining Caden sharing his day with a smiling face, Asena couldn’t bear it any longer.

Beneath her calm expression, an intense desire was raging.

Asena bowed to the stiff student council members.

“…I’ll take my leave now. I apologize for ruining the mood.”

And she turned away without hesitation.

Having already memorized the Academy’s layout, Asena calculated the shortest route to her destination.

She headed toward where Caden would be.

.

.

.

.

.

Was it too late? No one remained at the knight department’s training ground.

…She had anticipated this inconvenience, but it seemed she needed to devise some means more quickly.

Something like ‘you must be at this location during dinner time.’

Asena bit her lip slightly. Time was precious. Even now, every second reduced the time she could see him.

Asena hurried back to her department. Perhaps he had come looking for them.

She found Kirsy quickly. …Unfortunately, she was alone too.

Asena approached Kirsy, whose expression mirrored her own feelings.

“….Kirsy.”

“..Sister. Have you seen brother?”

A slightly frustrated expression. Asena closed her eyes and sighed.

Where could he be?

She blamed herself for her stupidity. She should have made plans with him in the morning.

Then they wouldn’t have missed each other like this. Caden must be looking for them too… She could almost see the kind figure of Caden looking around, wandering, unable to find them.

Her brother had always been like that.

Asena looked around. They were standing in front of an empty fountain. A place where they could easily find each other if they were looking. Should they wait here for him to find them?

“What are you doing?”

Someone approached the twins as they were fidgeting. The twins turned their heads.

Eric Endra was standing there.

“Are you looking for Brother Caden?”

He asked immediately, somehow knowing. Kirsy nodded vigorously.

“Yes! You’re… Eric, right?”

“That’s right. I share a room with Brother Caden. But he was heading back to his room?”

“…….What?”

Asena and Kirsy asked simultaneously.

*****

“Phoooo….”

I lay limply on the sofa and sighed.

‘…I have never, not once, thought of him as my brother.’

Asena’s words were tearing through my head and heart. After all my efforts… how could she say such things to others?

Even though I heard it with my own ears, I couldn’t believe she had said such a thing. I don’t think the kisses she gave me on my cheeks every morning were false. I don’t think the affection and smiles she showed only to me were an act.

….But as much as I believed those facts, it was also true that those words had come from Asena’s mouth.

In the end, I even saw her face. I witnessed those words flowing from her lips.

So I was confused.

Did she really never like me? Was I just satisfying myself? If so, there’s nothing more embarrassing.

Thinking she liked me, I showed her affection, devoted myself, showed my heart… if she found it disgusting… nothing could be more hurtful.

Even slightly cringeworthy expressions of affection, for example… kisses, I gave and received them often, but was she disgusted by them?

Honestly, my chest kept aching. I thought this must be what heartbreak feels like.

Asena was changing too quickly. I could feel our relationship changing since we boarded the carriage.

We had no problems for over 10 years, but as soon as we left home, we started falling apart.

I tried to find the cause.

If… Asena really never thought of me as family and disliked me. Why is she only showing those feelings now?

Looking for answers, I reached a conclusion surprisingly quickly.

Was it because of Grandmother Riana? She loved me. The twins knew that much.

Did they pretend to get along with me for Grandmother Riana’s sake? And now that she’s gone, are they gradually showing their true feelings?

With no answers coming back, everything remained a question.

“…Phoooo..phuphuphu…”

I fluttered my lips, trying to calm my confused heart.

I felt troubled that the cause I had clumsily come up with seemed to fit.

In truth, I could just ask.

I could go to Asena and ask, ‘Did you really never think of me as your brother?’

But I was afraid.

I had already heard her speak so clearly. It wasn’t something she said because someone asked or because her emotions were running high.

She said she had never thought of me as her brother, of her own accord, when I wasn’t there.

I didn’t even know what answer I was expecting.

Come to think of it, she was full of thoughts about expelling me from the family.

This too was a choice that represented her feelings.

I was increasingly convinced that she really did dislike me.

“…Ah….it hurts..”

I pressed on my solar plexus. I kept feeling pain from my heart.

It seemed to hurt more in proportion to how much I liked Asena.

-Knock knock knock

At that moment, someone knocked on the dormitory door.

I didn’t even think about who it might be.

There was no room in my head for such thoughts.

I just mechanically got up, approached the door, and opened it.

“….Kirsy..”

Kirsy was standing in front of me.

“Brother! Why are you here!”

Kirsy called me with a short, sulky tone.

Her eyebrows were furrowed downward in a frown.

“….Sorry, I…..”

My mouth froze as I saw Asena emerging from behind Kirsy.

She still had the same rigid expression. Just seeing that expression made my heart sink.

“..Brother, have you eaten?”

Asena asked in a flat monotone.

With an unchanged expression as if nothing had happened, I wondered if everything that had occurred earlier was a dream.

But… unless I had gone crazy, that couldn’t be. So now, her acting skills, her inner thoughts, frightened me.

“…Brother. Answer me.”