Ch.109Cursed Journey (10)

I’ve hated the Holy Kingdom for a long time. During the war, I hated it because the Goddess never helped us on the battlefield. And now, I hate it because of my guilt.

It’s uncomfortable enough that they praise a mere traitor as a hero, but what’s worse is that my comrades are buried in this land.

Even though those guys are no longer in this world, I don’t have the face to even look at their remains. That’s why I hate the Holy Kingdom.

But I was forcibly dragged to this Holy Kingdom. I’d like to just run away, but that’s impossible because this mask doesn’t have the setting of hating the Holy Kingdom that much.

Still, if I just research magic in my lodging, I can barely escape from this reality. So until I leave the Holy Kingdom, I just need to focus on researching magic.

But this world, as always, wouldn’t leave me alone. In the end, while I wasn’t looking, the reincarnator was kidnapped.

I managed to rescue them somehow, though it cost me half of my remaining lifespan.

At least I captured the mastermind alive. So I began interrogating this mastermind who kidnapped the reincarnator.

“What purpose did you come for this time?”

“Do you think I’ll talk?”

“Then I guess I’ll have to torture you.”

“Go ahead and try. No matter what, my will won’t break.”

Everyone says that at first. But human minds are weaker than you’d think, so they soon submit.

First, let’s burn him alive. There’s no torture more quick and effective than that.

As I was thinking that, about to return to my dirty hero past, a dagger suddenly pierced the guy’s head.

And behind me, another damn traitor appeared. Come to think of it, didn’t he say assassins wouldn’t come for a while?

For “a while” to be just 4 days—this is no child’s play. What kind of nonsense is this? But right now, there’s something more important.

“What are you doing?”

“Preventing information leakage.”

“…Isn’t that your comrade?”

“Both he and I are just expendable. Disposable items to be used once and thrown away.”

At least this guy probably knows something about this situation. That’s why he came all the way here to deal with it.

“Then do you know the truth about this incident?”

“Yes.”

“Tell me now if you don’t want to die.”

“The Demon King gave false orders to some troops to divert attention.”

“Why divert attention?”

“Because we were a bit short on sacrifices.”

“So have you gathered all the energy now?”

“It’s all gathered now. We’ll probably start next Monday.”

It perfectly matches the timing the Goddess mentioned. So the Goddess sent the reincarnator to defeat that guy.

But why send the reincarnator now? If she had acted before the Demon King’s plan was formed, it would have been much easier.

At this point, I’m starting to suspect this world exists solely to torment me.

Maybe that’s not a suspicion but a fact. But regardless, I can’t understand this guy’s actions at all.

From what he’s saying, he seems to be helping the Demon King. But what he’s doing actually harms the Demon King.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I think it will help you defeat the Demon King later.”

“…I’m just an observer.”

“For now, you’re an observer.”

At least this guy seems to want me to defeat the Demon King. Just like how I passed the task of defeating the Demon King to someone else.

But I’ve already given up. And I only have 6 months of precarious life left. So I deserve some rest now.

Haven’t I done enough? I’ve sacrificed all my lifespan, and neither my body nor mind has a single part left intact.

So even if I tried to defeat the Demon King, it’s obvious I wouldn’t be much help. I might even ruin things with a moment of caprice.

“I’ve told you many times that I can’t fight anymore.”

“Then why are you researching ancient magic?”

“To earn the title of Archmage.”

“It’s to use when fighting the Demon King, right?”

“…”

There was a time when mages were considered essential in battle, when magic was useful and easy to learn.

The magic used then was also called ancient magic, just like now. I don’t know why it’s called that.

All knowledge of that magic has completely disappeared from this world.

Without any warning, the magic used then vanished. Even research materials on magic that had been passed down for centuries disappeared without a trace.

As a result, magic research had to start from scratch. That’s probably why magic’s status has diminished so much.

Of course, I don’t know for certain. Perhaps ancient magic never existed, or perhaps it didn’t actually disappear.

But one thing is clear: the more advanced current magic becomes, the closer it gets to that ancient magic.

So if even one technique could reach that level, it would surely be a great help when fighting the Demon King.

And I was preparing for the fight against the Demon King. Even though I had no intention of fighting.

As I was wandering as always, that guy spoke to me again.

“Call me anytime if you need information about the Demon King. I’ll tell you everything I know.”

“…Who are you really?”

“Just an ordinary researcher.”

“I’m asking why you’re helping me.”

“Because I’m haunted by ghosts, just like you.”

As soon as he finished speaking, he disappeared somewhere.

But I know how foolish it is to obsess over dead people. So I too should leave the past behind and face reality.

Even if I did something, those guys wouldn’t come back.

So it’s time to let go. All the journey we went through was ultimately meaningless.

My hands are already dirty enough. And my wishes have never mattered anyway.

So I put on my mask and walked away, leaving someone behind.

***

Today is my last day in the Holy Kingdom. Tomorrow, I’ll return home.

