Ch.108Chapter 18. A Certain Emotion (4)

I have several reasons for wanting to go to school.

First, staying here continuously without a break would likely cause various problems.

Police are already stationed around us, and journalists who’ve caught wind of the situation have started lurking nearby.

While I can understand the police presence, leaving those reporters unchecked doesn’t sit right with me. I thought if we went out, it might at least divert some of their attention.

But randomly wandering around would just complicate our movements.

Second… this is something I’ve been thinking about repeatedly – I don’t want the magical girls’ lives to be disrupted because of me.

Well, they’re already disrupted enough, but I don’t want to make things worse.

Perhaps the government might offer to count our absences as attendance days for our convenience, but that would only complicate matters further.

Showing at least some willingness to attend school might be better—that was the conclusion I reached after stretching my brief thoughts as far as they could go.

Fortunately, my school uniform was still intact.

As for the others’ uniforms—

“Excuse me…”

Just as I finished changing, a teacher from the orphanage peeked into our room.

Her expression showed a hint of surprise.

As it turned out, a package had arrived at our orphanage.

Inside were school uniforms. The uniforms of the other magical girls staying in our room.

“They’re being quite attentive,” Dalia said, holding up her uniform with a somewhat complicated expression.

The uniforms were completely new. For the sake of fairness, they even included a uniform for me. I didn’t feel particularly grateful, but I decided to put it in my closet for now.

I suppose they could have easily anticipated this possibility since we started staying here.

With police constantly around, they must have known the magical girls weren’t returning to their homes.

Not knowing what we were thinking, they seemed to be trying to improve our mood by “accommodating us in every way possible.”

I stared intently at the children all dressed in their uniforms.

“What? Do I look strange?” Hayun asked casually.

To be honest, the uniform looks a bit baggier than before. Her previous one fit her perfectly, but this one seemed like it had been ordered based on an estimate rather than exact measurements.

But that didn’t mean it looked strange.

“Just thinking it’s been a while since I’ve seen you like this,” I answered honestly.

We’ve attended school together for so long that the period I hadn’t seen Hayun in her uniform wasn’t actually that long.

But somehow, it felt that way.

Perhaps difficult times feel longer.

This was especially true for the other magical girls. I rarely encountered them at school in normal circumstances. Come to think of it, while they acted quite friendly when in their magical girl outfits, I don’t recall seeing them hanging out together at school.

“Phew,” Rose sighed deeply.

“Attendance… will that be okay?”

“How could it possibly be okay?” Dalia responded with disbelief when Rose unexpectedly raised such a concern.

“But I don’t think we’ll be expelled or suspended…”

“…Since we’ve missed classes a few times before, that much should be fine,” Delphinium added primly to Dalia’s comment.

But her expression wasn’t entirely confident.

Ju-a, meanwhile, had turned pale, as if only now worrying about school.

Since all this happened because of me, I couldn’t bring myself to offer any comfort. If our relationship had remained awkward like when we first ran away, I might have felt less guilty.

Knowing how Ju-a had been following me lately made the guilt even stronger.

“Well, shall we go?” I suggested.

The children nodded.

I was wondering how we’d get to school, but when we stepped outside the orphanage, a police van was already waiting.

Seeing “POLICE” written in large letters on the side made me feel strange. It’s not like we were being taken into custody.

“…There’s nothing to worry about,” I heard when the driver noticed me staring at his face.

I let out a deep sigh.

“Jieun.”

As I hesitated to get into the van, I heard someone calling me from behind. Turning around, I saw Jihye looking directly at me.

Jihye pulled me into a tight embrace.

“Take care,” she whispered softly.

“…Yeah,” I whispered back into her ear.

When Jihye let go, the warmth I had felt moments ago quickly faded, making me feel bad again.

Finally, I sighed deeply and got into the van.

It seems we’ll have to commute like this while staying here. I wanted to avoid a situation where reporters might squeeze onto already-crowded trains and buses with us.

If anyone tried to kidnap us, we could just tear the van apart.

I just hope the police are also protecting Jihye well as she goes to her different school.

*

The atmosphere changed noticeably the moment we entered school.

If I had to describe the looks directed at me before in one word, I would say “envy.”

Hayun is a popular girl. Her popularity has that “celebrity-like” quality, and while people evaluate various “conditions” when meeting her, it’s inevitable that she receives admiring gazes.

The only daughter of a wealthy family, plus a magical girl under the Federation’s protection. It would be strange if people who live for their own pride didn’t feel jealous.

But at the same time, Hayun’s personality makes her perfect as a “trophy.” She can’t refuse people well and can’t say harsh things to others.

And I hated seeing Hayun treated that way, so I thoroughly blocked the kids around her.

The jealousy toward Hayun shifted to me, who was close to her despite having no backing.

Since I was Hayun’s friend, there weren’t many who openly bullied me each year, but it also made it awkward to make other friends.

Well, I didn’t really care. I was… content with just being close to Hayun.

Wait a minute.

“…”

“Jieun?”

Hayun tilted her head, looking at me as I stopped in the middle of the path, lost in serious thought.

Looking at her, I pondered briefly.

Could it be that I also viewed Hayun as a kind of trophy? Did I simply enjoy being seen as friends with a magical girl—

—No, thinking about it again, that doesn’t seem right.

I did feel jealous of Hayun, and becoming a combatant because of that was the start of everything, but the way I liked Hayun wasn’t as a “trophy.”

I silently moved back to stand near Hayun.

For some reason, Hayun’s face turned slightly red, and she lowered her head.

Why?

This was bewildering in its own way.

Isn’t this the same Hayun who bathes with me and boldly hugs me from behind when I’m sleeping?

She even confidently hugged me from behind yesterday while Jihye was in my arms.

…Well, that sounds a bit strange when I put it that way.

Anyway, I don’t understand why she’s acting like this now.

Rose, who brushed past us on her way to school, gave me a smirk. It seemed like she was teasing the atmosphere between Hayun and me, which made me feel frustrated.

Dalia and Delphinium also hurried ahead with reddened faces for some reason.

“I, I’ll…” Ju-a started to say as she tried to move ahead, but suddenly, as if she’d made up her mind about something, she stopped and walked alongside me instead.

The already strange atmosphere became even stranger.

I could feel the gazes of surrounding students focusing on us. And those gazes weren’t the envious, jealous looks I was used to feeling.

Bewilderment.

Somehow, the bewilderment I felt walking in the middle seemed to be similarly felt by the other students at this school.

In the end, we continued walking to our classroom without further conversation.

Incidentally, whatever Ju-a was thinking, she tried to enter our classroom with us but then panicked and fled outside.

…Or perhaps she wasn’t thinking anything at all.

*

There’s no way I could concentrate on the lessons.

My desk wasn’t particularly dusty, suggesting someone had cleaned it during classroom cleaning duties.

However, the front pages of the textbooks I’d left in my desk were too white. We had left before classes had properly begun.

I experienced a brief moment of clarity.

My grades this term are probably going to be terrible. Come to think of it, I’ve already failed the midterms.

It’s already late April. Midterms are just around the corner. Even if I start studying now, how many problems could I solve after losing an entire semester?

Money issues can be resolved by paying, but the thought of my position being shaken was painful.

Maybe I should have just stayed away until after midterms, I thought childishly, then looked over at Hayun.

“…”

It seemed Hayun was equally bewildered.

Well, even with a near-genius mind, you can’t solve problems without any input information. No matter how large your storage capacity, if there’s no data stored, there’s nothing to see when you look inside.

It must be even worse for the third-year students.

…Maybe it would have been better to skip the entire year as they suggested.

But regardless of our situation, classes proceeded.

The teacher who entered the classroom glanced at Hayun and me cautiously but then decided not to interfere and began the lesson.

The students were also somewhat unsettled, but classes continued normally.

I tried my best to concentrate. Since it somewhat connected to what I’d learned last year, it wasn’t completely incomprehensible. I’m glad I studied hard before.

Hayun seemed to be in a similar situation; as the class progressed, her eyes gradually regained their sharpness.

Well, whatever.

Whether I wanted to return or not, I’m back at school.

So I’ll just do my best. There’s no reason to think otherwise.

That’s how I’ve always lived.

*

But Hayun’s thoughts seemed to differ from mine.

“Want to step out for a bit?” I suggested during lunch break.

Of course, I didn’t just mean going out to eat. Some students had been glancing at us all morning, seemingly gauging when to approach us, making both Hayun and me uncomfortable.

Whenever I made such suggestions during lunch, Hayun always readily agreed, and today was similar.

But the atmosphere was a bit different.

Earlier when we were walking to school, there was a moment when Hayun blushed and avoided looking at me, and she was doing the same now.

And I didn’t quite like seeing Hayun this way. It was hard to express exactly why.

Thinking back, this behavior was actually consistent with how Hayun acted at school. Even before we became this close, Hayun would walk modestly behind me, keeping a slight distance.