What should I do now? Should I wear a mask and live as someone else until I die? Or should I run away as my true self?

Yes, I’ll just fight. My wishes don’t matter at all anyway.

I’m just going to be used by someone until I die. Last time by the Demon King, this time by the Goddess.

But something still doesn’t feel right. Yet I can’t figure out why.

As I continued researching ancient magic, the reincarnator suddenly entered.

“Where did everyone else go?”

“They all went to see the fireworks.”

“Then why are you still here, Leo?”

“I’m not particularly interested.”

I continued researching ancient magic on paper while answering halfheartedly. I don’t want to build memories that will disappear without meaning.

As I continued recording my research on ancient magic, the reincarnator suddenly snatched my paper and said:

“Come on, how about watching for just a bit? It’s our last day anyway.”

“No. Give that back.”

“I’ll return it if you agree to watch for at least 5 minutes.”

“…Sigh, I’ll come back right after 5 minutes.”

“Okay.”

So I was forcibly dragged out by the reincarnator. Does she know how uncomfortable she makes me feel?

If it weren’t for that damn parallel world theory, this wouldn’t be happening. It drives me crazy to think that she might be another version of me.

She still has many precious things around her and clean hands. And she’s still growing and changing.

While I’m still afraid of change, unable to escape the past, just standing still.

But I’m not at all envious of her gradually becoming more feminine. The thought of me changing like that feels horrifying.

If my gender changed like that, what would happen to these feelings I have for Zoe?

…Not that feelings for a dead person matter at all. Still, I really don’t like the idea.

So I quietly watched the fireworks disappearing in the sky—memories that would someday vanish.

“What do you think? Aren’t they pretty?”

The reincarnator asked me while I was watching something meaningless. My true feelings slipped out.

“Pathetic.”

I made a slip of the tongue. I should quickly put my mask back on and act as “Leo.”

“No, they’re pretty. Now let’s go back…”

As I turned to leave, I suddenly saw someone’s apparition in the distance, clearly visible to my eyes.

“…Zoe?”

The image of someone who shouldn’t exist in this world anymore was right before my eyes.

It’s likely someone’s trap or an illusion. But it felt real.

So I desperately ran after Zoe. I followed her instinctively, without any reason.

After chasing her, I saw Zoe sitting on her own grave.

“Hero, it’s been a while. Have you been well?”

“…”

“I’ve been waiting here for you to come. But you never did.”

“…”

“I’ll forgive you this time though. From what I’ve heard, you’ve been really struggling.”

It’s the reaction Zoe always shows when she’s upset. Even small habits like the slight tension around her eyes are exactly the same.

Seeing this, I reached out to touch Zoe’s face as if entranced. But my fingertips met only cold empty air.

And I was painfully reminded once again that Zoe is no longer in this world.

“…”

Warm emotional byproducts flowed from my dry eyes. I took off my mask and asked Zoe:

“What should I do now? Should I fight? Or should I keep running away? Please tell me… no… decide for me… please…”

During the war, I gained the will to live and fight thanks to Zoe. So I desperately prayed that Zoe would give me hope again, just like then.

Zoe embraced me. Although I couldn’t feel anything physically, my heart felt truly warm.

As I felt that warmth I had longed for so deeply for so long, I heard Zoe’s voice:

“From now on, please act as you wish.”

“…”

“Any choice is fine, but please live honestly with yourself from now on.”

Zoe spoke firmly. But I don’t have the confidence to live honestly. I wish Zoe would just give me an order, anything.

As I knelt before Zoe feeling like a sinner, I saw her beginning to fade.

“I’m sorry, Hero. I don’t have much time to appear…”

I’m facing another farewell. But just like last time, there’s nothing I can do. Yet I couldn’t say anything.

While I was wasting this precious time, Zoe spoke first:

“Hero, could you grant me one request?”

“…What request?”

“Please forget about me. And please live truly happily from now on.”

With a somewhat bitter expression, Zoe asked me to do something impossible.

“Then can you forget about me too?”

“…Yes.”

Zoe has a few habits when she lies. She shifts her gaze… no, whether it’s truth or lie doesn’t matter anyway.

My answer is already decided.

“Even if you say that, I can never forget you.”

“…Why?”

“Because I truly love you.”

My true self finally broke through the mask I had been suppressing.

I’m still trapped in the past. No, I’m not letting go of the past. And I never will.

Denying this past would be denying my very existence.

For the first time, my true self emerged, but Zoe had become too faint.

“Then at least live so joyfully that you have no regrets. And I truly love you too, Leo.”

In front of the completely vanished Zoe, I threw away my mask and spoke honestly:

“I… will always… truly love you too…”

Now I’m alone again. But at least I’ve decided what to do from now on.

I can never forget those guys. So I’ll continue to live for them.

At least that’s the most honest way for me to act according to my heart.

“Leo? What just…”

Just then, I heard the reincarnator’s voice from behind me. And I began preparing my final parting gift.

“…Would you listen to my story for a moment?”