Sometimes when I linked arms with her, she would blush, so I thought she was somewhat uncomfortable and avoided doing it unless necessary.

But aren’t we different now from how we were before?

It might not be the right way to put it after everything we’ve been through, but we’ve been staying in the same space continuously and still are.

Hayun always clings to me when sleeping. She buries her face against my back or chest, hugs me tightly with both arms, and even wedges her legs between mine so I can’t move.

So why now?

Seeing her act this way in front of others strangely displeases me.

Again, I’m not entirely sure why it bothers me—

…

No, to be frank, I just miss Hayun’s physical contact.

And beyond that, it’s frustrating that she’s still conscious of others’ eyes at school.

After quickly finishing our meal, we went to the back of the school building.

It’s not a place anyone would call pretty, even as a polite lie. Our school has quite high walls, and naturally, there’s nothing special between those walls and the school building.

There are windows facing this direction, but some have piles of items stacked in front of them, giving this area a feeling of being oddly disconnected from the school atmosphere.

Several people have called me out to this space before. I gave them all a good beating.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

I had intended to open with something gentler, but my unruly temperament chose this moment to accelerate.

“Huh?”

See, even Hayun is startled.

Hearing the displeasure in my voice, Hayun quickly raised her head, her face slightly flushed.

I approached her and placed my hand on her forehead.

She seems to have a slight fever… but it’s not too serious. It’s more like the heat rising from emotions making her face red rather than actual illness.

Lowering my hand, I asked, “Why have you been keeping your distance since this morning?”

“Di-distance?”

Perhaps it was unconscious, and she hadn’t noticed.

I took a step closer to Hayun. She backed away, slightly flustered.

“You’re doing it right now.”

I took another step forward, and Hayun took another step back.

“Keeping this distance. Just last night, you were clinging so tightly to me while sleeping. And now at school, you’re like this?”

Yes. What bothered me was Hayun suddenly becoming conscious of other students’ gazes.

It’s understandable to be self-conscious.

Although footage of Hayun clinging to me has already been broadcast on TV, there’s still a big difference between acting that way in front of people you know versus making some kind of public statement in front of strangers.

But still.

Which is her true self? The Hayun who clings to me without hesitation in front of people, or the Hayun who tries to maintain distance in public?

I know it’s not something to question now, but seeing her act this way made it hard not to think about.

“I, I…”

Thud.

Hayun’s back hit the wall.

I brought my face close to hers, just like we did in front of that abandoned house.

“Was that oath temporary? Did it end when we left that place?”

“Huh? Jieun?”

“Or was it just a lie?”

Hayun shook her head at my words.

“Then why?”

Slowly, as I continued speaking, my mood settled, and the “reason” emerged.

I hate this school.

I came here because I didn’t want to give up the small things I’d built, didn’t want to burden the orphanage, and didn’t want to cause more serious problems for the magical girls following me, but I still hate it.

Given my personality, I won’t run away, but I’ll probably never look back on this place fondly as my “alma mater.”

That’s why I’m more annoyed.

The main reason I came to dislike this place was because of the students here, and I hated that Hayun was keeping her distance from me out of concern for them.

“Why are you keeping this distance?”

My circuit is activating. I can tell without seeing it. It’s probably black.

“I, I…” Hayun said, breathing heavily. Beads of sweat formed on her face.

“I… thought you might dislike it.”

“I would dislike it?”

I tilted my head questioningly, and Hayun replied.

“Yes. Yesterday, whenever you meet with Jihye, you’re so close with her. I wondered if my clinging might be uncomfortable for you.”

I stared at Hayun without saying anything.

Then I placed one hand beside her face.

I leaned in closer and said, “Is that something you should say after kissing me on the cheek?”

“…S-sorry,” Hayun mumbled.

But strangely, her face seemed to be smiling.

“…”

That smile bothered me oddly, but whatever.

“So you’re not doing this because you’re concerned about them?”

“Them?”

“The kids in our class.”

“No, I’m not.”

Hayun firmly denied that suggestion.

I shrugged and stepped back.

Hayun exhaled a long breath that I could feel reaching me.

“Th-then, Jieun,” Hayun said, clasping her hands in front of her chest and watching my reaction.

“Is it okay if I link arms with you or do things like that at school?”

“…Have I ever said I disliked that?”

When I asked with disbelief, Hayun quickly shook her head.

“…Do whatever you want. In fact, I encourage it. And stop paying attention to those kids from now on.”

Because then I’d have no reason to fight.

And no reason to… stay by your side.

Hayun smiled shyly again.

It was a slightly different smile from the one she showed this morning.